PAWS/ ARBD month 10
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Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 80
PAWS/ ARBD month 10
😥 I must face reality.. I drank myself mentally ********, locked in a blurry time zone, incapable of understanding somewhat complex matter, or memorising more advanced material, episodes also with very disturbed short memory, with disordered capacity of feeling emotions, interest, creativity, direction, and dependent of others to survive. A glimpse of what I used to be. This is not living. This is a show. I don´t know how long I can take this show. I miss my old self..
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,366
The really important thing is to believe this is not permanent.
I know how 10 months can seem like an eternity but 10 months against the years that you drank is really not that much - it might take a little bit longer for your brain and body to heal.
The brain is amazing though.
having suffered several brain injuries through my life I know for certain the brain can adapt and take over functions from other parts that are damaged.
It may take time but recovery is assured MeSober77.
Drinking will not repair that damage, and may indeed make it worse.
What are you doing to stay healthy and active, exercise and diet wise? That’s vital in PAWs recovery
https://digital-dharma.net/post-acut...r-immediately/
Did the doctor who diagnosed you with alcohol related brain damage give you any ideas on what might help you live with and manage that condition?
I hope you’ll see some improvement soon
D
I know how 10 months can seem like an eternity but 10 months against the years that you drank is really not that much - it might take a little bit longer for your brain and body to heal.
The brain is amazing though.
having suffered several brain injuries through my life I know for certain the brain can adapt and take over functions from other parts that are damaged.
It may take time but recovery is assured MeSober77.
Drinking will not repair that damage, and may indeed make it worse.
What are you doing to stay healthy and active, exercise and diet wise? That’s vital in PAWs recovery
https://digital-dharma.net/post-acut...r-immediately/
Did the doctor who diagnosed you with alcohol related brain damage give you any ideas on what might help you live with and manage that condition?
I hope you’ll see some improvement soon
D
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Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 80
Dee! That's fast!! You are really a rock.. I was never diagnosed with ARBD in a recovery related context, only after the seizure and after that I just drank more for 8 years..so actually I have no support, only here and AA. The diet is a disaster because when I stop numbing myself with the food I réally have to face ME.. Becoming sober part 2.... I can not keep postponing that forever..This weekend I múst take a start!!!
To give a full report actually, I must mention the good also: I am absolutely not depressed. Just facing this. But not depressed. Angry. And impatient. But not down. Also energetic. And motivated to do my job well. And wondering how I can fill in future with my disabilities.. But I won't loose hope. I'll reread the DigitalDharma document. And be grateful 🙏 And patient...
To give a full report actually, I must mention the good also: I am absolutely not depressed. Just facing this. But not depressed. Angry. And impatient. But not down. Also energetic. And motivated to do my job well. And wondering how I can fill in future with my disabilities.. But I won't loose hope. I'll reread the DigitalDharma document. And be grateful 🙏 And patient...
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Join Date: Dec 2020
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@ Sugarbear: thanks for the motivational talk!!! I can do this!!!
@ Dee: I will start Sunday with separate meetings with our chairman. We will start from the beginning And this time I ll incorporate the Food And Sugar Abuse. Just invented that haha. FASA. It has a name now. But that's the truth. It exactly as drugs to me.
Ps exercise is abundant in job and due to lack of car. But I never go deep, never sweat..And that's why I had my fitness coach...before Corona. Time to take action there too...I make myself a promise to do internet courses until fitness clubs open. 3 times a week 20 min sweat.
Time to really start recovering!!!!
Thanks for staying with me!!!!!!
@ Dee: I will start Sunday with separate meetings with our chairman. We will start from the beginning And this time I ll incorporate the Food And Sugar Abuse. Just invented that haha. FASA. It has a name now. But that's the truth. It exactly as drugs to me.
Ps exercise is abundant in job and due to lack of car. But I never go deep, never sweat..And that's why I had my fitness coach...before Corona. Time to take action there too...I make myself a promise to do internet courses until fitness clubs open. 3 times a week 20 min sweat.
Time to really start recovering!!!!
Thanks for staying with me!!!!!!
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Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 80
MeTotallySober
So.. I sat on a bench by the water at noon, eating a sand cookie ( or ten)...because after all.. I'm gonna start this weekend right?? And suddenly it was as if I was spoken to..Like: "You want to keep going on like this? Then I can predict your future.. And it's not gonna be a fairytale"..Suddenly it felt like the cookie said.."Dementia..Dementia"... It freaked me out. So..This noon, at one, I decided this is my start. Not the weekend. Not Monday. Now. The final drug. I quit. I quit sugar. So, since 4 hours, I am committed to a Paleo lifestyle!!! I will post a lot. Baby, no, foetussteps. Hour by hour if it's necessary. Just like I did when I quit alcohol. The start is made.I don't wanne read in another 10 months all my whiny posts. Let's make this change! I'm ready.
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Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 80
MeTotallySober DAY 1
No sugar ( , gluten, dairy, cafeïne)
I did it. Day one. Do I feel good? Absolutely not. Big confrontation with my internal error. Had to rearrange some shelves at work. Impossible. My colleague took over. I wanna die. Is this a reason to binge? No. Because with every sugar spike, things will get worse. No opportunity to heal the brain. What did I eat? 1. Lemon+ACV water +A massive green smoothie with spinach, hempseed, avocado, blueberries, and mct oil. 2. Minced veal with celery, tomato, olive oil, carrots, pickeled cucumber. Glass kombucha. 3. Carrots and bonebroth. 4. Tonissteinerwater and still water. Am I satisfied? Yes. Did it taste nice? Absolutely. And did people say strange things about this food? No. Did strange things happen? Hmm. Only that I kept on apologizing that I didn't see it, the shelves..But my colleague is used to that.. But the world didn't collapse..So..tomorrow another day.. Maybe keep my difficulties more for myself.....ps the good thing: I spent 0 euro on crap today...And I'm not covered in crumbs. And did nothing sneaky stressful. And I was very early at my job. Oh and I sprinted last part to home. Sweat! So I was very early home. Boyfriend happy.
Now if only that horrible cloud would disappear. I read with this type of low glycemic diet cases of early dementia being reversed..So it must have some potential.....🤞
I did it. Day one. Do I feel good? Absolutely not. Big confrontation with my internal error. Had to rearrange some shelves at work. Impossible. My colleague took over. I wanna die. Is this a reason to binge? No. Because with every sugar spike, things will get worse. No opportunity to heal the brain. What did I eat? 1. Lemon+ACV water +A massive green smoothie with spinach, hempseed, avocado, blueberries, and mct oil. 2. Minced veal with celery, tomato, olive oil, carrots, pickeled cucumber. Glass kombucha. 3. Carrots and bonebroth. 4. Tonissteinerwater and still water. Am I satisfied? Yes. Did it taste nice? Absolutely. And did people say strange things about this food? No. Did strange things happen? Hmm. Only that I kept on apologizing that I didn't see it, the shelves..But my colleague is used to that.. But the world didn't collapse..So..tomorrow another day.. Maybe keep my difficulties more for myself.....ps the good thing: I spent 0 euro on crap today...And I'm not covered in crumbs. And did nothing sneaky stressful. And I was very early at my job. Oh and I sprinted last part to home. Sweat! So I was very early home. Boyfriend happy.
Now if only that horrible cloud would disappear. I read with this type of low glycemic diet cases of early dementia being reversed..So it must have some potential.....🤞
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 80
MeTotallySober DAY 2
Thank you for the reply Introvrtd1
I'm proud to announce I made it through day 2. What I eat was a Variation on a Theme ( see day one). Different ingredients but same built-up 1.detox + Green Supersmoothie 2. Snack: veggies and/or soup 3. Main meal fish/ meat + veggies+ probiotic drink 4. Water.. I think I'll stick with this plan. Gives structure. No hunger. No cravings today. Feel strong and like I really switched. Did people react strange to the switch? One expressed worries I would go to extreme, but she has seen a lot with me. One encourages me, she also ditched the sweets. One asked I was going for the body of Lance Armstrong. The rest did not mention it. Not really world shocking reactions bad enough to quit quitting. Did I feel good? Not at all. The awareness of underachieving and being handicapped is nerve-wracking but I do my best to live with it, not against it....Is this a reason to binge. No. The only way is up now. No other option. Did bad things happen? ..Only that I had to ride 20 minutes extra here or there grrr. Was this a reason to binge.. No. Just say: GRRRR. The good? When people/ you boyfriend ask: what are we eating today? They mean the main menu. So it brings joy if you actually are interested and participate this event. Because you are hungry you can. And you stand at the check-out feeling proud of your groceries. Ready for an accidental meeting! So.. Summing up: it was a good day here from my cloud. (Witch is bigger of course because of detox)
I'm proud to announce I made it through day 2. What I eat was a Variation on a Theme ( see day one). Different ingredients but same built-up 1.detox + Green Supersmoothie 2. Snack: veggies and/or soup 3. Main meal fish/ meat + veggies+ probiotic drink 4. Water.. I think I'll stick with this plan. Gives structure. No hunger. No cravings today. Feel strong and like I really switched. Did people react strange to the switch? One expressed worries I would go to extreme, but she has seen a lot with me. One encourages me, she also ditched the sweets. One asked I was going for the body of Lance Armstrong. The rest did not mention it. Not really world shocking reactions bad enough to quit quitting. Did I feel good? Not at all. The awareness of underachieving and being handicapped is nerve-wracking but I do my best to live with it, not against it....Is this a reason to binge. No. The only way is up now. No other option. Did bad things happen? ..Only that I had to ride 20 minutes extra here or there grrr. Was this a reason to binge.. No. Just say: GRRRR. The good? When people/ you boyfriend ask: what are we eating today? They mean the main menu. So it brings joy if you actually are interested and participate this event. Because you are hungry you can. And you stand at the check-out feeling proud of your groceries. Ready for an accidental meeting! So.. Summing up: it was a good day here from my cloud. (Witch is bigger of course because of detox)
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
You're doing GREAT MeSober77! I need to quit sugar too. I always buy some treats when I go to the grocery store, then as they run out I don't have any so I do without for a day or two, but then the sugar cravings start. For me it is as bad or worse than alcohol. I eat well otherwise but like that dessert. Time to stop completely, and you have given me motivation..
You are my inspiration! Keep it up!
You are my inspiration! Keep it up!
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
My brain got stronger after I quit.
My brain stamina has faded a bit, but I work crazy shifts and sometimes run low on food for extended periods.
This mixed with drinking myself into a low state of life force for the first 45 years of my life are all part of my PAWS/PTSD. I still feel light headed sometimes when I am tired and hungry.
I also just got the second covid shot (maderna) and I am sure there are little side effects. I rationalize this is better than catching full up covid and losing 5 years on the tail of my life. Who knows.
I am still recovering from a 7 hour shift to the right, better than a shift to the left, work schedule. Fortunately, somebody, like God, saw I was fading and gave me a 4 day weekend to recover.
Just knowing I had 4 days off cured me a great bit. I followed that up with a huge hot pot dinner and about 10 hours in bed. I am nearly back to my normal state. I plan to go to the gym later.
Getting busy with projects/gym really seem to get me moving in the right direction.
In summary, as long as you don't relapse, there is only one way to go from being a drunk.
Love love love.
Thanks.
My brain stamina has faded a bit, but I work crazy shifts and sometimes run low on food for extended periods.
This mixed with drinking myself into a low state of life force for the first 45 years of my life are all part of my PAWS/PTSD. I still feel light headed sometimes when I am tired and hungry.
I also just got the second covid shot (maderna) and I am sure there are little side effects. I rationalize this is better than catching full up covid and losing 5 years on the tail of my life. Who knows.
I am still recovering from a 7 hour shift to the right, better than a shift to the left, work schedule. Fortunately, somebody, like God, saw I was fading and gave me a 4 day weekend to recover.
Just knowing I had 4 days off cured me a great bit. I followed that up with a huge hot pot dinner and about 10 hours in bed. I am nearly back to my normal state. I plan to go to the gym later.
Getting busy with projects/gym really seem to get me moving in the right direction.
In summary, as long as you don't relapse, there is only one way to go from being a drunk.
Love love love.
Thanks.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 80
Originally Posted by advbike 
You're doing GREAT MeSober77! I need to quit sugar too. I always buy some treats when I go to the grocery store, then as they run out I don't have any so I do without for a day or two, but then the sugar cravings start. For me it is as bad or worse than alcohol. I eat well otherwise but like that dessert. Time to stop completely, and you have given me motivation..
You are my inspiration! Keep it up!
You are my inspiration! Keep it up!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 80
Originally Posted by D122y
My brain got stronger after I quit.
My brain stamina has faded a bit, but I work crazy shifts and sometimes run low on food for extended periods.
This mixed with drinking myself into a low state of life force for the first 45 years of my life are all part of my PAWS/PTSD. I still feel light headed sometimes when I am tired and hungry.
I also just got the second covid shot (maderna) and I am sure there are little side effects. I rationalize this is better than catching full up covid and losing 5 years on the tail of my life. Who knows.
I am still recovering from a 7 hour shift to the right, better than a shift to the left, work schedule. Fortunately, somebody, like God, saw I was fading and gave me a 4 day weekend to recover.
Just knowing I had 4 days off cured me a great bit. I followed that up with a huge hot pot dinner and about 10 hours in bed. I am nearly back to my normal state. I plan to go to the gym later.
Getting busy with projects/gym really seem to get me moving in the right direction.
In summary, as long as you don't relapse, there is only one way to go from being a drunk.
Love love love.
Thanks.
My brain stamina has faded a bit, but I work crazy shifts and sometimes run low on food for extended periods.
This mixed with drinking myself into a low state of life force for the first 45 years of my life are all part of my PAWS/PTSD. I still feel light headed sometimes when I am tired and hungry.
I also just got the second covid shot (maderna) and I am sure there are little side effects. I rationalize this is better than catching full up covid and losing 5 years on the tail of my life. Who knows.
I am still recovering from a 7 hour shift to the right, better than a shift to the left, work schedule. Fortunately, somebody, like God, saw I was fading and gave me a 4 day weekend to recover.
Just knowing I had 4 days off cured me a great bit. I followed that up with a huge hot pot dinner and about 10 hours in bed. I am nearly back to my normal state. I plan to go to the gym later.
Getting busy with projects/gym really seem to get me moving in the right direction.
In summary, as long as you don't relapse, there is only one way to go from being a drunk.
Love love love.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 80
MeTotallySober DAY 3
Same protocol today.
No cravings yet.
Feel lethargic and have a headache. That's ok.
Worry a lot about having ruined my life.
Don't gonna take the komboucha anymore, even it's recommended in the guidelines I follow for restoring gut. Have a flush on my cheeks from a really small glass. Too tricky. No more of that. I'll stick to probiotics in pill-form or sauerkrautjuice or rejuvelac. Too bad but don't gonna take risks. Can't say it makes me wuzzy because I'm always wuzzy. But the flush says enough, that's not 'traces of alcohol'.. Have I become hypersensitive? Anyway, I threw it away. Zero is zero.
See you tomorrow!
No cravings yet.
Feel lethargic and have a headache. That's ok.
Worry a lot about having ruined my life.
Don't gonna take the komboucha anymore, even it's recommended in the guidelines I follow for restoring gut. Have a flush on my cheeks from a really small glass. Too tricky. No more of that. I'll stick to probiotics in pill-form or sauerkrautjuice or rejuvelac. Too bad but don't gonna take risks. Can't say it makes me wuzzy because I'm always wuzzy. But the flush says enough, that's not 'traces of alcohol'.. Have I become hypersensitive? Anyway, I threw it away. Zero is zero.
See you tomorrow!
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,025
What a great thread!
My son was a komboucha nut but switched massive amounts of sauerkraut. He loves it.
You won't worry so much about having ruined your (past) self as you start to grow a new and healthy one.
I wish you were here to help me pick out good groceries...
My son was a komboucha nut but switched massive amounts of sauerkraut. He loves it.
You won't worry so much about having ruined your (past) self as you start to grow a new and healthy one.
I wish you were here to help me pick out good groceries...
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
We here so relate to each other and we don't have to drive anywhere or hold hands and stuff. All that is not bad, but I so love the freedom of just grabbing my chromebook (i love it) and clicking into a recovery message in about 10 seconds.
I get to pick and choose what I want to read and I have the delete key when I say something wrong or whatever.
It is so easy to just nose dive into remorse or sadness and then pull out straight away and feel like superman.
I just got back from the gym. I did about 50 minutes on the easy bike. That is the one with a regular seat. It is as close to no exercise as I can get while still getting my heart rate up to about 115. I crack a sweat.
Anyway...now I feel all nice and happy. Natural dopamine/endorphins kicked in full up.
Basically, I am on a natural high. The one that we were designed to have and enjoy. Nothing but healthy.
Have a great sober night all. Booze is poison.
Love love love.
Thanks.
I get to pick and choose what I want to read and I have the delete key when I say something wrong or whatever.
It is so easy to just nose dive into remorse or sadness and then pull out straight away and feel like superman.
I just got back from the gym. I did about 50 minutes on the easy bike. That is the one with a regular seat. It is as close to no exercise as I can get while still getting my heart rate up to about 115. I crack a sweat.
Anyway...now I feel all nice and happy. Natural dopamine/endorphins kicked in full up.
Basically, I am on a natural high. The one that we were designed to have and enjoy. Nothing but healthy.
Have a great sober night all. Booze is poison.
Love love love.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 80
MeTotallySober DAY 4
Spaced out as the new usual ever but yes we made it through day 4 without the false comfort of Danish pastries. The sauerkrautjuice was delicious. No flush: check.
@ Courage2: that's the irony of it all: I know a loooooot about healthy food, I could give you a good guide. But my dark and self destructive side won it last 3 decennia because it wasn't possible to reach perfection. ( That and some trauma here and there and an oversensitivity). Now that I have no other option anymore I settle with: the best that reaches my possibilities.
@ D122y: The exercise will have to wait until my body doesn't feel like if every molecule is ripped out and replaced.
Next to me, my boyfriend tries to convince me to go camping this year. Can't he see I'm on hold?? Of course not. Nobody sees. Exhausting.
Preparing mentally for day 5 tomorrow. Usual giving-up day. Burn a candle for me. If I make it then probably I'm launched for 5 more days before it gets very difficult. But I'm sure I'll make it. Because there's no other option.
See you all tomorrow
Ps food was Theme 2 for breakfast: non dairy "yoghurt", low-sugar fruit, roasted seeds, healthy oil. Rest of the day same as Theme 1.
Ps 2 And what did I do with the time saved not going for sneaky food? I helped my father in law with removing weeds. Another person happy..
@ Courage2: that's the irony of it all: I know a loooooot about healthy food, I could give you a good guide. But my dark and self destructive side won it last 3 decennia because it wasn't possible to reach perfection. ( That and some trauma here and there and an oversensitivity). Now that I have no other option anymore I settle with: the best that reaches my possibilities.
@ D122y: The exercise will have to wait until my body doesn't feel like if every molecule is ripped out and replaced.
Next to me, my boyfriend tries to convince me to go camping this year. Can't he see I'm on hold?? Of course not. Nobody sees. Exhausting.
Preparing mentally for day 5 tomorrow. Usual giving-up day. Burn a candle for me. If I make it then probably I'm launched for 5 more days before it gets very difficult. But I'm sure I'll make it. Because there's no other option.
See you all tomorrow
Ps food was Theme 2 for breakfast: non dairy "yoghurt", low-sugar fruit, roasted seeds, healthy oil. Rest of the day same as Theme 1.
Ps 2 And what did I do with the time saved not going for sneaky food? I helped my father in law with removing weeds. Another person happy..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2020
Posts: 80
MeTotallySober DAY 5
Spaced out, stressed, irritated, headache-ish, a nose covered with pimples and exhausted. but not giving in. All this signs indicate things are happening in my body. Good.
Must find a way to cope better at work. Two new employees means a lot of questions and explanation..and nobody understands your stress...Breathe in breathe out and don't show too much inner struggle.. My ears are buzzing...
We will not go camping this year. Thank you Boyfriend. I will need to be able to keep my routine instead of camp- improvising at the moment...
Saw a tv show, My 600lb life...Oh..My.. There's so much poison on our plates nowadays..We totally lost contact with nature..That causes a lot of pain and misery... I'm getting back in contact.
See you tomorrow
Must find a way to cope better at work. Two new employees means a lot of questions and explanation..and nobody understands your stress...Breathe in breathe out and don't show too much inner struggle.. My ears are buzzing...
We will not go camping this year. Thank you Boyfriend. I will need to be able to keep my routine instead of camp- improvising at the moment...
Saw a tv show, My 600lb life...Oh..My.. There's so much poison on our plates nowadays..We totally lost contact with nature..That causes a lot of pain and misery... I'm getting back in contact.
See you tomorrow
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