Strange kind of addiction
 

Hello - I am new to the forums, just joined today. I decided that I want to stop drinking alcohol altogether. I have what I would consider a strange version of addiction. I drink at most once a week, sometimes even only once in 2 weeks. But when I do, once I have that first drink I basically can't stop until I get way too drunk. The strange thing is that I don't really ever have any kind of withdrawal symptoms. I am hungover for a whole day, which is awful. But then feel fine. But inevitably what happens is that the stress of life builds up and I go from feeling great to slowly feeling more and more stressed and dissatisfied with life, then I drink again. I consider it an addiction nevertheless because despite wanting to never drink again, I do it anyways. I have put A LOT of thought into it and I feel like I have figured out my "cycle" and why I do it. It is an escape from a reality that I am dissatisfied with. I now need to figure out a way to break that cycle. I either have to change reality (which is pretty much impossible) or I have to find other escapes that don't involve pouring a poisonous chemical down my throat. I think having some fellowship with others in the same situation might help me get out of this cycle. Anyway, I just wanted to say hello.

Well, binge drinking is pretty dangerous so it's good you've decided to tackle this.

Stick around and keep reading, there are many other ways to sit with your reality and not need to be pouring a toxin in your mouth. It's actually a lot easier to deal with Reality without doing that. :)

I was told to answer the following three questions to determine whether I am an alcoholic:

1. Does my experience abundantly confirm that I can't predict how much I'll drink once I have the first one? (Importantly, this drives home the point that I don't have to drink alcoholically every time I pick up -- only that I often do, and that I can't predict when I will and won't.)

2. Does my experience abundantly confirm that even after I have firmly committed to not drinking again (in light of #1 above), that I always find my way back to the insane thought that the next right thing for me to do is pick up a drink?

3. Does my experience abundantly confirm that nothing "in the world" is going to fix the problems identified in #1 and #2 above? IOW, most alcoholics have to "wear out" all their worldly solutions before they'll get serious about recovery. By worldly solutions I mean rationalizations like: I just need to find the right job/home/partner/self-help book, etc.

I was told that if my answer to all 3 of the above was "yes", then I might be a real alcoholic -- and, specifically, I might be the type of alcoholic whose only hope lies in Alcoholics Anonymous. That has turned out to be the case for me. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more about that.

Welcome to SR.
Strange kind of addiction? You drink until you are drunk, can't quit, use alcohol to cope. Sounds like plain, old, addiction to me.

There is a third option. Dealing with it.

I don't know if you're an alcoholic or not, but then I didn't know if I was an alcoholic when I eventually sought out help, and I drank everyday until I was blotto. I fell down in my house one time, so you can say I'm not a good judge of it. But I did need help and I sought it out and I quit drinking. So maybe knowing if you are or aren't is not as important as wanting to stop.

One definition I've heard of alcoholic is a person who can't stop once he starts. None of these definitions are definitive, but if you can't stop, I would say there is a problem there.

It's good to have you here. If it turns out there is nothing wrong with you, there's nothing lost in hanging out here for a while and participating.

Welcome frostfire. Our addictions take on many forms, and while your drinking/binging pattern may not be every day it certainly qualifies as problematic for you. And that's really all that matters - whether you drink once a month or all day long every day, if it is out of control at any point it's likely a problem.

Glad you are here, and you are right that belonging to a fellowship of those seeking a common goal can be very helpful. SR is definitely one of those places and I hope you can stick around and share with us.

Sounds like you know this is a problem for you and you know the triggers that cause you to want to escape. Yes replacing alcohol with something else that may cause stress relief sounds like a good idea to me. And I mean something healthy.... exercise, sober friends, bubble bath, whatever that is for you.

Welcome, and I'm glad you see that your binge drinking is addiction and that you're here seeking support.

Finding healthy ways to deal with life is important in staying sober. And, finding things to do that you enjoy and add happiness to your life is also important. Making a plan will help you to get through the difficult moments of sobriety and recovery.

Support in achieving continuous recovery and sobriety
is important so that no one ever has to travel on this
journey in life alone or by themselves.

Continue to learn about addiction and recovery arming
yourself with good knowledge and helpful tools to live
your sober life upon moving forward. :c014:

Hi frost fire :)

I was a binge drinker at one point so what you describe is very familiar to me.

I would not drink all week and then Friday night I would drink until I passed out - later on I added Saturday Sundays Mondays to Thursdays as well but that’s another story.

Like others have said I don’t know of any other way to solve the problem but to stop drinking.

Some of us used just this forum, a lot of others used meeting based approaches like AA, SMARTRecovery, or lifering, some saw their doctor or therapist, some utilised inpatient or outpatient rehab.

There are other methods too. Our members will share the methods that helped them
All these things are easily googled :)

What we need, regardless of method, is a desire to quit. It sounds to me like you have that :)

You’re not alone here - there is a lot of support here :)

D

Welcome to SR, frostfire.

Congratulations on making the decision to quit alcohol altogether. That's a hard one to make, I know.. Carl beat me to it when they offered the third alternative to your dissatisfying reality, only I would've said 'learn to sit with it, through it.' Different from 'dealing with it' because it involves acceptance rather than tolerance. At least how that was for me.

I agree with the others that this addiction isn't strange; it's just addiction. It might be helpful to think of yourself as having a brain that is addicted to alcohol rather than as 'an alcoholic.' That's kind of how I see it - my brain goes haywire when I ingest alcohol. I could tell you all about why that happens, but that's almost irrelevant. What happens is that reason goes out the window and I start to/continue to drink regardless of the consequences. It's not fun at all - it feels more like a death wish, actually. Bummer, right? If I want to avoid that reaction in my brain, all I have to do is Not Drink. Simple, but often not easy to begin with.

For what it's worth, hangovers are withdrawal. They get worse, but no one can predict in what way that will play out for anyone, including themselves.

I'm glad you are here.

O

Welcome to the family. :) I hope you'll use the support here to help you get sober for good. :hug:

Welcome, frostfire. It sounds to me like you have a very clear view of your situation ... dissatisfied with life, and drinking to escape that dissatisfaction, despite not wanting to drink. Stopping drinking completely will give you the best opportunity to address that dissatisfaction directly. I found it was only when I completely stopped drinking, and started facing that stuff head on, that I could make any progress in understanding and changing my situation. Some things I could change, and did ... for other things, I had to learn to change my reaction to them. The good news is, in the long run it can be very satisfying and rewarding to learn to do these things. There may be some uncomfortable times early on, as you take away your "escape valve" ... but I can tell you it's worth it. Welcome to SR.

Hi FrostFire. Us addicts are a pretty self-centered group and tend to view our situations as solitary and unique. It is one of the techniques we use to keep drinking. What you describe does not sound unusual at all. This thing comes at all of us in its own way but it eventually lays us all low. It is a progressive process and rarely is static and unchanging. It is great that you recognize alcohol is causing you problems well before your situation fits whatever ideas you have in your head about how a "real" alcoholic drinks. Stay here and get it figured out and you will save yourself years of suffering.

Hi!
Welcome.

Addiction arrives in many forms Frostfire. Patterns, are patterns, whatever way we look at it.

Your pattern is to use alcohol to cope, but never succeeding. :(

You will succeed in sobriety Frostfire.

I hope you continue to post.

There is nothing strange about your addiction. I thought so too, im different. That is a lot like the bulk of my 27 years or so of drinking.

Many in recovery were all out, all day drinkers that needed a serious detox. Then again, many more are just like you and me. Stick around and you will see its about what we have in common. An almost allergic reaction to alcohol that makes us lose control combined with an obsession to drink it.

If you ever attend an AA meeting you will find many drinkers just like us. My issues are likely a bit different but I definitely relate to the pattern. You will find many have anxiety and depression. Symptoms of restless, irritable, and discontent sometimes when we don't have alcohol.

The big book of AA is available for free from many google search results. I think you may find the reading pretty interesting even if you don't ever wish to attend a meeting. The information about our condition is far ahead of its time.

Hi frostfire & welcome! 🙋‍♀️
I joined on my 5th sober day (day 13 now) and find it incredibly helpful knowing that I don't need to hide myself here... from me or anyone else.
Started like you 30+ yrs ago. Weekend partying & bartending that turned into passing out 7/365. I drank to self medicate anxiety, depression, dissatisfaction, anger & every other emotion & problem.
Recognizing that your drinking pattern is abnormal, even if you only binge twice per month, is huge! My gosh, you can be saving yourself decade's of torture, self hatred, injuries & health problems, family & financial difficulties & so much more.
I'm happy you joined us & please post. It really makes things easier, especially during the beginning of our sober lives.
J

Welcome!
this is not strange at all. I drank every couple of months. Not every day. Not every week. I am still an alcoholic because when I drink, there is no off button. I keep going.
to me this is not acceptable so here I am.

It doesn't matter how much or how often you drink, in my opinion. It's how it effects you and your life and those around you.

That's binge drinking. I did it all through my teens and 20's and escalated to daily drinking by my 30's. I never knew why I would end up with a huge hangover that lasted for days when I never intended to get drunk, just have a few drinks with friends. I was absolutely unable to control my drinking once I started. I'd drink till I passed out. Then I'd swear off until I forgot about the hangover. And the cycle would start again. It's definitely smart to look at this habit now. Your drinking will increase, not decrease, if you don't put on the brakes now. You lose nothing by not drinking and if you keep drinking you'll potentially lose everything.