TroubleAfoot

First of all I want to thank everybody here. I went and reread all of the responses to the first thread I posted when I reluctantly, because I was truly admitting to myself that this time I needed to quit forever, joined SR. I am filled with gratitude for everyone who took the time to respond to me. And not just them but everyone who comes here and supports each other every single day. I know that most of us don't always have time to comment on every thread but we do it when we can to be as helpful as possible to as many as possible. Collectively we get it done, for all of us, in every thread. Your stories and encouraging words are incredibly inspiring.

33 days. I have never before wanted to drink more when I wasn't drinking. I have had to endure more stressful situations, this time around, then during any other time I attempted to quit. I won't get into details other than I'm just going through some life changes and some personal developments. that are all going to be positive, but they were trying moments and the craving to drink through them was massive. However, even in the middle of it I just knew I wasn't going to drink, even though I desperately wanted to, because I'm looking at this go around like it's my last stand. It's now or never. I either take my life back now or, at age 51, it's just not ever going to happen.

So where am I? Beginning just about 3 days ago my mind has settled down and anxiety, that was plaguing me, has relented significantly. It was making me self conscious but now I actually feel better doing things sober even when I'm with my friends who are drinking. I actually feel more social and just happier. I don't go to bars much anymore (and not since I quit) but, for example, yesterday a few friends and I went to a spot on the beautiful river, I am fortunate to live very close to, and I had a great time. Also, while I am single and live alone, I don't feel as miserably lonely as I used to. Usually I drank after I got off work. It was seamless, as I work in a brewpub, so it was get off work, belly up to the bar, and get drunk. I didn't even have to go anywhere. But on days off, once 4 or 5 o'clock rolled around I was jumping out of my skin from being alone and I'd just have to head out to drink. A lot of those days I "wasn't going to drink" but that only lasted until I couldn't stand it anymore. Now I am more comfortable being with myself and that urge has gone away. I am still a little lonely, as I am looking for someone to be with, but it is so much more manageable now. I also feel loads more optimistic, since I am feeling better, that I will find a companion soon.

On the physical side I do still have aches and pains but they have lessened somewhat and I remain hopeful that they will eventually subside completely.

I guess that's about it for now. I know I have a long way to go and that there will be more tough times ahead. But given what I've resolutely stayed strong against, this past month, I feel more confident than ever that this time it is going to work out. I know I need to be wary of dropping my guard, for as long as I live, as I've read the stories of those of you who relapsed after many many years. I am aware it is always a possibility. From those stories I have learned the key thing is if it happens to pick yourself up, quickly, and get back to it.

Thanks again everyone. For the first time in my life I actually think I will get to have one.

Dee74

Congrats on 33 days TroubleAFoot - a great milestone

D

Jo43

Congrats on33 data!! Awesome achievement xx

brighterday1234

Congratulations on 33 days sober!! Stick with it as it keeps getting better 🙏

Rar

33 days is spectacular! Congrats! 👏👏👏

comewhatmay

Terrific! Congratulations, this is a great achievement! Keep up the good work! You’re on the right track.

TheHook210

33 days is a huge accomplishment. Keep up the good work. 2 weeks for me tomorrow and I can totally sympathize with you about the stressful situations, I have had some issues myself and I really think us NOT drinking through them will be a huge help continuing to stay sober. Here’s to the next 30 days and many many more!

Boondock

Happy 33 days!!!.... In no time it will be 43 days!!!

DriGuy

I was 52 when I had my last drink. Before that time, all I ever considered was learning how to control my drinking, but one day I realized that I was a full blown alcoholic and getting worse. For a year after that, I pursued a cure, but basically, I didn't do one thing any different. All my energy just went into wishing harder that I could become well.

When I finally accepted, with the help of other recovering alcoholics, that I would have to quit drinking for good, that's when things changed, and it was rather an abrupt change, and like you, I knew I could never drink again and knew that I never would. And shortly after that, any desire to drink left me for good. In fact, the idea of drinking again was abhorrent to me. All I had to deal with then were just thoughts of drinking, but without the nagging obsession. Mostly just thoughts about how I used to drink, and at rarer times the thought that it would be pleasant to have a drink, but such non-obsessive momentary thoughts could easily be ignored.

25 years later, I have one of those thoughts every year or two, but they are only thoughts, and I even chuckle at them. I have no desire to have one drink. I know where that leads, and I have no desire to return to that misery. I believe that drinking is not necessary in anyone's life. Normies may do it and not suffer, but it is still not necessary in any way for happiness for anyone, and for you and I, the result will be the exact opposite of happiness.

Surrendered19

You are doing amazing TroubleAfoot!!! 33 days!!! So much healing has taken place. I'm proud of you.

Fusion

Congratulations on 33 days TroubleAfoot, that's brilliant! Grreat post too. I do hope your aches and pains subside soon.

Anna

33 days is fantastic!

enaiddes

33 days, congratulations !

I think it’s helpful that you know yourself so well and your life does sound like a very attractive one.

For myself I found that being around others who are drinking is inevitably tempting even though at times it isn’t.

I was also wondering if it would be helpful for you to find something to occupy some of those hours when you have free time. I’ve gotten an awful lot out of painting and being an artist all my life in terms of filling up time and giving me a reason to wake up in he mornings.

Best of luck to you and again congratulations.

tursiops999

That is awesome, TroubleAfoot. This sounds like a winning mindset that will serve you well. I quit at about 51, 7 yrs ago, and am so glad I did. You never have to drink again. There will be the occasional thought, I still get them from time to time, but they have no real power and don't mean much -- I just dismiss them and they're gone. It took some sober time to develop, but I now have a mental clarity, emotional stability, and reservoir of coping skills that I never had before. It's so worth it.

TroubleAfoot

Thank you everyone for your responses!

Keep going Hook! I have a counter app, on the homepage of my phone, which helps me keep track of the days. As that number creeps up I am even more motivated to keep it going. I look forward to when I'm counting in years and months and not days. I look even more forward to when huge gaps in time fly by, where I forget about keeping track, because being sober has become so natural and right I barely even think about it anymore.

Bolded and italicized, by me, for emphasis. Yes! This. During these frail, first steps of my journey this is what keeps me going when those cravings hit me. All I have to do is think about how much like sh-- I will feel the next day, not just physically but mentally, and I am able to persevere no matter how much anxiety I am feeling.


A nice thing about being sober is I no longer hang out with people that I only drank with. People who I really had no other meaningful relationship with except, at the end of the night, being a lush. There are many levels of friendship, of course, but I do have a lot of people in my life who drink but whose company I am fond of. Oddly enough at my age, due to living in a small town and (more so) having worked in the bar/restaurant biz the majority of my working life, most of my closest friends here are in their 20s and 30s. My drinking and hangovers got worse as I tried to keep up with their youthful levels of drinking supported by young bodies not yet completely worn out and ravaged by decades of drinking. I'm glad I'm done with that. When I spend time with them now its hiking, swimming at the river, and dinners. And early to bed no matter what they plan on doing for the rest of the night. They admire and support me in my sobriety and do not try to sway me back to drinking.

I certainly agree that, despite feeling pretty confident and strong right now, being with drinkers can be an alluring temptation. Just one time right? "Look they are doing it, they seem fine. You can do it too." It's the AV kicking in. I am done listening to its warped reasoning.

I am getting better at filling up my time. I actually feel that there is (there should be) not enough time in a day to do what you want to do. There is always something that can be done. That can be anything from building a bookshelf to outdoor activities to contemplative time like artistic pursuits, reading, relaxation and meditation. The problem, for me, has always been a dismal lack of motivation which was primarily fueled by drastic hangovers and the listless, low energy that was the daily result of them.

I wish I could paint and really appreciate the skill of artists. I have a difficult time even drawing a competent stick figure!