Willow00

Maybe it’s a good detox Be, all that sweating. I hope you sleep well and feel good and refreshed when you wake up.

Delilah1

Hi and welcome back! I am another who has tried moderation in the past, and failed miserably. I have been sober for five and a half years and I am so much happier. You can do this!

Be123

Hi willow, lovely to see you! And you Venus. And thanks everyone for their comments.

Got a busy day of work lined up, because I never drink on days the kids are with me I feel I don't need to think about not-drinking today. Does that make sense to anyone? Maybe the binge drinkers, my previous drinking career was a daily one so this is new to me.

I need to build up resilience about knowing I can't ever drink. For me that's more true than 'I don't want to drink' - it's just not an option for me, I can't do it. It makes me miserable

Be123

Hi willow, lovely to see you! And you Venus. And thanks everyone for their comments.

Got a busy day of work lined up, because I never drink on days the kids are with me I feel I don't need to think about not-drinking today. Does that make sense to anyone? Maybe the binge drinkers, my previous drinking career was a daily one so this is new to me.

I need to build up resilience about knowing I can't ever drink. For me that's more true than 'I don't want to drink' - it's just not an option for me, I can't do it. It makes me miserable

freedomfries

Welcome back Be. Was wondering where you got to. I'm sorry you relapsed but glad you're back.

Dee74

I don't have kids but I never felt like drinking after a bender...not for a few days anyway.

D

dustyfox

Gosh, just reading all this was a great reminder that moderation is a bad joke for me, but now I finally know the punch line - years with out a sober day, hours of anxiety in the early hours, guilt, shame, fear....
I too am an all or nothing person - I am grabbing all my life with both hands and living it - the bottle is empty and tossed in the trash.

Gabe1980

Welcome back! Yeah...you'll be sweating out all the toxins but will feel better for it I am the same the first few days....

Moderation has been a pipe dream for me for the last couple of years. Feels very much like banging my head off a brick wall You've done so well in the past, I am sure you can get back to where you want to be xx

BeABetterMan

Never heard it said this way. Wow, truth.

fishkiller

Glad you are giving it another shot!

Be123

I'm starting day four. The sweats have gone and I slept very well last night. I've got about 9 pounds to lose but that can wait, I need to focus on sobriety in the short term.

The key thing is changing my mind set back to sobriety. The key difference was when I had cravings, or something that made me think about drinking, or that I thought 'I want to drink' - when I was sober I'd naturally assume I had to find a way through those without drinking. I've got into the bad habit of 'well wait until Wednesday and drink then'. Ive got to start finding ways through rather than falling back to the bottle.

The good thing is I know I can do it, now, and also that I'll feel better and more human when I do

Willow00

Yes you can do it Be. You had over a year sober and can do it again. I had over a year sober 2018-2019 before picking up again. Since then I’ve tried many times to moderate. It took me quite a few goes on the merry go round to realise it really isn’t any good for me. I kept thinking I could just get on for a little ride, but I kept staying on too long and feeling sick. So I’m better off just staying off it altogether. I have to keep reminding myself of why a “little ride” just doesn’t work for me. Merry go rounds really do make me feel sick. But the consequences of drinking are way worse for me than a kids merry go round.

Dustyfox’s post reminded me that I wrote myself a list of all the negative side effects of drinking for me. It’s a bit like playing the tape forward to the consequences of drinking, but in bullet points.
* Sleeplessness
* Anxiety in the early hours
*Shakiness/Racing heart
*Headache
*Belly upset
*Worrying about “alcohol breath”
*Regret/shame/doubt
*Hazy memory
….. etc

I needed a quick reminder like this, because when the AV visits, sometimes I conveniently forget to consider the consequences. Not the immediate consequences of “a drink or two”, but the cumulative consequences of drinking too much repeatedly. I find that daily check ins to SR, to read other’s stories and to post my thoughts, really helps me stay on track.

I know you can do it Be. You’re here on SR, and that’s a really good thing

Billymacintosh

Hi Be
just checking in and hoping you are about to check in. You highlighted that your new pattern is Weds onwards until the kids are back and since you haven't posted on here or July
thread since Tues it makes me worry for you a little. Especially since this is your accountability thread.
As your March 2020 classmate I'm afraid I am stalking you a little,
hope all is just busy in Be world and we will see you v soon
love Billy x

Patcha

Please check in with us Be, regardless of what's happening. We are always here and ready to support you.

birddawg

That is very well said and what I was trying to put into words on my thread but I deleted bc I couldn't make it sound right. You did.

Willow00

lol Billy, I am stalking Be a bit too for the same reasons xx
Hope you’re doing ok Be

Billymacintosh

Hey Be
just note, I've been checking this thread every day to see if you've checked back in, so hopefully today is the day! The kids are back today yes?
if things have gone south drinking wise, please remember what a fantastic run of 13 months you had and how much happier you seemed in that time. You were/are a great support to myself and many many others - fantastic insight, but it's time to do the work again, you and I both know you can.
You deserve this sober life
Love Billy x

BeABetterMan

I logged on tonight only to see how you have been Be123. I just realized it’s been a while since I heard from you then I found this thread. Also noticed Gabe on this thread. How are the both of you doing? Would love to hear from you.