Icandothis2013

So last Wednesday my son demanded money by threatening (again) to send videos of me drunk to my friends and colleagues ... I gave in but I’m going to have severe financial problems because of this. I think I really do have to go to the police about him (again)...I drank everyday since it happened ..but as Dee said a while back, I’m only punishing myself ! :-(

sortofhomecomin

Your son will likely spend most of the money on his own addiction. We seem to be in a bit of a repeating cycle here. Would you consider inpatient treatment?

Icandothis2013

I just need him to stop doing this ... he will destroy me !

sobersophie

Oh I hear heartache behind this post. I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time; that must be really hard to deal with.

You know that drinking is not the solution. Can we help you make a plan to sort things out?

Icandothis2013

Thank you Sophie ! Yes I would like help with a plan ! I’ve run out of ideas ! What do you suggest ?

Aellyce

Why do you worry about those videos, how could they compromise you? You said before that your friends were already aware of the problem, could you possibly alert those colleagues your son has access to, tell them that you had a drinking problem, which is resolved now, and are being blackmailed by someone really troubled? Could the threats be neutralized that way, so if he does send out something, they already know and perhaps could even help disarm your son? And even if you do drink again, make sure your son can never record anything about you.

Dropsie

You know this but I will say it any way. He will never stop unless you stop giving in. It is that simple.

If he truly believes that he will be cut off forever from your money unless he stops, he might. But you have to believe it first. And if not, go to the police.

You are his mother. You should do it for him and for yourself.

And definitely do not drink over it. Then he wins every day.

We got your back, but you need to have it too.

Mizz

With kindest and respect it is not your son who will destroy you. You are responsible for you and it will be your decisions that will destroy you.

If you are not talking with a professional then perhaps it is time for you to do so. It sounds like real help is required in this scenario.

Icandothis2013

Yes Mizz,I am talking to a Counsellor ... my son and I were supposed to have joint therapy but he refuses to engage !
I don’t know what else to do !

Fusion

Icandothis, I'm so sorry to read of your son's appalling blackmailing. Do you know the content of all the blackmail material, have you viewed any of the videos that he's blackmailing you over? It's just an idea, but if you haven't seen any, and ask him to show you, on the basis that you're considering not giving him any more money, then he may show you what he thinks is the 'worst', as a threat. And it may not be as bad as you think.

If you approach the police at this stage, he may still have access to the , maybe unknown, ootage, and release it anyway, after he's been apprehended and released, not caring for the repercussions. You know yoiur son, and this is all conjecture on my part. I think it's important to know the content, then you can make plans.

Icandothis2013

One is of me screaming like a harpy after he’d attacked me (I then went to the police and he was arrested). The other is of me lying n my bed weeping morosely ! I keep telling him that he’ll come out of this looking worse than me as it is such a horrible thing to do !!

Anna

I really think your best option is to block him completely. In fact, I thought you decided that it was best for you to do so. Also, ask your friends to not engage with him and to not talk to you about it, if they do. This is not helping you and in fact, you are saying the situation has caused you to drink again.

Fusion

Icandothis, did the police see the footage and place it on record? What was the outcome of his arrest?

Icandothis2013

No they didn’t.After his latest arrest he was released without charge .. I don’t know what he was arrested for. Something about “getting money in a way I wasn’t proud of”....

KidsEverywhere

Go to the police or a lawyer and ask them how it can be addressed legally and follow up with/ through with whatever it is if he continues.
Our loved ones know how to push our buttons because they installed them.
Make it stop. This is just another part of the drinking problem that needs addressing.

Icandothis2013

i had blocked him but he sent me voicemails in English via his Dad ( his Dad doesn’t speak English).

tufty13

I’m really sorry to read what is happening to you icandothis. It must be extremely stressful for you.

Please consider taking the above advice from Anna. It really doesn’t have to be any more complicated than that.

If you’re not prepared to disengage him then I think there would be some value in exploring the nature of co-dependency with a counsellor or therapist as has been suggested before. There’s a wee bit of a drama triangle developing here.

Good luck to you. I really feel for you.

SparkleKitty

I'm so sorry that your son is behaving this way, but we cannot depend on other people to change so that we can be comfortable enough to get healthy for ourselves.

Fusion

OK, Icandothis, I've read back. There's mention of previous 'orders', I don't know what part of the world you're in, but if it's a non-molestation/harrassment type order, dependant upon the terms, he may be breaching it by the contact, in addition to the offence of blackmail.

Living in fear is horrendous, but alcohol exacerbatefs ear, in my experience. Can you stay stopped drinking, then begin to make a plan as to how to deal with your son;s abuse, once and for all?

Icandothis2013

Thank you Tatsy. I just don’t know how to deal with it - that’s the problem !