Back, again....but very happy and grateful
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 110
Back, again....but very happy and grateful
been awhile since I have logged on! it's nice to see some names I recalled from before 
I'm on day 2 sober after a weeklong bender (and missing work and lying to everyone I know, YET AGAIN)....feeling super anxious which I am familiar with and very unmotivated but I promised I would do ONE right thing for myself today and I decided it was time I come back. I've on and off periods of total sobriety over the last couple years, some lasting weeks, some even for months and months. But since COVID and being isolated and working from home more, the "voice" has started to become loud and I started toying around with a couple here and there.....the last 3mths, the binges are amping up again from one day to this last one went from last Thurs to Tues...I figured out I drank about a litre of wine each day, maybe 2? so was feeling pretty shaky yesterday but today it's just total anxiety hell about missing work for days and days and lying to my boss / co-workers of why I needed it out, so I am also once again disgusted with myself.
I feel better even just getting this off my chest. Glad to be back and I look forward once again to listening and learning.
I'm on day 2 sober after a weeklong bender (and missing work and lying to everyone I know, YET AGAIN)....feeling super anxious which I am familiar with and very unmotivated but I promised I would do ONE right thing for myself today and I decided it was time I come back. I've on and off periods of total sobriety over the last couple years, some lasting weeks, some even for months and months. But since COVID and being isolated and working from home more, the "voice" has started to become loud and I started toying around with a couple here and there.....the last 3mths, the binges are amping up again from one day to this last one went from last Thurs to Tues...I figured out I drank about a litre of wine each day, maybe 2? so was feeling pretty shaky yesterday but today it's just total anxiety hell about missing work for days and days and lying to my boss / co-workers of why I needed it out, so I am also once again disgusted with myself.I feel better even just getting this off my chest. Glad to be back and I look forward once again to listening and learning.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Great to see you again, Truth! It sounds like you're ready to get the job done this time . I had a few lame attempts at getting sober until I was finally determined enough to come here & get some encouragement. As you said, getting it out there & sharing how we feel really helps. Congrats on your 2 days sober. 
. I had a few lame attempts at getting sober until I was finally determined enough to come here & get some encouragement. As you said, getting it out there & sharing how we feel really helps. Congrats on your 2 days sober. Member
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 110
Originally Posted by Hevyn 
Great to see you again, Truth! It sounds like you're ready to get the job done this time . I had a few lame attempts at getting sober until I was finally determined enough to come here & get some encouragement. As you said, getting it out there & sharing how we feel really helps. Congrats on your 2 days sober.
. I had a few lame attempts at getting sober until I was finally determined enough to come here & get some encouragement. As you said, getting it out there & sharing how we feel really helps. Congrats on your 2 days sober. there are a handful of you guys I remember very well. I was a poster even before this name but can't remember my username LOL - either way, I am happy to be back. When I started finishing bottles of wine at 7am and NOT my regular coffee the last week/weeks, I knew I was in serious serious trouble again.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 110
Originally Posted by Anna
Welcome back and I'm glad you're ready to start your recovery journey again. And, Day 2 is great! You don't have to put yourself through the lying and anxiety anymore.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,549
Good to see you back Truthbetold. Great move.
Oh, I so remember those days of missing work, the lies, the anxiety, the shakes.....and have put them behind me for 16 months now and it is so much better, though not without its difficulties. Came to know that there are no difficulties that drinking will make less difficult. I finally put 2and2 together. And the answer is not 3.
I have a lot on my plate at the moment, and thinking now at 4:50am, were I drinking, my plate would be shattered. I'm so grateful to be sober.
Hope to see you continue to post. It is definitely worth it.
Oh, I so remember those days of missing work, the lies, the anxiety, the shakes.....and have put them behind me for 16 months now and it is so much better, though not without its difficulties. Came to know that there are no difficulties that drinking will make less difficult. I finally put 2and2 together. And the answer is not 3.
I have a lot on my plate at the moment, and thinking now at 4:50am, were I drinking, my plate would be shattered. I'm so grateful to be sober.
Hope to see you continue to post. It is definitely worth it.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 110
Originally Posted by Steely
Good to see you back Truthbetold. Great move.
Oh, I so remember those days of missing work, the lies, the anxiety, the shakes.....and have put them behind me for 16 months now and it is so much better, though not without its difficulties. Came to know that there are no difficulties that drinking will make less difficult. I finally put 2and2 together. And the answer is not 3.
I have a lot on my plate at the moment, and thinking now at 4:50am, were I drinking, my plate would be shattered. I'm so grateful to be sober.
Hope to see you continue to post. It is definitely worth it.
Oh, I so remember those days of missing work, the lies, the anxiety, the shakes.....and have put them behind me for 16 months now and it is so much better, though not without its difficulties. Came to know that there are no difficulties that drinking will make less difficult. I finally put 2and2 together. And the answer is not 3.
I have a lot on my plate at the moment, and thinking now at 4:50am, were I drinking, my plate would be shattered. I'm so grateful to be sober.
Hope to see you continue to post. It is definitely worth it.
agreed 1000000% I know that I am going to feel a bit *wonky* for a bit after the binges....I also know I ALWAYS feel better once I'm back into my schedule and being a productive member at work (I have a wonderful job on a reservation here in Canada that works with children) ...and not lying and hiding in my apt. with my cat. LOL
I was sober for almost 2 yrs at one point and felt great. Life was good. Got my license back, bought a car, got my own apt....then that stupid voice back when we went into lockdown last year and it's been an on and off battle with binge drinking...sober for months, drink, sober for weeks, drink...I knew the last few mths. I was treading on thin ice again as I have been down this road. I have never once forgotten this site and the amazing people on here like yourself!
I was Jupiter before this username and I received so much wonderful help.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,549
Way to go, girl.
I've worked alongside aboriginal people here is aus, and believe white fellas would never have been so generous in their understanding of my predicament; knowing only too well the ravages of alcohol in their own communities.
Edit: Don't know if I'm aboriginal or not. My mother shipped down from Queensland cattle station at 18 months old and made Ward of the State. Part of the Stolen Generation maybe? I'm trying to trace records, now. Most were lost. Destroyed.
You'll recover from the 'wonky'. Short lived malady whilst we find our feet.
I've worked alongside aboriginal people here is aus, and believe white fellas would never have been so generous in their understanding of my predicament; knowing only too well the ravages of alcohol in their own communities.
Edit: Don't know if I'm aboriginal or not. My mother shipped down from Queensland cattle station at 18 months old and made Ward of the State. Part of the Stolen Generation maybe? I'm trying to trace records, now. Most were lost. Destroyed.
You'll recover from the 'wonky'. Short lived malady whilst we find our feet.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 110
Day 3. Feeling very foggy but I think it's the Trazodone I have to help my sleep anxiety. Coffee made, make up on today, dressed and heading back to work after calling in sick all week. Feeling a bit edgy but I can do this. I know once I'm there and slowly getting things done, I will start to feel a bit more human. And posting here like I promised myself I would. Well, off to work!
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
I have had the same pattern TbT.. long periods of sobriety with relapses. It never works out well in the long run, always gets worse, along with any other pre-existing traits we might have had, like OCD, anxiety, codependency, etc. Quitting an addiction is awesome, and then getting the chance to work on the other stuff (not saying you have any) is a huge bonus. Life is really good if you have time to settle into sobriety, not skirt along the edges.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Originally Posted by advbike
I have had the same pattern TbT.. long periods of sobriety with relapses. It never works out well in the long run, always gets worse, along with any other pre-existing traits we might have had, like OCD, anxiety, codependency, etc. Quitting an addiction is awesome, and then getting the chance to work on the other stuff (not saying you have any) is a huge bonus. Life is really good if you have time to settle into sobriety, not skirt along the edges.
Well I made it through my long work day. I am tired and cranky, but I made it LOL
home with a healthy salad ! walked right by the wine aisle without even a thought of "hrmmmm" I actually felt nauseous when I saw it.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 110
thanks D!
I work early again tomorrow then heading to my parents out of town for the night so won't have any urges there. I think I'm going to try and not rely on that trazodone tonight for sleep though, it really messed my head up for a few hours this morning. I feel anxious a bit still but that's normal after drinking 7-9litres of wine over 6 days with no food, I know I have a bit of a road to snap outta the depression and fogginess. Definitely motivated to keep this going, I want back that feeling before this cycle started again. I know I have it in me to get there and I know coming here is going to help that journey
I work early again tomorrow then heading to my parents out of town for the night so won't have any urges there. I think I'm going to try and not rely on that trazodone tonight for sleep though, it really messed my head up for a few hours this morning. I feel anxious a bit still but that's normal after drinking 7-9litres of wine over 6 days with no food, I know I have a bit of a road to snap outta the depression and fogginess. Definitely motivated to keep this going, I want back that feeling before this cycle started again. I know I have it in me to get there and I know coming here is going to help that journey
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Anxiety was certainly a companion for me in early recovery, but I'd always been anxious anyway.
Antidepressants can be hard to come off...might be worth checking in with your Dr who prescribed theTrazodone if you feel uneasy about it.
D
Antidepressants can be hard to come off...might be worth checking in with your Dr who prescribed theTrazodone if you feel uneasy about it.
D
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HI Delilah!!! I remember you as well. It's comforting to see (lol) so many familiar names around still
7am here and the sun is shining! I've got a fresh roast coffee brewing before I head into work to make up some time I missed calling in sick all week. I am grateful to have that opportunity.
7am here and the sun is shining! I've got a fresh roast coffee brewing before I head into work to make up some time I missed calling in sick all week. I am grateful to have that opportunity.
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