Hi Everyone
 

I've popped into here from time to time in the past during brief AF periods for some motivation and inspiration. This time feels a bit different and I think I might actually be able to make lasting change. Early days but hasn't been hard this time at all. In fact I'm actually feel more positive and even a bit excited to see what the future might hold. Figured it's a good time to join in on the conversations and engage.
Over many years with the help of booze I managed to gradually empty my life of ALL things positive. Especially in the last 5 or so years. I know have a huge task ahead of me to rebuild a life. I'm not sure I'll be able to make up for so many lost years but I have to try. But I think the first thing I really need to do is change my mindset. To stop dwelling on shame, regret, loss. And to try to stop worrying so much about the future and thinking that I've blown it. I've read some really helpful thoughts on this in other posts - must be a very common feeling among us. How did I let that happen?
Anyway that's the first challenge - being in the moment and trying to be positive about the future.
Thanks for having me on board :)

Welcome!
I realized I could not think past "now". Thinking too far down the road didn't work for me.
My plan wasn't to drink "now" and take what life gives.
Also, life is better then what I could have imagined had I let myself do that. :)

Welcome TISM :)

D

My perspective is I didn't lose anything. I had a great time as a drunk, until it started to get bad.

I work with so many younger folks that are having a great life. They have a job, get drunk all the time, do things with their family. It is like having your cake and eating it too.

I though that I pulled this off for decades, but it slowly caught up to me. I was taking risks all the time with my life and my health. The mental damage is what got to me. I was a physical mess, but mentally I couldn't take it. I was a mess for years, but the addiction blinds us.

The addiction blinds.

Some folks quit for other reasons (e.g. dwi, domestic problems). Quitting this way is super hard because mentally/physically they have faculty left. I couldn't quit until the anguish of quitting was so horrible that I knew I could never drink again.

Prayers for those folks and me if I ever get the insanity to think I can try booze again.

Getting clean hurt so bad and I believe that is why so few make it out. It is like being in a jail cell of gloom. I found that exercise helps the most. Others do AA, SMART, Dr's help, SR, projects, etc etc. or a combo.

It is not really a sober life, it is life without booze alteration. Drinking is a learned behavior. It can be unlearned.

it take years to normalize and the crave will always be there. But, with analysis it can be defeated.

Keeping active in an addiction counseling type of community (e.g. AA, SR) is a big deal. The addiction morphs and we can forget.

The drunk me was fun. The clean me is amazing.

I needed SR and the internet to help me get free.

Thanks.

Welcome!

Welcome,
I've learned that lamenting the past won't do anything but try to draw you back into a depressed alcoholic delirium, the addicts safe numb place.
You can't change the past but you can make amends where you can and forgive yourself and others where you can't. You have to stay in the now, it's a daily maintenance. Time and tide wait for no one it marches on, you either march with it or you get left behind the choice is yours.
I'm glad you're here hang around awhile. Lots of good people here and great advise. It's like the first time I walked into my home group AA meeting I thought " These are my people as motley and raggedy as they are!"

Good Morning!
Your future is ahead of you. You have not blown it. We can change our lives and be happy for it. One day at a time. Welcome back!

Welcome!

You are not the first to wonder how you got where you are. I used to wonder how that happened to me too. I could understand why it would happen to those other schmucks and low lifes, but to me?? It happens slowly and while you are not paying attention. You know it's not good for you, but you are strong and smart and feel like if it only hurts a little bit, you will be OK, until you aren't. And then you ask, "How did this happen?" Don't dwell on it. The task ahead is to leave all that behind.

It's good to have you here.

Welcome, TISM - it's so good to have you join us. SR has meant the world to me for many years. I've been able to find strength & determination by reading & posting here. We are here to help. :)
You have a great attitude - "To stop dwelling on shame, regret, loss." That is key. I wasn't able to do that for a long time, and it cost me. It is truly wonderful to be free of it & on the road to a healthier life filled with possibilities. No more self sabotage.

Thank you all of you for your responses and welcoming words.
It really is a mind over matter challenge and its nice to be able to share and receive advice and your similar experiences rather than just have this battle in my head!
I'll post updates as I go. I know from the past, the next thing will be a week or two in when I start to feel really good, and that thought will creep in "I feel fine now" and then slip up and crash again for months. Cant let that happen this time.

Welcome to the family. :) Lots of wisdom and experience to be found here. :) Since I got sober, I notice that I never wake up wishing I had drank the night before. :)

Welcome to the community TISM. We've all been in your shoes.

Welcome TISM.

You've come to the right place.