Nine12Twenty

I lingered on this forum on and off for several years. I’d have a few brief dry spells of anywhere from a few days to a personal best of 6 weeks. The idea of “forever quitting” just seemed daunting as I’m “only” in my mid 30s. I’d always think that I had myself under control and could proceed with moderate drinking. But after almost 7 years of daily maintenance drinking, that just wasn’t happening.

In a story for another time, I finally hit my rockiest Detox/Relapse/Detox cycle ever. I blacked out for much of a week. I know I experienced some legit DT symptoms. And I finally sought a medically supervised detox. I also spent a week in a detox facility, gaining some much needed perspective , and targeting my anxiety with some medication (which was the main thing I was suppressing/masking with my maintenance drinking)

I really scared myself straight this time. As I sat with a counselor before discharging from the center and we talked about my plans.. I had never been more confident of anything in my life as I was by saying that I was DONE drinking - because I was/am petrified to. I know alcoholism is progressive, and let’s just say I don’t want to relive that week again let alone something worse.

I. Can’t. Drink. Anymore. Full stop!

It’s not something I’m able to do. Because I can’t moderate and I don’t want to ever go down that path again. I’m too afraid.

But I think the biggest tell-tale sign that this time was for real was that.. I stopped counting days. Every previous attempt was like a milestone trudge.. 1 day.. 2 days... A week felt like a tortuous eternity.

But once I ruled it out of my life, it was a totally different experience. The cravings and other symptoms were not as intense and it was like an epiphany - every time I would pass a milestone, it was more like “Oh yea! I almost forgot it’s been _____ long! That’s cool”


That was 9 months ago

I have such a lack of interest in ever going back, I can be around it without any issues. I never poured my old stash down the drain, and 0 temptations in 9 months.

I’m so done!

least

Welcome to the family, or rather, welcome back! Congrats on nine months sober!

Boondock

There's nothing like a horrific detox experience to scare some sense into you....I know because I've been there and right now that's my main motivation.....good for you that's awesome!!

Steely

Congratulations on 9 months Nine12.

The penny dropped for me too. I wanted it, saw it as loss no longer.

Very grateful that those terrible days are behind me.

We made it. Gonna keep making it.

Hevyn

9 months is wonderful, Nine. I loved your post & look forward to hearing more.

TheHook210

I could have literally written so much of that myself. I’m also a mid thirties drinker and I have also never been so sure in my life that I am DONE. My main issue was binge drinking 3 or 4 nights a week. I’ve lost so much time, so many memories and spent so many days wasted and miserable, sucked at my job, sucked as a wife. It’s just flat out not worth it anymore. Wishing you a wonderful sober future.

Dee74

Welcome NineTwelveTwenty

That sounds like a very rough detox - glad you are ok.

congrats on 9 months!

D

ciowa

Congratulations on your recovery. Like you I haven't had any urges in my 2 years of sobriety and I also decided I would never drink again. That meant letting go of some situations and people but I accepted it. I think I don't have urges because drinking isn't an option for me. It's not something that occurs to me to do as a response any more

brighterday1234

Congratulations on 9 months sober!

Gabe1980

9 months sober is Awesome - well done!

That sounds truly terrifying and I'm glad you are okay x

DriGuy

9/12,
Your experience is so much like mine. Knowing you can never go back, and realizing you will never drink with moderation was something you learned from your own experience. This is actually a big deal, because many alcoholics don't learn that critical knowledge, not even in 7 years of daily maintenance drinking.

Scd619x

That's amazing progress. Please stick around and keep letting us know how you are getting on. Congrats

D122y

I quit once when I was 27. I had the desire, but I didn't have the knowledge.

Specifically, the part about dopamine, endorphins etc.

Once I realized that eventually those things return in spades, e.g. happy like a 4 year old for no reason, I was able to make it through the depression etc. I felt while normalizing. This process took the better part of 4 years.

I don't know if they returned when I quit at 27. I don't know if they fully returned for you either.

Sounds like they are there though. I don't know if they will strengthen in time. Everyone is different.

I know that a relapse will quickly, if not immediately, erase the progress I have made over the last 6 years.

Like you, I am never going to find out.

I didn't just quit drinking. I have been reborn as a non drinker. I was a non drinker all the time, I just didn't know it.

Feels mighty good. Mighty good.

Thanks.

Zebra1275

Welcome!

comewhatmay

Congratulations! I applaud you for taking control of your life and getting sober. Just goes to show, sometimes a dose of fear can actually be good for you and a strong motivator! There really is a very good life to be lived without alcohol. Thanks for writing this post and best of luck.

enaiddes

You’re in fine shape and have been given the gift of conviction and determination.

So you’re doing yourself such a huge favor with regard to your health and your life.

Alcohol completely ruins one’s health and totally defeats any thoughts of bettering yourself or ability to create a good life for one’s self. I know . . . it happened to me !

Anna

Nine months of recovery is great. Thanks for posting and letting us know how you're doing.

silentrun

Congratulations. I get what you mean about being petrified. How are you experiencing the nine month mark? That was a huge time frame for me. It was full of leaps so far forward I had a few moments of my mind doing some mystical derealization thing because I couldn't keep up.