Delilah1

Hi John,

First, good for you for prioritizing your mental health by separating from relationships that haven’t been healthy. It isn’t easy to do with family, but sometimes necessary. I have had to do this with my brother, and also a few toxic in laws. The older I’ve gotten the more I have not worried about people being upset that I am not attending an event, or choosing to be at a function where I don’t feel respected.

I think looking for some activities where you can meet others would be great. Also, have you looked to see if there are cancer support groups in your area? That might be another way to build a network or yourself, send also to have others dealing with the same things as you to talk to. Some other thoughts are book clubs, hiking/running clubs, take cooking class, volunteer at a local museum, or library. I have a group of people who I consider family, even though they’re not technically related to me, hopefully you can start to build this as well.

❤️ Delilah

Rar

I don’t know how old you are John, but for sure you’ll have plenty to do in a senior community. I live in one and I could be busy almost every minute of every day. When you pick an interest or activity, you get to know the folks with similar interests. Plus, you’ll find many of those people cross into other groups. I’m primarily involved in my ladies golf group, but many of the same ladies play Mahjongg, shuffleboard, bocce ball, cards, or hang out at the pool. You’ll love it John. I think it would be perfect for you.

As Boondock points out, there’s the Senior Center too. Before we moved to Florida, I joined our local senior center and made many friends. I went every day and participated in water aerobics on a regular basis and one of the senior exercise classes. There’s usually plenty of activities and I found the same people go most every day. Every now and again I would have lunch there or hang out with a cup of coffee.

2muchpain

There's a senior community center not too far from me. Their website doesn't give much information. I'll drop by next week to see what they offer. John

Boondock

I hope it works out good John. Our community center here has activities for all age groups. I was in the men's basketball league for 2 years and I used to play pick-up pickle ball there a couple times a week. My dad who is a boomer has been in the senior softball league a few years now and has met many new friends. I met a lot of people from around town when I was hanging out there so every where I go Publix, Walmart, Home Depot I end up seeing someone I knew from the community center. Good luck my friend.

2muchpain

I checked out senior softball leagues in my area. Covid pretty much cancelled everything until September, but found a lot of other resources for other stuff. Might just work!!!! Thanks john

Rar

^ I had the same positive experience with the senior center. Let us know how it works out.

2muchpain

Well, I went to the senior community center. Turns out it's closed due to covid. Hoping to try the place out with Bingo Night. At least I tried. Can't seem to get a break. I tried AA for many years and got nowhere. No offense to AA, but the people there are very cliquish, probably for good reason. Like I said before, tried Boomers Abroad. Couldn't afford the prices. You'd think traveling in a group would lower prices to travel. Go figure. Senior baseball leagues are coming up in September, so maybe that will work out. Not giving up but maybe for now, expanding my interests solo might be all that's left. Can't seem to break out of this isolation. Really feel sorry for the seniors that are in my situation. I doubt if my situation is rare. Can see why alcoholism and drug abuse are very common in people my age. John

BackandScared

Just sending you a big virtual hug. I am in awe of how much you have overcome by yourself. There are no excuses when it is only you; no shoulders to lean on, no one to lash out. All the merit is also yours, but I get it must be very difficult and lonely at times.

If you keep opening your eyes to socialising, you will find a way. I have just started ice-skating. While I have a family I do tend to be alone and isolate. Even for exercising my preferred (only) option is running. Someone suggested skating a few months back and I immediately dismissed it; then I thought I could try even at my age. I discovered many people of all ages, backgrounds and shapes. I don't need to be funny or entertaining or anything because the main activity is skating, not talking; very slowly I have got to know a couple of persons a bit more and now I look forward to it.

2muchpain

Pretty emotionally tired right now. Not much left in the tank. Tired of trying and getting no where. John

MythOfSisyphus

It's okay to be tired! Just do what you can for now, and keep an open mind.