Rixo

Day 20 today but after a few early days of euphoria a feel I am turning into a bitter old lady. I feel angry at everything and anyone. Only my grandchild don’t irritate me. Everyone else I could happily punch. I make very unpleasant company. I don’t even like myself. Hopefully this will pass or I will end up very lonely, although to be honest I would much rather be on my own atm. Any suggestions very welcome. I am also finding it harder, not easier to sleep as the days go by. 4 am this morning before I finally slept! 🤬😢

frostfire65

In my humble opinion, it isn't you. It is a badly broken global society. I think deep down now that you are clear headed, you are seeing just how bad things have become in this world. You are responding correctly to what your subconscious mind recognizes as a really bad situation. We are not supposed to talk about politics, so I will leave it at that. But then combine this with the fallot f a gloabal pandemic and it is no wonder people are angry and experiencing all kinds of emotions. I am in the same boat, and am looking for healthy and more positive ways to channel those feelings. But one ting I know for sure, getting drunk will only make it worse. Much worse.

birddawg

Turn off the news and put your phone down. Call an old friend. Go volunteer somewhere. I am a cynical cranky sumbitch but the worlds not all bad. Most people are decent at heart if you give them a chance. As for the stupid ones, they need punching. Or worse. The fact people can hide behind keyboards is making human interaction go to sheet.

frostfire65

I am seriously contemplating isolating myself away from the television, especially the mainstream media, and the internet. It has become a cesspool of hate, lies and propaganda.

birddawg

The previous two posts are great advice.

Hawkeye13

Long-suppressed emotions surface that we pushed down with drink. Anger, fear, sadness all come out and for awhile it is a rough ride. I suggest a journal to write down feelings, and sitting with them until they pass. Giving it full attention made it pass faster for me then ignoring them.

The good news is, it is a load lifted to feel the feelings and let them go—slowly I found peace and even joy the longer I was sober.

You are doing great just keep going—the only way out is through

Surrendered19

I think the fewer screens that we all stare at and the fewer interactions online that we all have, the better. At least on SR politics is banned so that we can all focus our common energy in support of each other, getting healthy and being in recovery.

Can you get out into some nature Rixo? 20 days is amazing by the way. So much healing of your mind and body has taken place already.

As frostfire points out, when outside events make us angry, or we just get angry because of these nag-headed heads we all share, we have to deal with those things regardless. Trying to move through those times of anger and other feelings and onto better times would just be impossible drinking.

biminiblue

Early days of sobriety are rough, no doubt about that. You will feel a lot better than this, but I had to pinpoint what about me was really causing me all the angst (and there was plenty of it for me in early sobriety too.)

I agree that screens are a problem.

I got rid of network TV, cable, and all social media like facebook over 12 years ago. I don't buy magazine or newspapers. If I need to know something I can choose my news source on the internet. I feel much more peaceful for having rid myself of these time-sucks.

As far as people I have to deal with in real life? I have acquaintances and spend my limited social time with people who are positive and who have joy in their hearts. The ones who are energy vampires, complainers, or always-in-some-crisis? I've learned to keep my interactions with them very short or not at all.

DriGuy

I did the same thing. Besides the annoying commercials, the news was making me feel bad. But is that not that the price of awareness? Not if it is designed to make you feel bad, and that's exactly what the news, politics, and facebook what you to feel, so that you'll come back. Humans don't like chaos, but we can't stop watching it when it happens. We can't get rid of all the chaos. There will always be stupid chaos junkies around us, but we can get rid of a lot of it, and cutting my cable actually did help. It helped a lot. Other's leave the TV on all the time, and find the background noise soothing. It didn't work that way for me.

biminiblue

I was at a neighbor's house the other day to help with a chore and they had the TV blaring away. I asked if we could turn it off, and I swear there was a flicker of panic on her face...

I used to like having TV on for background noise, but that was 25 years ago before all the fast food and pharmaceutical ads and before there were 30 second news blips on during commercial breaks, and also before half the shows were murder, gossip/shock, or doom and gloom global catastrophe things.

Just say no.

Mizz

The early days are filled with all sorts of emotions. I do think there are certain emotions that we individually gravitate towards. I had to look at why I gravitate towards certain emotions and find a healthier way to approach situations. Its all a work in progress. Everyday is a work in progress.

Allow yourself to feel what you feel and don't beat yourself up over it. Some days I am not at my best and I just tell myself I am allowed to have a bad day and I am allowed to feel this. Just the awareness that I am off in some way takes the edge away.

You are doing so well. Keep going. Keep doing well.

Anna

I think that those are early recovery emotions. For me, there was so much stuff that rose to the surface when I stopped drinking, it was really difficult. But, what I found was I could take small steps and deal with the negative stuff that was on my mind at the moment. I also found that I love and need 'alone time' and I'm okay with that and it makes time spent with friends/family more enjoyable.

Look at this as part of the learning curve of recovery. Get out in nature and let it nourish you.

Gettingcloser

I agree with Anna. In my early days I was so irritable and joyless. I did not like spare time. I was ok at the start of my weekend but was edgy and restless by Saturday afternoon. This is not an overnight fix but it 100% gets better. I know because now I am living fully engaged and I have found my peace. I will never experience what I had when alcohol worked for me but I now fully realize that I cannot turn back. I also realize that even when alcohol was working in my life I was sliding more and more away from being fully present. I have that back and it is amazing.

Hevyn

Hi Rixo. I'm glad you wanted to talk about what's going on.
I felt very much like you in the first couple of months. It's a huge adjustment we're making. I felt like there was nothing to look forward to - even though that was ridiculous, since drinking was making me miserable. We're learning to live again in a whole new way. You will get there - don't assume you'll feel this way forever.
Good to have you here.

Rixo

I have woken up much more positive this morning. I allowed myself a day of grieving ( for want of a better word) yesterday and allowed myself to be miserable with the promise that from today I would make more time for walking/cycling etc. Thank you to all those who have given advice. I realise that these negative feelings will come and go and it’s great to be able to talk about it. BTW we went to friends for dinner last night. No comment was made when I took alcohol free wine.. One guest liked it so much they are going to drink it from now on 😁

Surrendered19

One of the things I learned when I got sober Rixo, and it was to my GREAT relief - nobody gives a rip what I drink. Really nobody even notices. I still don't know why I worried about that so much, but I sure did.

Dee74

Glad you're feeling better Rixo. I think everyone feels irritable at some point - I tried to remember it was noone elses fault I ended up where I did so I tried not to explode at people if I could help it.

D

stickyone

Great post Im working on day 423 and have been also dealing with alot of irritating emotions by dealing with toxic emotional vampires as another member said. I've the pass year I limited my interactions with those types of people and also cut off many. I'm refocusing on healthy boundaries it seems they are being crossed and not respected alot lately. Especially at work but I know my self worth has grown tremendously in recovery.