Cornishman

off the wagon again and on the drink for one week, one week feeling extremely ill and sober, today (8th day sober) feeling human again.

Every time is the last time when I'm at this stage, but the Old Laughing Lady (Neil Young reference) is always there to pour if I let her.

Anna

Oh Cornishman, I'm sorry. Good job on Day 8 and I'm glad you're feeling better.

Do you know why you decided to drink? Is it something you could avoid in the future?

I'm glad you're back.

doggonecarl

And what are you doing--recovery wise--to ensure this is the last time besides drawing on your current misery and white knuckling it?

Cornishman

Same as every time really. Walking, running, recovering. I've been about 80% sober in the last 3 years but the 20% has been bad. I don't know how to avoid it happening again, I wish I did.

Cornishman

Thanks. I don't really think I decided to... Who knows?

Boondock

So your here to say you've had a horrible detox and it's only a matter of time before you have another one?

Cornishman

I suppose so, but it's not my intention to relapse. Just what's happened before.

silentrun

I could relate with what you said. I was able to escape alcohol the first time but my sugar addiction continues to grow. I can be doing great then something happens and my mind just flips out of that groove Im in and Im back to my old ways. I never understood no mental defense against the first drink but Im sure I would had I kept drinking because that's how it feels with sugar.

Any advise from people that were up against that would be appreciated.

Boondock

I relapsed over and over again for 5 years. My binges became heavier and heavier until my last one which lasted about 6 weeks of around the clock vodka drinking. The detox from that was absolutely horrific and borderline full blown DT's. I do not recommend!!! You can stop if your willing.

advbike

Sorry to hear Cornishman. Just get back on again. If you are serious about permanent abstinence then look at Rational Recovery or SMART or AA. Sometimes we just need more than willpower. I apologize in advance if you are already using one of those programs.

QUOTE=silentrun;7649259]I could relate with what you said. I was able to escape alcohol the first time but my sugar addiction continues to grow. I can be doing great then something happens and my mind just flips out of that groove Im in and Im back to my old ways. I never understood no mental defense against the first drink but Im sure I would had I kept drinking because that's how it feels with sugar.

Any advise from people that were up against that would be appreciated.[/QUOTE]

Sugar is really hard for me too, more difficult than quitting alcohol. Had the craving since I was a kid. I think the only way to eliminate it is to go hard core - removing fruit, juice, tomato sauce, cereal and all of that. I eat oatmeal for example, no honey, but I have to put fruit in it. And a couple times a week I feel almost woozy with cravings and the urge to drink becomes really strong unless I go get a gelato or soda. Then I'm fine. So I stay locked into the sugar cycle. The two are so intertwined for me that when I used to have a couple glasses of wine with dinner, the only way to stop was to have a sweet dessert.

Let's not hijack this thread further though, PM me or post a new thread and I will respond Silentrun.

Cornishman

Detoxes / withrdrawals do seem to get worse each time - halucinosis, burning pains, nausea, insomnia or brief sleep and waking gasping for breath, and of course crippling anxiety. It's hard to believe at this moment that I will put myself through that again.

Dee74

Hey Cornishman

A recovery plan is a great idea for everyone.
Think about changes you can make to your life and think about the support you need - and use it.

Without a plan we risk reverting to default, and if that default is drinking, sooner or later...

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post5314914 (Recovery Programs & What to Expect (What We Did))

D

advbike

That sounds really rough. It does get worse I think, for all of us, with time. Have you used AA or SMART?

Cornishman

Hi. I've tried AA; it wasn't a good fit for me. Maybe I'll try something else. I think everyone is right and you need something else on your side or it doesn't go away. Bit like ignoring a toothache that comes and goes!

2ndhandrose

Well the good thing is you are on a SoberRecovery website filled with wise and experienced people in the art of recovery!

Part of my recovery includes being involved here, posting or just reading. Taking to heart the things that resonate with me. Educating myself about myself has proven invaluable and the collective wisdom on SR has helped enormously.

Steely

Sorry you drank Cornishman, but happy to see you've clocked up 8 days.

I don't have any brilliant strategy to remain stopped, just memories of "hallucinosis; burning pains; nausea; insomnia; and waking gasping for breath; crippling anxiety." Now, whenever I feel the urge to 'escape' to another place, I play the tape forward, and remember the reality.

I remember accurately what it was like and refuse to minimise. Never want to go to the place ever again, and ask myself why would I want to do that to myself, and want better, even if it's hard work sometimes.

I ask myself, "what is the plan"? And even if I don't have one, I know that I should, so I distract with something, and the urge passes. Live to fight another day. And I'm always grateful. My feelings of self worth improved. The plan when you don't have a plan.

Eight days is great Cornishman keep going with the prize insight. Tell Old Laughing Lady she's gotten old now, and you've moved on to better company.

Keep the faith.

Hevyn

'When she leaves, she leaves nothing at all'. Except emptiness & regret.
This can be the very last time you go through this.
Congratulations on your 8 sober days. We are with you, Cornishman.

dustyfox

Hi Cornishman - ( Wonderful to be reminded of that beautiful County) Well done on 8 days sober that is great news and hopefully it will continue - I was wondering if you have anything that motivates you to keep sober, apart from not having to continually go through a detox. - I ask because for me it was wanting to be the best person I could be, and in fact just alive, for my children - and to to get rid of the feeling of 'shame' which is such a crippling emotion. 4 weeks sober and I have lost the feeling of shame - it's a good feeling - Anyway I do hope you stick with it and keep posting.

ScottFromWI

Yes, addiction is definitely not something that just "goes away". If you treat it like that, then yes - you'll get pretty much the same results you are getting now. Take a look at your posting habits here for example - somwhat erratic and large gaps of several weeks in between. It doesn't really matter if you use AA or SR or any other recovery plan - if you don't follow through they won't work.

Ah yes, and about "fit". Most of the recovery programs I tried the first time around didn't seem to be a good fit for me either, but that was mostly because every one of them required me to fully accept that drinking is not an option anymore. Every sobriety plan requires a pledge/promise/surrender of some kind, and also requires you to do a lot of things you really don't want to do. But again, it's just like anything - you need to do the work to get the results. You can buy a plan to build a house and all the tools, but if you don't get your hands dirty and pound in the nails every day, you'll never have a house.

The increasing severity of hangovers/withdrawals is referred to as "Kindling" by some. No one really knows why it happens, but it definitely does. I had hangovers for decades, but in the last year of my drinking things took a serious turn for the worse and I started having serious withdrawals I had never had before - heart palpitations, dangerously high blood pressure, multiple trips to the ER, etc. And literally the shift happened in about 6 months after 25 year drinking career. While rare, withdrawals can become so severe that seizures, strokes and even cardiac arrest can take place. So yes, the main point is that you really have no idea what the next round is going to be like....very high stakes when you are rolling the dice at this stage.

Mizz

I've relapsed countless times over the last decade. Each relapse gave me more insight. Each return to alcohol became more severe. Recovery from alcoholism is so damn hard when a person is in the thick of it. So what is different this time? What ensures I do not relapse? In order for me to stay content in my life I have to nurture every aspect of myself and I need to grow in all aspects. The mental, emotional, physical and spiritual all require daily maintenance.

When I got sober this go round I knew the structure I had before kept me sober for almost one year. So, I reset myself and put myself into that structure again.

Wake up and drink coffee and log onto SR. Check in on the morning thread.
Morning readings
Morning practice (Nichiren Buddhism)
Run or lift weights or both
Work
Get home and log onto SR for a check in.
Bath and dinner
Evening Practice
Bedtime with a series or readings

Rinse and repeat
Rinse and repeat
Rinse and repeat
Rinse and repeat

so far so sober and have an immense amount of faith and determination to remain sober.

Find what works and run towards it. Do not be defeated. You will succeed. You will conquer this challenge. You have the power to change your life.