MaxVano

Thanks for all the support. On my last post, I was using voice to text on my droid phone, it's bad, like "dog" instead of "doc." I wasn't drunk, though reading my post makes it look that way. Sorry for all the typos, but I can't edit it now for some reason.

Oh geez, I want a beer so badly! It's so hard to imagine life without the stuff, but at the same time, I know that it's killing me. It's 8:30PM here in Idaho, gonna watch TV with the kids and then go to bed early. I hope everyone has a great night or day depending where you are.

Max

least

You can only edit a post for 15 minutes after you post it, then it's permanent.

I understand what it's like to desire the thing that's so bad for you. It was hard for me in the first few months sober. At around 3 months sober I posted that I 'wasn't feeling it'. Was not finding any joy in sobriety. I cannot remember who made the suggestion, but I was advised to start practicing gratitude every day. It was hard at first cause I was trying to clean up the mess I'd made of my life and improve myself. But I forced myself to be grateful.

Eventually it became a habit and being grateful became a natural feeling/part of me. And it makes me happier too. Here's an article about how gratitude rewards us. We even have a whole forum devoted to Gratitude. Feel free to post there with anything you're thankful for, big or small.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0

JADIII

Hey Max, hope all is well today. I sent you a private message this morning just an FYI

fishkiller

Hey Max glad your still sober.

Those cravings will get much weaker once you get some time away and get a plan together for dealing with them when they come..

Stick around here and keep up the good work

DriGuy

I actually felt better, but that was emotional. I do think I started paying attention to minor body signals, like a twinge of pain here or an odd feeling there. I remember wondering if I was just paying more attention so that my AV could make it into a reason for going back to drinking.

Fusion

Hi Max, I'm glad you found SR. Yes, I always feel worse after stopping drinking, I've thought it was the result of noticing pains and symptoms after the alcohol anaesthetisation wore off. But the last time, I reframed the 'worseness' as my body going into overdrive to heal itself. Like when I have the flu, I have aches and pains, and my body just wants me to curl up and rest, I have no energy, but meanwhile, my body is working behind the scenes, fighting it off. So the yuckiness is feeling initially worse, to feel better?

Hevyn

Max - I somehow missed your first post. It's so good to have you with us.
I drank 30 yrs. too. Finding SR made all the difference - not feeling alone anymore really helped me get free.
Congratulations on your decision to get sober & make this huge change in your life.

MaxVano

Thank you! And thank you all.

I'm 10 days w/o booze and still going. It's been months since I went 10 days w/o it. It feels kind of good.

Hevyn

It's wonderful - very proud of you.

dustyfox

Brilliant Max! I know you are suffering with physical pain and tiredness - but I bet 10 days w/o feels great!
As you know, I am still suffering pain in my body even after nearly 4 weeks, but it IS so worth it - keep motivated, keep posting, keep close to people who want you to succeed.

least

Ten days sober is great! You're done with the physical withdrawal and can now concentrate on defeating the voice in your head that says "just one will be fine..."

Outonthetiles

You can do this, Max Vano!

someday147

Well done on 10 days Max we are with you all the way!

Boondock

Good job Max!!!

MaxVano

Thanks everyone! I'm 11 days in, or out depending on how you think about it. I actually feel a little bit better today except for the blistering headache, actually today it's more like a bludgeoning headache. Never ending thirst is also a problem, but at least I'm peeing like crazy to hopefully get the toxins moving out of my system. I've been on again off again on something called furosemide and also spironolactone, and of course the requisite potassium chloride supplement that you have to take if you are taking furosemide, which I believe is lasix. They should call furosemide, ferocious-mide because shortly after I take it in the morning, I have to go so bad that it's not even funny. And usually before I'm back out to the desk and my home office I have to go again and again and again, it's almost comical but it's not. I have noticed that the distal edema, AKA lower leg edema, lower leg swelling if you will, has gone down considerably in my right foot and lower leg in just 11 days. My left calf and foot are still larger than normal but have gone down quite a bit. It's an encouraging sign, because that tells me that my liver isn't completely shot. If my liver was completely shot, just taking the water pills if you will, the furosemide and spironolactone wouldn't be enough to pull enough fluid off. So I'm hoping that when I go back to see my hepatologist, hopefully here soon, as I'm still very reticent to do so, he won't have such bad news for me. He's definitely going to be mad at me for not going in sooner. I will call next week schedule an appointment to get the blood work and I think they want to do another ultrasound on my liver. Because I'm at that stage they want to surveil my liver and blood work every 3 to 6 months depending on where I'm at. I can tell you that having an endoscopy where the anesthesia doesn't quite do the job and you remember everything that you're not supposed to, such is having the scope rammed down your throat and turned around in your stomach, should be enough to make anyone quit drinking. That just shows how powerful this drug is.

Sorry for the ramble, I really am thankful for this forum. And I will try to touch base everyday.

​​​​​​I have some good news, I was upset about my last contract ending a bit prematurely, however the company that hired me on the last contract has reached out to me and their VP of talent acquisition or whatever they call them these days wants to have a phone meeting with me on Monday to discuss further work with them. I don't know how I did it but even though I was drinking through most of the project I was able to do well. I'll keep everyone posted. It's Friday early evening at just before 4:00 p.m. here, I hope you are all doing well wherever and whenever you are at.

Max