Core values/motivations
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,536
You can't have both Aellyce. Well, maybe you can if prepared to endure bouts of intermittent drunkenness. Or, unless you can master the art of moderation, which in your case I do not think possible. When you say you want both what do you mean? How can you have abstinence, and not abstinence at the same time? You've set yourself a steel trap Aellyce, and will break yourself trying.
No one wants to break you Aellyce. I think this sort of thinking comes from our childhood, mostly. It did for me. I will not break or cry daddy, even if you beat me. Just watch me, I will not concede. But now is different. I wish to concede. It makes me unbreakable. If you think conceding to abstinence means you have been broken, I think you are wrong, and think the opposite. It's what is putting me together again.
I didn't use any tricky strategy to stop drinking Aellyce. I was just like you with the bottle of vodka, only was punch bowl full of red wine as I sat on my lounge room floor defeated. I'd hit the skids, and didn't want to do it anymore. It was too bloody vulgar, and I hated myself. Was grief, and had to let go my ego and surrender.
Doesn't have to be this way for you Aellyce. Lots of people just pack it in early. Smartarses.
. But then again, maybe it will, and foreverwhile you doggedly, egoistcally cling to the dualist notion of both.
No one wants to break you Aellyce. I think this sort of thinking comes from our childhood, mostly. It did for me. I will not break or cry daddy, even if you beat me. Just watch me, I will not concede. But now is different. I wish to concede. It makes me unbreakable. If you think conceding to abstinence means you have been broken, I think you are wrong, and think the opposite. It's what is putting me together again.
I didn't use any tricky strategy to stop drinking Aellyce. I was just like you with the bottle of vodka, only was punch bowl full of red wine as I sat on my lounge room floor defeated. I'd hit the skids, and didn't want to do it anymore. It was too bloody vulgar, and I hated myself. Was grief, and had to let go my ego and surrender.
Doesn't have to be this way for you Aellyce. Lots of people just pack it in early. Smartarses.
. But then again, maybe it will, and foreverwhile you doggedly, egoistcally cling to the dualist notion of both. 
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,848
Your drunk posting of emotionally loaded videos! ( I used to do that kind of thing!)
In one your many posts there are the words 'I am seeking' - Seeking what? Emotion, sensation or is it connection?
It will not be found in a bottle.
I used to think it could be found there, and it felt like I had found what I was seeking, when I was drunk and I felt miraculously connected .
I wonder what you are seeking. - it can't just be to get drunk - because you've done that lots of times and it hasn't satisfied you.
I wonder what it is?
I really do hope you find a better way to do this.
In one your many posts there are the words 'I am seeking' - Seeking what? Emotion, sensation or is it connection?
It will not be found in a bottle.
I used to think it could be found there, and it felt like I had found what I was seeking, when I was drunk and I felt miraculously connected .
I wonder what you are seeking. - it can't just be to get drunk - because you've done that lots of times and it hasn't satisfied you.
I wonder what it is?
I really do hope you find a better way to do this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,536
Come on Aellyce, you know it's only skin deep.
And I've got a whimsical sense of humour.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fakpqLDEQAo
And I've got a whimsical sense of humour.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fakpqLDEQAo
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,352
My suggestion on why you might be posting while you are drunk is you want attention. You want to be seen and you want to be heard. There will never be enough of that desire as long as you use. In my experience that couldn't happen until well into recovery. I had to see and hear myself. Once I was able to do that no one else needs to do it for me. Im enough. It was hard work though and it can't begin until you stop poisoning yourself and started to heal.
That's what you're giving up as long as you use. You will never be you and long as the addiction has you.
That's what you're giving up as long as you use. You will never be you and long as the addiction has you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I've asked for this thread to be closed because, at this point, I think it's not a good investment of anyone's time and spirit. Stopped drinking when I last posted here and have learned from this last round of drunk a lot and am going to use a different approach to my recovery than posting on SR. Already started yesterday and feel very good about it. I discussed it earlier on this thread before the last binge, if anyone is interested. Please don't try to change my mind, it would be like giving me the wrong medication - a medicine that helps many but just not for me, due to my individual background and history. Just like any one program is not for everyone. It's time to change, for real. Thanks for those who meant well!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,368
Please don't try to change my mind, it would be like giving me the wrong medication - a medicine that helps many but just not for me, due to my individual background and history.
Best of luck with whatever you decide, Aellyce.
With honesty humility and commitment you can beat this.
D
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