Day 14 Lies and threats from son .. I’m truly done !
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 870
Day 14 Lies and threats from son .. I’m truly done !
Day 14 So my son sent a message to my best friend saying I had taken all his money ( completely untrue) and that I was drinking too much and needed help (trueish but am on SR and feeling good about change). Despite saying to everyone he was studying, it turns out he hadn’t been in College since March 8th. He told his tutor he had financial problems and had to move out of his accommodation ( not true, the student grant pays it until July) and that he has a health problem which meant that he couldn’t meet with other students ( not true ). Apparently he needs £8500 to cover his debts and if I don’t pay up he will post videos of me drunk to my friends and work colleagues ( which would destroy me). He told his father he got arrested 2 days ago ( and released ) because he ‘was doing something he didn’t want to do because of a need for money ...I have been telling anyone who will listen that he would be arrested ( it’s the fifth time). so many lies, so much dishonesty, blackmail and deceit. I’m done ! I can’t take much more of this ... need to just leave him to it, no matter what the outcome ! :-(
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
I agree that the time may have come for you and all your friends to block him and to go totally no contact. I know you already have a TRO against him, but maybe you should go to the police and tell them he is violating that order and blackmailing you, which is what he is doing. And that is a crime.
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 2,576
I would definitely block him and tell your friends that you do not want to hear anything that he has to say.
By threatening to show these videos or pictures, it sounds like its causing you more harm than just doing it. Once he just gets on with it, he has no power over you anymore.
What he is doing is blackmail. I'm pretty sure that is illegal. Its all just too much drama for anyone, especially someone trying to get sober. I hope that you will cut all ties relating to your son until you are strong, sober and healthy.
He does not sound well. Perhaps you need to really tighten up your boundaries?
We have all done embarrassing things while drunk. As time passes, and we show others we are trying to get well our past can no longer hurt us. Call his bluff...
By threatening to show these videos or pictures, it sounds like its causing you more harm than just doing it. Once he just gets on with it, he has no power over you anymore.
What he is doing is blackmail. I'm pretty sure that is illegal. Its all just too much drama for anyone, especially someone trying to get sober. I hope that you will cut all ties relating to your son until you are strong, sober and healthy.
He does not sound well. Perhaps you need to really tighten up your boundaries?
We have all done embarrassing things while drunk. As time passes, and we show others we are trying to get well our past can no longer hurt us. Call his bluff...
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
I feel so awful for your friends. You keep subjecting them to an abusive criminal so that you can stay in touch with your son. You are also quickly reaching the point that when haul him back into court, a judge will pick apart the many ways you have made sure to stay in contact with him and will likely cancel the order for protection. Judges really do not like being party to helping you kick your son out of the front door all the while you keep letting him in the back door.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 870
I think the judge realised he was vulnerable but said to him ‘Mr x , I suggest you find more appropriate ways of asking Ms Y for money’. But I guess blackmail wasn’t one of them... and I’m not ‘subjecting my friends’. He’s contacting them independently.
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
You are subjecting them to a dangerous criminal. By entertaining conversations about your son, you are subjecting them to danger. Your son isn't stupid. He quickly figured out that he can still communicate with you. But now it has to be through your friends or his father. So that is what he does. Your willingness to have contact with your son via your friends' contact with him keeps the cycle going.
If you don't want to hear my take on this I will stand down. This is a support site and I want to be supportive. But the only way I know to be supportive in this situation is to point out to you what is obvious to everyone else, and will be glaringly obvious to a judge.
I apologize if I have overstepped.
If you don't want to hear my take on this I will stand down. This is a support site and I want to be supportive. But the only way I know to be supportive in this situation is to point out to you what is obvious to everyone else, and will be glaringly obvious to a judge.
I apologize if I have overstepped.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
This must be causing a great deal of pain, over and over. It’s almost daily now.
I think non contact is the way to go now and you telling your friends or the boy’s dad you don’t want to hear about your son approaching them is I think a great idea.
As I say tho,it’s up to you.
D
I think non contact is the way to go now and you telling your friends or the boy’s dad you don’t want to hear about your son approaching them is I think a great idea.
As I say tho,it’s up to you.
D
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,572
Leave him to it Ican. I reckon you've got the leading hand.
If he acts on the threats he'll be left with a mitful of deuces. Sob. Then what? Might need to get a job.
Don't let yourself be blackmailed whatever the cost.
Let him know in Spades ♠️
Zero contact.
Being 'done' will herald change.
If he acts on the threats he'll be left with a mitful of deuces. Sob. Then what? Might need to get a job.
Don't let yourself be blackmailed whatever the cost.
Let him know in Spades ♠️
Zero contact.
Being 'done' will herald change.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 774
Sorry to hear this. Your son apparently either has a gambling, drugs or overspending problem. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it (though you can encourage). You are doing well regarding your own sobriety, keep it up.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 870
Originally Posted by Surrendered19 
You are subjecting them to a dangerous criminal. By entertaining conversations about your son, you are subjecting them to danger. Your son isn't stupid. He quickly figured out that he can still communicate with you. But now it has to be through your friends or his father. So that is what he does. Your willingness to have contact with your son via your friends' contact with him keeps the cycle going.
If you don't want to hear my take on this I will stand down. This is a support site and I want to be supportive. But the only way I know to be supportive in this situation is to point out to you what is obvious to everyone else, and will be glaringly obvious to a judge.
I apologize if I have overstepped.
If you don't want to hear my take on this I will stand down. This is a support site and I want to be supportive. But the only way I know to be supportive in this situation is to point out to you what is obvious to everyone else, and will be glaringly obvious to a judge.
I apologize if I have overstepped.
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