DRMax

Hi guys.

I'd posted several years ago when i was going through a bad spell and alcohol had gotten a grip of me (or vice versa). Anyway life got better and i did continue to drink but not as regular as i had been.

The thing is when i do drink it will result in me then buying a 70 cl/700ml bottle of vodka/whiskey the next morning along with 8 or 10 beers that will last me the day. I will repeat this daily until i can get sober (12 day bender last time, i actually took time off work). All the while sat in the house on my own


Ive been able to kind of get away with this because im single, live on my own and between binges can focus on myself for a few weeks (excercise, eat well etc)

I always kind of excused this behaviour due to whatever stresses are going on in my life and told myself that post lockdown i can just meet up with people again and drink normally then get on with my life the next day.

Im begining to accept however that i'm never going to be able to do that. Ive never really felt this way and i know im only 8 days sober but i genuinely want to stop drinking. I feel i have no choice. Lets do this!!

doggonecarl

Understanding that I wasn't a normal drinker...had never been one...and was never, ever going to be a normal drinker was key to my getting sober. Actually, what was key was ACCEPTING that I couldn't drink normally, and vowing to never drink again.

DRMax

Thanks for the reply doggonecarl. Thats the feeling I've gotten now. I know Its easy to be positive after 8 days when im feeling better but someone asked me on day 6 if i was an alcoholic. I answered that im beginning to accept i am. I dont want to offend anyone with such labels, they were his words not mine but i think he just meant what you were alluding to as in not ever going to be a normal drinker.

Im not naive though. Easier said than done i know, very much a 1 day at a time thing

anxiousrock

It's a hard habit to break. I'm a binge drinker too , although only every 1-2 days in a row. But, I know how you feel and you can do it. Being sober, your body and mind feel so much clearer.

Anna

Welcome DRMax and good job on Day 8. Yes, accepting that you cannot drink is essential to recovery. I think you will find that it's easier to stop drinking for good than to binge and try to recover between binges. Our bodies suffer so much when we do that, as do our minds and spirit.

TroubleAfoot

I came to the same realization about 3 days ago. I've had some sober periods before but I always went back to drinking because I thought "this time" I can handle it. Well it turns out I can't. I finally realized this and am in it for the long haul now. Keep going!

Surrendered19

8 days sure is an excellent start DRMax. 8 tough foundational days. It is a hard thing to get your head around at first. Never drinking again looms large. Hence, it is best to take things day by day. In these early days, your goal should be to lay your head down each night sober. You can do it.

DRMax

Thanks guys

Yeah i feel ive kind of got 2 choices. I either accept that i drink and this what happens along with everything that goes with it (staying single or getting back in volatile relationships, being stuck in the past and having a toxic attitude. Letting the people who actually care about me down and making them worry. Spending all my money sat in the house on my own getting blackout drunk. Also risking getting pulled over by the police and thus risk losing my job because ive got away with driving to work having pushed the boundaries the night before far too​​​ many times now). Or abstain, there's no middle ground
​​​

Dee74

Welcome back DRMax

Sounds a lot like my epiphany - I can be who I want to be, or drink... but not both.

D

DriGuy

Most alcoholics avoid labeling others alcoholics, at least most of the time. Where that line is that separates a normal drinker from an alcoholic is hard to determine, and I've even heard a few of us wonder if we are alcoholics, or as my AA sponsor once said, "...just a slobs." But the way you describe your drinking sound serious to me and not at all like what most people would call normal. You don't need a label to know that you get out of control when you drink, and blackouts are not something normal drinkers experience.

There's only one solution I know of to the problem, and that is to give up drinking for good. As draconian as such an action sounds, it turns out to be a life that is much better than most of us drinkers thought could be possible. I love being sober all the time, and never ever feel like I made a sacrifice to get this way. The real sacrifice was all those years I wasted drunk or hung over; Years down the drain, that are gone for good. That was the real sacrifice.

RecklessDrunk

I define my alcoholism as the combination of an allergy to alcohol and an obsession to drink it.

I don't think it really occurred to me that I was an alcoholic until my mid or later 20s. I didn't care just figured it was something I had to live with. Quitting drinking was not an option. I could not imagine a life without alcohol. I was functioning and would eat right, exercise, show up for work everyday. Whatever I had to do to keep drinking. This went on until my early 40s.

Knowing what I know now I can trace my alcoholism back to when I was 14 years old. One night I drank crappy bud beer until I threw up. All of the madness in my head suddenly stopped and I finally felt what I now call serenity (not in my vocabulary back then). Maybe its youth but I didn't feel hangovers back then. The morning was sunny and I woke up with an obsession to drink alcohol. I had to feel like that again! The night before I experienced the allergy. I could not control how much I drank or what I did. I was on fire though or so I was told.

Unlike any other allergy this one comes with an obsession. Its absolute insanity, an obsession to destroy oneself. It will play tricks on you. Early on it may suddenly come on real strong. When it does it likes a riptide. Pulling you out to sea. It feels like its going to keep pulling and you are defenseless until you drink. It won't though, just stay calm and parallel with the shore. The intense cravings blow over quicker then they seem they will. Once beaten back a few times the obsession starts to lose its grip. It switches tactics but you will have more strength to handle it.

Introvrtd1

Hi DRMax! I too was a binge drinker…Mostly on weekends from friday afternoon thru sunday night. Man…The withdrawals were horrible on mondays 😩 Sometimes the bingeing would spill over into monday after work, even possibly through the week till the next weekend…This could cycle for weeks until I cut back to weekends or stopped for only a few days altogether ☹️ 125 days now…some good some bad, but I never wanna go back to those horrible day days of withdrawals.

Hang in there and keep pressing forward

Hevyn

It's good to see you again, DRMax. You sound ready to get free for good. You can!

DRMax

Thanks everyone for your kind words

Its good to be back! And well done Introvrtd1 on 125 days sober.

DRMax

Thanks everyone for your kind words

Its good to be back! And well done Introvrtd1 on 125 days sober.

Mizz

You are doing really well and it is so good you have come back for support.
Keep moving forward!

Truthbetold76

Wow. This is me. Totally relate to this entire post. I’m glad you came back (as did I)
Day 9 here now again for me ! We can do this !

DRMax

Yes we can 💪. Day 9 now for me too. Like i said, lets do this. All the best!!