148 days -grumpy
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148 days -grumpy
Last night I went for a walk with my dog and called my mom. Now I know I should not have called her past 7:30pm because she is almost always drunk if I call past that time. Well, yes and of course she was pissed and I immediately regretted it. I don't understand it, this woman is 73 and has probably drank everyday of her life for 50 years. And yet she is not physically sick? And I am not talking 2 drinks a night I am talking 10 +. I was so irritated after I got off that call last night and it's resonated with me still today. We are still in lockdown. I have basically been in my house for over a year and honestly, being an extrovert this is the pits. Before I could at least go out and visit people and get out of my own way . And most days I always look for things to be grateful for but today I am just struggling.
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Originally Posted by cusper;[url=tel:7639477
7639477[/url]]Last night I went for a walk with my dog and called my mom. Now I know I should not have called her past 7:30pm because she is almost always drunk if I call past that time. Well, yes and of course she was pissed and I immediately regretted it. I don't understand it, this woman is 73 and has probably drank everyday of her life for 50 years. And yet she is not physically sick? And I am not talking 2 drinks a night I am talking 10 +. I was so irritated after I got off that call last night and it's resonated with me still today. We are still in lockdown. I have basically been in my house for over a year and honestly, being an extrovert this is the pits. Before I could at least go out and visit people and get out of my own way . And most days I always look for things to be grateful for but today I am just struggling.
I’m sorry to hear you’re still in lockdown. Don’t beat yourself up for your struggling! You’re human. You’ve every right to be. Perhaps tonight do something self-indulgent and try get an early night. Things usually always seem better after a good sleep.
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TheAten,
Thank you so much for writing to me. I almost teared up a bit. I get really resentful towards her. She has never even admitted she has had a problem let alone attempt to quit. We would beg her as kids and she paid no attention what so ever. Needless to say I never really had much of a mom. I guess it's because I try so hard to be a better mother to my son than what my mother was to me. It just feels like these days I really need my friends to just connect with. We used to do zoom calls at the beginning of COVID but not so much now. Also I have my husband and son at home so doing a zoom call isn't the same as when I get to hang out with the girls. This isolation is very very difficult. I am such a people person and I love to talk to people from anywhere. I don't even need a drink to do so. I just like to be out where there are people. And I don't want my mom to get sick, I just don't want her to be such a drunk. Also, she is not one of those comforting people. She told me on no uncertain terms should I go to her if I am having problems. She only wants to talk to me when things are going well, if not I am putting a burden on her. Again, thank you for writing in. It helped me.
Thank you so much for writing to me. I almost teared up a bit. I get really resentful towards her. She has never even admitted she has had a problem let alone attempt to quit. We would beg her as kids and she paid no attention what so ever. Needless to say I never really had much of a mom. I guess it's because I try so hard to be a better mother to my son than what my mother was to me. It just feels like these days I really need my friends to just connect with. We used to do zoom calls at the beginning of COVID but not so much now. Also I have my husband and son at home so doing a zoom call isn't the same as when I get to hang out with the girls. This isolation is very very difficult. I am such a people person and I love to talk to people from anywhere. I don't even need a drink to do so. I just like to be out where there are people. And I don't want my mom to get sick, I just don't want her to be such a drunk. Also, she is not one of those comforting people. She told me on no uncertain terms should I go to her if I am having problems. She only wants to talk to me when things are going well, if not I am putting a burden on her. Again, thank you for writing in. It helped me.
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Sometimes we find the love and support we need not from blood relatives.
It hurts to have a Mom that falls short of our expectations.
My mum, a Brit, could never hug me, and yelled at me if I picked her flowers. Said things like “I wish I’d never had you!”
Even so, I was destined to love her for what she did offer me, which wasn’t much.
I was with her when she passed, made sure hospital treated her well. Amazing she woke up once before she died, and said, ‘hey, I’m sorry for the terrible things I’ve done. Will you ever forgive me?”
Amazing gift, and I said yes.
And it doesn’t take away the pain she caused me or my siblings, but it set me free.
i hope you can set yourself free from the pain a little or entirely.
hugs to you
It hurts to have a Mom that falls short of our expectations.
My mum, a Brit, could never hug me, and yelled at me if I picked her flowers. Said things like “I wish I’d never had you!”
Even so, I was destined to love her for what she did offer me, which wasn’t much.
I was with her when she passed, made sure hospital treated her well. Amazing she woke up once before she died, and said, ‘hey, I’m sorry for the terrible things I’ve done. Will you ever forgive me?”
Amazing gift, and I said yes.
And it doesn’t take away the pain she caused me or my siblings, but it set me free.
i hope you can set yourself free from the pain a little or entirely.
hugs to you
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Cusper, my mother was an alcoholic, too, and she never had a kind word to say to me in my life. I always failed to meet her expectations and she always let me know that. When she was dying, I seriously considered trying to reconcile things. But it had been so hard to recover from the pain she caused me and I knew without a doubt, she would always maintain she was a perfect mother and I was a loser, so I didn't. And, I don't regret it. Free2tobe, I'm so things worked out with your mother.
And, yes, Cusper, we're still in lockdown here too and it's wearing thin. I love walking and live in a beautiful area for long walks, so that helps me a lot. But, I miss seeing my family. Hopefully things will improve before too long.
And, yes, Cusper, we're still in lockdown here too and it's wearing thin. I love walking and live in a beautiful area for long walks, so that helps me a lot. But, I miss seeing my family. Hopefully things will improve before too long.
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Hi Cusper
there are times when conversing with my parents are not great for my mental health.
I will keep contact to a minimum in those times.
I hope you can let it go. Not because your complaints aren't valid, or cos I disagree with you - I just know its not good being stuck cos you have your hands around someone else's throat.
D
there are times when conversing with my parents are not great for my mental health.
I will keep contact to a minimum in those times.
I hope you can let it go. Not because your complaints aren't valid, or cos I disagree with you - I just know its not good being stuck cos you have your hands around someone else's throat.
D
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Originally Posted by cusper;[url=tel:7639526
7639526[/url]]TheAten,
Thank you so much for writing to me. I almost teared up a bit. I get really resentful towards her. She has never even admitted she has had a problem let alone attempt to quit. We would beg her as kids and she paid no attention what so ever. Needless to say I never really had much of a mom. I guess it's because I try so hard to be a better mother to my son than what my mother was to me. It just feels like these days I really need my friends to just connect with. We used to do zoom calls at the beginning of COVID but not so much now. Also I have my husband and son at home so doing a zoom call isn't the same as when I get to hang out with the girls. This isolation is very very difficult. I am such a people person and I love to talk to people from anywhere. I don't even need a drink to do so. I just like to be out where there are people. And I don't want my mom to get sick, I just don't want her to be such a drunk. Also, she is not one of those comforting people. She told me on no uncertain terms should I go to her if I am having problems. She only wants to talk to me when things are going well, if not I am putting a burden on her. Again, thank you for writing in. It helped me.
Thank you so much for writing to me. I almost teared up a bit. I get really resentful towards her. She has never even admitted she has had a problem let alone attempt to quit. We would beg her as kids and she paid no attention what so ever. Needless to say I never really had much of a mom. I guess it's because I try so hard to be a better mother to my son than what my mother was to me. It just feels like these days I really need my friends to just connect with. We used to do zoom calls at the beginning of COVID but not so much now. Also I have my husband and son at home so doing a zoom call isn't the same as when I get to hang out with the girls. This isolation is very very difficult. I am such a people person and I love to talk to people from anywhere. I don't even need a drink to do so. I just like to be out where there are people. And I don't want my mom to get sick, I just don't want her to be such a drunk. Also, she is not one of those comforting people. She told me on no uncertain terms should I go to her if I am having problems. She only wants to talk to me when things are going well, if not I am putting a burden on her. Again, thank you for writing in. It helped me.
Regarding your mom, what you experience is bound to hurt you and get you down, but just remember - you can’t change anyone but yourself. You’re doing great on your journey, you should be proud of yourself. Anytime you want to rant, or chat, or just get something off your chest, you can always come here where you’ll never be judged and always listened to. You’re not alone, and you’ll get through this.
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FreeTobeme888
Wow! she acknowledged it. That is a gift for sure. I know that I am a grown woman and for the most part I just set aside her shortcomings and take her for her good parts. Which, she does have and funnily enough my entire life I have adopted older women role models and friends - especially when I was younger. It got under my skin more than usual last night, probably more than usual because she was really trashed and I think I was kicking myself that I had called at that time. Most of the time I just stick to noon phone calls. I really appreciate your story and it gives me hope to know that in the end she was able to acknowledge to you that she actually let you down. Thank you for writing this to me.
Wow! she acknowledged it. That is a gift for sure. I know that I am a grown woman and for the most part I just set aside her shortcomings and take her for her good parts. Which, she does have and funnily enough my entire life I have adopted older women role models and friends - especially when I was younger. It got under my skin more than usual last night, probably more than usual because she was really trashed and I think I was kicking myself that I had called at that time. Most of the time I just stick to noon phone calls. I really appreciate your story and it gives me hope to know that in the end she was able to acknowledge to you that she actually let you down. Thank you for writing this to me.
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Hi Anna! Yes! Thank God for the beautiful places we live. We moved from a big city out to this gorgeous little town a few years ago and I am grateful everyday to be here. It is my saving grace. So that does help. Plus, my brother came over to go for a walk tonight. He and I are each other's support because we had the same experience growing up. Also, I can talk about anything with him. That really helped today.
Having dissatisfied alcoholic moms has such a lasting effect on one's heart and I am glad that you don't regret a thing. Some things are just not meant to happen and there is no point trying to force it. And you know for the most part I have accepted that she never has an intention of being a sober, stable, sound of mind person. She just doesn't see it and it's now none of my business. Thank you for reaching out to me. I hope our lockdown ends soon. We are almost all vaccinated in our family so I am hoping by the fall we will all be able to be out in the world again.
Having dissatisfied alcoholic moms has such a lasting effect on one's heart and I am glad that you don't regret a thing. Some things are just not meant to happen and there is no point trying to force it. And you know for the most part I have accepted that she never has an intention of being a sober, stable, sound of mind person. She just doesn't see it and it's now none of my business. Thank you for reaching out to me. I hope our lockdown ends soon. We are almost all vaccinated in our family so I am hoping by the fall we will all be able to be out in the world again.
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Hi Dee!
You know, my brother just doesn't talk to my parents anymore for his mental health. He has extreme OCD and spirals every time he happens to be in contact with them. I, for the most part stick to not talking with my mom after 5pm and it's fine. I was telling Anna just now that I was fortunate to have my brother come by for a walk tonight and we were able to talk it out. He is a good sounding board because he gets it. I do feel much better and I really appreciate your message.
You know, my brother just doesn't talk to my parents anymore for his mental health. He has extreme OCD and spirals every time he happens to be in contact with them. I, for the most part stick to not talking with my mom after 5pm and it's fine. I was telling Anna just now that I was fortunate to have my brother come by for a walk tonight and we were able to talk it out. He is a good sounding board because he gets it. I do feel much better and I really appreciate your message.
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Hi TheAten,
I agree, I can only change myself. I never want my son to see me drunk. I was just telling Anna and Dee that my brother came over for a walk tonight and it really helped as well. He doesn't even speak with my parents because it sends him into a spiral whether they are drunk or sober. I will stick to the early afternoon calls. I feel so fortunate to have found SR. I did have a time where I stumbled but eventually came back here and it is such a great place for support. It sounds like your lockdown is very similar to ours. I write in a diary and I was looking at my thoughts a year ago and we were in full lockdown then! If there ever was a time to live ONE DAY AT A TIME it is now. I just have to focus on right now or I get really crazy. Again, I really appreciate you taking the time to write to me.
I agree, I can only change myself. I never want my son to see me drunk. I was just telling Anna and Dee that my brother came over for a walk tonight and it really helped as well. He doesn't even speak with my parents because it sends him into a spiral whether they are drunk or sober. I will stick to the early afternoon calls. I feel so fortunate to have found SR. I did have a time where I stumbled but eventually came back here and it is such a great place for support. It sounds like your lockdown is very similar to ours. I write in a diary and I was looking at my thoughts a year ago and we were in full lockdown then! If there ever was a time to live ONE DAY AT A TIME it is now. I just have to focus on right now or I get really crazy. Again, I really appreciate you taking the time to write to me.
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I’m not ignoring how you feel about your mum, that’s tough, but I’d like to pick up on one point you mentioned about physical health. You asked how your mum can drink for 50 years and not be physically sick.
We don’t know the state of our own livers let alone that of others. I fell into the trap of seeing others drinking with no apparent ill effects, but on the other hand there are lots of cases where people do destroy their health by drinking. I’d drank for nearly 30 years, the last 10 or so heavily, and whilst my blood tests were always OK, a private liver fibroscan showed some areas to be above normal level of stiffness. I was well on my way to getting cirrhosis within maybe five years if I hadn’t stopped.
After that and also seeing a friend of a friend develop cirrhosis and needing a transplant, when I see others drinking now, I see it as a game of Russian roulette with their health.
Hope thinks work out 🙂
We don’t know the state of our own livers let alone that of others. I fell into the trap of seeing others drinking with no apparent ill effects, but on the other hand there are lots of cases where people do destroy their health by drinking. I’d drank for nearly 30 years, the last 10 or so heavily, and whilst my blood tests were always OK, a private liver fibroscan showed some areas to be above normal level of stiffness. I was well on my way to getting cirrhosis within maybe five years if I hadn’t stopped.
After that and also seeing a friend of a friend develop cirrhosis and needing a transplant, when I see others drinking now, I see it as a game of Russian roulette with their health.
Hope thinks work out 🙂
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Most heavy drinkers don't suffer devastating health issues because of their drinking, I know quite a few older people in their 70s that play the same hobby as me and a lot of them are heavy drinkers. One of our chaps did die from alcohol possibly as 65 but he drank all day everyday and smoked 40 cigarettes a day and didn't eat properly and his sleep patterns were horrendous so if you are going for gold then yes you can die younger but you wouldn't be drinking nightly, you would have to be drinking all day and night. I'm not advocating drinking for people that have a problem like us, with their drinking just making a point that a lot of people do not have a problem with their drinking even at very high levels.
You will be able to get out more soon so keep that thought in mind, and ring your Mum earlier
You will be able to get out more soon so keep that thought in mind, and ring your Mum earlier
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Hi cusper. I have been sober for a few years and I still get grumpy at times. I also get ungrumpy. Talking about it helps me to get out of self and realize that I am not alone in what I am experiencing at any particular time. Obstacles don’t block our path, they are the path.
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Hi Hodd,
I get it. When I quit in December I was not satisfied to just get a blood test and went for a scan as well. I don't have the same constitution as my mom. I wasn't drunk all of the time when I decided to quit. Even if I had just a couple of drinks I would not feel good the next day. I just did not feel optimal and I want my son to see me as strong and capable and not drunk and sick. Don't get me wrong, I was one of those binge drinkers if we had guests over and in that case I would be sick for an entire week after the binge. I am really of the mind that with alcohol in my life everything suffers... without alcohol anything great is possible. It's none of my business what she does with her life and from now on I am sticking to the afternoon calls. It was only once when I brought up her health and alcohol and she did not take kindly to it. For now always my responsibility is to my sobriety, it is literally my number #1 priority. In the next few months I am a bit concerned that my parents are going to want to take my son because they haven't seen him in a year and there will have to be a conversation that I don't want to have.
I get it. When I quit in December I was not satisfied to just get a blood test and went for a scan as well. I don't have the same constitution as my mom. I wasn't drunk all of the time when I decided to quit. Even if I had just a couple of drinks I would not feel good the next day. I just did not feel optimal and I want my son to see me as strong and capable and not drunk and sick. Don't get me wrong, I was one of those binge drinkers if we had guests over and in that case I would be sick for an entire week after the binge. I am really of the mind that with alcohol in my life everything suffers... without alcohol anything great is possible. It's none of my business what she does with her life and from now on I am sticking to the afternoon calls. It was only once when I brought up her health and alcohol and she did not take kindly to it. For now always my responsibility is to my sobriety, it is literally my number #1 priority. In the next few months I am a bit concerned that my parents are going to want to take my son because they haven't seen him in a year and there will have to be a conversation that I don't want to have.
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Hi Scd19x,
You know it's so true. My parents have some friends that just drink and smoke all day long and I swear they don't even eat food anymore. It shocks me to my core. I know they are all retired but still. I am in my 40's and had to quit. Even small amounts of alcohol just made me feel off. It really blows my mind. I always wonder what they would be like if they had never started. Would they live until they are over 100?!!! It's really baffling. And for the time being, I won't be calling my mom. No Thank you. I just spiral afterwards. I am going to just let some space grow for a while.
You know it's so true. My parents have some friends that just drink and smoke all day long and I swear they don't even eat food anymore. It shocks me to my core. I know they are all retired but still. I am in my 40's and had to quit. Even small amounts of alcohol just made me feel off. It really blows my mind. I always wonder what they would be like if they had never started. Would they live until they are over 100?!!! It's really baffling. And for the time being, I won't be calling my mom. No Thank you. I just spiral afterwards. I am going to just let some space grow for a while.
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Hi Nez, yeah there are just some days when I am grumpy and today was much better. I am going to let some time pass before I call my parents. Today was beautiful and I got to spend the whole day in my backyard. And I love that-"obstacles are our path" awesome.
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