Why can't we not be sober?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
Why can't we not be sober?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Before you get dressed, put on your shoes and walk out the door to buy alcohol......Come here and post. Use this TOOL.
Type in the box "I need help. I am about to drink"
Wait for a response. Wait. Your waiting time would be 2 minutes at the most. Talk about what is going on and work through the urge.
This TOOL works if you work it. For reals.....
Type in the box "I need help. I am about to drink"
Wait for a response. Wait. Your waiting time would be 2 minutes at the most. Talk about what is going on and work through the urge.
This TOOL works if you work it. For reals.....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
This is a support forum Aellyce, and you cleverly put up so many barriers to considering and listening to support. You are so much smarter. Your outlook is so nuanced and varied and you are a gifted story teller. You declare that traditional means of support bore you or, more charitably, just do not work on you.
All the sad voice of a desperate drinker who is determined to go down with the firm conviction that nobody could possibly understand the depths of you, what you are like, what your are capable of, your looks, your intellect, your efforts to show that regardless of the sloppy state you find yourself, you are special.
Here's the sad part. We all get it and see you coming a mile away and we speak addict in all of its derivations. When you try to tilt the conversation towards your terminal uniqueness, we're already ahead of you. We've all engaged in the same bs with ourselves and others and it all falls flat.
I hope you can get sober and do it to preserve all of the characteristics in yourself that are special. And even though you use your assets as defensive weapons, you are indeed special. You obviously have the intellect to work it out. I hope you summon the courage to do it.
All the sad voice of a desperate drinker who is determined to go down with the firm conviction that nobody could possibly understand the depths of you, what you are like, what your are capable of, your looks, your intellect, your efforts to show that regardless of the sloppy state you find yourself, you are special.
Here's the sad part. We all get it and see you coming a mile away and we speak addict in all of its derivations. When you try to tilt the conversation towards your terminal uniqueness, we're already ahead of you. We've all engaged in the same bs with ourselves and others and it all falls flat.
I hope you can get sober and do it to preserve all of the characteristics in yourself that are special. And even though you use your assets as defensive weapons, you are indeed special. You obviously have the intellect to work it out. I hope you summon the courage to do it.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Hi Buddy. 
My question to the woman who is all the best of all the things, witty, intelligent, caring, sharp, giving, compassionate, beautiful, would be… whatcha looking for down there ?
We know how this ends. It’s not ever going to not end the exact same way, complete with self loathing, impossible anxiety, depression, fear, nausea, panic, distress.
The temporary respite brings a day or more worth of the scaries.
We can be sober. We choose it. Everyday. Sometimes every minute.
I believe you can keep making the next best choice for you. I really do.
You can choose to make this the last time you let it sabotage all the best of who you are.
It begins and ends with you… XO AO
My question to the woman who is all the best of all the things, witty, intelligent, caring, sharp, giving, compassionate, beautiful, would be… whatcha looking for down there ?
We know how this ends. It’s not ever going to not end the exact same way, complete with self loathing, impossible anxiety, depression, fear, nausea, panic, distress.
The temporary respite brings a day or more worth of the scaries.
We can be sober. We choose it. Everyday. Sometimes every minute.
I believe you can keep making the next best choice for you. I really do.
You can choose to make this the last time you let it sabotage all the best of who you are.
It begins and ends with you… XO AO
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Originally Posted by Surrendered19 
This is a support forum Aellyce, and you cleverly put up so many barriers to considering and listening to support. You are so much smarter. Your outlook is so nuanced and varied and you are a gifted story teller. You declare that traditional means of support bore you or, more charitably, just do not work on you.
All the sad voice of a desperate drinker who is determined to go down with the firm conviction that nobody could possibly understand the depths of you, what you are like, what your are capable of, your looks, your intellect, your efforts to show that regardless of the sloppy state you find yourself, you are special.
Here's the sad part. We all get it and see you coming a mile away and we speak addict in all of its derivations. When you try to tilt the conversation towards your terminal uniqueness, we're already ahead of you. We've all engaged in the same bs with ourselves and others and it all falls flat.
I hope you can get sober and do it to preserve all of the characteristics in yourself that are special. And even though you use your assets as defensive weapons, you are indeed special. You obviously have the intellect to work it out. I hope you summon the courage to do it.
All the sad voice of a desperate drinker who is determined to go down with the firm conviction that nobody could possibly understand the depths of you, what you are like, what your are capable of, your looks, your intellect, your efforts to show that regardless of the sloppy state you find yourself, you are special.
Here's the sad part. We all get it and see you coming a mile away and we speak addict in all of its derivations. When you try to tilt the conversation towards your terminal uniqueness, we're already ahead of you. We've all engaged in the same bs with ourselves and others and it all falls flat.
I hope you can get sober and do it to preserve all of the characteristics in yourself that are special. And even though you use your assets as defensive weapons, you are indeed special. You obviously have the intellect to work it out. I hope you summon the courage to do it.
it stings like hell for me, and I hope it stings you too A.
but damn if it ain’t the truth.
Wow.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2021
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,077
Morning Aellyce,
I'm still thinking you need to try and figure out your turning point or axis. How you went from recovery worksheets to drunkenness in a matter of hours. One thing I would like to suggest to help you pursue this is looking into Buddhist thoughts on the idea of dependent co-arising because I believe like every other alcoholic here there's a lead up to relapse. And also maybe think about resilience, having some staying power or what some call true grit also a necessary component for the likes of us. And finally maybe a little happiness, joy a sense of humor. I don't think I've ever seen an lol come out of you. Laughter has a healing quality to it. I hope your hangovers not to bad, but you know the drill right?
I'm still thinking you need to try and figure out your turning point or axis. How you went from recovery worksheets to drunkenness in a matter of hours. One thing I would like to suggest to help you pursue this is looking into Buddhist thoughts on the idea of dependent co-arising because I believe like every other alcoholic here there's a lead up to relapse. And also maybe think about resilience, having some staying power or what some call true grit also a necessary component for the likes of us. And finally maybe a little happiness, joy a sense of humor. I don't think I've ever seen an lol come out of you. Laughter has a healing quality to it. I hope your hangovers not to bad, but you know the drill right?
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
I, too, woke up thinking about you this morning.
You are so eloquent and heady, and yet here you are allowing an entire industry to profit off your Achiles heal....ethanol.
Lately when a thought of a drink slides into my mind DM's, I imagine a bunch of old white men sitting around a board room for Big Alcohol , in 5000.00 suits, gaudy gold giant Rolexes, capped chicklet teeth, pinky ring, Lamborghini driving, tools with an unlimited expense account, thinking about where they are going to procure their next trophy side piece, and also trying to figure out more clever ways to own me too.
What started in high school with Andre's Cold Duck and Bartels and James strawberry wine coolers, advanced rather expeditiously to Jack Daniels manhattans in college (because I was just too cool) and then Bombay sapphire martinis in adulthood (because I was trying to show the boys just what a broad I was).
Oooof.
Every bit of it marketed to pathologically insecure people like me, who thought my flexing my booze prowess (and subsequent tolerance) made me something I wasnt.
Brilliant. Just brilliant. And I bought it hook, line and hangover.
If nothing else gets you to the realization of how they have used you, read Holly Wittakers "Quit Like a Woman". It was an a-ha moment for me.
I keep it close and go back and read my highlighted and annotated sections every single day.
Don't let yourself be a chew toy for those sick bastards.
XO AO
You are so eloquent and heady, and yet here you are allowing an entire industry to profit off your Achiles heal....ethanol.
Lately when a thought of a drink slides into my mind DM's, I imagine a bunch of old white men sitting around a board room for Big Alcohol , in 5000.00 suits, gaudy gold giant Rolexes, capped chicklet teeth, pinky ring, Lamborghini driving, tools with an unlimited expense account, thinking about where they are going to procure their next trophy side piece, and also trying to figure out more clever ways to own me too.
What started in high school with Andre's Cold Duck and Bartels and James strawberry wine coolers, advanced rather expeditiously to Jack Daniels manhattans in college (because I was just too cool) and then Bombay sapphire martinis in adulthood (because I was trying to show the boys just what a broad I was).
Oooof.
Every bit of it marketed to pathologically insecure people like me, who thought my flexing my booze prowess (and subsequent tolerance) made me something I wasnt.
Brilliant. Just brilliant. And I bought it hook, line and hangover.
If nothing else gets you to the realization of how they have used you, read Holly Wittakers "Quit Like a Woman". It was an a-ha moment for me.
I keep it close and go back and read my highlighted and annotated sections every single day.
Don't let yourself be a chew toy for those sick bastards.
XO AO
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
I think Scott nailed it with perfect clarity. There is a level of acceptance that you have to reach essential to staying sober - that and the at times difficult work of just not drinking - in some ways it's just so simple. In others it feels like a riddle without an answer. End of the day it's your one life and you don't want to waste it.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Sobriety is not a mystery. Its not an esoteric thing.
The various methods can be talked about in length and analyzed thoroughly but the one thing that every single sober person did to get sober and remain sober was: They made a decision to remain sober when the urge came to drink. They used this forum to talk it through. They went for a walk. They went for a run. They prayed. They sat through the urge and the anxiety or the whatever was going on and they waited for the urge to pass. It is simply that simple. Hard but simple.
The various methods can be talked about in length and analyzed thoroughly but the one thing that every single sober person did to get sober and remain sober was: They made a decision to remain sober when the urge came to drink. They used this forum to talk it through. They went for a walk. They went for a run. They prayed. They sat through the urge and the anxiety or the whatever was going on and they waited for the urge to pass. It is simply that simple. Hard but simple.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,413
Yep, the “grit” of the thing that has actually worked well for my longest sober stretches (1 year or more) are the small day-to-day actions I take to get through the tough cravings and “f-it” moments. That’s how I understand Scott’s take on being committed to quitting as the first necessary step.
The idea of commitment, when “de-abstracted”, is keeping to your own agreement with yourself over time that you won’t drink right now for any reason—that’s realized through concrete actions such as Mizz describes—posting, exercise, sitting with the urge consciously. All work.
I also see quite a bit of myself in Surrendered’s excellent post—that one hits home and I plan to copy it out to read when I’m busy outsmarting myself into a relapse.
Every skirmish won over the AV is a step towards winning the battle—a war of attrition requires longevity and small steps of right action, not overthinking.
This has been a useful thread everyone—thank you!
The idea of commitment, when “de-abstracted”, is keeping to your own agreement with yourself over time that you won’t drink right now for any reason—that’s realized through concrete actions such as Mizz describes—posting, exercise, sitting with the urge consciously. All work.
I also see quite a bit of myself in Surrendered’s excellent post—that one hits home and I plan to copy it out to read when I’m busy outsmarting myself into a relapse.
Every skirmish won over the AV is a step towards winning the battle—a war of attrition requires longevity and small steps of right action, not overthinking.
This has been a useful thread everyone—thank you!
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,848
I have also been thinking about this thread,, it is so important as it touches some painful truths - it has really mined deep and gold has been found in our responses to Aellyce.
I don't think it would be far fetched to say that there is a bit if Aellyce in all of us, or there was when we were drinkers. I recognise it, the self indulgence, the narcissism, the romanticism, the nihilism, the fatalism - all there and even the destruction felt attractive, back then. And back then, I or you, or any of us would have tossed these comments, words of wisdom aside, or mulled them over and then tossed them aside - I am not sure I 'heard' any of the words of concern when I was a drinker - not until I heard my own small voice screaming to stop.
So I will be saving this thread, because it reminds me of how hollow the seduction of being drunk is, how empty. A lover who fails to satisfy. I really, really hope somewhere here are some words that touch Aellyce and she finds some courage - some faith in herself.
I don't think it would be far fetched to say that there is a bit if Aellyce in all of us, or there was when we were drinkers. I recognise it, the self indulgence, the narcissism, the romanticism, the nihilism, the fatalism - all there and even the destruction felt attractive, back then. And back then, I or you, or any of us would have tossed these comments, words of wisdom aside, or mulled them over and then tossed them aside - I am not sure I 'heard' any of the words of concern when I was a drinker - not until I heard my own small voice screaming to stop.
So I will be saving this thread, because it reminds me of how hollow the seduction of being drunk is, how empty. A lover who fails to satisfy. I really, really hope somewhere here are some words that touch Aellyce and she finds some courage - some faith in herself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,152
Originally Posted by Mizz
Sobriety is not a mystery. Its not an esoteric thing.
The various methods can be talked about in length and analyzed thoroughly but the one thing that every single sober person did to get sober and remain sober was: They made a decision to remain sober when the urge came to drink. They used this forum to talk it through. They went for a walk. They went for a run. They prayed. They sat through the urge and the anxiety or the whatever was going on and they waited for the urge to pass. It is simply that simple. Hard but simple.
The various methods can be talked about in length and analyzed thoroughly but the one thing that every single sober person did to get sober and remain sober was: They made a decision to remain sober when the urge came to drink. They used this forum to talk it through. They went for a walk. They went for a run. They prayed. They sat through the urge and the anxiety or the whatever was going on and they waited for the urge to pass. It is simply that simple. Hard but simple.
Chemically, it is quite easy to explain addiction. Alcohol is NOT "cunning, baffling, and powerful." It's a mindless chemical substance without motive or need. Humans are baffling maybe, but alcohol is not. And I knew that the day I began recovery.
This morning I recalled the simplicity of me wanting to be sober more than I wanted to be drunk. Good God, I wanted it, but like every other alcoholic, I wanted to do it without giving up drinking and without breaking my addiction. But eventually I crossed over that line where I was willing to quit drinking and totally surrender. And that was followed an instant later by committing to life long sobriety. Two things happened at once, and I began the journey. I wanted "out," and I was willing to commit to never taking a drink again (sorry Aellyce). Getting to that point may be hard, although it is essential, and it is NOT rocket science.
Wanting to drink and wanting to be sober are two mutually exclusive needs, and they can't happen together.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 710
Originally Posted by Surrendered19
This is a support forum Aellyce, and you cleverly put up so many barriers to considering and listening to support. You are so much smarter. Your outlook is so nuanced and varied and you are a gifted story teller. You declare that traditional means of support bore you or, more charitably, just do not work on you.
All the sad voice of a desperate drinker who is determined to go down with the firm conviction that nobody could possibly understand the depths of you, what you are like, what your are capable of, your looks, your intellect, your efforts to show that regardless of the sloppy state you find yourself, you are special.
Here's the sad part. We all get it and see you coming a mile away and we speak addict in all of its derivations. When you try to tilt the conversation towards your terminal uniqueness, we're already ahead of you. We've all engaged in the same bs with ourselves and others and it all falls flat.
I hope you can get sober and do it to preserve all of the characteristics in yourself that are special. And even though you use your assets as defensive weapons, you are indeed special. You obviously have the intellect to work it out. I hope you summon the courage to do it.
All the sad voice of a desperate drinker who is determined to go down with the firm conviction that nobody could possibly understand the depths of you, what you are like, what your are capable of, your looks, your intellect, your efforts to show that regardless of the sloppy state you find yourself, you are special.
Here's the sad part. We all get it and see you coming a mile away and we speak addict in all of its derivations. When you try to tilt the conversation towards your terminal uniqueness, we're already ahead of you. We've all engaged in the same bs with ourselves and others and it all falls flat.
I hope you can get sober and do it to preserve all of the characteristics in yourself that are special. And even though you use your assets as defensive weapons, you are indeed special. You obviously have the intellect to work it out. I hope you summon the courage to do it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Originally Posted by Surrendered19
This is a support forum Aellyce, and you cleverly put up so many barriers to considering and listening to support. You are so much smarter. Your outlook is so nuanced and varied and you are a gifted story teller. You declare that traditional means of support bore you or, more charitably, just do not work on you.
All the sad voice of a desperate drinker who is determined to go down with the firm conviction that nobody could possibly understand the depths of you, what you are like, what your are capable of, your looks, your intellect, your efforts to show that regardless of the sloppy state you find yourself, you are special.
Here's the sad part. We all get it and see you coming a mile away and we speak addict in all of its derivations. When you try to tilt the conversation towards your terminal uniqueness, we're already ahead of you. We've all engaged in the same bs with ourselves and others and it all falls flat.
I hope you can get sober and do it to preserve all of the characteristics in yourself that are special. And even though you use your assets as defensive weapons, you are indeed special. You obviously have the intellect to work it out. I hope you summon the courage to do it.
All the sad voice of a desperate drinker who is determined to go down with the firm conviction that nobody could possibly understand the depths of you, what you are like, what your are capable of, your looks, your intellect, your efforts to show that regardless of the sloppy state you find yourself, you are special.
Here's the sad part. We all get it and see you coming a mile away and we speak addict in all of its derivations. When you try to tilt the conversation towards your terminal uniqueness, we're already ahead of you. We've all engaged in the same bs with ourselves and others and it all falls flat.
I hope you can get sober and do it to preserve all of the characteristics in yourself that are special. And even though you use your assets as defensive weapons, you are indeed special. You obviously have the intellect to work it out. I hope you summon the courage to do it.
Terminal uniqueness indeed. That need to be special and different will kill us.
I discovered I wasn't special, unique or different. I let down my fortress of BS I had up to protect me and make me special. I quit drinking. Eleven years ago.
Yes, we can see each other, that's why need other alcoholics.
Thank you, Surrendered. Outstanding post.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,182
I hope you're OK Aellyce, quitting for people like us is hard, people have known that for a century and a half now. You just need to analyse what went wrong - to which the answer is you wanted a drink - and then, in my opinion, you need to do what ever it takes, not to resist the urge to drink but to avoid being in the position of wanting one because the alcoholic or problem drinker can never resist for hour after hour, day after day. Leastways I couldn't.
My 'method' was to get up ridiculously early, go running, do a full day's work and by 8pm I could barely keep my eyes open and only craved fleetingly. It was a kind of analogue method I guess but dodging those cravings was an absolute blessing because until then I thought I was going to lose the battle.
If you look hard enough inside yourself you can find they key to freedom from the alcohol jail. You can Aellyce, you can do it.
My 'method' was to get up ridiculously early, go running, do a full day's work and by 8pm I could barely keep my eyes open and only craved fleetingly. It was a kind of analogue method I guess but dodging those cravings was an absolute blessing because until then I thought I was going to lose the battle.
If you look hard enough inside yourself you can find they key to freedom from the alcohol jail. You can Aellyce, you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
If you like Tool (I love Tool), one of my very favorite songs by them is also about addiction. It’s off the same album and it’s aptly titled, “Bottom”. Which leads me to my point. Maybe you haven’t hit a hard enough bottom. some people are “high-bottom” drunks. A DUI, a breakup or an embarrassing act is enough to open their eyes to their condition. And more importantly to provide the desperation TO GO TO ANY LENGTH to get and stay sober. Maybe you are like me and need to have hardcore trauma, sustained pain and suffering. I sure hope not. In AA they say, “you can put down the shovel and stop digging anytime.” I kept digging.
Alleyce, to me, it seems like you want to work Alleyce’s program. The program that causes the least disruption or hassle to the rest of your life. I tried that countless times. It simply did not work for me. What’s worse is my half-measures lost me over ten years of half-assing my recovery. I think you will have to get dead serious about this with treatment or AA or you’re going to keep digging and become a “low-bottom” drunk. I know you said you’ve tried AA. But did you do 90 meetings in 90 days? Did you get a sponsor, and if that one didn’t work did you get another? Your best efforts got you drunk. And I personally don’t know a single person that got and stayed sober through SMART. But I know many many who did through AA. We have to humble ourselves. We have to do the work. Or we drink.
Compassion is broken now
My will is eroded now
Desire is broken now
It makes me feel ugly
On my knees and burning
My **** and moans are fuel and,
I set my head on fire
Smell my soul is burning
I'm broken
Looking up to see the enemy
And I've swallowed the poison you're feeding me,
But I survive on the poison you're feeding me
Leaving while you're
Guilt, fed
Hatred, fed
Weakness, fed
It makes me feel ugly
On my knees and burning
My **** and moans are fuel and,
I set my head on fire
Dead inside
**** adds up
**** adds up
**** adds up
**** adds up at the bottom
(Henry Rollins spoken word)
If I let you, you would make me destroy myself.
In order to survive you, I must first survive myself.
And I can sink no further, and I cannot forgive you.
There's no choice but to confront you, to engage you, to erase you.
I've gone to great lengths to expand my threshold of pain.
I'll use my mistakes against you.
There's no other choice.
Shameless now, nameless now, nothing now, no one now.
But my soul must be iron.
'Cause my fear is naked.
I'm naked and fearless.
And my fear is naked
Dead inside
Dead inside
Dead inside
Dead inside
Nameless now
Shameless now
Nothing now
No one now
**** adds up
**** adds up
**** adds up
**** adds as you see me,
Naked now
Fearless now
Naked now
Fearless now
**** adds up it leaves me,
Dead inside
Dead inside
Dead inside
Dead inside
Hatred keeps me alive,
How could this keep me alive?
Weakness keeps me alive
Guilt keeps me alive at the bottom
Alleyce, to me, it seems like you want to work Alleyce’s program. The program that causes the least disruption or hassle to the rest of your life. I tried that countless times. It simply did not work for me. What’s worse is my half-measures lost me over ten years of half-assing my recovery. I think you will have to get dead serious about this with treatment or AA or you’re going to keep digging and become a “low-bottom” drunk. I know you said you’ve tried AA. But did you do 90 meetings in 90 days? Did you get a sponsor, and if that one didn’t work did you get another? Your best efforts got you drunk. And I personally don’t know a single person that got and stayed sober through SMART. But I know many many who did through AA. We have to humble ourselves. We have to do the work. Or we drink.
Compassion is broken now
My will is eroded now
Desire is broken now
It makes me feel ugly
On my knees and burning
My **** and moans are fuel and,
I set my head on fire
Smell my soul is burning
I'm broken
Looking up to see the enemy
And I've swallowed the poison you're feeding me,
But I survive on the poison you're feeding me
Leaving while you're
Guilt, fed
Hatred, fed
Weakness, fed
It makes me feel ugly
On my knees and burning
My **** and moans are fuel and,
I set my head on fire
Dead inside
**** adds up
**** adds up
**** adds up
**** adds up at the bottom
(Henry Rollins spoken word)
If I let you, you would make me destroy myself.
In order to survive you, I must first survive myself.
And I can sink no further, and I cannot forgive you.
There's no choice but to confront you, to engage you, to erase you.
I've gone to great lengths to expand my threshold of pain.
I'll use my mistakes against you.
There's no other choice.
Shameless now, nameless now, nothing now, no one now.
But my soul must be iron.
'Cause my fear is naked.
I'm naked and fearless.
And my fear is naked
Dead inside
Dead inside
Dead inside
Dead inside
Nameless now
Shameless now
Nothing now
No one now
**** adds up
**** adds up
**** adds up
**** adds as you see me,
Naked now
Fearless now
Naked now
Fearless now
**** adds up it leaves me,
Dead inside
Dead inside
Dead inside
Dead inside
Hatred keeps me alive,
How could this keep me alive?
Weakness keeps me alive
Guilt keeps me alive at the bottom
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Thank you all very much for the responses. It's helpful to hear how I come across to you overall, paints a very accurate picture of the effects of active alcoholism. It was just like any other of my binges: went on for a day, then feeling very sick and wasting the rest of the day, still have an awful headache and no energy, but at least these symptoms keep it fresh a bit longer what I do to myself.
I don't really have much to add, you have said it all, just wanted to say I've read all of the posts and am even surprised people here have the motivation to respond to me so much in depth, at this point. I could say, once again, that this time will be different, share my plans etc, but have done that a few times before, it would only be more empty words unless I can demonstrate any real change. I absolutely agree that I need to be more serious and try this harder, and it can only come from me, don't think any particular program will make a difference if I don't do my part. It is indeed a choice, and nothing/no one else can make and execute that for me.
I don't really have much to add, you have said it all, just wanted to say I've read all of the posts and am even surprised people here have the motivation to respond to me so much in depth, at this point. I could say, once again, that this time will be different, share my plans etc, but have done that a few times before, it would only be more empty words unless I can demonstrate any real change. I absolutely agree that I need to be more serious and try this harder, and it can only come from me, don't think any particular program will make a difference if I don't do my part. It is indeed a choice, and nothing/no one else can make and execute that for me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Arizona, USA
Posts: 1,598
Alleyce, you’re not defective. You are probably an alcoholic. Starting and stopping. Having trouble staying stopped, for a lot of us that is the reality. I venture to say if quitting was easy then maybe this board with thousands of members wouldn’t even exist. Each person’s “membership” to SR is a nod to the fact that this is hard. Confusingly hard. Counter-intuitively hard. You’re not worse than anyone. Not giving it your all? I didn’t give it my all, I still don’t many days. But something has to change for you.
I have my suspicions but I think the best thing for you now is to get a sponsor and come clean. Get honest ASAP. It’s clear you want sobriety. But it just may not come on the terms you want. And the truthiest truth there is is that it is far important you receive what you need now and not what you want.
I have my suspicions but I think the best thing for you now is to get a sponsor and come clean. Get honest ASAP. It’s clear you want sobriety. But it just may not come on the terms you want. And the truthiest truth there is is that it is far important you receive what you need now and not what you want.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Aellyce
I don't really have much to add, you have said it all, just wanted to say I've read all of the posts and am even surprised people here have the motivation to respond to me so much in depth, at this point. I could say, once again, that this time will be different, share my plans etc, but have done that a few times before, it would only be more empty words unless I can demonstrate any real change. I absolutely agree that I need to be more serious and try this harder, and it can only come from me, don't think any particular program will make a difference if I don't do my part. It is indeed a choice, and nothing/no one else can make and execute that for me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,413
Do you currently have any / many close intimate friendships Aellyce, or have you isolated so much (like I did) that you don’t have people who really know you or care deeply about you at this stage of your life?
Some real life support would be invaluable if you could find a way to reconnect, or make connections with physical human beings that aren’t in a therapist’s office—it has its place, but that venue seems to be problematic for you.
I called and reconnected with a long-lost friend from childhood that I had not spoken to for years due to my / our drinking. It has really helped ground me back in the human race, as much as I can be given my penchant to live in my mind.
I get this sense that you are lonely and maybe something like getting past superficial level with someone might help. I don’t mean seeking intellectual affirmation (or romantic), but just reaching but sharing some fears and asking for support—
It wouldn’t even have to be about drinking at first—maybe concerns about your new business and leaving academia, etc. Or maybe just getting together to walk in Central Park, have lunch, get to know somebody you know already better, and share a little of your emotional self. Not dumping, just exploring.
Maybe I misunderstand your situation, but you come across as so distant emotionally to me and that can be a hard place to build a life. This is something I am also trying to “add in” as I always was pretty central in my social circle when younger, and I am somewhat bewildered how to make deeper friendships as someone over 50 coming back from decades of drinking.
Wishing you the best—
Some real life support would be invaluable if you could find a way to reconnect, or make connections with physical human beings that aren’t in a therapist’s office—it has its place, but that venue seems to be problematic for you.
I called and reconnected with a long-lost friend from childhood that I had not spoken to for years due to my / our drinking. It has really helped ground me back in the human race, as much as I can be given my penchant to live in my mind.
I get this sense that you are lonely and maybe something like getting past superficial level with someone might help. I don’t mean seeking intellectual affirmation (or romantic), but just reaching but sharing some fears and asking for support—
It wouldn’t even have to be about drinking at first—maybe concerns about your new business and leaving academia, etc. Or maybe just getting together to walk in Central Park, have lunch, get to know somebody you know already better, and share a little of your emotional self. Not dumping, just exploring.
Maybe I misunderstand your situation, but you come across as so distant emotionally to me and that can be a hard place to build a life. This is something I am also trying to “add in” as I always was pretty central in my social circle when younger, and I am somewhat bewildered how to make deeper friendships as someone over 50 coming back from decades of drinking.
Wishing you the best—
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