Be123

Hi everyone. I'm back drinking again - I gave up at end of feb 2020 and was sober about 13 months. Which means I've been back drinking about 3 months.

Its been strange - of course I've struggled to moderate, and the times I have drunk I've drunk to massive excess. But I haven't been drinking every day - maybe three days a week - and I am used to not drinking. By that I mean it doesn't bother me on the days I'm not drinking (previously I was a daily drinker and one day off felt like a life time).

Ive had a few really bad hangovers, I've put on weight and my mood is getting gradually lower. So I've made the choice to take out the drinking days and add in sober ones in their place.

There is a lot more to say but it's an introduction for me. I don't feel at crisis point but I can see where this is leading. I'm on day two (but as I said above it doesn't really feel like that as I'm so used to be sober most of the time anyway!)

Caramel

A warm welcome back, Be123

Dee74

Hey Be

this is one of those times where I'm glad to see you back, but at the same time I'm not glad to see you back, if you get me.

Dabbling with drinking never worked out well for me.
You've heard this before but I had to quit the booze for good - and build a sober life I loved.

D

nez

Be123, I am glad that you are back. I could never moderate my sobriety any better than I could moderate my drinking, but I sure tried!! I am an all or nothing type of guy and have made the choice to be all in for sobriety. Life has gotten so much easier since I made a choice and am no longer trying to moderate either one. That was always just too damn hard!

Billymacintosh

Hi Be
just to echo what Dee said, good to see you but not at the same time, I'm sorry you've been drinking, we both know the end result.
stick close
Love Billy x

Rixo

Welcome back. I joined in 2014 and am once again on day 14. Have chosen to give up for good. Just those pesky voices call g me back all the time. You know the ones, ‘Just one won’t hurt’. ‘I can handle this’. They won’t shut up

Erratic

welcome be x hey good job on the 13months hun, least u cant take that away, good luck on ur sober trail x

Be123

Hi billy m. Glad to seep you're going strong! Amazing work

I won't bore anyone with musings on moderation at this point....I will in due course - suffice to say it's a well trodden path that always ends the same way. I'm the kind of idiot who needs to prove it to himself, and i think I have

Ive sweat buckets tidying this house, it's spotless and I'd like to think that's the remains of alcohol of pouring out of my pores 🤮

Willow00

Hi Be, I’m so glad you came back x

Patcha

Hello? Are you me? I relate to everything you posted. I don't miss that awful hungover feeling every day.

biminiblue

Very wise statement here.

Nothing good in the bottom of a bottle. I figured it was time to stop looking.

Welcome back.

LoveDD

Hey Be! Welcome back. Okay we all know moderation doesn’t work. It’s a slippery slope. Look forward to seeing you back in the forum

Kaptn

Welcome back

Surrendered19

Hi Be. I'm really glad you made it out again. Not everyone does. I completely identify with having to run the experiments on ourselves. Why listen to to collective wisdom of people with a combined thousands of years of sobriety? That is for wimps I always thought. I was certain I was special and could somehow live a normal drinking life. Yet another failed experiment. I made it out too. Lets stay on this side of the fence from now on.

Rar

Hi Be - Welcome back. I’ve been on the moderation train off and on myself over the years, having stretches of sobriety too. I got so tired of counting beers and it was a struggle to stop after a couple. Eventually, I gave up counting and stopping at only a couple.

13 months is spectacular. You’ll be there again. Hang on and keep going. 🤗

Boondock

Welcome back...hopefully this time it will stick,,,good luck to you my friend

DriGuy

I never could moderate. I wanted to but I couldn't do it. It didn't have anything to do with proving anything. I doubt you were really trying to prove anything either. It's probably more like you really didn't want to quit. That's how it was for most of us I think. We wanted to drink without consequences, and one of those consequences is losing control over our drinking. Proof (or truth), one way or the other, might get in the way of our drinking.

Using the knowledge and experience of hundreds of other alcoholics would also pose an inconvenience on your drinking. Best not take them seriously. Find one (you only need one) of those charlatans on the internet that will teach you how to drink in moderation. I only knew of one, but she died in a drunk driving accident, after she became an internet guru.

Still want to muse about moderation? It might be boring, because I can't imagine what new perspective anyone could offer about it, but it's your dime.

Hawkeye13

Me too. Glad I made it out and finally have come to acceptance that moderation just isn’t possible for me no matter how hard I will it, think it, try it.

And that is actually a great feeling once I got through the grief of letting it go. . .

Boondock

Yeah, It took this rock head five years to finally get the proverbial message in the bottle that I was incapable of moderation....

Be123

Thanks everyone. Had a big meal out today with the kids and feel stuffed, gonna watch a film with my youngest before bed. I really did sweat absolute buckets today cleaning, I drank Tuesday-Friday and quite a lot every day, I think it was coming out.