someday

After a very hanus relapse (I still have bruises on my face from however I fell, I don't remember. Pretty sure my face hit my desk so my face looks like crap. Here I am trying to find a job and this isn't going to look great on video.) but day 2 in check.
Still no sponsor and no zoom, because I'm afraid of them all now... if anyone knows a good zoom for AA I'd love to know when it is. As well as Al Anon zooms. Thanks

As I mentioned previously, I stopped after almost dying in a hospital on the 16th of april. I did real good up to the last couple of weeks. I don't know what happened. But tolerance dropped and I had a black out. I am going to not ever do that again.. I told my son I couldn't promise cause it would be an empty promise.

Older son still not talking to me. Younger one is being supportive so at least I have something

stickyone

Someday it's great that your back. We all have had bad relapse in the past it's how you move forward that will contribute to your recovery. My last relapse I wrote down a list of what had led to my relapse. For me it was alot of resentment. I listed and worked on a healthy solution to correct what was in my control. I'm still working on it slow and steady. It can take years to gain trust but one bad decision to lose it. Especially with children I'm sure your oldest will come around in time. But till then recovery first. Take care

Auchieshuggle

Can you pinpoint what it was that caused you to relapse? Which country are you in? I'm guessing the USA, in which case you can find online meetings here: https://aa-intergroup.org/oiaa/meetings/
linked with permission of AA World Services Inc.


You will need to use Zoom, I'd imagine.

I have just experienced a minor relapse - just a single day - and I'm trying to learn from it. I'm going to do the following:

- attend an online meeting tomorrow at 11:30. Then another one the following day, and so on.
- read the Big Book
- distract myself - I'm actually considering writing a book, I have also built a gym in my home with the extra money I have saved from not drinking alcohol.
- take one day at a time.

I wish you well. Keep coming here and letting us know how you're getting on.

Dee74

things will get better again someday

D

MythOfSisyphus

I'm sorry to see you struggling, @someday. But I'm glad you're back and still trying. Don't give up!

Anna

Someday, I know you're struggling right now, but things will get better. Be patient with your older son and give him the space he needs right now. I know from experience how hard it is to do that, but it's the best thing to do.

someday

You know I went by a liquor store I used to frequent and like clockwork the guy put it on the table without me asking. And I just took it. Yes I have a lot of stress right now, I have been unsuccessfully looking for a job in a pandemic. My younger son usually goes with me on runs to get soda or whatever. This time he didn't go so over the last coupole of weeks I cheated maybe 5 times... and my tolerance was so low I blacked out on a just a little bit of alcohol. I also had not eaten all day.. You should see my face.

Thank you for the advice, if anyone read my coming back post, I felt jilted and humiliated by my sponsor and her husband and am afraid to run into them in online meetings.

someday

I am sure he has to remember scraping me off the floor every time he looks at my face. Apparently I fell alseep head first into the table bruised my cheek, my lip and my chin which is all black and blue now. I had a blackout. I vaguely remember him trying to help me up... but that's all I remember until 2am when I woke up to a bruised swollen mess on my face. I feel like he might not forgive after the incident in April which is osmewhere in one of my most recent backposts. I never thought we'd get back after him having to give me chest compressions until the ambulance arrives. I can't even imagine if I was in his shoes and looking at your moms face wishing she was beat up rather than drop dead drunk.. I'm feeling sorry for myself I know but ugh.. I hate it

Steely

It WILL get better someday.

All you have to do right now is NOT drink.

It's the solution you've been looking for all along.

Delilah1

Hi Someday,

First, you are back and posting, that itself is a win. You are on Day two so you’ve already got that first day under your belt, and now you can keep adding to it.

As for your kids, they love you, and I am sure your son was scared when he saw you like that, and probably a little upset as well. Give him some time, and show him with your actions that you are serious about getting sober.

I did not use AA to get sober, although I did attend a few meetings on one of my previous sobriety attempts. I found that reading and posting on SR daily (in the beginning I was on here throughout the day, and for long periods of time) , working with a counselor to deal with my anxiety, learning mindfulness techniques, reading books about recovery, getting outdoors for exercise each day, even for just a short walk, and practicing gratitude to be the perfect blend of support for me. Each person is different, so find what is going to work best for you, but know we are all here to support you.

Looking forward to seeing your day three post, and hearing more about your job search, what type of work do you do?

reroute

Your poor thing, am also on day 2, so can empathise.. Have you tried counselling before? Apologies if I speak out of turn.. but it really helps to understand the root causes, or at least get close to them.