Searching for my niche
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 136
Searching for my niche
I am blessed to be sober. That I can think clearly about any situation that presents itself to me and make a good decision besides having an impaired or alcoholic thinking. My body feels amazing and I love that as well. I also haven’t added any new resentments from drinking as well.
The problem I’m experiencing is that I have not found any enjoyment on the day to day. I do like going to the gym and even though I like how I feel working out...it’s also a strain to lift weights regularly. In due time I’m sure I will find my sober happiness but it hasn’t came yet. This is just my thoughts today. I wish everyone on SR another 24 and a blessed weekend.
The problem I’m experiencing is that I have not found any enjoyment on the day to day. I do like going to the gym and even though I like how I feel working out...it’s also a strain to lift weights regularly. In due time I’m sure I will find my sober happiness but it hasn’t came yet. This is just my thoughts today. I wish everyone on SR another 24 and a blessed weekend.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
The best way I know to be happy is to practice gratitude every day. 
It puts a positive spin on my daily life and strengthens my sobriety too. Here's an article about how gratitude can make you happier.
https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
It puts a positive spin on my daily life and strengthens my sobriety too. Here's an article about how gratitude can make you happier.https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I'm glad you're feeling good and doing well.
Can you think of something you can add to your day that will help to bring happiness to you - your favorite music, a good movie, a great cup of coffee, talking with a friend or relative - anything that will bring a small smile to your face?
Can you think of something you can add to your day that will help to bring happiness to you - your favorite music, a good movie, a great cup of coffee, talking with a friend or relative - anything that will bring a small smile to your face?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
It took me awhile to feel happy again. I really underestimated the damage I did with my drinking on my mind and body, and the damage can take awhile to heal.
I know it’s hard, but try and be patient
D
I know it’s hard, but try and be patient
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Back in the USA
Posts: 2,661
Toughroad….That sounds like anhedonia…I think it’s a normal part of the brain finding that re-balance…Oh boy, I feel like Ive had every negative emotion known to man during my earlier sobriety…
The more I’ve researched and read, the more I discovered how much I would go through and went through so far. From the support Ive received here I gotta share, the same that was taught to me…It gets better! Just hold fast and hang in there…Keep posting here and reaching out for our support.
The more I’ve researched and read, the more I discovered how much I would go through and went through so far. From the support Ive received here I gotta share, the same that was taught to me…It gets better! Just hold fast and hang in there…Keep posting here and reaching out for our support.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
The infinite quest for happiness.
I think we all are on that mission.
Personally, I had to make sure that all parts of myself were being nurtured and then I was able to feel content/ happy.
Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. If I do not put in a little work each day on those then I start to lose steam and start to become negative. Not everyday is filled with Rainbows and Unicorns but I wake each day knowing that I have an opportunity for victory. Each day is a gift. An opportunity for a little change. Also, I will admit that I did a lot of "fake it until I make it" in the beginning. Least is right about Gratitude. Even the smallest amount can change the way we are seeing the world.
Today, I am grateful to wake up and be sober. I am grateful for this forum. Grateful for my health.
Keep moving forward. The light is shining on you. Soak it up!
I think we all are on that mission.
Personally, I had to make sure that all parts of myself were being nurtured and then I was able to feel content/ happy.
Physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. If I do not put in a little work each day on those then I start to lose steam and start to become negative. Not everyday is filled with Rainbows and Unicorns but I wake each day knowing that I have an opportunity for victory. Each day is a gift. An opportunity for a little change. Also, I will admit that I did a lot of "fake it until I make it" in the beginning. Least is right about Gratitude. Even the smallest amount can change the way we are seeing the world.
Today, I am grateful to wake up and be sober. I am grateful for this forum. Grateful for my health.
Keep moving forward. The light is shining on you. Soak it up!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 525
FWIW, here's the Big Book passage to came to my mind after reading your post:
PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our twelfth suggestion: Carry this message to other alcoholics! You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember they are very ill. Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends—this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives.
This passage does include some assumptions that may make it inapplicable to you. First, it assumes I know what "this message" is. As I understand it, "this message" is the one that explains that the plan of recovery set forth in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous can "help when no one else can". Second, it assumes that I have had sufficient experience implementing that program of recovery into my own life to be able to provide practical guidance to others. Third, it assumes I am willing to pursue frequent contact with newcomers and others in the fellowship of A.A.
I am certainly familiar with bemoaning a lack of joy in my life. And the Big Book itself says that, "We absolutely insist on enjoying life." But I also recognize that there is a certain amount of embarrassing self-centeredness in focusing on a lack of joy in my life when I've been given the gift of sobriety. This is made abundantly clear to me when I realize how irrelevant the question of my own joy becomes when I have the opportunity to help another escape from the wretched despair that is active alcoholism and drug addiction. Nonetheless, I'm human and so I still frequently spin my wheels complaining there's not enough joy in my life.
One additional note, I do find that when I practice daily meditation I tend to see a lot more beauty in the world, and seeing beauty in the world brings me joy. In that sense, joy is not something I pursue directly. Rather, I try to practice "right living" -- which includes daily meditation -- and then I find that more joy enters my life almost magically.
PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our twelfth suggestion: Carry this message to other alcoholics! You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when others fail. Remember they are very ill. Life will take on new meaning. To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends—this is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives.
This passage does include some assumptions that may make it inapplicable to you. First, it assumes I know what "this message" is. As I understand it, "this message" is the one that explains that the plan of recovery set forth in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous can "help when no one else can". Second, it assumes that I have had sufficient experience implementing that program of recovery into my own life to be able to provide practical guidance to others. Third, it assumes I am willing to pursue frequent contact with newcomers and others in the fellowship of A.A.
I am certainly familiar with bemoaning a lack of joy in my life. And the Big Book itself says that, "We absolutely insist on enjoying life." But I also recognize that there is a certain amount of embarrassing self-centeredness in focusing on a lack of joy in my life when I've been given the gift of sobriety. This is made abundantly clear to me when I realize how irrelevant the question of my own joy becomes when I have the opportunity to help another escape from the wretched despair that is active alcoholism and drug addiction. Nonetheless, I'm human and so I still frequently spin my wheels complaining there's not enough joy in my life.
One additional note, I do find that when I practice daily meditation I tend to see a lot more beauty in the world, and seeing beauty in the world brings me joy. In that sense, joy is not something I pursue directly. Rather, I try to practice "right living" -- which includes daily meditation -- and then I find that more joy enters my life almost magically.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
I'm sorry for my goofy post last night Toughroad, I had been out on the motorcycle and was feeling kind of exhilarated, so I was joking, but in retrospect it was insensitive. However, if you stay sober - those feelings of joy will come back to you too. The excitement, and yes, even exhilaration of doing things we love, will be present in your life again. Even simple things.. I get the same feeling from my bicycle rides too. My relationships with others. My morning coffee (thank the Lord).. and even watching the crazy animals here in the desert. I have immense gratitude for all of these things now - even the small and mundane.
Introvrtd may be right about the anhedonia, but if so, it will diminish gradually over time. You will begin to notice pleasure coming back, at seemingly little things.. and eventually - joy. The one thing you have to do is stay sober and over time everything will work out. As Least always reminds us, there is a lot for us to be grateful for. Look for those things, even the small, ordinary ones, and verbalize them morning and night and it will work miracles. It did for me.
Also.. a couple of things. I know you go to the gym, but do you also get hard aerobic workouts? I have found those are extremely effective in lifting my mood, due to all those endorphins. And have you joined the April or May class? It really helps to post every day in my experience. I think you're doing great, man - just keep at it.
Introvrtd may be right about the anhedonia, but if so, it will diminish gradually over time. You will begin to notice pleasure coming back, at seemingly little things.. and eventually - joy. The one thing you have to do is stay sober and over time everything will work out. As Least always reminds us, there is a lot for us to be grateful for. Look for those things, even the small, ordinary ones, and verbalize them morning and night and it will work miracles. It did for me.
Also.. a couple of things. I know you go to the gym, but do you also get hard aerobic workouts? I have found those are extremely effective in lifting my mood, due to all those endorphins. And have you joined the April or May class? It really helps to post every day in my experience. I think you're doing great, man - just keep at it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Your title caught my attention because I have expressed part of my relentless seeker temperament in that way when younger especially, that "I was searching for my niche". It had nothing to do with addiction/recovery and I realized that looking for it does not make much sense - I need to create it for myself and for any endeavor I put my mind into. It's sort of an existentialist challenge. So I have created quite a few niches in my life, and it will probably never stop; what has changed dramatically is a shift from a subjective perception that I'm looking for it because I'm not there (=dissatisfaction)...to already feeling I was there fully, living the life I wanted (=satisfaction, I had this for a long time already before getting sober but with holes in it), with several niches in career, unique projects and lifestyles, world views etc. For me, this just continues now in sobriety, but of course I have much more focus and energy for it.
What I personally like is always having at least 1-2 bigger projects than simply living day-to-day. Things I can have vision for, plan longer term, tinker with. When I got sober, I immediately jumped into two new things: (1) found a better home and decided to make it my own from scratch with getting almost everything new for it and (2) quit an old an unsatisfying job, made a plan for an extended vacation (doing it now) and for expanding a private business later, after the time-off period.
I'm personally not really motivated much by simple, daily maintenance-type tasks - actually wanted to avoid those while drinking, so procrastinated a lot. Yet drinking turned my life into duller, more repetitive process of living in the moment, which I did not like at all beyond the hours of acute intoxication. These new projects give me a lot of inspiration, occupy my mind in more complex ways, provide outlets for creativity... and this is more the source of my motivation and energy now for also keeping up with the simple daily tasks and routines relatively consistently. Those are still not the main sources of my joy, it is the larger visions and projects. Not sure if anyone relates, or if it would work for others, just thought to share as my life operates in this way so much generally, definitely not just a recovery feature. One larger plan I have for this early recovery phase specifically is to improve my health and fitness in various ways - this is also something I plan, break down, evaluate etc.
What I personally like is always having at least 1-2 bigger projects than simply living day-to-day. Things I can have vision for, plan longer term, tinker with. When I got sober, I immediately jumped into two new things: (1) found a better home and decided to make it my own from scratch with getting almost everything new for it and (2) quit an old an unsatisfying job, made a plan for an extended vacation (doing it now) and for expanding a private business later, after the time-off period.
I'm personally not really motivated much by simple, daily maintenance-type tasks - actually wanted to avoid those while drinking, so procrastinated a lot. Yet drinking turned my life into duller, more repetitive process of living in the moment, which I did not like at all beyond the hours of acute intoxication. These new projects give me a lot of inspiration, occupy my mind in more complex ways, provide outlets for creativity... and this is more the source of my motivation and energy now for also keeping up with the simple daily tasks and routines relatively consistently. Those are still not the main sources of my joy, it is the larger visions and projects. Not sure if anyone relates, or if it would work for others, just thought to share as my life operates in this way so much generally, definitely not just a recovery feature. One larger plan I have for this early recovery phase specifically is to improve my health and fitness in various ways - this is also something I plan, break down, evaluate etc.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Ah yes.. projects.. really good point Aellyce. I also spend a lot of time on them so tend to focus on the little things as a basis for gratitude and satisfaction in daily living, but you're right in that projects really give us something to look forward to and also to obtain a very rewarding flow experience from when we are immersed in them. My whole life has been goal oriented/project based so I guess it has become transparent to me and hence the joy in the experience and appreciation of small little things. Birds singing, the smell of freshly ground coffee beans, etc.
My career was almost all project vs routine task oriented (until mgmt, lol), and my personal projects - the land development, interstate moves, home improvement (rain water capture currently), financial investments, and of course international travel. Really good points about all that, and tapping into the creative side. They give us something to look forward to. On the other hand great arguments have been made about the value of appreciating the simple things in life and the dangers of excessive "goal orientation" and/or being "consumed" by our projects.. and to some extent I agree, so there has to be a balance imho.
My career was almost all project vs routine task oriented (until mgmt, lol), and my personal projects - the land development, interstate moves, home improvement (rain water capture currently), financial investments, and of course international travel. Really good points about all that, and tapping into the creative side. They give us something to look forward to. On the other hand great arguments have been made about the value of appreciating the simple things in life and the dangers of excessive "goal orientation" and/or being "consumed" by our projects.. and to some extent I agree, so there has to be a balance imho.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Originally Posted by advbike 
Ah yes.. projects.. really good point Aellyce. I also spend a lot of time on them so tend to focus on the little things as a basis for gratitude and satisfaction in daily living, but you're right in that projects really give us something to look forward to and also to obtain a very rewarding flow experience from when we are immersed in them. My whole life has been goal oriented/project based so I guess it has become transparent to me and hence the joy in the experience and appreciation of small little things. Birds singing, the smell of freshly ground coffee beans, etc.
My career was almost all project vs routine task oriented (until mgmt, lol), and my personal projects - the land development, interstate moves, home improvement (rain water capture currently), financial investments, and of course international travel. Really good points about all that, and tapping into the creative side. They give us something to look forward to. On the other hand great arguments have been made about the value of appreciating the simple things in life and the dangers of excessive "goal orientation" and/or being "consumed" by our projects.. and to some extent I agree, so there has to be a balance imho.
My career was almost all project vs routine task oriented (until mgmt, lol), and my personal projects - the land development, interstate moves, home improvement (rain water capture currently), financial investments, and of course international travel. Really good points about all that, and tapping into the creative side. They give us something to look forward to. On the other hand great arguments have been made about the value of appreciating the simple things in life and the dangers of excessive "goal orientation" and/or being "consumed" by our projects.. and to some extent I agree, so there has to be a balance imho.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
