Jillian2563

Day 4 here. Have been to meetings for 4 days in a row. Hubby also hasn’t drank since Friday (when I fell) and I told him I needed his support. But he just now asked me if I was going to be mad if he drank a few beers. So I said “I guess not” and now he’s on the way to the store. 😣 ugh. I was feeling really strong until now. I won’t drink tonight. I know we’ve all already had this discussion about my husband drinking and that I need to focus on me. But it’s just so hard. I wish I was t so F-d up in the head.

biminiblue

You're not any different than any of us when we first quit.

It takes a little concentration but you can still stay sober regardless of what others do around you. I would say that's a very important life skill in general...not going along with others when you know something isn't good for you.

I have a little sticky note that says, "Do only that which is good for you."


I wouldn't say another word to your husband about it. You don't need to be in an argument right now and it is his business if he wants to drink. You can stay busy in another part of the house, or go somewhere ( a neighbor's? the store? a long walk? )

advbike

Maybe ask him not to drink in the house? Or in front of you? Geez,, Day 4.. you're in a vulnerable period, I personally see nothing wrong with asking for a little cooperation.

Patcha

Firstly, congrats on day 4! Secondly, there is nothing wrong with you! You aren't f'd up at all. Addiction is because of weird brain chemistry. That's all. It has nothing to do with you as a person. Every time you take a drink, your brain chemistry becomes more entrenched in addiction. Every time you pass on a drink, your brain chemistry changes for the better and addiction slowly loses it's hold. It's not you. It's your brain. It helps me to try to take a neutral view of the process rather than blaming and shaming myself. Oh look, there's my brain trying to play that old record of Let's Have a Drink! It's just a habit of your brain. It's not the real you. It's just a habit you created over time, and you can uncreate the habit over time.

Jillian2563

Bimini Blue - we didn’t argue about it. He asked, I answered and he is drinking. We also have an unexpected guest for a few days which isn’t making things any easier (heavy drinker)

advbike - I know right? That’s my thinking.

Patcha - that’s a great way to look at it.

Surprisingly I don’t have an urge to drink or cravings except for the fleeting thought when I posted here. I just made guacamole and now he’s grilling fajitas.

thanks you guys

Dee74

I don't think its helpful to put ourselves down. We have a problem, sure but we can beat it.

I know its disappointing to you your husband is drinking, but that's his journey. Your journey involves not drinking.

As long as you can find support and use it when you need it, you;re not alone, and things will not be so hard Jillian.

D

Jillian2563

Just an update. I did not drink last night am on to day 5 now. I guess yesterday was just a little bump in the road and I’m sure there will be many many more. I do still feel determined to stay sober, I just think I was disappointed yesterday when my husband caved and drank. And I eventually did have to separate myself from him once he got to that point as he was not desirable to be around. I can’t wait to see the physical changes I make by being sober, That’s the vain part of me coming out. But I’ve really let myself go and excited to get back to the best I can be.

biminiblue

Well done.

He may gradually cut back, who knows? Don't make it a big deal, it has to be his decision.

You are doing the right thing for yourself and you will reap many benefits. Stay the course.

Jillian2563

He usually does when I’m not drinking. And honestly I can’t be mad at him. He was completely sober for 1.5 years while I continued to drink :/

someday

I am with you Jillian! Day 4 for me too. After a horrible relapse after almost 3 months. I am going to seriously follow you and your journey because you are similar to me. I haven't been to a meeting due to certain issues which you can read about in previous posts. Instead I am exercising. I had 4 back surgeries but 5 days ago my tolerance dropped, I fell asleep at my desk and smashed my face hard. My older son had a hard time getting me up and at least to the couch. He still isn't talking to me. So I'll stay with you and day 4 and we will get to day 5!

someday

Don't do it! Don't drink! If you want someone to talk to, message me and I'll talk to you <3

Patcha

Congrats on day 5! Everyday you get stronger and reprogram your brain away from drinking. Woohoo!

Jillian2563

thank you! I did read your story about your accident and your son. I’m so sorry. I fell Friday and don’t remember the fall but remember sitting in the concrete crying and bleeding, making a fool of myself with a house guest we have (he found me outside crying). I won’t drink today. Today is day 5, and when I make it to Saturday I’ll have officially made it past a week

MaxVano

Day 5 is great! I've been there, we all have been there, it's really hard I know.

I am sorry that your husband is drinking, but, if you think of it this way, alcohol will always be around, it's available everywhere. It is a tough time for you, but please don't use anyone else's, including your husband's drinking, as an excuse for you to go back to the alcohol.

If you have read any of my posts, you will know that I'm possibly in deep trouble medically because I ignored my doctors and haven't followed up with my appointments and I kept drinking. Please don't end up in medical trouble. It's hard for me to talk about, but I could end up in a place where i need a liver transplant -I can't believe I just wrote that, that is scary! I could end up there and not be a good candidate or just not get one and I could die and I'm only 52 with two beautiful kids, 6 and 11. I want to be around them and love them and be a part of their lives more than any drink.

Please read the book: Alcohol Explained by William Porter. I got the Audible version and it has helped me more than ANY self-help book, or stop-drinking book than I have ever encountered. I wish I would have understood what he talks about 20 years ago. You can get it here: Audible and here: Amazon And he has his own website: Alcohol Explained

I hope I am not being an insensitive jerk, I don't mean to be. Please hang in there, it's your life, your journey, and I hope and pray for you.
-Max

Jillian2563

Thank you Max. I have also read your story and I’m so sorry you’re going thru this. What you are going thru is my main reason for quitting, besides the general feeling of being unwell and being an irritable bitch. I also have children; 4, 17 and my stepson 22. It’s crazy how this addiction works. My grandmother died from esophageal cancer most likely from drinking. I’ve watched and known at least 4 people that have died from ages 23-70 from alcohol. It’s scary knowing that what I know I continue to drink.

I will check out Williams book. I’ve read many including Allen Carrs Easy Way to Control Alcohol (I believe same concept as the one you suggested). It baffles me that I understand everything and have this huge desire to quit but kept drinking!

advbike

Porter's book really helped me too Jillian. It's just nuts and bolts how it works from a technical/physiological perspective.. not all the mumbo jumbo and character defect stuff. Once you understand how alcohol works, and the addiction process it's so obvious what happens to us.

Jillian2563

I haven’t been sober for 6 consecutive days in a row in over two years! Today is day 6! I will not drink!

2ndhandrose

Awesome, Jillian!!!!!

Boondock

Hang in there Jillian, You've got this!!!