Back again, feeling pretty bad.
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Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
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Sorry to read this.
Lots of self loathing there, Phil, but no one out there hates you, especially not your doc. Don’t rule out giving the doc another try. They won’t tell you to f... off and would think you incredibly brave.
Keep trying. Stop drinking today. Don’t let Covid/working at home be the excuse.
Lots of self loathing there, Phil, but no one out there hates you, especially not your doc. Don’t rule out giving the doc another try. They won’t tell you to f... off and would think you incredibly brave.
Keep trying. Stop drinking today. Don’t let Covid/working at home be the excuse.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 208
Thanks Bim and Hodd. Will phone doctor in the morning. Today is kinda busted now 7:35 in the evening. Gonna try to drink water and get to bed early. Phone doc first thing. This has to be rock bottom. I never been this low before.
No wait when my middle daughter sent me a pic on whatsapp of me passed out in the living room floor last october. That was rock bottom. The shame. She found it funny. I will not sink that low this time.. Just need a foot on the ladder. Seems out of reach right now.
No wait when my middle daughter sent me a pic on whatsapp of me passed out in the living room floor last october. That was rock bottom. The shame. She found it funny. I will not sink that low this time.. Just need a foot on the ladder. Seems out of reach right now.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Thing is Phil, the alcohol is causing all these negative thoughts and depressed feelings, self-loathing, etc.
I had to have quite a long-ish stretch of being completely abstinent before that lifted. Weeks, or maybe even a couple months.
Gotta start sometime, somewhere. May as well be right now. Good decision.
I had to have quite a long-ish stretch of being completely abstinent before that lifted. Weeks, or maybe even a couple months.
Gotta start sometime, somewhere. May as well be right now. Good decision.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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Have faith that you can get through feeling awful for the first two or three days. There really is no other option, and you need to believe that you can do it. Get through it and then you'll begin to feel better about things. Don't let your AV convince you that you won't be able to get through it. And, remember, you will never have to do it again.
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Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 649
Externalize that voice telling you that you can moderate. Most of my relapses started out with a beer or wine (but only socially! That’s okay, that’s “good” drinking). Once I let that proverbial demon back in, it’s only a matter a time before I’m drinking hard liquor and back into a cycle of withdrawals and hiding booze.
Relapses don’t happen out of nowhere. Recognize that voice early in — the one that says “it’s okay if I just…” or “I’ve been so good…” or “it’s a special occasion.” That’s your addiction talking. Don’t let it.
Relapses don’t happen out of nowhere. Recognize that voice early in — the one that says “it’s okay if I just…” or “I’ve been so good…” or “it’s a special occasion.” That’s your addiction talking. Don’t let it.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 1,701
Hi Phil - I’m pretty much in the same boat. It’s day 2 from my last relapse. It lasted longer before I got sick but I didn’t drink as heavily until the last week of it. Spent day 0 which was the last drink at 9am in bed and sick. Day 1 was ok but foggy and day 2 has been pretty good. I seem to get sick quicker now. Hang in there. We can do this. I’m very tired of the roller coaster as I sure you are as well.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Originally Posted by Phil71els 
Thanks Bim and Hodd. Will phone doctor in the morning. Today is kinda busted now 7:35 in the evening. Gonna try to drink water and get to bed early. Phone doc first thing. This has to be rock bottom. I never been this low before.
No wait when my middle daughter sent me a pic on whatsapp of me passed out in the living room floor last october. That was rock bottom. The shame. She found it funny. I will not sink that low this time.. Just need a foot on the ladder. Seems out of reach right now.
No wait when my middle daughter sent me a pic on whatsapp of me passed out in the living room floor last october. That was rock bottom. The shame. She found it funny. I will not sink that low this time.. Just need a foot on the ladder. Seems out of reach right now.
Find a reason to stay sober - not a reason to "not drink" and you will have tool to build off. You mentioned your daughters - while the decision to get sober needs to be made by you, there's no reason you cannot use others as inspiration. My family was one of my main motivators to get sober, and indeed I caused them a tremendous amount of pain and suffering for years - decades really.
Regarding withdrawals, I'd also recommend talking with the doc again. To be quite frank ( and you did ask for advice ;-) I'd ask your doc if he feels it's safe to detox without the benzos. If he feels you absolutely need them to be safe, then by all means take them. But if you are just wanting them so you will feel better, that's potentially just your addiction wanting to take the easy way out again - just something to think about.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
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You sound disgusted & ready to do it this time, Phil. It was so hard for me to admit it was never going to be fun/relaxing/exciting again. In the end, drinking led to emptiness, anxiety, dread, regret. We always think back to the fun times - but they're gone & never coming back. We've crossed over from social to alcoholic drinking. You can get free of it for good. I did after 30 yrs. of trying to manage it.
Let us know how it's going.
Let us know how it's going.
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Join Date: Feb 2019
Location: The Midwest
Posts: 649
Originally Posted by Hevyn
You sound disgusted & ready to do it this time, Phil. It was so hard for me to admit it was never going to be fun/relaxing/exciting again. In the end, drinking led to emptiness, anxiety, dread, regret. We always think back to the fun times - but they're gone & never coming back. We've crossed over from social to alcoholic drinking. You can get free of it for good. I did after 30 yrs. of trying to manage it.
Let us know how it's going.
Let us know how it's going.
But honestly I don’t frame it that way anymore. I’ve had more joyful and fulfilling experiences without alcohol — and as a new dad, than I ever did on any night of heavy drinking. I’ll even DD for my old buddies on fishing trips, concerts or sporting events. They’re jealous the next morning when I’m not hungover. I’ll shoot em photos of me with a coffee at the zoo with my kids. It’s a different life…
Bottom line, we don’t have to make ourselves sick to have fun. Sobriety delivers on everything alcohol promises.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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There is life after drinking Phil - and its a good one. You really can be the man husband father you want to be. It all starts with putting the drink down and working out a plan of what you need to keep it down.
You can do this.
D
You can do this.
D
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Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,925
Originally Posted by Evoo
Yeah I hear this. For most of my adult life there was no social or after-work/school activity or family gathering that didn’t revolve around excessive drinking. So much so that I associated all “good times” with getting wrecked. I had to spend a lot of recovery grieving that old life.
But honestly I don’t frame it that way anymore. I’ve had more joyful and fulfilling experiences without alcohol — and as a new dad, than I ever did on any night of heavy drinking. I’ll even DD for my old buddies on fishing trips, concerts or sporting events. They’re jealous the next morning when I’m not hungover. I’ll shoot em photos of me with a coffee at the zoo with my kids. It’s a different life…
Bottom line, we don’t have to make ourselves sick to have fun. Sobriety delivers on everything alcohol promises.
But honestly I don’t frame it that way anymore. I’ve had more joyful and fulfilling experiences without alcohol — and as a new dad, than I ever did on any night of heavy drinking. I’ll even DD for my old buddies on fishing trips, concerts or sporting events. They’re jealous the next morning when I’m not hungover. I’ll shoot em photos of me with a coffee at the zoo with my kids. It’s a different life…
Bottom line, we don’t have to make ourselves sick to have fun. Sobriety delivers on everything alcohol promises.
Spot on, Evoo. I’ve had to cut back on seeing a few genuine friends as all they do is drink. I’d say they’ve become dull, but they were always like that as was I. They joke about my pursuits such as my slow triathlons, but secretly they’d love to give such things a try. I wish they would as I’d be there to cheer them on, but for now I’ll enjoy my sober life as it sounds like you’re doing 👍
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 208
Hodd your concern and message are very much appreciated. Thanks to all who posted.
I phoned the doctor and am waiting for a call back, no in person appointments unless absolutely necessary.
Not gonna lie, I was feeling so sick this morning. I made an excuse to take the dog down to the football pitches at about 12 for a run around (him not me) and bought 2 litres of cider and a 1/4 bottle of vodka (200ml) which is mostly gone. My thinking (lol) is that if the doc gives me benzos it will be tomorrow now before I can pick up the prescription. Its mad, mad thinking and I know if I had a few weeks sober I'd be thinking exactly what you are thinking but the pain and sickness is so bad. I have so much work to do also there is no way I can do it if I am throwing up and if he doesnt give me the meds well, Scott had a point which cant be ignored, I want the pain free way out. I doubt I will have any issues if I go cold turkey but I am pretty scared in case I do, well apart from the sickness for 2/3 days. I just cant take the sickness and work at the same time, it is hell.
So essentially I am waiting for the doc to phone.
One other thing. My wife may be aware that i used to drink too much but she is not aware and I have never told her I am an alcoholic. I need advice on how I might approach this as I am worried she will just sling my ass out on the street if I just tell her straight.
I phoned the doctor and am waiting for a call back, no in person appointments unless absolutely necessary.
Not gonna lie, I was feeling so sick this morning. I made an excuse to take the dog down to the football pitches at about 12 for a run around (him not me) and bought 2 litres of cider and a 1/4 bottle of vodka (200ml) which is mostly gone. My thinking (lol) is that if the doc gives me benzos it will be tomorrow now before I can pick up the prescription. Its mad, mad thinking and I know if I had a few weeks sober I'd be thinking exactly what you are thinking but the pain and sickness is so bad. I have so much work to do also there is no way I can do it if I am throwing up and if he doesnt give me the meds well, Scott had a point which cant be ignored, I want the pain free way out. I doubt I will have any issues if I go cold turkey but I am pretty scared in case I do, well apart from the sickness for 2/3 days. I just cant take the sickness and work at the same time, it is hell.
So essentially I am waiting for the doc to phone.
One other thing. My wife may be aware that i used to drink too much but she is not aware and I have never told her I am an alcoholic. I need advice on how I might approach this as I am worried she will just sling my ass out on the street if I just tell her straight.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I'm sorry you're drinking, Phil.
I went from an all-day every day drinker of hard alcohol (rum and 8% IPA beer) to a non-drinker in three days. You can cut back while you're waiting. I went from 12-16 units a day to zero in three days. It was uncomfortable, but it worked. Don't wait for someone else to take the helm of your ship. You are the Captain. The doctor will only be able to do a few days of the benzo anyway. The rest of your life is on you and your ability to make the next right decision.
As far as telling your wife, I don't know that you ever need to use that word. "Alcoholic" is a very loaded word. At least wait to use that word until you have some good solid recovery time if you feel you have to use that word. I never told anyone the lows of my behavior and I will take it to my grave. Some of the stuff I've shared with other alcoholics but I don't think a normie would ever understand.
I would give it time before the Big Reveal. I think you can tell her you need to stop drinking because of _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. There are lots of things to say that are honest such as, "I really feel awful after I've had alcohol and I need to look after my health." Or, "My drinking is starting to worry me." When you're more stable you can decide how much of it she needs to know. I wasn't thinking clearly AT ALL for many months after I got sober, and I had a hard time with personal boundaries until then.
I went from an all-day every day drinker of hard alcohol (rum and 8% IPA beer) to a non-drinker in three days. You can cut back while you're waiting. I went from 12-16 units a day to zero in three days. It was uncomfortable, but it worked. Don't wait for someone else to take the helm of your ship. You are the Captain. The doctor will only be able to do a few days of the benzo anyway. The rest of your life is on you and your ability to make the next right decision.
As far as telling your wife, I don't know that you ever need to use that word. "Alcoholic" is a very loaded word. At least wait to use that word until you have some good solid recovery time if you feel you have to use that word. I never told anyone the lows of my behavior and I will take it to my grave. Some of the stuff I've shared with other alcoholics but I don't think a normie would ever understand.
I would give it time before the Big Reveal. I think you can tell her you need to stop drinking because of _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _. There are lots of things to say that are honest such as, "I really feel awful after I've had alcohol and I need to look after my health." Or, "My drinking is starting to worry me." When you're more stable you can decide how much of it she needs to know. I wasn't thinking clearly AT ALL for many months after I got sober, and I had a hard time with personal boundaries until then.
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Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: UK
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Bim I told her nearly 3 years ago the doc wanted me to quit drinking for health reasons, knowing that i was quitting because I was an alcoholic. She has mentioned in the past she thought i was verging on alcoholism. Recently she has mentioned what she considers "weird" behaviour from me. Acting like I am drunk. I am drunk. She thinks I am sober. Had 10 days at the start of the months with the docs help. Maybe you are right weaning is the way to go. I drink 16-20 units per day when drinking (UK units) so maybe I will try to taper.
Fishkiller, I need the tough love so thank you for this. My job will go if I cant perform, next will be the rest of my life down the drain. We cant survive on my wife salary and living where I do people in the industry get to hear things. So losing my job due to a drinking problem is a big thing for me. No one want a guy who is an alcoholic as a software engineer.
Fishkiller, I need the tough love so thank you for this. My job will go if I cant perform, next will be the rest of my life down the drain. We cant survive on my wife salary and living where I do people in the industry get to hear things. So losing my job due to a drinking problem is a big thing for me. No one want a guy who is an alcoholic as a software engineer.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
As far as the taper - just don't give yourself license to continue drinking. I went from 12-16 to TWO regular drinks (and I just sipped at those all day long) on the first day of my taper. I had been drinking daily for years prior.
ONE drink on day two (sipping through the day.)
Just a tiny sip on day three - like about a half shot. I was super uncomfortable and I wanted to keep drinking but I was determined that I was d.o.n.e.
Don't drag it out. It's just medicine for the shakes...and if it gets that bad (the shaking) I'd go to Emergency Care before I'd drink more.
You've got to go through some discomfort: it's the only way and I've read too many stories of UK residents who just won't stop because your medical system has a whole treatment bias when it comes to alcohol use disorder. That's just not true, you can stop on your own.
You absolutely can take control of your own destiny here.
ONE drink on day two (sipping through the day.)
Just a tiny sip on day three - like about a half shot. I was super uncomfortable and I wanted to keep drinking but I was determined that I was d.o.n.e.
Don't drag it out. It's just medicine for the shakes...and if it gets that bad (the shaking) I'd go to Emergency Care before I'd drink more.
You've got to go through some discomfort: it's the only way and I've read too many stories of UK residents who just won't stop because your medical system has a whole treatment bias when it comes to alcohol use disorder. That's just not true, you can stop on your own.
You absolutely can take control of your own destiny here.
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