Jillian2563

I messed up and decided drinking last night would be a good idea. It’s a huge reminder as to why I can’t even have one - always turns into binge drinking. The trigger? Me being tired of having these allergy symptoms....great reason right? (Sarcasm).

I printed out the info Dee linked about making a plan.

Mizz

Plan.
Yes.

Creating a structured plan is essential. At least I think so.

You have to want to be sober more than you want to drink. Least, our Forum Greeter, says this all the time. There is real truth to it. You can do this! I believe in you. It is so good you came back and giving it another go!

Jillian2563

I heard this time and time again and I truly believe that I do want to be sober more than I want to drink. But how does this apply when clearly I’m addicted? When the obsession or thinking won’t stop?

doggonecarl

The obsession to drink, the constant thinking about drinking stops when you stop feeding the addiction. Every one on SR who is sober has had to get through exactly what you are going through. The insistent urge to drink. The difference? They didn't drink. Yes, you are addicted. That doesn't mean you can't quit. But it does give us a good reason to say we can't.

Here's one facet of a recovery plan: Stop planning to drink. No drinking for allergies, no drinking for boat rides, not for cravings and the constant thoughts of drinking. Take it off the table as an option. No drinking.

Mizz

I was also addicted to alcohol.

Addiction is really hard to stop. The obsessive thoughts and the thinking does calm down after awhile as we stop feeding the addiction. The first few weeks are not easy but it is most definitely achievable. Quitting an addiction is one of the hardest things I have done along with conquering my anxiety. The anxiety was actually worse when I think about it.

When the thoughts came to drink, I did something else. Anything else. A structured plan that did not include alchol is what got me sober. Posting here and becoming a part of this wonderful community helped.

advbike

The more time I didn't drink, the easier it got for me, even though I slipped up several times. Learning to say no to the AV is the hardest part, but incredibly effective when practiced. I tried several quit methods but the strongest and most successful has been when I just say NO to the AV immediately. The second the thought occurs that a drink might be good, for whatever reason.. shut it down IMMEDIATELY.

Do not give your AV a seat at the table so to speak - the opportunity to have a "discussion" with you about why a drink would be good. I ALWAYS failed when that happened because it can use incredible rationalizations, and the longer we ponder it, the weaker we become.

Shut it down immediately. After a while, it goes away, because you have eliminated a "train of thinking" that gives it voice.

Surrendered19

You have been posting about so many really serious things going on in your life Jillian. It is hard to believe allergy symptoms are why you drank. Regardless, it is a great demonstration of why, as you say, you need a plan to stay sober. A good plan will include examining our propensity to scour the earth for reasons to drink. The color of the sky or allergy symptoms on one end of the spectrum and all the way to the other end of the spectrum consisting of heavy things happening in your life and relationships. On that spectrum lay an infinite number of reasons to drink. Pick any reason you want on that spectrum and ask, every single time, if drinking would help at all. The honest answer is "no" in all cases from changing the color of the sky all the way to your desire for closeness, happiness and joy.

Zebra1275

Good job making a plan. A good plan is also written down, either on paper or in digital form.

And a good plan is never carved in stone, as it will likely need to be modified as time goes on.

DriGuy

It seems that way now, but Carl nailed it. It will stop when you break the cycle. What you are experiencing right now is addiction in it's purest form, the cycle of drink/crave/drink/crave/drink/crave. Breaking the cycle is not painless, at least not a first. It is however, possible. Right now, you (all of us) faced the pain. It's unavoidable. At first it seems like you need a bulldozer to do this. Of course that exaggerates it a lot. The big light at the end of the tunnel is that you won't always need that metaphorical bulldozer. At most you will need a dust mop as soon as you bust through the cravings. It actually gets that easy when you get to where you can simply think your way through it. Not yet, however. You are in the white knuckle stage.

I remember when I drank, always thinking I could quit if I had too, and then as things start to get bad, you decide quitting is in order, only to be slapped in the face with how this isn't the thing you always thought you could quit if you needed too. It's like the rude awakening stage of recovery when it starts to dawn on us how deeply down the rabbit hole we had got ourselves.

Now you have to actually deal with the Hellish cravings. Don't feel alone. You are not the first. There is no way around this. Can you make it two weeks? That is when the plan is really brought in to action. Right now the mission is "Don't drink." Not much of a plan, right? But it's the short term task in front of you right now. One thing at a time.

Anna

Part of my plan was changing my daily routine so that I would be doing different things at the time I was drinking. It definitely helped me get through the early days.

I hope you come up with a plan that works for you.

DriGuy

Anna is right. I concede. There are measures early on that can help with the cravings, not eliminate them in my case. I just muscled my way through, because at that point, I was unable to reason with enough clarity to even think about other options.

Aellyce

Jillian, if you are looking for methods to deal with drinking urges of all kinds and haven't seen it yet, look at the Coping with Urges (they also call it Point 2) section of the SMART Recovery program. It contains the most comprehensive toolkit for that purpose I have ever seen anywhere. They also have a weekly meeting specifically dealing with this topic, to help you learn how to use the tools and discuss with others. The other sections of SMART are also useful to look at because everything is interrelated and can be used as a wholistic program, to address pretty much every critical aspects of recovery, all stages. All of that was immensely helpful for me in my first few months and I relapsed, I think, because I got lazy and stopped using it. The other one I like is AVRT from Rational Recovery - SMART includes a method that is virtually identical, but the original AVRT describes it in much more detail. If you like any of these, you can incorporate them into your plan and personalize it further to fit your needs and specific challenges. For me, the only significant challenge in staying sober has been dealing with the cravings/urges/AV/call it whatever, but that has been a giant monster, so I really looked into everything available in depth and tried pretty much all of them - don't think I could have managed without this help. It's much easier using these things than just "white knuckling" and I definitely needed active distractions as well when the urges hit - things you do and can plan in advance, because merely cognitive methods either didn't cut it for me, or it was too painful that way. Even just attending recovery meetings can also be such an active distraction and there are so many different kinds these days, you can find one in virtually every hour of the day.

It seems like ~one month is the turning point for me both first time and after my relapse (around now), when dealing with this stuff is getting much easier. Can seem like an eternity but so worth getting through and never looking back!

Mizz

Bulldozer. Yes. We do need that in the beginning.

Deeply down the rabbit hole. Yes. I was there.
It took me a lot of building, resting, pushing through and essentially walking up a really giant Mountain to get to level ground. The view is GLORIOUS now but in the beginning there was no light. Very dark.

Hellish cravings? Yes. Anxiety? Yeesssss! uncomfortable? Yes!
Realizing how deep I was in that mess was such an eye opener. Now. I can see now.

IT IS ALL WORTH IT!

Jillian2563

I know. It sounds so ridiculous now. In that moment all I wanted to do was “feel better”. And you all know how that went.

advbike

I have watched new members get 3 or 4 days, then drink.. then a week, then drink.. then 10 days.. then two weeks.. at that point they often stick with it, although relapse at 30 days is not uncommon. My pattern was generally a slip-up at 3-4 months for various crazy reasons, mainly thinking that I wasn't really alcoholic since I never drank that much at a time, lol. So it sometimes takes some setbacks and comparison to the sober experience to realize we want sobriety more.

I personally recommend AVRT and the other concepts espoused by Rational Recovery - that we simply drink for the pleasure of the buzz, and once the consequences become too severe it's totally possible to put the alcohol down and move on, as many have done for thousands of years. RR simply requires us to inform ourselves of the methodology, then make a plan that states "I will never drink again, and I will never change my mind". The words have power.

For me - a rather ambivalent and non-committal person, it has been eye-opening. I will have to say that once I made my Big Plan I have not had one significant urge or craving, just an occasional thought which is easily dismissed. That's the experience of many.

You can totally do this Jillian, and have a great life.

ScottFromWI

We are all addicted, even those of us who have been sober for many years. And yes, wanting to be sober is a prerequisite. Having said that, wanting to quit in itself won't get you sober - any more than wanting a new car will produce one in your driveway.

How it applies to you is really your choice. You can continue to listen to the addictive thoughts/voices and take no action - in which the likely outcome is that you'll continue to keep drinking. Or you can decide on a course of action to put those thoughts aside and replace them with activities and a framework to follow when they do rear their head. No one is going to be able to do this work for you - we can provide with information and tools and frameworks to choose from, but you need to make the choices and do the work.

Just my opinion here, but since it seems like you have a difficult time adopting or sticking with a self-directed plan - you might want to try something more structured. Meeting based recovery might be a great thing to try, especially something that has regularly scheduled meetings. There are many options out there - AA, Smart, Celebrate Recovery, etc. Maybe even an outpatient rehab or addiction group therapy program, there are plenty of them out there. .

novips

FWIW, here are the instructions I was given when I came back to A.A. in 2002:

1. Start and end each day with prayer. Get on my knees in the morning and at night -- asking God to keep me sober in the morning, thanking Him for keeping me sober at night. Feel free to replace "God" and "Him" with whatever works.

2. Attend at least one A.A. meeting every day for 90 days.

3. Get an A.A. home group and an A.A. service commitment.

4. Call your A.A. sponsor every day. This sponsor should have personal experience working the Steps of A.A. as set forth in the Big Book, and be willing to guide you through those those Steps.

5. Read the first 164 pages of the Big Book, highlighting whatever jumps out at you (I thought that, did that, felt that).

GerandTwine

Or, you could quit drinking for good the way chemically dependent people have been doing it for thousands of years:

1 - Be glad that it is something YOU have complete control over. Drinking is one inch from your nose and three inches from your eyes. Nothing can get in your mouth without your very deliberate planning.

2 - Remember that triggers are all baloney. By the time you’ve got the drink in hand and you’re lifting it up to your mouth for that first gulp - you are ALREADY FEELING JUST FINE. The unpleasant “reason” that your AV thought up to get you to drink has ALREADY VANISHED, and your are feeling just great with the alcohol about to hit your brain. BUT, and this is important, the alcohol has not yet hit your brain and you are already feeling fine. SO, proof: It could not have been alcohol in your body that got rid of that “unpleasant reason” your AV made up to get you to drink. So, why drink? For that deeply pleasurable effect of chemically enhanced stupidity that ethanol creates within the human nervous system. That is a very specific and biologically exacting experience that we are or were all familiar with here.

3 - Give Addictive Voice REcognition Technique a try. AVRT is designed to streamline how addicted people have decided to become permanent abstainers since time immemorial.

Aellyce

This was an experience and observation I'd made on myself pretty long before even made a serious commitment to not drinking on a specific day, let alone never. It was a profound experience for me that it's often experiencing the anticipation, merely the possibility of drinking, that is already satisfying... I have a long a complex history of using fantasy to satisfy all sorts of desires without needing any actual acting out... I think part of the reason I also lied so much in the past. Imagining and faking things had already done the trick. Neuroscience now actually has evidence for how this anticipatory pleasure/satisfaction works.

So indeed, why have the actual drink at all? This recognition alone didn't solve it for me completely, but now that I have a commitment and more tools to lean on, it is intriguing and quite helpful to remember each time I have craving: often the anticipation is more important and has already triggered that pleasure circuit in the brain. I now use this consciously, when I recognize I'm in this state, just give myself a small other kind of pleasure - like a nice nutritious meal, a walk in the park, a conversation with someone I like and does not disrupt my sobriety, meditation, listen to music I like, indulge in a Youtube channel I like, a movie, organize a small thing around me or in my computer, something to enhance my immediate environment/experience right there like some sort of self-care thing that is not essential but makes me happy, more recently build and decorating my new apartment... there are many more. I often find that when I experience a craving and recognize that the anticipation has already started the process - just switch to one of these natural, normal pleasures, do one of these immediately. It will pretty much always satisfy me in a few minutes without needing to consume any alcohol, and they are not addictive. I try to do a different thing each time to also make sure I don't wind up in yet another repetitive habit.

ishallnotwant

I’ve taken the advice of having a detailed daily plan and using that as the structure I need to work a program. Bitter experience has helped me to develop a list of things to do when I am craving. I go through the list and try everything on it until I find the distraction and support that I need to get me through the craving. If I get through everything on the list and am still craving, the last item is “Don’t drink; start back through the list”