BeABetterMan

A friend and I took our kids to the beach for a week for vacation. Another friend joined us. I ended up bodysurfing with my friend's daughter. We kept getting swept down the beach and into some very rough waters. And what were normal waves turned into very violent waves that were relentlessly crashing. My friend's daughter got separated from her board and we suddenly found ourselves struggling for our lives. I gave her my board, but I started going under. We were trying to help each other but we were also trying to survive. At least once I had to push her off of me because she was pulling me under. We ended up surviving (obviously), but it was really traumatic. I have a lot of guilt, shame, etc. I am really struggling with what must be PTSD. I feel like that girl or I could have easily lost our life. I almost drowned once about 20 years ago too. I am not doing well with this and was wondering what I can to do cope.

I will mention, that I relapsed yesterday (alcohol) and it might have been because of the trauma...I don't know. I have so much guilt and fear.

Has anyone had a near death experience similar to this? Can you relate to the feelings I'm feeling?

Surrendered19

That is very traumatic BABM and that might be with you for a while. Like all trauma of any kind, it will get a bit better each day. Maybe not even enough to notice, but you will heal with care to your wounds. I am glad you realize it and want to deal with it. Talk to others, the people you took the trip with, the girl who was with you in the water. I think talking about it is key. If you can do that, then it stays real and you can see the monster in front of you. If we bury things like that in our nag-headed heads, they inevitably get bigger and scarier than they actually are.

I'm sorry you drank man, but maybe it can be just the one day? I hope you can stay sober today and begin to heal from what you have been through.

BeABetterMan

Thanks Surrendered, I'm glad you responded. My relapse will be short-lived. But I'm really in a bad way. I said some inappropriate things to a co-worker when I drank yesterday. Couple that with the trauma of the near-drowning and I feel very much like a failure. I don't like my life right now, I don't like the person I am. Even sober I'm not a very good/happy person. *%&$

Sober45

I almost drowned in a pubic swimming pool. I've had a lot of traumatic "sudden" experiences in my life. To this day I'm overreactive.

I try to differentiate between the "experience" and my "reaction to the experience". I will always have some level of control over my reactions and I do it by choosing my thoughts.

Here's an example. I was molested by my favorite uncle when I was 11. I hid it and despised him for a very long time. The feelings I had were eating me alive. But in my late 20's, I turned it around. I started looking at the motivations behind molestation and realized it's an illness. He is a sick man. Today I feel pitty for him. He touched my body but only God can touch my soul.

I'm just glad you both survived and you're here sharing. You know this is the type of thing the AV feeds off of. Trauma is the AV's best friend.

You say your relapse will be short-lived which tells me you are living in the relapse right now. I hope you get back on the sober train soon, BABM.

Sending calming vibes your way

ScottFromWI

Glad you are safe BABM. I've been through some pretty serous trauma myself in the past and there are definitely things you can do to help you through it, therapy being the main one I would recommend. Drinking is pretty obviously not going to help at all, and in fact it makes things worse usually. I'd strongly recommend keeping the issues separate and distinct as addiction will find any scrap of hope to cling on to in order to keep you drinking.

Hevyn

I'm so glad you're ok! How terrifying it must have been, & hard to recover from.

It's understandable that you fell back on alcohol. We've always considered it our friend & comforter - a way to cope with bad things. I don't think I'd expect it to help me today - probably because I finally know it only makes me more anxious when it wears off.

As Surrendered mentioned, talking about it is important - and I'm glad you posted what happened here. We're with you. You are not a failure - you're still learning & growing.

Surrendered19

Go easy on yourself BABM. You are tired, hung over, drinking and dealing with recent trauma. You aren't in any shape to reach any conclusions about the state of the union right now. When you have some sober time, you don't feel so down on yourself more than a moment here and there, like the rest of us do. But right now your AV smells blood in the water and wants you to conclude that there is no hope, hence no reason not to drink. Don't fall for it man.

Gabe1980

I'm really sorry to hear that you went through that BABM - it's sounds totally terrifying and it's not surprising at all that you are struggling. I think therapy would really help too. Might be worth having a look around to see what would be available in your area, by way of trauma support.

Be kind to yourself. You'll figure out your way through this. Sending love xx

Boondock

Sorry to hear that, dinking's not gonna help...I grew up and still live around the ocean sounds to me like it could have been a rip current many people lose their lives to them yearly. If it was a rip current your not supposed to fight it. Let it take you out and it will release you a little off shore and then you can swim back in around it...Hopefully that will help you come to terms with it. There's no shame here the ocean can be dangerous.

lessgravity

Sorry to hear you went through that. Since you are asking if others can relate - yes I can relate to a near-death trauma. But what brought you here, and what needs immediate attention, is your decision to drink over it. The guilt and fear you are experiencing, along with the self-doubt and self-criticism, are only exacerbated and heightened by drinking. What might feel like a remedy for those feelings, or a break from them, is really just going to make things harder and more painful. You can pour the rest of the booze out today. Do that for your self. It's the decision your psyche and spirit want you to make.

Rar

Good one, Less. Very true for all of us.

Steely

You will pick yourself up BABM. You've already said it will be short lived aberration. I believe you.

I nearly drowned in the surf. Got hit in the head by my surfboard and was knocked unconscious. Remember hearing panpipes, as daisies passed by my eyes. Luckily someone dragged me out. Very scary indeed.

Steer clear of the undertoad.

You'll get back on track BABM. So glad you and your friend survived. Live to fight another day.

The feelings of regret and sorrow will pass.

Anna

BABM, that sounds so scary. I'm glad you and your daughter's friend are safe.

Surrendered is right - talk about to people who were there, to your daughter, to her friend and to anyone who you think will listen. The talking about it will help you.

I'm sorry about what happened with your co-worker. And, I know how miserable and low alcohol can make you feel. This is a time to be kind to yourself and to take care of yourself. And, we're here for you, as much and as often as you need to talk about this.

Dee74

I’ve almost drowned twice and that last time was a rip like that. Lucky my Dad was around. And lucky we both made it out.

But yeah 40 years on I still sometimes wake up from a dream not being able to breathe.

It is traumatic - but self abuse is not the right treatment for trauma BABM. Reach out to a counsellor, reach out to your AA mates.

That tense is making me nervous. Make it past tense man.

Your Inner addict is the supreme opportunist. It will use anything. - even something like this - to make you feel like nothing matters, you don’t matter...so why not drink.

You’re not a bad guy BABM. Counselling may also help you unravel this self hatred, self loathing thing.

Pick yourself up. Get help, make amends to your co-worker, and give thanks that you and everyone else, including all the kids, survived.

Survived to get another chance at living life right...right?

As I was reading your post, I initially thought you were using the rip as a metaphor for addiction.

Put the booze down and get help before you get sucked down by a different but just as deadly rip, BABM.

D

RAL

I'm sorry you've been through such an awful experience. I hope you stop drinking soon and can start to heal

stickyone

Sorry to hear about that. I am happy that you and your friends daughter are okay. I too also deal with PTSD it stuck with me for years. Flash memories constantly going through my mind. I still deal with them today. I went to seek help from a medical professional that had experience with my line of duty. For me it was normal for me to feel this way if I was numb too it then I would be a psycho path. Take care of yourself BABM your post have really help me get beyond my 2 week program.

Scd619x

I've had a lot of trauma in my life, most of my own making. A couple of traumas i can just about feel ok about is being there for when my grandson almost died in hospital and when my mother started haemorrhaging at home and i manged to get her to hospital in time. These were absolutely, in my mind, out of my control and impossible for me to label as my fault, so no blame, shame, or guilt

Rest of the traumas in my life i am able to lay at my feet even though anyone else would objectively say they were not. I don't know if that is where you are coming from or not but that's my big thing, if i can take responsibility for it, feel like crap because of it, feel guilt because of it, feel shame because of it etc i am there! Your story reads that you saved yourself and your friends daughter, and tbh to anyone that was there i'm pretty sure that would be a fact. But that is no good to me! How the hell am i going to feel as i should saving somebody!

My thoughts for what they are worth. Eat, sleep, be kind to yourself!

doggonecarl

Glad you are okay. How's the young lady coping?

Steely

This thread has reminded me of all the times I've been in the surf intoxicated. I was sober during near drowning experience, but have even gone out in the dark. I must have had a death wish.

Hope you are starting to feel better BABM. Yesterday's calendar not rule today.

BeABetterMan

The girl is no worse for wear apparently. I guess because I'm the adult and gave her my board and just basically did what I could to save her maybe it wasn't as traumatic for her?? I checked in with her mom to see how she was and it basically was a non-issue.

* The irony, is the way I met the girl, was through her mom, was through rehab almost 7 years ago. I love her mom very much. We are kindred spirits. Upon "graduation" of the IOP when everyone had to say "goodbye" to me she started crying because she was really sad about how ****** up my childhood was and what not. Our recovery has been really tied together. We've went to meetings together, we've used together. It's a thing. Interestingly, it turns out, our kids go to the same school and our peer group is really tight. That little girl (age 11?) was everything to me in that moment. I was going to die. That was the decision I made. There was a lot to it. It was terrifying and I'm still reeling. Was God there?