Weekenders July 22 "Fall Down Seven Times, Get Back Up Eight"
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 3,504
I had a wobble this afternoon. The AV has been playing up for the past few days. Not all the time thankfully, but it's there and making its presence felt. It was quite strong this afternoon and I came close to giving in to it at one point. I was thinking about drinking and it was beginning to take over my thoughts. I was on my way home from visiting my mother and suddenly got a really strong urge to go to the pub (nothing negative had happened to bring on an urge to drink I hasten to add). In the end I walked straight home and the urge did quieten down but it left me feeling unsettled. One thing that helped was saying to myself that I'm two days away from being 6 months sober and that I would hate myself tomorrow if I drank. I actually think the imminent 6 month milestone may have been the cause of the AV starting up a few days ago. It's like it's brought everything back into focus and it's got me thinking about drinking / not drinking. I don't want to lose what I've achieved so far and thankfully my sobriety won out over the AV. It has made me think that I need more things to do to fill in my time. Today is the second time since I got sober in January that I have come very close to drinking. The other time was back in May and I expected it to happen back then so was prepared for it. This time it has happened unexpectedly.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,855
The AV will use any trick in the book, Robbie. Stay strong; with repeated attacks from you, it will weaken and eventually easily beaten back.
So proud of you for overcoming this recent temptation.
********
Thinking of you, dear Mags.
So proud of you for overcoming this recent temptation.
********
Thinking of you, dear Mags.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,415
Reid, I'm very sorry about your mom's condition. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Robbie, great job not giving in.
Saou, i can think of a lot of what ifs in regards to dropping that kind of money on a custom home. What if they decide they don't like the way it turns out, or if they need to move in a couple of years. There can't be many potential buyers out there with that kind of money.
Robbie, great job not giving in.
Saou, i can think of a lot of what ifs in regards to dropping that kind of money on a custom home. What if they decide they don't like the way it turns out, or if they need to move in a couple of years. There can't be many potential buyers out there with that kind of money.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,335
((((Reid))))). ((((Robbie)))))
Getting through day two. Bad luck at motor vehicle dept, trying to change my name on license. You know, website doesn’t work, directed to bad page, or allow pop ups but still doesn’t work, so you are on hold for an hour listening to bad music and a computer voice chime in every two minutes to ‘save time and use our website’ which doesn’t work......to get a glimpse of someone inside the building (it’s locked off, appointments only made online which doesn’t work) so ohhhhhh. Yeah. Our website only works off desktop computers!!!🤬🤬🤬
omg. The tidal wave urge to escape via the bottle. Omg. Water, dark chocolate, and reading a book, coming on to SR. I see the wave rolling back to sea now. Thank goodness I didn’t decide to drown....
Getting through day two. Bad luck at motor vehicle dept, trying to change my name on license. You know, website doesn’t work, directed to bad page, or allow pop ups but still doesn’t work, so you are on hold for an hour listening to bad music and a computer voice chime in every two minutes to ‘save time and use our website’ which doesn’t work......to get a glimpse of someone inside the building (it’s locked off, appointments only made online which doesn’t work) so ohhhhhh. Yeah. Our website only works off desktop computers!!!🤬🤬🤬
omg. The tidal wave urge to escape via the bottle. Omg. Water, dark chocolate, and reading a book, coming on to SR. I see the wave rolling back to sea now. Thank goodness I didn’t decide to drown....
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,335
Thanks Dee and SL
It comes back to stinking thinking.......
This isn’t fair......This is so stupid!......How could I be so dumb to think the government run office isn’t bureaucratically effed up? Oh know, look, it’s gonna rain......can’t get out to exercise......listen to those kids jump on my ceiling!
instead- ahhhh, no guilt today! In two years, will be in a quiet home, custom built, on top of a mountain with amazing views! I have a wonderful loving partner! I have two arms, two legs, two eyes, and two ears that work reasonably well! I’ve found some female golf buddies! I had a great picnic lunch in the parking lot of the government building! The plants need the rain, yay! I can do hard things today that will be rewarded tomorrow and greatly rewarded in the future ! I have SR!
Yep, I can choose stinking thinking, or I can choose gratefulness, which increases serotonin naturally.
It comes back to stinking thinking.......
This isn’t fair......This is so stupid!......How could I be so dumb to think the government run office isn’t bureaucratically effed up? Oh know, look, it’s gonna rain......can’t get out to exercise......listen to those kids jump on my ceiling!
instead- ahhhh, no guilt today! In two years, will be in a quiet home, custom built, on top of a mountain with amazing views! I have a wonderful loving partner! I have two arms, two legs, two eyes, and two ears that work reasonably well! I’ve found some female golf buddies! I had a great picnic lunch in the parking lot of the government building! The plants need the rain, yay! I can do hard things today that will be rewarded tomorrow and greatly rewarded in the future ! I have SR!
Yep, I can choose stinking thinking, or I can choose gratefulness, which increases serotonin naturally.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Location: Where I’ve longed to be all my life…..here, now.
Posts: 7,335
Up we go!
Managed to upload documents to nursing license regulatory commission, and within hours my name is changed!
The department of motor vehicles could learn a trick or two......
Managed to upload documents to nursing license regulatory commission, and within hours my name is changed!
The department of motor vehicles could learn a trick or two......
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,185
Morning Weekenders, so sorry about your mum Reid, i'm glad that she is not in pain. It maybe doesn't seem so but it's great that you are sober in times like this.
Well done for posting and not hiding Free2 and LHW. That is a sign you are on the right track .
Cityboy, I suspect the owner will probably only live there for a few months a year. I understand that most of London's uber-rich homes stay empty for much of the time.
Well done for posting and not hiding Free2 and LHW. That is a sign you are on the right track .
Cityboy, I suspect the owner will probably only live there for a few months a year. I understand that most of London's uber-rich homes stay empty for much of the time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,415
Watching Olympic women's soccer and it still seems strange that there aren't any fans in the bleachers. It must be strange for the players, not having that energy coming from the spectators.
Reid, I hope you are getting along ok.
Free, reading your posts from yesterday I'm reminded of the state of near panic I was often in very early in sobriety. Thank goodness it passed for me, as it will for you.
I remember the feeling of extreme accomplishment in those first few weeks like, wow, I've driven home from work three times now without stopping at the beer cave, went fishing, did yard work, went out to eat with friends, stayed out over night for work, saw dad, all without drinking.
Reid, I hope you are getting along ok.
Free, reading your posts from yesterday I'm reminded of the state of near panic I was often in very early in sobriety. Thank goodness it passed for me, as it will for you.
I remember the feeling of extreme accomplishment in those first few weeks like, wow, I've driven home from work three times now without stopping at the beer cave, went fishing, did yard work, went out to eat with friends, stayed out over night for work, saw dad, all without drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by Cityboy 
Watching Olympic women's soccer and it still seems strange that there aren't any fans in the bleachers. It must be strange for the players, not having that energy coming from the spectators.
Reid, I hope you are getting along ok.
Free, reading your posts from yesterday I'm reminded of the state of near panic I was often in very early in sobriety. Thank goodness it passed for me, as it will for you.
I remember the feeling of extreme accomplishment in those first few weeks like, wow, I've driven home from work three times now without stopping at the beer cave, went fishing, did yard work, went out to eat with friends, stayed out over night for work, saw dad, all without drinking.
Reid, I hope you are getting along ok.
Free, reading your posts from yesterday I'm reminded of the state of near panic I was often in very early in sobriety. Thank goodness it passed for me, as it will for you.
I remember the feeling of extreme accomplishment in those first few weeks like, wow, I've driven home from work three times now without stopping at the beer cave, went fishing, did yard work, went out to eat with friends, stayed out over night for work, saw dad, all without drinking.
It's such a horrible lie that alcohol tells us. "I cannot deal with life. I am not like other people, I am way more anxious and [therefore] I need it to cope with this life event. No one understands what it's like to be me. I am different. I was born with this horrible nervous system and unbearable anxiety and then all this bad stuff happened to me along the way and I can't get past it! Every nerve is on fire. I NEED IT."
What I didn't know is just how much peace and serenity is available to deal with life events without drinking. The lack of over-reactions, and the easier reactions. It takes months, though. Months of sober time to get back to baseline. That's why people give in, I believe. They can't see it changing fast enough. What a deadly trap.
Terminally Unique. One of the best phrases ever coined. In 1939 in "Alcoholics Anonymous."
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,644
I’m impressed CK. I think mine would be 52 pick em up if I tried that.
Totally agree with Bim’s post. Achieving peace and serenity which helped deal with life events without turning to the bottle.
I can imagine my situation now if I’d been drinking. Unconsolable, drinking whilst taking strong meds, woe is me.
And although I’m not having a walk in the park I am able to focus on getting better….so much manageable sober.
Totally agree with Bim’s post. Achieving peace and serenity which helped deal with life events without turning to the bottle.
I can imagine my situation now if I’d been drinking. Unconsolable, drinking whilst taking strong meds, woe is me.
And although I’m not having a walk in the park I am able to focus on getting better….so much manageable sober.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Location: East Coast US
Posts: 1,821
We are away for the weekend visiting friends and the title of this weekend thread is very apropos. Falling down, getting up. But not in the way one might think. I wasn’t going to write till we got home but after this morning, found some quiet time to check in.
While having coffee this morning, our friends started “air dropping” a few short video clips to our phones. These were videos of me earlier in the year, at least six months ago, so drunk I was falling off the bar stool. Not just once…multiple times. Everyone was laughing in the video, and they were laughing while sharing them with us. I was horrified. They proceeded to tell me about how all the other bar patrons were moving away and that at one point “the entire restaurant was staring at us”. Apparently, several people sitting next to us moved away. There were several more….I didn’t recognize the person in the video, even though that person is me. I remember none of it.
I hope I continue to be reminded of this escapade. Part of me wants to delete the videos from my phone and part of me wants to leave them and look at it every time I even think about alcohol. I am so humiliated, though their intent certainly was not to do that this morning and the discussion quickly moved on to dinner plans. If I saw this same person in a bar, I would have been so disgusted.
I needed to see these as a reminder that nothing good comes from alcohol. It is a poison that should not be consumed in any way shape or form.
While having coffee this morning, our friends started “air dropping” a few short video clips to our phones. These were videos of me earlier in the year, at least six months ago, so drunk I was falling off the bar stool. Not just once…multiple times. Everyone was laughing in the video, and they were laughing while sharing them with us. I was horrified. They proceeded to tell me about how all the other bar patrons were moving away and that at one point “the entire restaurant was staring at us”. Apparently, several people sitting next to us moved away. There were several more….I didn’t recognize the person in the video, even though that person is me. I remember none of it.
I hope I continue to be reminded of this escapade. Part of me wants to delete the videos from my phone and part of me wants to leave them and look at it every time I even think about alcohol. I am so humiliated, though their intent certainly was not to do that this morning and the discussion quickly moved on to dinner plans. If I saw this same person in a bar, I would have been so disgusted.
I needed to see these as a reminder that nothing good comes from alcohol. It is a poison that should not be consumed in any way shape or form.
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