“Is it worth sweating the small stuff” - Weekenders 09 - 12 July 2021
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Thanks for the opener, Mags.
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, and It's All Small Stuff...that's the name of another book I bought in early sobriety but I haven't gotten around to reading it
I LOVED Illusions. I read it almost 50 years ago. I supposed I could read it again, I'm guessing I've forgotten most of it. All the spiritual books are helpful in one way or another, but that, "Reluctant Messiah," thing was genius. Bach was genius, I guess.
PJ, I'm so sorry those people were so thoughtless. I'm frequently disappointed by people. We're pretty awful sometimes - all of us. I find it's not usually about me, it's about them. I very rarely call someone a friend, though. Acquaintances, I've got many of those. Some of them I spend time with regularly. I've kind of learned to pre-forgive them because I know they will do something at some point. I even have a mental visual image of it...
I hope they'll forgive me, too. It's just a matter of time!
I clipped this from some place on the internet, don't know where:
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, and It's All Small Stuff...that's the name of another book I bought in early sobriety but I haven't gotten around to reading it
I LOVED Illusions. I read it almost 50 years ago. I supposed I could read it again, I'm guessing I've forgotten most of it. All the spiritual books are helpful in one way or another, but that, "Reluctant Messiah," thing was genius. Bach was genius, I guess.PJ, I'm so sorry those people were so thoughtless. I'm frequently disappointed by people. We're pretty awful sometimes - all of us. I find it's not usually about me, it's about them. I very rarely call someone a friend, though. Acquaintances, I've got many of those. Some of them I spend time with regularly. I've kind of learned to pre-forgive them because I know they will do something at some point. I even have a mental visual image of it...
I hope they'll forgive me, too. It's just a matter of time!
I clipped this from some place on the internet, don't know where:
Build grace
I encourage people to adopt an advanced form of forgiveness, what I call grace. To prepackage forgiveness and set it on the shelf, in anticipation of a future hurtful action from someone who matters to you: a spouse, partner, child, parent or co-worker. When we've already forgiven others for future offenses, we bypass the formation of grudges altogether.
I encourage people to adopt an advanced form of forgiveness, what I call grace. To prepackage forgiveness and set it on the shelf, in anticipation of a future hurtful action from someone who matters to you: a spouse, partner, child, parent or co-worker. When we've already forgiven others for future offenses, we bypass the formation of grudges altogether.
Magsie
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,683
Bim, I like the quote. My problem was I forgave too much and made excuses for people’s manner to me constantly. I think it’s seeing my mum forgiving my dad after each drunken bout and mental cruelty he put upon us. Going to leave him then staying.
So I was used to picking partnerships and friends who were bad for me. Except when I met Hubby. He’s completely different. He’s a good person. I’m not sure how that happened but I’m glad he stuck around to see me sober.
So I was used to picking partnerships and friends who were bad for me. Except when I met Hubby. He’s completely different. He’s a good person. I’m not sure how that happened but I’m glad he stuck around to see me sober.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well, sure. "Fool me once," and all that.
There is a balance between doormat and self-confidence. Women are mostly brought up to be submissive and to, "go along." That's a useful strategy - sometimes.
Either way there are difficulties. I was raised to be a complete doormat; my mother was raised the same way. I fought it all the way. In general I still think it's better to forgive - what I've learned as an adult is that I don't always have to stay in a relationship after someone treats me badly. I can forgive you from a safe distance!
There is a balance between doormat and self-confidence. Women are mostly brought up to be submissive and to, "go along." That's a useful strategy - sometimes.
Either way there are difficulties. I was raised to be a complete doormat; my mother was raised the same way. I fought it all the way. In general I still think it's better to forgive - what I've learned as an adult is that I don't always have to stay in a relationship after someone treats me badly. I can forgive you from a safe distance!
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 33,504
Kaily, your pictures look like a dream. I'd love to ride my horses down that lane! Thank you for sharing! 
Mags, thank you for the new thread!
You are a dreamboat! I hope all is well with you.
I'm in. Taking my mom to the podiatrist today, soon, very early here! I hope we get good news.
Love you all. Have a great day!
Mags, thank you for the new thread!
You are a dreamboat! I hope all is well with you.I'm in. Taking my mom to the podiatrist today, soon, very early here! I hope we get good news.
Love you all. Have a great day!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 173
Hello everyone, I’m in for a sober weekend...will be waking up on Saturday with 365 days alcohol free under my belt.
I love the book “don’t sweat the small stuff” I tend to skip all the alcohol addiction books as I found the quite triggering and read a lot of personal and professional development books. Successful habits, gratitude, RAS and affirmations etc
anyway off to celebrate my year of freedom with a trip to Bath this weekend with the family..
I love the book “don’t sweat the small stuff” I tend to skip all the alcohol addiction books as I found the quite triggering and read a lot of personal and professional development books. Successful habits, gratitude, RAS and affirmations etc
anyway off to celebrate my year of freedom with a trip to Bath this weekend with the family..
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Magsnificent, thanks for the new thread and, as always, relevant Opening Post.
Bim, prepackaged forgiveness - what an interesting concept - a good one to,adopt; thanks for that quote.
Kaily, lovely photos, as always.
Haris, congrats on one year; well done, you.
CityBoy, love that pic.
Aly, hope all goes well today for your Mom.
Vman - I love your avatar, too; I meant to mention it yesterday.
Mags, I lucked out with a really good guy, too.
Robbie, fingers crossed for England.
Dragon, tough loss for Montreal; I was silently rooting for them for you and CK. Had to be silent, someone may have put a hockey puck in my mouth.
Sao, great pic; I really enjoyed my time in Bath.
, least, Reid, andyh, Dee, Sober53.
PhoenixJ, my dear friend, I agree wholeheartedly with what the others have said above. You are one of my favorite people. Those friends were not friends from the beginning; they were imposters. The loss of your friendship is truly their loss. I am so sorry that you are hurting. We share your hurt.
Bim, prepackaged forgiveness - what an interesting concept - a good one to,adopt; thanks for that quote.
Kaily, lovely photos, as always.
Haris, congrats on one year; well done, you.
CityBoy, love that pic.
Aly, hope all goes well today for your Mom.
Vman - I love your avatar, too; I meant to mention it yesterday.
Mags, I lucked out with a really good guy, too.
Robbie, fingers crossed for England.
Dragon, tough loss for Montreal; I was silently rooting for them for you and CK. Had to be silent, someone may have put a hockey puck in my mouth.
Sao, great pic; I really enjoyed my time in Bath.
, least, Reid, andyh, Dee, Sober53.PhoenixJ, my dear friend, I agree wholeheartedly with what the others have said above. You are one of my favorite people. Those friends were not friends from the beginning; they were imposters. The loss of your friendship is truly their loss. I am so sorry that you are hurting. We share your hurt.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,203
Great pics Kaily, after a wet June everywhere is still nice and green.
I hope you have better luck with the replacement plumber Mags.
Welcome Haris, congratulations on (almost) a year! Bath is a very handsome city, this is a bit of it from late March 2020, the last time I left London for several months as the national lockdown was imposed a couple of days later.
I hope you have better luck with the replacement plumber Mags.
Welcome Haris, congratulations on (almost) a year! Bath is a very handsome city, this is a bit of it from late March 2020, the last time I left London for several months as the national lockdown was imposed a couple of days later.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,781
The older I get, the less I 'sweat the small stuff'. With age I've learned patience and the ability to sort thru my 'stuff' to see what's worth my attention and which is best forgotten.
Our heat wave has broken and it's nice and cool today. Good day for dog walks.
With age I've learned patience and the ability to sort thru my 'stuff' to see what's worth my attention and which is best forgotten.Our heat wave has broken and it's nice and cool today. Good day for dog walks.
A year is a biggie! Sincere congratulations!
Magsie
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,683
Lovely photos Kaily looks gorgeous on your walk.
Aly, hope all went well at the podiatrist with your mom. xx
Leigh,
x
Saou, lovely pic of Bath. Looks a pretty place. I like to see your photos of different places you go to.
CityBoy, I’m pleased Elsa had some the wind knocked out of her sails before she landed.
Been a hot sunny day. Kept expecting the black clouds like we’ve had in the last few days but no, it’s been lovely.
looks gorgeous on your walk.Aly, hope all went well at the podiatrist with your mom.
xxLeigh,
xSaou, lovely pic of Bath. Looks a pretty place. I like to see your photos of different places you go to.
CityBoy, I’m pleased Elsa had some the wind knocked out of her sails before she landed.
Been a hot sunny day. Kept expecting the black clouds like we’ve had in the last few days but no, it’s been lovely.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 33,504
Actually, my mom's foot is healing, so she won't need surgery. She got a smaller boot for the day time. The doctor said she could do more, but she's unsteady sometimes, so, I'm keeping my eye on her. Thank you Mags. How very kind of you to ask, my friend. 
Thank you Mags. How very kind of you to ask, my friend.
Enjoy your visit to Bath
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Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 32,375
Hope the plumber turns up today. I understand people get held up but I never understand why they don't let you know.
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