Not posted in a while, update
 

Not posted in a while. I didn’t post much but I remember the last time I did I was I a terrible dark place with my mental health and drink awful amounts feeling very angry. I heard about a family member of mine that died from alcohol he was a chronic alcoholic that drank everyday all day. I didn’t know him but how he was described felt disturbing to me because they were describing me. He was lonely, wanted friends, wanted a girlfriend but he didn’t know how how to approach people, he couldn’t approach women even though he was lonely. He seemed like a nice person but at the same time he was very angry and frustrated apparently. These are my characteristics also. He died at 47. I thought so that’s going to be then, that’s my fate is it to die angry and frustrated and lonely. I didn’t tell the person that told me this that I’m an alcoholic. No one in my family knows that I am. It gave me a kick up the arse and although I haven’t given up alcohol completely I reduced it a lot. Been working overtime to keep me busy. My anger has subsided a bit and my mental health is getting better I can do 5 days of no drinking. The last time I drank though i had this urge to be legless be as drunk as possible and it was urge that I couldn’t control and have to give into and I’d never been so drunk in my life. I must had blacked out I don’t remember a lot of it when I was home. That was about 3 days ago and it makes me depressed thinking about it. Anyways I’m sure I can do a week of no drink starting from now atleast hope fully more. Sorry for bad spelling and punctuation and I’m not good at writing

I hope you can go more than a week too. I hope you can quit drinking completely. That's the only solution for alcoholics like us. To quit and never drink again. Not drink less. You know that doesn't work. Eventually you'll overdo it and drink a lot. To the point of being legless, as you called it.

The answer? Quit. Period.

Hi Disser - I'm so glad you came back to tell what's going on. We all care about you & want to help.
You definitely don't need to have your story end the way your relative's did. Kicking alcohol out of your life is the only way to keep on track. Once it's in our system very bad things happen. I hope you'll opt to get free of it.
(I think you came through loud & clear - no problem with your writing.)

The script is not written - you do not have to be like your family member - you are a different person - your future WILL be different. Take your future - it's yours no one else's. Keep posting here for lots of support - you CAN do it.

Hi Disser, You have the ability to write your own story. You don't have to follow in the footsteps of your family member. I know that you can do this and we're here to support you.

disser x you reaching out like this means alot to me x i am one of that family who i am trying not to be. I have lost 2 people and 1 who is lucky to be still alive. I have also mental health problems which draws me into drinking and causing a slow death/suicide. so thanks for reaching out x i dont post as much as i should either.

your doing great in what ur doing x keep at it x

Thanks for the reply’s everyone they help me a lot

thank you. You hang in there to

I'm so glad you're staying in touch with us and talking about what is happening for you. Stay close! The AV is very sneaky and controlling. It makes the source of our problem (drinking) seem like the solution to everything, when in fact it's what gives the AV it's power, and takes away ours. Well done on any days sober you can string together. Every time you resist an urge to drink, you grow.

I’m glad to see you back, feeling better and working towards not drinking at all. Those anger posts were a real worry, man.

D

Disser, your writing is fine. But your drinking is a timebomb. Not sure if you just want us to blow smoke up your butt or tell you the truth? Truth is you have a serious problem with alcohol. A normal drinker can go more than 5 days without it. A normal drinker doesn't even count days because it's not an issue. Normal drinkers don't black out. Normal drinkers aren't frequently ashamed of their behavior. Normal drinkers don't come to SR to discuss drinking. Normal drinkers don't become enraged when they drink.

From what I can tell you have a serious problem, and you don't want to change anything about your life but still drink less. That's simply not how it works. You have tried limiting your drinks. That hasn't worked thus far...why would it work in the future? It won't, in fact it will only get worse. And given your state of mind and anger, it's a matter of time before something bad happens when you're drunk. Bad things are already happening. It's affecting your mood and mostly your self esteem. My guess is the reason you don't feel comfortable approaching women is because you have low self esteem. Almost every person I've ever met that has a drinking problem has low self esteem. And alcohol, a DEPRESSANT, only makes it worse.

My recommendation for you would be to reach out for help. Get your butt to an AA meeting or look for a local intensive outpatient (IOP) program. It is likely your insurance will cover it and if not you can find one whose cost is based on your income.

You're here because things aren't going great. So I ask, do you want it to get better? Then what action are you willing to take except trying the same old junk that gets you drunk every time?

That family member of yours that died doesn't have to be you at all and I am glad you have recognized it. It sounds to me like there are multiple things you would like to address and you can change all of it. You can change your life. I think you are taking the right steps. The obvious step is to remove the alcohol completely but you already know that and there is no point in trying to hammer that home. Quitting is hard ******* work.

Get a structured plan together and work diligently at it. You said your mental health is getting better and that is so good to hear. Disser, you can do this. I hope you start to check in daily and make SR part of your structure. This community is a wonderful place to land.

I believe in you, Disser. One step at a time.

You sound great when you're sober, Disser. Glad you're drinking less, but you know what you have to do. You can absolutely have a great life with friends and a great girlfriend if you just put down the booze. It certainly worked for me. Otherwise we just keep slipping back into the same behaviors, and drown in our shame and guilt. I also had problems with women because as BABM said we have no self-esteem when we are drinking. We feel like losers, even though we are not. We are just addicted to the booze. AA really helped me to get sober. They have a great approach and the guys are no BS. They tell it like it is. I think they would help you, man. Just try a few meetings, see what you think. And keep posting on here also, we like hearing from you.