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Sobriety Month 1- Who the hell is the person living in my body? I don't even recognize myself any longer. I have to change. Man I am in HELL. I've got to help myself. Ive got to get sober. Hot tea. Sleep. Hot tea. Sleep. meetings. Crying. Severe anxiety. Post on here. Do not leave here. Month 2- Epic days long battles of anxiety. Trying to maintain composure. Trying to maintain positivity. Hot tea. More hot tea and more hot tea. I'm not really getting better. I think I may have altered myself. What does that even mean? Ride it out. Fake it until you make it. There are glimpses of happiness. The sun is sort of shining in my brain. Im so screwed. Month 3- Wake in the morning to discover that there is not the EPIC battle of swirling thoughts, emotions and wondering If I'm ever going to make it into something that resembles sane. What is this new "Okayish" feeling? Best not to talk about it and keep moving forward. I dont want to jinx myself. Listen to others. Remember that I have been here before. Month 4- Cruising along with some water wings. Its nice. Not too many waves. The sunshine is shining for longer periods of time in my brain. This is cool. Noticing how my emotions are still controlling me. Various turbulence. I gotta do something about that. Month 5- Routine is great. Structure has kept me grounded. No real thoughts of wanting to escape. Diligent at work. Trying to learn more about my emotions and how to not let them control me. It seems like knowing is half the battle. My spiritual self needs some work. What is missing? What will help me to feel whole? How do I carry on in this? What is the purpose and am I in some spiritual crisis? I am guided towards a spiritual practice and start to read everything I can to learn more. Month 6- Start chanting. Why not? I'm disciplined enough to start this spiritual road and see where it takes me. Readings each night. Chanting in the morning and night. See where it takes me. Set times. Set readings. Positive and feeds the part of myself where there was a hole. Prayer. Chanting. Prayer. Focusing on changing myself. When I change, my world changes. Things actually start to change. More confidence. More love. More to give. Month 7- I will be there tomorrow morning. The HELL I was in 7 months ago is far removed from my life. I am raising my life condition and am hopeful. If I think about the place I was in 7 months ago tears come to my eyes. It was dark and scary and I had intrusive thoughts. I cannot live there. That place is not meant for me. I will continue walking forward. Chanting. Helping. Praying. Drinking Limeade. |
I'm really glad to hear you're feeling good and doing so well. 7 months of recovery is great. |
Thank you for posting, there is light at the end of the tunnel 🥰 your doing fantastic your coming out the other side 💗 |
This was awesome to read Mizz. Thank you for sharing :) It made me realise that I have only once got past month three and that was a decade ago. It's time to experience what comes after the hard part. I think I am ready for that x |
Great post Mizz. Keep going, it gets even better:c011: |
So happy for you Mizz. Onwards. Stopping only to smell the roses. 🌹 |
I didn't keep as detailed a time line as that, but I do remember that person in my past. I know it was me, because it's my memory of me. Yet it seems like a completely different person doing things that are foreign to my nature. Still, I ask myself sometimes, who was that person? About the time I got over my cravings in the first couple of weeks, I was delighted. I no longer struggled with my alcoholism, aside from thoughts of alcohol in the form of my AV, which I laughed off. I did struggle with other life issues that were unrelated to my drinking. But during that first year and afterwards, I didn't realize that life would become as simple as it is today. I was aware that my drinking days were over, and never lost my gratitude for that. But the rest of the transition was too slow for me to be aware of at the time. You are in a good place with "The HELL I was in 7 months ago is far removed from my life. I am raising my life condition and am hopeful. If I think about the place I was in 7 months ago tears come to my eyes. It was dark and scary and I had intrusive thoughts. I cannot live there. That place is not meant for me." It's a part of recovery. You never want to go back to that place, and I don't believe you will. You have tasted the good life, and anything less will not be as satisfying. Just enjoy, and 20 years from now, I'm thinking you will be surprised to find out it gets even better. |
Originally Posted by Mizz;[url=tel:7633068 7633068[/url]]Month 1- Who the hell is the person living in my body? I don't even recognize myself any longer. I have to change. Man I am in HELL. I've got to help myself. Ive got to get sober. Hot tea. Sleep. Hot tea. Sleep. meetings. Crying. Severe anxiety. Post on here. Do not leave here. Month 2- Epic days long battles of anxiety. Trying to maintain composure. Trying to maintain positivity. Hot tea. More hot tea and more hot tea. I'm not really getting better. I think I may have altered myself. What does that even mean? Ride it out. Fake it until you make it. There are glimpses of happiness. The sun is sort of shining in my brain. Im so screwed. Month 3- Wake in the morning to discover that there is not the EPIC battle of swirling thoughts, emotions and wondering If I'm ever going to make it into something that resembles sane. What is this new "Okayish" feeling? Best not to talk about it and keep moving forward. I dont want to jinx myself. Listen to others. Remember that I have been here before. Month 4- Cruising along with some water wings. Its nice. Not too many waves. The sunshine is shining for longer periods of time in my brain. This is cool. Noticing how my emotions are still controlling me. Various turbulence. I gotta do something about that. Month 5- Routine is great. Structure has kept me grounded. No real thoughts of wanting to escape. Diligent at work. Trying to learn more about my emotions and how to not let them control me. It seems like knowing is half the battle. My spiritual self needs some work. What is missing? What will help me to feel whole? How do I carry on in this? What is the purpose and am I in some spiritual crisis? I am guided towards a spiritual practice and start to read everything I can to learn more. Month 6- Start chanting. Why not? I'm disciplined enough to start this spiritual road and see where it takes me. Readings each night. Chanting in the morning and night. See where it takes me. Set times. Set readings. Positive and feeds the part of myself where there was a hole. Prayer. Chanting. Prayer. Focusing on changing myself. When I change, my world changes. Things actually start to change. More confidence. More love. More to give. Month 7- I will be there tomorrow morning. The HELL I was in 7 months ago is far removed from my life. I am raising my life condition and am hopeful. If I think about the place I was in 7 months ago tears come to my eyes. It was dark and scary and I had intrusive thoughts. I cannot live there. That place is not meant for me. I will continue walking forward. Chanting. Helping. Praying. Drinking Limeade. Also feels good knowing we never have to return to those bad times if we don’t want! I know I don’t…:c022: Keep up the great work! 😊😊😊 |
Amazing thanks for sharing Mizz huge congrats on 7 months 🙌 |
Congrats on 7 months sober! :) Glad you are doing well. :hug: |
Mizz - that was a great summary of the horror we go through in early recovery. I had my own version of it. Wish I'd kept a diary of the early days. Thank you for a helpful post - and congratulations. Proud of you. |
Congrats on 7 months Mizz - great post :) D |
Thanks for sharing Mizz and congratulations on the impressive progress! I like how you question your ongoing states and come up with things to try to improve. |
Thank you for sharing Mizz. Congrats on 7 months. |
Fantastic post Mizz, as always. You are so introspective and when you discover an area for improvement you actually DO something about it. I've got the first part down, it's the action part I need to work on. Keep it up my friend! |
What a great post! Congrats on the 7 months. I think I'm at the "cruising along with water wings." Sure is much better than the "who the hell is the person living in my body" ! :a136: |
Thank you ALL for your support. This forum has been my main tool for recovery. The people on here have been honest with me through the months (years) that I have been on here. I keep coming back because I truly know that I want sobriety and a life that I am proud of. Having a community of people to talk to is invaluable. Whatever road one takes to recovery is the right road. AA, SMART, Rational Recovery and using a little of this and that. We are all so different. So complex. We are all so HUMAN. I appreciate you all. I don't know you in person but I do look forward to hearing about your journeys and encouraging you to continue on in sobriety. We are doing this, guys! GO US! The one thing I was excited about today was getting home after work to watch Modern Family. There is nothing like laughter to make a person feel truly alive. Have a wonderful evening wherever you are in the world! |
Congrats Mizz! nice post and inspiring to so many. 😍 |
Mizz, you are a shining light for all of us. You have a great way of expressing yourself, that was a good post. I am so very glad you're starting to reap the benefits of sober life. I wish I could gift that to every person who comes here with a drink problem because it's almost indescribable the difference between the inner comfort level of long-term sobriety vs that horrible first month or two. It keeps getting better. Huge congratulations on Seven months from me and one of the fledglings and a rather bothersome crow. :) Crows are like AVs. https://forum.hancockwildlife.org/do...?id=842481&t=1 |
Originally Posted by biminiblue
(Post 7633403)
Mizz, you are a shining light for all of us. You have a great way of expressing yourself, that was a good post. I am so very glad you're starting to reap the benefits of sober life. I wish I could gift that to every person who comes here with a drink problem because it's almost indescribable the difference between the inner comfort level of long-term sobriety vs that horrible first month or two. It keeps getting better. Huge congratulations on Seven months from me and one of the fledglings and a rather bothersome crow. :) Crows are like AVs. https://forum.hancockwildlife.org/do...?id=842481&t=1 I must tell you and this forum that YOU helped me immensely in the beginning. Still do. Because you knew of the struggle in the first few months you came in with words, tools and knowledge that really pushed me forward as long as I applied said tools and knowledge. I clung to your advice and read the suggested books. Pushed myself up and up and up and up....... I felt like I was carrying cement for awhile. I would wake in the morning to pictures of baby eagles and kindness. Those little messages and your friendship on here is priceless. I appreciate you. I appreciate the kindness. The compassion. The understanding. Thank you for being you, BB! Truly. ONWARDS AND UPWARDS!!!! |
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