Boondock

Hi all, I'm glad I found this site. For the last five years or so I've had this pattern heavy bingeing that will last anywhere from three weeks to a month and a half where I will consume about 2 pints of vodka and sometimes beer every day 24 hours a day. Then I will detox myself at home. My latest binge lasted five weeks and was heavier than usual and the detox was horrific. It took me ten days to feel normal again so I'm counting my new sober date at two days( That's how many days since feeling normal) I usually make it between 30 to 40 days of sobriety and then fool myself with stinking thinking as if I can control my drinking once I start. So right now it's one day at a time and watching that 30 to 40 day mark where I always seen to fail. This pattern has to end for good.

D122y

It is not "taking 10 days to feel normal." It is 10 days until your mind and body can't take it anymore. For me, it got worse from that for about 3 to 6 months.

The anxiety etc. ramp up.

Deny the booze and the insanity shows through.

It takes a long long long to be well from being a drunk. That is why so many never make it out. It hurts too much.

But, it is soooooooooooo worth it.

Desire, education, suffering, and time.

Thanks.

biminiblue

So...you used the term, "stinking thinking." The only place I've ever heard that is in AA. Is that where you heard it?


I think the term applies to pretty much any thoughts of drinking - for whatever reason.

Hopefully you're done running the experiment. It always ended with me blowing up something, Figuratively, of course...but feeling horrible for 10 days should let you know your body is about done.

Here's a great article from the NIH about the damage done with that kind of drinking:

Kindling NIH Article

Boondock

Yeah I was active in AA for around seven years and five years ago I went through a nasty divorce and picked up the drink again bad mistake. Thanks for the articale

Anna

I know that my hangovers got worse and worse as time went on. Kindling was definitely part of my life.

My suggestion would be to sit down and come up with a specific plan for that 30 - 40 day period that you know is going to be hard for you. I'm glad you're here.

Steely

It got progressively worse for me too Boondock.

Congrats on making the decision to stop. You will never regret it.

We cant get away with drinking 2 pints of vodka a day indefinitely. If we don't die our lives turn to nightmare. And then we die. It doesn't have to be this way.

Welcome back.

least

Welcome to the family. There's a lot of support to be found here. Use it to stop drinking for good.

GerandTwine

Hi Bd,
You are well positioned to take advantage of a recovery technique that will get you past one day at a time and show you how to truly make it end for good with you knowing it is finally over. The only sacrifice you must make is that you will NEVER experience that feeling of being under the influence of flavored ethanol ever again. If you’re WILLING to take that leap and kill off the drunken you forever, then there is a bright and optimistic future for you.
GT

GT

dustyfox

It's great you know your falling off point - you already know that you can't do it in the same way as before, as it doesn't work. I tried many times to quit and failed , like you kidding myself when I felt 'better' that I could return to drinking but more moderately - well it never worked. But now I feel I have finally understood and it has been, in the main, through reading and listening to advice here. You said ' This pattern has to end for good' - That's right - following through in that is going to make you feel so much better. No more prison of addiction.

Dee74

I'm glad you found us Boondock - this place saved my life - welcome aboard

D

Delilah1

Welcome to SR!

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!

Surrendered19

Hi Boondock. A wise SR member recently observed that we need to view our drinking careers as arcs that bend towards destruction and are unbroken arcs. Even if you step off the arc for 40 days, when you get back to drinking, you are right back on the point of the arc as if you had never stopped drinking. Each trip back is progressively worse and many many SR members tell stories of going back out after years of sobriety and being right back as if they'd never stopped. I think that is a great way to look at this whole mess.

enaiddes

I’m glad you found this site too and I truly believe it will be as helpful for you and as it is for me. It’s a good thing you’re able to identify ‘stinking thinking’ in yourself.

Your self awareness is admirable and although painful it should eventually lead to your being able to sustain long term sobriety.

But please don’t be like me and wait too long. I have nothing but deep remorse for my lifetime of drinking and the pain and injury I caused myself and my loved ones.

Boondock

Thanks, everyone for the warm welcome and the words of advise and encouragement. It is greatly appreciated and helpful. It's day 3 and I'm feeling good no desire for alcohol. I'm actually kinda disgusted by the thought it of right now.

Jo43

Welcome Boondock! This group is awesome and has really helped me stay 45 days sober xx

Rar

Welcome Boondock. I’m finishing up Day 3 (again) myself.

anxiousrock

Welcome to the site! I find it helpful reading through the threads...can relate to a lot of them.

TroubleAfoot

Hello Boondock. I very reluctantly joined Sober Recovery. This was because, despite some sober attempts before (none of them lasting beyond 3 months, it was the first time I truly admitted to myself that my drinking really was a serious, life altering, problem. But, almost immediately, due to the quick amount of support I received upon my first post, as you are seeing here, I instantaneously knew I had made the right decision. This is a great place to keep you motivated. Keep coming back, read through other's posts, and keep us updated on how you are progressing.