My life; anyone understand
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 16
My life; anyone understand
It started when I was 16, we was at this thing for college but like in the town with a bar and that.
the night was **** soo **** but we stuck around anyways later it got someone said about an extasy pill.. me and my mate hadn’t ever done **** before not even drunk really, using each other as an excuse we dropped hesitationally, like we only been told drugs kill you.
anywyas we came up and it’s the ******* best thing I have ever had, some pill can flip a ****** night into me and my mate chasing each other 8 hours of the party.
so then it started that young kid not interested to see what other ones are, if that’s a little pill then **** what about powder that we can get hold of, what do people recommend?
well I think the next one was mdma, eat it, put it in your drinks. sniff it! Well yeah thst was fun we did have good nights but that pill still top this **** by far.
Anyways the next was the Meow, m kat ‘epidiemic’ this was sniffed and £10 a gram, being 16 only working 3 days a week sort of thing this was perfect so took it and I remember that instant scratch up my nose, sharpe it makes my nose tremble now, eyes watering but then ‘ping’ someone turning a light on in my head, your ******* off your nut, jaw swinging chatting abserlout shjt with anyone and anything ahhh man this was the ducking nuts, this is where for the next 2 years till I turned 18 determined my early 20s.
I was doing 15g a day of this meow ****, sold my possessions ******* lost mates, relationships.
I can’t see thst then, there all dick heads and boring.
then the lieing came, ducking hell borrowing money off any **** available lieing about why I need it.
then at 18 my nose was ******, I would bleed for hours out of it, big chunky bits, I would stink of meow my cloths everything and so I started to just go out in town instead of smashing meow in my room by my self.
so then the alchol came in to play, this **** was mental ( most ) tastes good, you get happy, you wanna chat, you wanna duck, you feel confident core now this is a bit of me… so I would be out most nights if the week, I had a big insurance claim ready for me for when turned 18, £3600 from being hit of my moped.
so when you first go out £50 is ******* loads, you got a pack of fags, train over, 4 vodkas and your ****** it’s fun it’s great, then the tiredness kicks in when your out, cause drink made me tired for sure, drugs keep me up so this is where the ******* mixing came in. Every night banging drugs and alchol together next level ****.
hand on heart admit the more ****** I was the funnier thought it was.
2 stories;
1 I had a double metal sniffer, I was fed up of seeing on the news about peoples dieing of meow, I went to my pal rack up a 4gram line, I banged it, if you don’t know about meow it’s the closest thing tk meth.
**** me within two minutes I was naked, blacked out and fell down some iron stairs, my friends say I didn’t come round for 36hours, my pulse was there and I was breathing no reason to phone an ambulance
2: before I went to a festival I put 3grams of meow in a litre bottle of vodka and then added coke ( it was the coke bottle we put all in ) 2g Mandy, 2 pills some ketamine, got to the gate they don’t let you take drinks and **** in, I didn’t know first festival, so bang I just necked all that. Safe to say I don’t even know what ducking happens all day and night but if I couldn’t remember it must have been a good night.
then it was that **** for long, then I tried the coke I was fed up everyone seeing my jaw swinging and looking like a **** but the coke is a secret little ****** you can be off your **** and sort of hold your self, the more you do it the more you learn how to behave like I can sit at meals with my parents they don’t know I’m on it, or driving to work or even working all day.
This is my worse one by far, I got liver failure at 24, I’m now 25 and I have knocked down the spirits but I just looked at my statements I done 9grand in 6 months on this, I try to come off and I get the worse head aches, tired I just want to kill my self, now this is where it’s ******* me when I’m on drugs now I kick my self cause I need to change and I can’t and I’m just a ***** for letting me get like this which means my escape is battling me so all day long my head just running through negative thoughts and I get tired bored I cry for no reason, I’m fed up with this struggle, I tried reaching out to cgl and **** but they are busy there is a lot of me’s, this era this society the Bordem, the accessibility.
whst is others interactions, feelings?
the night was **** soo **** but we stuck around anyways later it got someone said about an extasy pill.. me and my mate hadn’t ever done **** before not even drunk really, using each other as an excuse we dropped hesitationally, like we only been told drugs kill you.
anywyas we came up and it’s the ******* best thing I have ever had, some pill can flip a ****** night into me and my mate chasing each other 8 hours of the party.
so then it started that young kid not interested to see what other ones are, if that’s a little pill then **** what about powder that we can get hold of, what do people recommend?
well I think the next one was mdma, eat it, put it in your drinks. sniff it! Well yeah thst was fun we did have good nights but that pill still top this **** by far.
Anyways the next was the Meow, m kat ‘epidiemic’ this was sniffed and £10 a gram, being 16 only working 3 days a week sort of thing this was perfect so took it and I remember that instant scratch up my nose, sharpe it makes my nose tremble now, eyes watering but then ‘ping’ someone turning a light on in my head, your ******* off your nut, jaw swinging chatting abserlout shjt with anyone and anything ahhh man this was the ducking nuts, this is where for the next 2 years till I turned 18 determined my early 20s.
I was doing 15g a day of this meow ****, sold my possessions ******* lost mates, relationships.
I can’t see thst then, there all dick heads and boring.
then the lieing came, ducking hell borrowing money off any **** available lieing about why I need it.
then at 18 my nose was ******, I would bleed for hours out of it, big chunky bits, I would stink of meow my cloths everything and so I started to just go out in town instead of smashing meow in my room by my self.
so then the alchol came in to play, this **** was mental ( most ) tastes good, you get happy, you wanna chat, you wanna duck, you feel confident core now this is a bit of me… so I would be out most nights if the week, I had a big insurance claim ready for me for when turned 18, £3600 from being hit of my moped.
so when you first go out £50 is ******* loads, you got a pack of fags, train over, 4 vodkas and your ****** it’s fun it’s great, then the tiredness kicks in when your out, cause drink made me tired for sure, drugs keep me up so this is where the ******* mixing came in. Every night banging drugs and alchol together next level ****.
hand on heart admit the more ****** I was the funnier thought it was.
2 stories;
1 I had a double metal sniffer, I was fed up of seeing on the news about peoples dieing of meow, I went to my pal rack up a 4gram line, I banged it, if you don’t know about meow it’s the closest thing tk meth.
**** me within two minutes I was naked, blacked out and fell down some iron stairs, my friends say I didn’t come round for 36hours, my pulse was there and I was breathing no reason to phone an ambulance
2: before I went to a festival I put 3grams of meow in a litre bottle of vodka and then added coke ( it was the coke bottle we put all in ) 2g Mandy, 2 pills some ketamine, got to the gate they don’t let you take drinks and **** in, I didn’t know first festival, so bang I just necked all that. Safe to say I don’t even know what ducking happens all day and night but if I couldn’t remember it must have been a good night.
then it was that **** for long, then I tried the coke I was fed up everyone seeing my jaw swinging and looking like a **** but the coke is a secret little ****** you can be off your **** and sort of hold your self, the more you do it the more you learn how to behave like I can sit at meals with my parents they don’t know I’m on it, or driving to work or even working all day.
This is my worse one by far, I got liver failure at 24, I’m now 25 and I have knocked down the spirits but I just looked at my statements I done 9grand in 6 months on this, I try to come off and I get the worse head aches, tired I just want to kill my self, now this is where it’s ******* me when I’m on drugs now I kick my self cause I need to change and I can’t and I’m just a ***** for letting me get like this which means my escape is battling me so all day long my head just running through negative thoughts and I get tired bored I cry for no reason, I’m fed up with this struggle, I tried reaching out to cgl and **** but they are busy there is a lot of me’s, this era this society the Bordem, the accessibility.
whst is others interactions, feelings?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Welcome Kem! I'm glad you joined & wanted to tell your story. I'm so sorry for all the pain & misery you've put yourself through. You can change how the story ends.
I had to google to find out 'meow' is Mephodrone. Goes without saying you need to kick that out of your life.
I'm an alcoholic, & don't have experience with drugs - but I'm sure some here will be familiar with what you describe.
It doesn't sound like your drugging results are exciting or fun any more. No reason to continue with something that does nothing but destroy you, steal your soul, & prevent you from the life you deserve. I hope you'll stay with us and make plans to get free. We care.
I had to google to find out 'meow' is Mephodrone. Goes without saying you need to kick that out of your life.
I'm an alcoholic, & don't have experience with drugs - but I'm sure some here will be familiar with what you describe.
It doesn't sound like your drugging results are exciting or fun any more. No reason to continue with something that does nothing but destroy you, steal your soul, & prevent you from the life you deserve. I hope you'll stay with us and make plans to get free. We care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 16
I want to change but I don’t know how to be sober if that makes sense, do you still drink now? Or you sober? I last maybe tops a week but everything so boring, people wind me up, I don’t go to work? It just confusing and I wasted this long doing my **** I don’t want to do another stint like this, this is not living.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 16
And sorry it came across that I would actually do it my head space isn’t like I really want to end in just tired of the struggle and think about it a hell of a lot, but only thoughts, alongs they don’t come actions init
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,157
Not knowing how to be sober. I can relate to that 1,000%
1st step is stop drinking and drugging.
Its not easy. But trust me when I say this, you Can live a sober life. Stick around here and these fine folks can help lead you there.
1st step is stop drinking and drugging.
Its not easy. But trust me when I say this, you Can live a sober life. Stick around here and these fine folks can help lead you there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 16
Aha so annoying isn’t it,
Cheers I will and thanks guys for replying all ready aha I am currently on my third day atm this is normally when I break, I’m trying to smoke weed so I don’t drink and do coke but haven’t moved from bed all day aha
Cheers I will and thanks guys for replying all ready aha I am currently on my third day atm this is normally when I break, I’m trying to smoke weed so I don’t drink and do coke but haven’t moved from bed all day aha
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Hi Kem and Welcome,
Not knowing how to be sober is really common for most of us here, whether we were using alcohol or drugs. The thing is, you can do it. You can learn ways to deal with life sober. That's what we do and that's part of the reason we're here.
Not knowing how to be sober is really common for most of us here, whether we were using alcohol or drugs. The thing is, you can do it. You can learn ways to deal with life sober. That's what we do and that's part of the reason we're here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,100
I know it's difficult to see now, but with time, you end up developing a new normal...new things come into your life. It can take a lot of time so be patient and reach out as much as you can. I drank every day for many years. Never thought I could do without it but now I know that's just one of the lies the addiction was telling me.
If your bored a lot, maybe you're the personality type that needs an adrenaline rush...like parachuting out of airplanes type of rush.
If you can manage to stay sober, A new life will open up for you. Do it and please stay close!
If your bored a lot, maybe you're the personality type that needs an adrenaline rush...like parachuting out of airplanes type of rush.
If you can manage to stay sober, A new life will open up for you. Do it and please stay close!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 16
Thank you man Nd glad you sorted your self 
and yeah trust me I 1000% will try this time, I know what your saying it just I can’t motivate my self to get out of bed I’m worries if I go out I see someone ask for a pint or something everyone I know does what I do just no where near as much
and yeah trust me I 1000% will try this time, I know what your saying it just I can’t motivate my self to get out of bed I’m worries if I go out I see someone ask for a pint or something everyone I know does what I do just no where near as much
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Kem - You asked earlier if I was sober. After drinking for decades, I am sober for 13 yrs. I finally realized it was going to kill me if I continued. Once it was in my system I became reckless & did things I'd never do sober. I was putting myself in danger every day - drinking all day. I know what you mean about not knowing how to be sober - I never thought anything would be fun or interesting again. But being numb & stupid wasn't fun either. In the beginning it does feel strange to be without the thing we've relied on for so long. I was very emotional & a little scared - but those feelings fade away. Give yourself a chance to get free of it, Kem. You have a whole life to look forward to.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi Kem - welcome
You'll find a lot of clean and sober people here, and a lot of people trying to get and stay clean and sober.
I had to change a lot of things about my life because my life was all about getting wasted and drunk - but the support I found here made those changes easier to make and keep
D
You'll find a lot of clean and sober people here, and a lot of people trying to get and stay clean and sober.
I had to change a lot of things about my life because my life was all about getting wasted and drunk - but the support I found here made those changes easier to make and keep
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 16
I really do appreciate this, and really happy with people who have done it and envious of you guys I used to think i was strong and I had the grip over it and just thought it was fun I could stop when ever haha and I used to take pride in that.. how nieve haha and honestly I’m overwhelmed the responses I really do thank you guys, it just good to know I’m not by my self and that it is a struggle but through people. Comment I’m sure thinking more and more it’s worth it
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,850
Hi Kem, It sounds like you know this is all heading in the wrong direction and you want to stop. Brilliant. That is the first major hurdle. But sounds like you need some help. Have you got family that can support you through this? Well done on getting this far.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 16
Ahaha my mum and dad hate drugs o don’t see them so they don’t know, I I hide it cause ashamed, the thing is I started smoking coke, obviously crack and it’s the vodka I crave for I would drink dark fruits and double vodkas then go into just vodka and then beat and would always have it at home.. I would have beers at 7am before work, I got the worse headache today and been in bed 31hours when does it start feeling better?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by Kem118 
Ahaha my mum and dad hate drugs o don’t see them so they don’t know, I I hide it cause ashamed, the thing is I started smoking coke, obviously crack and it’s the vodka I crave for I would drink dark fruits and double vodkas then go into just vodka and then beat and would always have it at home.. I would have beers at 7am before work, I got the worse headache today and been in bed 31hours when does it start feeling better?
I was a mess for about a week. The lights came back on after that. It takes a bit for our bodies to adjust from not using alcohol and drugs. You will feel better. Believe in yourself and the process. Take it one day at a time. You are young and can turn this around. It is so good you are here.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,666
Hi Kem, I got so it was harder to hide my alcoholism. Drinking most of the night until it was nearly time for work some days.
It’s good you recognise a problem and want to do something about it.
I never thought I’d stay sober but finding SR and all the like minded people who ‘get’ me Iwas able to clock up my sober time.
I hope you stay around.
It’s good you recognise a problem and want to do something about it.
I never thought I’d stay sober but finding SR and all the like minded people who ‘get’ me Iwas able to clock up my sober time.
I hope you stay around.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 16
Did you guys just stop or is this dangerous? Shall I have a couple of beers to let me body or just cold turkey all I can think about is going out specially on a Friday night, **** all else to do I can’t watch anything cause I’m to irritable just bored this is the problem?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 16
Did you guys just stop or is this dangerous? Shall I have a couple of beers to let me body or just cold turkey all I can think about is going out specially on a Friday night, **** all else to do I can’t watch anything cause I’m to irritable just bored this is the problem?
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,850
Being irritable and bored is the worst feeling but that will not stay for ever - you just have to accept that you will have a bad few days - keep watching stuff on line -post here - just get through the next few days....it will be worth it...
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