someday

I stopped going to zoom meetings over a month ago after feeling humiliated by sponsor and her husband in a zoom meeting. Over the last couple of weeks I started sneaking drinks again. It wasn't an everyday thing. I don't know why I did, but my tolerance became very low and last night I had a blackout while tempting fate once again. I woke up in the middle of the night with a bruised cheek and chin and several incoherent text messages to my son on skype for sorry for him having to scrape me off the floor. And I had no idea what happened. Apparently I fell asleep at my desk chair and fell over and hit my face. Then apparently I started sobbing (this coming from my 20 year old who tried to put the pieces together for me this morning and crying about how I ****** up but I don't remember any of it. I guess I went to booze instead of coming here cause I felt like I had no support anywhere. But I blew it. It's my fault. My new sobriety date is 7.11

venuscat

Oh someday. So much love.

You are here and you are sober, and thank God you didn't break any bones. xxxxxx
And I am SO SORRY that happened to you....no idea what they did, but gosh that should not have happened.

Lean in.....we are here and you are one of us now. Which means that we understand and will support you with whatever is going on.

Onward together....I know I say that a lot, but that's the only way I know how to do this. ❤️

Steely

I'm so very sorry too, someday. And if it helps at all most of us have done same. I know I have. In some ways these are the type of experiences that motivate us to greater change. I get the impression this has happened already. New sober date, and ready to step into sobriety big time. It's a much better way to live.

I hope at some point....a bit more time....when you are ready, you are able to address your 'sponsor' and his wife. Tell them they haven't read their job description thoroughly enough. Choose your sponsor wisely, someday. Don't forget a sponsor is only an 'alcoholic' just like ourselves.

Great to see you posting and back on track. This sort of thing happens, someday. Use it to your advantage.

Scd619x

Unfortunately i have seen this happen a lot in AA, and it continues to happen. There are some very sick people in the rooms who have twisted, as a sponsor, that they are not responsible if a sponsee drinks again and, as such, behave in very questionable and bullying manners. The trick is to find a sponsor who is not like this, not that much of a trick actually as the questionable sponsors will always be the louder ones and the ones trying to be at the forefront, listen to what they say too as they won't be able to hide it for long. AA is a great program and does work. Princliples before personalities is a hard practice to follow as a lot of us are very sensitive and have good social survival skills. Glad to hear you are back, AA was made for you remember that.

someday

Thanks you guys. It's going to take a long time for my older son to trust me again.

Hevyn

Someday - you have our support & encouragement as you continue getting free of alcohol dependence. We know you can do it. You'll be more determined now.

Steely

I was in same boat, someday. The trust returning, that is.

As your sober time builds again, so will the trust.

It's been my own experience, and it feels good.

Build on the rock!

Patcha

Chin up dear friend. Hop on the horse and try again. I don't follow any fear or shame based road to recovery. You are lovable and perfect. The part of you that drinks is a part of you that needs tenderness and care, like a baby. You wouldn't give a baby alcohol or shame them for wanting something that is bad for them, right? Never give up. Just pick yourself up and keep going. We're here for you 24/7. I would imagine most of us have relapsed. I certainly have since I first tried to get sober in 2007. Fear and shame don't have to be part of your recovery. I'm proud of you for wanting to get sober and for coming here to talk about your struggles. Try another zoom meeting. There are hundreds! You don't have to go to the same one as your sponsor.

Anna

Someday, I'm really sorry that you're going through this right now. I also experienced blackouts towards the end of my drinking days. They were terrifying.

I don't know if you plan to return to AA and try to find another sponsor, but in the meantime, you can always post here and get support. I also had a very hard time regaining trust from my daughter who was about 18 at the time. She was very angry and it took a very long time before she began to trust me again. But, she did, and your son will trust you again, too, as long as you show him you are changing.

Be kind to yourself today.

Jillian2563

I’m so sorry you are going thru this. I had a similar episode Friday night and now determined to never pick up again. I’d suggest to keep going to meetings. And it sounds like you need a new sponsor? You can do this. You had over two months. Don’t let this turn into two months or more of drinking.

least

My drinking cost me my self respect and the respect of my teenage daughters. But with growing sober time, the respect I had lost from them came back and we now get along even better than before.

Stay sober and do the next right thing. Rebuilding trust takes time but it can happen, as long as you stay sober.

Dee74

I'm glad you made it back someday

D

anxiousrock

I had a really bad experience with a sponsor as well so I can completely understand where you're coming from.
Still your back here, and that is amazing. Stay close.

DriGuy

You started your post with this, and then went on to something else. So I'm wondering how this plays into your relapse. I see two choices here, although I'm looking at this as a binary situation. There are probably other choices and better ones. You can get a different sponsor, or you can grab a hold of yourself and quit drinking for good. Humiliation is not a reason to relapse, unless you want a reason to relapse.

If you decide you will never drink again and don't when your sponsor humiliates you, then you are smarter than he is. If you latch onto the humiliation and drink, then you are not smarter than your sponsor, and you become a victim of your own doing. AA sponsors are just people, not trained psychologists. Some of them get drunk again. You may be a more important person than your sponsor (and you should be that important to yourself). He's just a sponsor, not a guru.

You can rise above where you are right now and prove to yourself that his humiliation is of no concern to you. Then you can patch things up, or tell him to go take a hike. It's your choice. But don't turn the steering wheel of your car over to him. You don't know if he actually knows how to drive a car. In any case, you should take responsibility for your own well being. That's one of the goals of recovery. We do this on our own IF we are committed enough to our own well being that we block out all of the external triggers.

Patcha

I've had some wacky sponsors in AA for sure. I could write a book! Sponsors are just people, not saints.

dickensen

Someday: One day at a time. Every day that we stay off of alcohol is a blessing. We heal and the cravings diminish.