I blew it
 

5 months of sobriety, and my husband's birthday blowout. I drank. I am so sad. My brother's birthday is today. He was a quadrapegic who died at 54. I quit drinking so I wouldn't die bfore I was 70, but I guess I can't handle life and **** anymore. But I have reasons to live, including my amazing daughter.

Hi Elly

I’m sorry you drank - but it was one battle not the whole war. :)

You can pick yourself up and start afresh, without losing anything you have accomplished or learned in those 5 months.

You can learn to deal with stress, being around drinkers, and negotiating sad anniversaries, sober.

Think of this as new improved recovery - Recovery 2.0 :)

D

Well you can afford to be sad, no problem, but that doesn't detract from the 5 months sober you achieved.

So why did you drink? You need to know, and that's an answer only you can honestly give. I had a great counsellor years and years ago, amazing guy., and he would say to me, when i got 5 months sober and drank again that it is much better than the 24 hours and drink again that you had before! Don't beat yourself up, eat well, get some sleep. Your new 5 months is going to include a personal self discovery of why you drink, that will keep you protected from taking that first one. You are doing great.

I've done same Elly. Many of us have, and we learn from it, so not totally wasted.

I've relapsed many times Elly and it took me this type of learning to finally understand that I could not tolerate alcohol in any amount. Any state of mind.

Funny how we think it'll be ok to just have a couple in celebration. In sadness. And then tomorrow comes, and I'm devastated. Start building those days again, Elly. A great and useful lesson has been learned. Use to to your advantage. Your recovery.

I'm 17 months sober Elly, not long in the scheme of things, but 17 months I would not swap for anything. It is so much better.

It'll be ok Elly. It's the thinking behind the drinking, not so much the Time. Proud of my 17 months though. :)

Good thing you nipped it in the bud.

Elly - I did it too, but the result has been 13 years of sobriety. I was so disgusted with myself that last time. It hadn't even been fun - nothing but anxiety & regret afterwards. Use the way you're feeling now to be even more determined to get free. We know you can!

Elly, I'm sorry that you drank after 5 months of recovery. But, now is the time to start again and build on what you know and what you've learned. Be kind to yourself, make a plan and get back into recovery. :)

Been there 🙁 Just have to pick up, dust off, and carry on…Don’t give up trying 🙁
:grouphug:

Use this as motivation to get and stay sober for good this time. :)

You can do it EllyB. All that sober time still counts. We don't suddenly lose all that benefit overnight. Just keep going!

Hello Elly - i'm glad you are here and sharing now, vs the alternative. Yes, it's disappointing when this happens but it does happen. The best thing you can do is learn from this and change up your plan to make sure it doesn't happen again. See if you can look back and notice any patterns or decisions that might have led up to your decision to drink today - the choice is usually made well before the action happens. You do indeed have a lot of good things in your life to keep striving for, and I'm glad you see sobriety as an important part of all that.

You guys are awesome! Thank you so much. I will have a day 1 tomorrow, and I will keep working on my sobriety. I know what led up to my downfall, but I still need to figure out how to go from here. My IOP and here are two support systems. I refuse to let this ruin my sobriety.

Hi Elly
I'm sorry you drank but you still have those 5 months and can start afresh today. Build on what you know and keep going forward

Hi Elly,

I’m so glad you came right back and posted. I think we have all been where you are. I had several starts at sobriety, where I fell off one day and then continued to drink, you were smart and came right back. I promise you that it gets easier, and you learn different ways to deal with all of the crap life throws at you. I have just about five and a half years sober, and I wouldn’t trade that time for anything.

You can do this!

❤️Delilah

Sobriety is not linear for some of us.

I have had many relapses. Each relapse has allowed me to understand what my active alcoholism does to my life and to others. Don't let this detract you from walking forward. Feel it for what it is, have determination to succeed and keep moving forward. You can do this! You are doing it. You have the power to change your life. I truly believe in you, Elly!

Hi Elly. You have 5 months to build on. You don't need to cash in your chips just yet. Your sharing is really helpful because we have had many great discussions recently about attending drinking parties, drinking vacations, etc., and to hear your experience with that dynamic is powerful for all of us. Thank you for being vulnerable and letting us know what happened. It helps me and I'm sure many others.

The most important thing is that you are back here. It seems like you came back pretty quickly after your decision to drink - that's very important for you to recognize. You did not let this decision to drink lead to more decisions to drink. Focus on that.

Sounds like you have plenty of reasons to get sober again and stay that way. Next time something is heading your way that you feel might threaten your sobriety, check in here first.

Thanks again guys. Just so everybody knows, it is SO NOT worth it. I am writing this to remind myself that it isn't something you can "get away with." The night of the party it was ok, but the next day drinking the leftover booze wasn't good, and the hangover today is a mix of stomachache, achy muscles and a level of anxiety that I haven't felt in a long time, on top of all the remorse and guilt. My daughter left early this morning as she was furious at me, and I don't blame her.

Really guys, make sure you have a plan if you are socializing this summer. For those of us who got sober during the pandemic, it may the first time we've had to deal with larger social gatherings with drinking involved.

Good to see you back Elly. I hope you can get some sleep and feel better tomorrow. I'm sure you daughter will calm down and come back round..

Thank you, Elly - great advice from someone who (regretfully) knows what she's talking about.
Things can only get better from here. Hold your head up and keep walking forward.

Glad you jumped right back on here! During my relapses, I let my sober time slip away. Keep going. I agree, drinking again, even once, is so not worth it. Hang in there.