Burra

Hello, I am a man in their late thirties who has decided to get clean. I've been drinking a long time out of boredom and frustration, and have made the decision to stop completely. My goal is to abstain for at least several months and try to get my mind back together. Hope you are all doing well and managing in recovery.

Anna

Welcome, Burra. I'm glad you've decided to stop drinking. You will find lots of support here.

Do you have a plan in mind for how you will stop drinking and stay sober?

Burra

Thanks, Anna. I plan to stay sober by adopting a more hygienic lifestyle. I have important goals for my health and working life which require me to stop drinking, and can fill the void by engaging in better self-care. The reasons for my drinking are complex and have taken time to understand, now that I do there's no reason to continue with it as a habit.

Introvrtd1

Hi Burra! Welcome and Im sure you’ll find great support here!

tufty13

Nice to meet you Burra.

good luck on your journey.

Hevyn

It's so good to have you with us, Burra. I'm glad you've made the decision to lead a better life.
I drank 30 years & when I found SR I was desperate to end the misery of daily drinking. Over the years I had become completely dependent on it. Reading & posting here helped me to get free. You can do it.

Dee74

Hi Burra and welcome

Good on you for wanting to stop completely, I hope when that couple of months is up you stick with the sobriety thing - I found no amount of time away from drinking made me into a "normal" drinker.

My relationship with alcohol was always dysfunctional, and my drinking was destructive, whenever I went back to it.

D

RecklessDrunk

Alcoholism is a combination of a sort of allergic reaction to alcohol with an obsession to drink it.

When I drink alcohol I can not control how much I drink or what I will do. Its like an allergy. In the early days and through a good deal of my drinking career I had some good times. As time went on the good drunk times were fewer and fewer while the disasters more frequent. The risk reward went off a cliff.

A person with a normal allergy can simply avoid what they are allergic to. Someone with a peanut allergy avoids things with peanuts. They don't go to meetings or counseling. As an alcoholic, once i stop drinking I have a mental obsession to drink again. Its a very deceptive obsession that seems like it will continue to only get worse but it actually gets a little weaker over time. One drink after a period of sobriety can instantly bring it back full force. It defies logic. Its a temporary form of insanity. To know what this chemical can do to me and yet still have a desire to drink it.

For decades I could have not imagined a life without alcohol. I can not say I will never drink again in my life for sure. Instead I can say maybe, for the rest of my life, I will never need to drink again. What I can control right now. What I can guarantee is that I will not drink today.

D122y

Part of the brain damage is the rationalization that I was bored, angry, sad, happy, etc etc.

None of that is real. The truth is our brain needs the booze. Deny the booze and the damage shown through in the form of insanity. I googled insanity and when I quit drinking I was certifiable.

It took a long long long time to get used to what is left of my mind. I didn't get better as much as I got used to being messed up......then I got better.

I am likely the most sane person I know at this point. Except for my son, who never drank a day in his 18 years. Hopefully, I trained him well to not ever let booze pass his lips.

Drinking is a learned behavior. It can be unlearned. Booze is a govt sanctioned neurotoxin. The effects are insidious and permanent.

That is all I got for now.

Thanks.

BeABetterMan

If you binge drink now, then completely abstain for however many months, shortly after you pick up you will be binging again. There is no reset button. Only pause.

Burra

Yes, there is definitely some form of conditioning that needs to be unravelled when it comes to a drinking problem, especially if you've begun to associate it with things that are essential to life.

Without the right mindset that would be right. I plan to start moderate drinking in the future, not now though. I've avoided moderation because of choice not because it became inescapable. It's complicated and personal. Going to AA or recovery groups has never helped because it isn't anything to do with addiction. In some ways alcohol has been a good thing to me. It's complex.

Dee74

I'm not sure I follow how your drinking problem has nothing to do with addiction.

Do you mean you see it as some kind of bad habit that can be modified in time, or a learned behaviouir you can unlearn?.

Many of us thought that we could return to a different moderate kind of drinking after some 'time off'.
I call that confusing abstinence for control.

I've been abstinent for 15 years...I still have no control.

If I take a drink tomorrow I know I'll be back at Alcoholism square one in short order.

20 years of trying to be a normal drinker, and 15 years of reading other peoples stories here, is all the proof I need.

Robbie64

Welcome to SR Burra.

Good luck on trying moderation at some point in the future. It's not something I've ever been able to do though despite trying to do so many times of many years.

If I could speak to my younger self from 30 years ago (it's been as long as that) when my younger self was trying to exercise some form of control over alcohol my advice would be to say to give up on moderation and to go for abstinence. It would have saved all the chaos that drinking has brought to me - ill health, job losses, relationship woes, financial problems and a feeling of being a failure.

Primativo

But binging by definition is the opposite of moderation. You literally have one drink and then can't stop until days later, and in fact you probably only stop because you are too sick to continue, or you need to go back to work or something. Even then, sometimes people will just call in sick to work and continue.

Take it from me, someone who is also a binge drinker, I have been abstinent from alcohol for a period of 4 months, 3 months, 3 months and 4 months over the last two years. I'm back on day 10 now. As soon as I started drinking again, I was back to drinking the exact same amount as I was a year ago. I was dependent on alcohol, drinking in the mornings to stave off withdrawals, drinking two bottles of wine a night, vomiting, black out drunk etc etc

You'll figure this out for yourself. No doubt you'll be thinking, "well I'm different". As the Big Book says,

The great obsession of every abnormal drinker

The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.

We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.

We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control.

We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.


As Dee says, abstinence from alcohol is not control. You have one drink and you will lose control again, maybe you won't binge immediately, but it will happen, I guarantee. Eventually you will realise that you have a simple choice, drink, and see your mind fall apart again (whatever that means to you, as you said you need to put your mind back together) and suffer the many consequences, or don't drink at all and live a happy fulfilling life free from the shackles of active addiction.

I don't profess I will never drink again, I have failed too many times. I do know however, that I shouldn't be drinking, and that if I drink, I am fully aware of the consequences that await me. As sure as the sun rises in the mornings, if I drink, I will be back in despair in no time at all. I am under no illusions that I will ever be a normal drinker.

anxiousrock

If you're a binge drinker, you don't be able to drink moderately. I've tried for years, but it's not possible. I drank to get drunk, a few drinks was pointless.

PhoenixJ

welcome Burra

least

Welcome to the family. I hope you give up on the idea of moderate drinking. It's next to impossible and very frustrating. I've been sober now for over 11 yrs and don't regret a minute of it.

I hope you'll take advantage of the support here to help you get sober for good.

DRMax

Hi Burra

I hope this works for you and I'll follow your story with interest

I'm a binge drinker. I've always blamed external circumstances and stresses for why I did what I did. I've always thought I can get to the point where I can control my drinking but I'm beginning to accept now that I have 2 choices

1) drink and accept that this is what happens when I do

2) stay abstinent

Since lockdown restrictions have eased recently I've turned down 3 offers from friends to meet up for drinks. It's killed me saying no especially having been sat in my house alone for so long

No one else (normal drinkers) really appreciate I have a problem and that I don't simply 'choose' to get destructive on it and drink morning to night during my binges. They say if I change my mind to call them and meet up 'just for a few pints'. It would be just a few....... For them. If I take them up on their offers the next time I get in a real bad way I'd kinda put the blame on them when the reality is i need to take responsibility now and say no

All the best

b0glerd69

Welcome Burra. You can make that change. Hang in here and listen to the great advice and stay strong. One day at a a time.

sugarbear1

Glad you found SR!