ZeroNowhere570

I’ve been in this forum in the past. Still drinking. Everyday blackout drinker for 10 years. No longer get hangovers, just wake up with heart pounding anxiety, shakiness, and a feeling I’m always going to cry/watery eyes.

I was able to hide it from people for this long, but they are starting to take notice. What in gods name do I do to get out of this rabbit hole?

im sitting here in a waiting room waiting for my car inspection, and I feel like just taking off running. I cannot sit here feeling like this.

When I’m drinking, I say “no way” I have a problem, when I wake up strung out, I know I do. What do I do to get out?

Mizz

The only way out is to quit drinking. There are programs you can participate in or you can build your own program. This forum is a good place for support and to be with a community of people. Quitting alcohol is a very hard thing to do but once a person gets going on their path the sky is the limit. So, the first step is to make the commitment to not drink for today.

D122y

See a Dr. is the best answer.

There is more to that but quitting drinking under conditions like you described might cause physical and mental damage that can be avoided or worse.

My situation was different but similar.

In my experience quitting hurt like hell. But, SR saved me. Some info. didn't, some did. I took what I needed and the rest got filed elsewhere.

Addiction is fierce and morphs. It feels like insanity because the left and right brain are in a battle.

It is all about dopamine etc. It takes time for the body to normalize. Years. The whole time there is morphing and suffering.

The bottom line is simple: don't relapse. But, simple hurts like hell. The fire of getting clean. It is not like I healed, I got used to being crazy, then I got better.

Happy 4th. Hope this helps you or someone. It helps me.

Thanks.

ConfidenceMaven

I think the others said it best. You have to stop drinking. If you could get Dr help to ease the withdrawal symptoms that would be best and get a support to turn to. Here, in person, something to hold you accountable. And keep your WHY you want to do this in the very front of your mind to help you not slip back when it gets hard.

Anna

Yeah, the only way to deal with this is to just do it. It might be a good idea to talk to your doctor first, but stopping drinking is the thing to do. It's not easy and it will take motivation, but you can do it. You should start to feel better once you get past the withdrawals and then you can focus on staying stopped. Having a plan is important and will help you through the difficult moments.

least

When you want to be sober more than you want to drink, then you'll be able to stay sober.

Boondock

Yeah, You just have to make up your mind to quit and be a willing participant in your own recovery. You might want talk to your doctor or go to a detox facility. Not knowing your level of consumption we can't give you an idea of how bad your withdrawals will be because they can go from mild or to like my last detox completely horrific....You're making the right choice now you just need a plan.....stick around

Surrendered19

Hi ZN570. Have you had some sober stints since you joined SR in 2014? If so, what has worked for you early on? Those are some tough days to be sure and you describe being in pretty bad shape right now. I agree with others that said you are perhaps at the stage of the disease during which you could probably use help with the detox process. I would check that out if I were you. Good luck and I hope you stick around and let us know how you are getting along.

Scd619x

You can go to the doctor or try and taper down on the alcohol amount yourself, both would make it a lot easier for the first week as it sounds like you are in withdrawal each day rather than the standard hangover. Although this will depend on where you live as to what help you can get. Don't let the fear of alcohol withdrawal keep you drinking though as that is much worse. You are going to need to figure out why you drink, for me it was anxiety, childhood trauma and my normal state felt so crap that alcohol was the right medicine for a time until it became a living hell. I go to AA, worth a look as can keep you busy in early recovery, who knows you might stay! This forum is cool to keep in touch and 'put down on paper' what you are thinking. Counselling is worth a go to help you identify why you drink and to help reduce stress. SMART is worth a look.

Kaily

I remember that desperation, the endless cycle of drinking, wanting to stop but wanting to drink more. Rarely being sober enough to even contemplate recovery, hating myself so much and hoping for a miracle cure to make me better.

To begin you have to go against the relentless compulsion to drink, no matter what. Minute by minute, hour by hour. Fight it like the enemy it is. As the fog clears you will believe things weren't that bad, temptation will ramp up. Ignore and fight.

Find something to fill the hours, walking, AA, posting here or whatever is your thing. Keep busy, really busy - make yourself tired. Eat well and allow yourself treats. Anything but drink.

It takes work, vigilance and a stubbornness not to give in. Believe me, I know.

We will help you but it must come from within.

Steely

Hi ZeroNowhere,

I can relate to sitting in the waiting room just wanting to run. It awful, and sometimes I did run.

It doesn't have to be this way ZN. Sitting in the waiting room relaxed, maybe even anxious is a great feeling. The dread is no-more. You'll begin to want it. There is no comparison to sobriety. It works.

I hope you keep posting.

Jim1958

I can relate to your post. I had all the same things, the sweats and insomnia and horrible hangovers. I agree with what others have said. If you need a doctors help through the withdrawal, please do go see one. Withdrawals are dangerous. Please know there is a way out and it does get better. Being free of alcohol is like being released from jail. You can get lots of help. There are AA meetings everywhere, even online. Other programs can work as well. For me, one on one counseling was what I needed. I know how bad things can seem. I still keep my calendar, and I started it years ago. I would keep track of sober days. A typical spread would be 5 or 6 days and I would relapse. Finally I made it a month. Then three. I just finished 3 years. It is possible, if it was for me it is for you too. Come here and post, and seek the help you need. You can do it! Best wishes in your recovery.

dustyfox

Great advice - stop drinking - and you will start feel better. I did and I had been drinking for 30 years.

Dee74

How are things today ZN?

D

ZeroNowhere570

Bad. Got home and started drinking. I know I need to stop. And for good. I’m 31 already time to get it together.

Dee74

Try posting here before or instead of drinking next time.
I didn't think it would work but it totally did for me.

Thats not to say it was a pleasurable experience 'denying' myself, but I sure was happy the next morning.

There's no way around the early days being a hard slog, but if we want change, the only way to have that happen is make changes.

D

dwtbd

Yeah the 8-10 hours of not being firmly ensconced in oblivion was a daily grind. Anxiety through the roof , me that some of the worst kind of awfulness you can feel. I remember it , but thank g_d I don’t feel that any longer.

Like Dee said no way around that , the piper always gets his due, but it is possible to get through it and get on the other side of it. Get to the other side , you will not regret it , I guarantee.

Rootin for ya

Hevyn

Hi Zero - I'm so glad you joined us. SR helped me find the courage to change my life, & I was much older than you when I finally quit.
Don't let alcohol steal your life the way it did mine - you're still young & can avoid all the pain & misery many of us have suffered. It's hard in the beginning, but you will love being free. Keep on reading & posting - we care about you.

crazychef

On the same boat. With my job as a freelance chef mostly living out of the US for the last 15 years in Countries where its normal to wake up and have a beer. Came back to the US and apparently its not kosher to have a drink during a business lunch. I'm sober now, its tough, funny I'm in Brazil where you think its a party drinking place all the time and its quite opposite.

Anna

Hi Zero,

You know you want/need to stop drinking, so what can you do to make that happen? Have you ever made a plan to help you get through the early days?