Feeling different
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,366
Feeling different
I don’t know if it’s because I fell on Friday night and my face is all banged up, which I guess you could call my rock bottom, but I feel different this time. I feel committed to my sobriety. As many of you know, I’ve been in and out of these rooms for lots of years now and haven’t been successfully sober for any long period of time. I pray that alcohol will never touch my lips again. I picked up my white chip yesterday at AA and went to a meeting today. I’ve been in touch with my sponsor although she’s on vacation. I really don’t want to mess this up. I think my whole issue was that I wasn’t fully committed. I wanted to be sober but also wanted to drink. I never really gave AA a chance before. And I want so badly what they have so I will keep going back. There are a lot of different views on the AA method and other methods and I will just have to keep what is relevant to me or my beliefs and leave the rest. They talk a lot of finding and giving your life over to your higher power and even though I understand what they meant, I never truly grasped it until now. I’ve given everything to God. I can’t do this without him.
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 177
Hi Jillian! Hopefully that "feeling different" is the real deal for you this time. And hopefully it is for me too as, on my latest sober run, I have developed that same feeling as well. Every time I am tempted to drink I just think about what the hangover will be like, how I won't enjoy being drunk as much as I think I will, and how the short term release is in no way, shape, or form worth the damage it will cause. It truly does feel different this time and that feeling has been working well for me as I have, in 9 short weeks, passed many tests so far. Keep that feeling with you and move forwards with it. You can do it!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Jillian2563 
I don’t know if it’s because I fell on Friday night and my face is all banged up, which I guess you could call my rock bottom, but I feel different this time. I feel committed to my sobriety. As many of you know, I’ve been in and out of these rooms for lots of years now and haven’t been successfully sober for any long period of time. I pray that alcohol will never touch my lips again. I picked up my white chip yesterday at AA and went to a meeting today. I’ve been in touch with my sponsor although she’s on vacation. I really don’t want to mess this up. I think my whole issue was that I wasn’t fully committed. I wanted to be sober but also wanted to drink. I never really gave AA a chance before. And I want so badly what they have so I will keep going back. There are a lot of different views on the AA method and other methods and I will just have to keep what is relevant to me or my beliefs and leave the rest. They talk a lot of finding and giving your life over to your higher power and even though I understand what they meant, I never truly grasped it until now. I’ve given everything to God. I can’t do this without him.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,366
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
Stay vigilant, follow your plan and you will succeed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,366
Originally Posted by TroubleAfoot
It truly does feel different this time and that feeling has been working well for me as I have, in 9 short weeks, passed many tests so far.
Samantha
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
Yes for AA to really work you need to put basically your whole life into it. All the time you would have spent drinking, now into AA.
Or so I hear, personally I liked the steps and learning, but I couldn't not possibly accommodate what my sponsor was asking of me. Don't settle on your sponsor, that is the best advice I have!! Pick someone who you really get along with and know.
I'm so happy that you feel you're ready to commit to it.
Or so I hear, personally I liked the steps and learning, but I couldn't not possibly accommodate what my sponsor was asking of me. Don't settle on your sponsor, that is the best advice I have!! Pick someone who you really get along with and know.
I'm so happy that you feel you're ready to commit to it.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Jillian - That's how I felt the last time I relapsed & came here to SR. Something was different. I was oddly calm, even though I was disgusted with myself & had a big mess to clean up.
I knew in my heart I couldn't continue pretending I had any control over the amounts I drank. I was exhausted from trying to be a social drinker. It was no longer fun or of any use at all. I never went back.
I knew in my heart I couldn't continue pretending I had any control over the amounts I drank. I was exhausted from trying to be a social drinker. It was no longer fun or of any use at all. I never went back.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 1,599
>I think my whole issue was that I wasn’t fully committed. I wanted to be sober but also wanted to drink.
I think that's a pretty standard thing to feel when you first start trying to get sober. I would have done anything to be able to keep drinking and to not have a downside to it. I had to accept that drinking ONLY had a downside, and that despite my desire to keep drinking, I needed to get sober to stay alive. I still wish I could drink even though I'm committed to my sobriety. We're only human. Wanting to drink doesn't mean you're not committed to sobriety.
I think that's a pretty standard thing to feel when you first start trying to get sober. I would have done anything to be able to keep drinking and to not have a downside to it. I had to accept that drinking ONLY had a downside, and that despite my desire to keep drinking, I needed to get sober to stay alive. I still wish I could drink even though I'm committed to my sobriety. We're only human. Wanting to drink doesn't mean you're not committed to sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2021
Location: Charleston, SC
Posts: 80
Originally Posted by Patcha
>I still wish I could drink even though I'm committed to my sobriety. We're only human. Wanting to drink doesn't mean you're not committed to sobriety.
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
Jillian2563, I here solid determination in your post, you'll do it. I just made 11 years sober yesterday and if I can do it so can you. Rootin for ya. 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,592
Was the same for me Jillian. I wanted to be sober, but also wanted to drink. Eventually the cons outweighed the pros and there was absolutely nothing that alcohol could offer me outside of despair and regret. It had run its course. Fell flat on my face too. And the rest. 
Congratulations on 3 days Jillian, and further congrats on reaching the point where you want to be sober more than you want to drink.
It is so much better Jillian.
Congratulations on 3 days Jillian, and further congrats on reaching the point where you want to be sober more than you want to drink.
It is so much better Jillian.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
