I have to start sometime
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 338
I have to start sometime
Hello All,
I have been looking at this site for quite a while and yet have never posted. I always promised myself that I would post after I got through the first several days of sobriety and yet I never have. I have not kept a good period of sobriety in quite a while. Today is not my first day either because at 7:30 am I had a several shots of Bailey's with my coffee. I am back to being bad again. Now, since that plan didn't work, several times it hasn't worked, there is no sense in repeating that plan again. Repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. I don't want to do insanity along with alcoholism.
It is 3 pm now, I have slept it off and so why not be honest and give this evening a good try and really start fresh tomorrow.
This is not my first time getting sober. I was once sober for 5 yrs. Those 5 yrs where enlightening. I learned that my ex-husband was really cool with my drinking, not so supportive in my sobriety. My drinking meant I was passed out early and he could sneak out of the house and meet up with a girl friend or 2 . He even encouraged me to drink as a reward for being good. Long story short, I kicked him to the curb. That was hard to do because I kept the fantasy in my mind that we had a good marriage and a good family. Drinking really screws up ones thinking.
On I went with my life, and I was enjoying it so much. After 5yrs I thought I could drink socially, and did for a long time, until I didn't.
I am remarried now to who I think is a wonderful man, but a man who travels for work about 60% of the year. I have had to retire early because I have a very rare genetic disease that effects my spine called Klippel Feil. Now if you have never heard of it, that is okay, most of my doctors had never heard of it either and, after 25+ doctors, I was finally properly diagnosed. You can Google the disease and see children horribly effected by it. I am different, well not so different, my body has compensated for the condition through my life, but now it has given up doing the job and screams at me every day in pain. Now, do not feel sorry for me, I am lucky, I have mostly lived a very normal, active life and it does not make one drink. The drinking is on me.
I thought I would give that bit of back ground, because you will hear me moan and groan sometimes about it. I have been on various medications and, thankfully, I have refused opioid treatments because I know that is a slope I would never climb back up from. Right now I am going through some mildly corrective surgeries and I just have to live with a level of constant pain. I can do this, but my alcohol use is not helping matters.
This me, this is not my first day sober. I want to get on here tomorrow with a new resolve, make a commitment and share it with others. I can't do this alone. I need to share and I need to be accountable to others. So here we are. I am an alcoholic, will always be, but that does not mean I have to let it rule me. I need to be with people who will hold me accountable. I need to be honest and this is the best way I can find to do it. AA was once a great option but the virus has made most of our meetings virtual and I have hard time on zoom when others are in the house.
Thank you all for reading this ramble. I am a rambler, amongst other things.
I have started with my OneThing!
I have been looking at this site for quite a while and yet have never posted. I always promised myself that I would post after I got through the first several days of sobriety and yet I never have. I have not kept a good period of sobriety in quite a while. Today is not my first day either because at 7:30 am I had a several shots of Bailey's with my coffee. I am back to being bad again. Now, since that plan didn't work, several times it hasn't worked, there is no sense in repeating that plan again. Repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. I don't want to do insanity along with alcoholism.
It is 3 pm now, I have slept it off and so why not be honest and give this evening a good try and really start fresh tomorrow.
This is not my first time getting sober. I was once sober for 5 yrs. Those 5 yrs where enlightening. I learned that my ex-husband was really cool with my drinking, not so supportive in my sobriety. My drinking meant I was passed out early and he could sneak out of the house and meet up with a girl friend or 2 . He even encouraged me to drink as a reward for being good. Long story short, I kicked him to the curb. That was hard to do because I kept the fantasy in my mind that we had a good marriage and a good family. Drinking really screws up ones thinking.
On I went with my life, and I was enjoying it so much. After 5yrs I thought I could drink socially, and did for a long time, until I didn't.
I am remarried now to who I think is a wonderful man, but a man who travels for work about 60% of the year. I have had to retire early because I have a very rare genetic disease that effects my spine called Klippel Feil. Now if you have never heard of it, that is okay, most of my doctors had never heard of it either and, after 25+ doctors, I was finally properly diagnosed. You can Google the disease and see children horribly effected by it. I am different, well not so different, my body has compensated for the condition through my life, but now it has given up doing the job and screams at me every day in pain. Now, do not feel sorry for me, I am lucky, I have mostly lived a very normal, active life and it does not make one drink. The drinking is on me.
I thought I would give that bit of back ground, because you will hear me moan and groan sometimes about it. I have been on various medications and, thankfully, I have refused opioid treatments because I know that is a slope I would never climb back up from. Right now I am going through some mildly corrective surgeries and I just have to live with a level of constant pain. I can do this, but my alcohol use is not helping matters.
This me, this is not my first day sober. I want to get on here tomorrow with a new resolve, make a commitment and share it with others. I can't do this alone. I need to share and I need to be accountable to others. So here we are. I am an alcoholic, will always be, but that does not mean I have to let it rule me. I need to be with people who will hold me accountable. I need to be honest and this is the best way I can find to do it. AA was once a great option but the virus has made most of our meetings virtual and I have hard time on zoom when others are in the house.
Thank you all for reading this ramble. I am a rambler, amongst other things.
I have started with my OneThing!
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
Welcome OneThingAtATime 
As you have been lurking for a while you already know what an awesome group we are here at SoberRecovery!
That was a great opening post and I look forward to more of your rambles.
As you have been lurking for a while you already know what an awesome group we are here at SoberRecovery!
That was a great opening post and I look forward to more of your rambles.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Good to have you here, One Thing. You're among friends who understand and care.
I drank for decades & it nearly destroyed me. When I came here and finally opened up I found wonderful support & encouragement. There was no one else in my life who understood the way my friends here do. Not feeling all alone means the world. You can get your freedom back. Glad to meet you.
I drank for decades & it nearly destroyed me. When I came here and finally opened up I found wonderful support & encouragement. There was no one else in my life who understood the way my friends here do. Not feeling all alone means the world. You can get your freedom back. Glad to meet you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi and welcome OneThingAtATime
I am sorry for your pain but, as you rightly say there are better more positive ways of dealing with it than drinking.
The support I found here really helped me, and I know it will help you too.
It helps to feel understood and to be part of something
D
I am sorry for your pain but, as you rightly say there are better more positive ways of dealing with it than drinking.
The support I found here really helped me, and I know it will help you too.
It helps to feel understood and to be part of something
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,470
Welcome OneThingAtATime,
I'm glad you decided to post and that you're ready to begin your sobriety journey. SR is a good place for support and understanding as you begin. I'm sorry about your issue with back pain, but it sounds like you are handling things well.
I'm glad you decided to post and that you're ready to begin your sobriety journey. SR is a good place for support and understanding as you begin. I'm sorry about your issue with back pain, but it sounds like you are handling things well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 338
Thank you all for the wonderful welcome!
It took a lot for me to post yesterday, but One Thing at a Time!
My One Thing for today is to stay sober. I knew yesterday, when I drank at 7:30am, I had gone too far. Now I will start again, another day 1 and I will try and string all those days together, one at a time.
This morning, a covid test. I should pass, I studied. I have another procedure next week on my lower back, the benefits won't last long but they will for a bit. Procedures are my social life right now.
To the grocery store also. My husband is coming home, yes! He does love to eat and I do have to get creative. He is a diabetic so we have to watch his diet. It is hard for him out on the road as much as he is. Hard for me too, too much freedom on my end, I have to reel that in.
Today is day one, 5/14/21 and I just have to make it through today.
It took a lot for me to post yesterday, but One Thing at a Time!
My One Thing for today is to stay sober. I knew yesterday, when I drank at 7:30am, I had gone too far. Now I will start again, another day 1 and I will try and string all those days together, one at a time.
This morning, a covid test. I should pass, I studied. I have another procedure next week on my lower back, the benefits won't last long but they will for a bit. Procedures are my social life right now.
To the grocery store also. My husband is coming home, yes! He does love to eat and I do have to get creative. He is a diabetic so we have to watch his diet. It is hard for him out on the road as much as he is. Hard for me too, too much freedom on my end, I have to reel that in.
Today is day one, 5/14/21 and I just have to make it through today.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 300
Originally Posted by OneThingAtATime 
Thank you all for the wonderful welcome!
It took a lot for me to post yesterday, but One Thing at a Time!
My One Thing for today is to stay sober. I knew yesterday, when I drank at 7:30am, I had gone too far. Now I will start again, another day 1 and I will try and string all those days together, one at a time.
This morning, a covid test. I should pass, I studied. I have another procedure next week on my lower back, the benefits won't last long but they will for a bit. Procedures are my social life right now.
To the grocery store also. My husband is coming home, yes! He does love to eat and I do have to get creative. He is a diabetic so we have to watch his diet. It is hard for him out on the road as much as he is. Hard for me too, too much freedom on my end, I have to reel that in.
Today is day one, 5/14/21 and I just have to make it through today.
It took a lot for me to post yesterday, but One Thing at a Time!
My One Thing for today is to stay sober. I knew yesterday, when I drank at 7:30am, I had gone too far. Now I will start again, another day 1 and I will try and string all those days together, one at a time.
This morning, a covid test. I should pass, I studied. I have another procedure next week on my lower back, the benefits won't last long but they will for a bit. Procedures are my social life right now.
To the grocery store also. My husband is coming home, yes! He does love to eat and I do have to get creative. He is a diabetic so we have to watch his diet. It is hard for him out on the road as much as he is. Hard for me too, too much freedom on my end, I have to reel that in.
Today is day one, 5/14/21 and I just have to make it through today.
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 39
Originally Posted by OneThingAtATime
Thank you all for the wonderful welcome!
It took a lot for me to post yesterday, but One Thing at a Time!
My One Thing for today is to stay sober. I knew yesterday, when I drank at 7:30am, I had gone too far. Now I will start again, another day 1 and I will try and string all those days together, one at a time.
This morning, a covid test. I should pass, I studied. I have another procedure next week on my lower back, the benefits won't last long but they will for a bit. Procedures are my social life right now.
To the grocery store also. My husband is coming home, yes! He does love to eat and I do have to get creative. He is a diabetic so we have to watch his diet. It is hard for him out on the road as much as he is. Hard for me too, too much freedom on my end, I have to reel that in.
Today is day one, 5/14/21 and I just have to make it through today.
It took a lot for me to post yesterday, but One Thing at a Time!
My One Thing for today is to stay sober. I knew yesterday, when I drank at 7:30am, I had gone too far. Now I will start again, another day 1 and I will try and string all those days together, one at a time.
This morning, a covid test. I should pass, I studied. I have another procedure next week on my lower back, the benefits won't last long but they will for a bit. Procedures are my social life right now.
To the grocery store also. My husband is coming home, yes! He does love to eat and I do have to get creative. He is a diabetic so we have to watch his diet. It is hard for him out on the road as much as he is. Hard for me too, too much freedom on my end, I have to reel that in.
Today is day one, 5/14/21 and I just have to make it through today.
One day at a time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2020
Posts: 338
Well, yesterday didn't work out too well, but that was yesterday and today is brand new.
I had a hard day, but we all have hard days and that is not an excuse to drink.
My husband came home and went directly to his computer, he is leaving again tomorrow, his flight had been booked by his secretary. Now, have to admit that the stay at home order was not a bad thing in this house, my husband was home so much and I loved it. He pretty much visits home for most of the year and so it had been great to have him home. When he is gone, I can drink as I like and not have to worry about much more then the stuff I wasn't getting done. I am slow enough as it is.
One thing we got used to, together, was having a glass of wine at dinner. His heart doc thought that was great for him and the running joke was that one was fine for him and I would finish the bottle at some point. That point was coming earlier and earlier.
The day was hard, as I mentioned, but I did manage to make a new chicken dish with really good 'pasta' that was nothing more then zucchini put through a spiral slicer and cooked with the dish for a few minutes. I had set the table but before I got there he had already poured the wine, ugh!
I was in no mood to come clean with him, which I will have to do at some point. Timing is everything. I drank half the glass, cleaned up and poured the rest down the sink. In the last few days my kitchen pipes must feel a bit abused because I threw everything open down the drain, again.
So, today is a new day. We have plans to meet some friends at a restaurant for lunch and do some shopping. I can easily not drink and since we will be eating a fair size lunch, left overs for dinner. I just plan on starting today fresh. Nothing I can do about yesterday.
In other news, my daughter, who lives with us, will not be driving me crazy. I do love her to death, but she is a bit OCD. She is a teacher and a really good one. Monday she is to start shadowing her administrator and, well, that means they are thinking of promoting her. It is a good thing. She's excited about it but also worried about it. That is natural. I just have to keep my mouth shut and remind myself that I am retired, this is her journey. Her angst is challenge right now. Staying sober is my challenge.
Good day to everyone and I plan on saying tomorrow that this was my day 1.
I had a hard day, but we all have hard days and that is not an excuse to drink.
My husband came home and went directly to his computer, he is leaving again tomorrow, his flight had been booked by his secretary. Now, have to admit that the stay at home order was not a bad thing in this house, my husband was home so much and I loved it. He pretty much visits home for most of the year and so it had been great to have him home. When he is gone, I can drink as I like and not have to worry about much more then the stuff I wasn't getting done. I am slow enough as it is.
One thing we got used to, together, was having a glass of wine at dinner. His heart doc thought that was great for him and the running joke was that one was fine for him and I would finish the bottle at some point. That point was coming earlier and earlier.
The day was hard, as I mentioned, but I did manage to make a new chicken dish with really good 'pasta' that was nothing more then zucchini put through a spiral slicer and cooked with the dish for a few minutes. I had set the table but before I got there he had already poured the wine, ugh!
I was in no mood to come clean with him, which I will have to do at some point. Timing is everything. I drank half the glass, cleaned up and poured the rest down the sink. In the last few days my kitchen pipes must feel a bit abused because I threw everything open down the drain, again.
So, today is a new day. We have plans to meet some friends at a restaurant for lunch and do some shopping. I can easily not drink and since we will be eating a fair size lunch, left overs for dinner. I just plan on starting today fresh. Nothing I can do about yesterday.
In other news, my daughter, who lives with us, will not be driving me crazy. I do love her to death, but she is a bit OCD. She is a teacher and a really good one. Monday she is to start shadowing her administrator and, well, that means they are thinking of promoting her. It is a good thing. She's excited about it but also worried about it. That is natural. I just have to keep my mouth shut and remind myself that I am retired, this is her journey. Her angst is challenge right now. Staying sober is my challenge.
Good day to everyone and I plan on saying tomorrow that this was my day 1.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
It is really good you dumped the wine. You are heading in the absolute right direction. Have a good day today and know that you are making the best decision possible for your life. You got this. Stay close and post often.
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