Bonnefond87

In my first year of not drinking, I got through a holiday without booze but it was dull. Now I influence the type of break we have before we go- much more activity based - cycling, walking, museums etc. Beer will be drunk by my OH but he then has to keep up!

venuscat

I guess I feel differently than some other SRs here.....I wouldn't go if this was my husband's intention right off the bat.

I am sorry to be contrary in any way

Gabe1980

That's what I'm thinking too. Creating a schedule with lots of activity based stuff that we both like to do and it's going to be my daily plan. Up to him if he joins in. I'll have my own space too x

Gabe1980

No worries - you are just being honest x

Patcha

Oooh just think of all the booze money you'll save! To spend on spa treatments and massages! Good on you for making a plan in advance. I look forward to your vacation thread!

ishallnotwant

“Expectation is pre-meditated resentment” —read that somewhere (probably here) and I know that, for me, resentment has been an expressway to Drunk Town. Gabe, you are an inspiration—giving yourself healthy options! You have helped me greatly.

Gabe1980

Got quite upset about all this last night and was struggling not cry. I think it's really hard to rise above feeling angry because I am actually quite hurt. My main feeling was disappointment that this holiday was going to be hard and it was going to take work to enjoy it and stay sober.

I'm thinking this morning though that this is (hopefully) one of many and this scenario in a couple of years will be much easy.
Ishall - I love that! I am going to think about my 'expectations' of my myself (in the positive) and everyone else today. I think there is a lot of baggage I just need to let go, to support a more positive view point xx

Hodd

Trying to think of a positive reply, but sorry I can’t. I would find this intolerable. It’s extremely selfish of him too.

Short of cancelling the holiday, you need a serious plan here. Can you go off and do a few separate activities? To be fair, drinking is a separate activity so I don’t see why you can’t go and do your own thing too.

BackandScared

My husband drinks, normally every WE. He never gets drunk. Very randomly he can have too many with friends around. He is an incredibly responsible and serious person who rarely loosens up. Drinking makes him quite funny and relaxed. He is an example of how, for some people, drinking can be real fun. I still resent him sometimes and get angry inside because he can and I cannot. I am sure he also misses sharing a bottle of wine with me, getting a bit tipsy, we have done quite a lot of drinking together (the difference is this was something for special occasion for him while I was drinking all the time)

The truth is that he is not the problem. His alcohol intake is not an issue; his average consumption is well below the recommended guidelines 90% of the time. It is my problem. I will always resent someone who can enjoy alcohol. The problem is me. Any occasion is better without the alcohol. Nobody is my trigger. I am. As I have discovered, I do have the ability to be around people who do things I cannot do or I don't particularly want to do and enjoy their company.

Having said all this, I would have a full plan for myself here and remove myself from the drinking all-day plan from the start. I would also reconsider joining these celebrations at all, or joining only for whatever is the main event. Staying with people who have a plan you cannot share at all is not fun and quite disrespectful to you. If you had a mobility issue and the plan was to spend the whole time climbing, it would be a way of excluding you too. As much as this is not your partner's problem, you don't need to be the spectator of a party organised only for his own enjoyment.

Good luck

Mizz

I do understand the frustration. What I read here, and it may not apply, is that there is a lot of energy into the future. The vacation is a few weeks away. We don't know what the future will hold and you just may surprise yourself when you get to that portion of your life. It may not be valuable for your mental and emotional health to think about what will happen on this getaway (the future). Thinking it will be really hard and putting energy into those feelings just may produce exactly what has been projected and then you will be unhappy. No one wants that. We want you to be happy!

The above is just a different perspective. You can tell me to go kick rocks if I am completely off base!

Surrendered19

I truly think your holiday will not be drudgery Gabe and I do not think you'll struggle to enjoy it. I think you'll really enjoy it sober. I couldn't get my head around that either. I went into my first set of holidays wondering how on God's green earth would I stay sober? I was mad, resentful, fearful. Then the holidays came and went and I looked back and realized that I loved the holidays with a calm head and a healing body. I was able to do true holiday things for the first time in decades. Cooking, puzzles, snowshoeing, hiking, and on and on.

I think you will continue to be anxious/mad/resentful until the holiday actually gets here. But you are doing great at just letting those feelings move on through and not acting on any of them. Like a sober boss!!!

SparkleKitty

That anger is totally normal. Try to remind yourself that he will not be drinking 'at' you. I think you might find that while it is difficult, at first, to detach from someone whose behavior you don't want to be around, it gets easier with practice and as you fill your time with people and activities you enjoy without feeling as though your boundaries have been crossed.

advbike

How are you doing, Gabe?

Gabe1980

Yeah, I'm okay. Working through it. Sober. Trying to calm down a little.

Found out I guy I work for has Covid now, so had to go get tested and go through load more drama this morning. I think you get to the point that you get on the other side of drama and find peace again. I'm there! Nothing I can do but work on staying sober and follow all the guidance.

I meant to check in earlier on the 180 thread. I am still in. Will post more tomorrow x

venuscat

Ahhh, there you are love. s

Did you get the vaccine yet? I can't remember. xx

Love and goodnight and see you tomorrow. ❤️

advbike

Fantastic!