Swinging back again.
 

Hi SR fam, new and old.
Had 4 years of sobriety until April 2020 when covid came. My biz took a hit and was locked down. In the first month i made the terrible decision to start again.
Was the same old story, over and over you hear here in the forum. Within about a month I was back to daily drinking.
Never drove drunk, did it all at my house. Basically pass out every night, wake, rinse repeat.
i knew it was bad.. and would have to quit again for good in short order. Well it took about a year. Much harder this time, but ive managed a few weeks to get my sober frame of mind back. We're still in lockdown here in Toronto.
ive been exercising again, and have gotten past the physical symptoms (shakes, etc..) now i just gotta work on mental, but im loving sobriety again.

my advice: think of Alcoholism as a constant curve going upwards. Even if you step off that curve for any amount of time, (if) you go back you will catch up to that line and continue the addiction (stronger than before). It truly is a no win situation. Moderation wont work, switching up drinking times wont work, changing brands hard beer wine wont work.. it's all the same.

ive accepted I can never drink again, Alcohol brings no relief, no fun or happiness. It is simply a drug that is poisonous to my body, my family, and my life.

glad to be back.

Man I'm sorry to hear you drank Joe, but I'm glad you got through it and made it back here.
Welcome back :)

D

Hey Joe,

Sorry for what brings you, but great to "see" you, and glad you stepped back off the curve!

Even after 6 years, I still think sometimes for a split second, maybe I could take a break, so posts like your really are a public service announcement.

Welcome back.

Thanks for sharing your experience; you will have helped many 🙏

My addiction lingers. Even after several years of sobriety, the thought of making the world go away for a while still tempts me.

But, SR taught me. Your post and others remind me.

I've be on SR since I was 90 days clean back in 2015.

I have read thousands of posts.....I have never never never read a post that said a person found happiness and contentment in relapsing.

The happiness is found in staying sober forever.

Wanting to drink booze is a feeling that resides deep in my mind. It is linked to emotion at a foundation level. It is simple but persistent.

I find that the seemingly strong sober minds here fundamentally dismiss the thought of drinking as something totally and inexcusably wrong.

Drinking booze is just wrong for us. There is no need to rationalize. No glamour. No benefit. Nothing.

Drinking booze is marketed as a way to enjoy or be rewarded. But, ingesting something that makes me sick and alters my personality is not a reward.

Thanks.

Personally, I found I drank less over time. Lots of sobriety, lots of relapses, but I personally did not see an increase in consumption - it was always fewer drinks each time, each year. However - the anxiety and bad sleep DID ramp up, even with smaller amounts consumed. That's the part that got me, the body and brain were becoming intolerant of it.

Glad you're back, giving it another go. :)

I firmly believe we never get over alcoholism, but we can abstain and live a perfectly normal life. It has worked for me with results far better than I ever imagined. Glad you're back.

Hey Joe,

Glad you are back. I am also in the Toronto area so can relate to some degree of what you are going through with still being in lockdown.

Keep up the good work. Glad you are getting back on track.

LoveDD

then you def know how I feel. We're still in lockdown until August. Ugh..

good news is ive maintained sobriety. 1+ month now.. lost weight and starting to exercise again.

still get daily urges from the AV, but becoming less and less strong.

Hi JoeCree and welcome back! I'm 16 months sober after many years of daily drinking. I can't thank you enough for sharing because these are the types of posts that remind me if I ever go back, I may never find my way out again. It seems like, after a period of sobriety, the alcoholic brain forgets the misery and decides "I can drink now". But like you say, we will end up back in the same position or even worse.

I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying sobriety again. That's a very positive sign. Stay close!

Hi Joe, it's good to hear from you, though I'm sorry that you relapsed last year. I'm glad that you're back and starting to feel a bit better.

Welcome back Joe. Sorry to hear you picked up again but good for you for righting your ship.

Good to see you back:)

It's very important to remember that there will be another window of opportunity to take back control of your life and if you do go back into any addiction it is imperative to limit the damage by looking after yourself as best you can with eating, sleeping, etc. Put on weight, you can lose it again. Become unfit, you can get fit again. I've seen a lot of people that have taken on board the idea that if they relapse they will end up dead which is absolute BS unless you make it a self fulfilling prophecy. A lot of people don't go back to their addiction and successfully change their lives to allow them to live addiction free, but even more people go back to their addiction and they need to know that it is not a death sentence by any means.

Welcome back and thanks for the message.

I've thought about what a decision point for a relapse for me might look like and I think I would have to conclude that everything in my life is worth throwing away in exchange for a relapse. In fact, I might very well die that night because I would go all out and drink until i passed out and very well might die by doing so.

Early on when I was first sober, I wondered what a "moderate night out" might look like and I started to game out a scenario, by myself, in a remote area 20 miles from the nearest town, with no access to a car or liquor store, with no access to the internet or cell phones, etc Anyway, the scenario got so ridiculous I thought to myself, whats the point of doing that?

i think youre discovering my theory. If you ever relapse, in short order you will catch up to the "Alcoholic trajectory " you are always on. Staying sober starts a new (opposite curve) in a better direction.

im starting to enjoy sobriety again. Lost a lot of weight, eating better, taking care of my family, reading to my kids at bed, long dog walks... its a much more fun trajectory to be on.