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Suffering from PAWS and the AV is strong right now

Old 04-24-2021, 09:03 AM
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Suffering from PAWS and the AV is strong right now

I am on day 129 sober. I have been suffering from PAWS(post acute withdrawal syndrome) since early sobriety. It has not let up much. My symptoms now are anxiety, depression, short term memory lapses, balance/rocking sensation/dizziness, numbness, tingling, insomnia(this has improved quite a bit) and nausea/lack of appetite(also improved). I am feeling very down and wondering if I will ever get better and thinking the there is something terribly wrong with me besides PAWS. I am tempted to have a few glasses of wine just to see if the symptoms go away so I know indeed it is PAWS and not something else. I have been to lots of doctors and had lots of tests and they can't find anything wrong and say it is my central nervous system adjusting to no alcohol after decades of drinking. Sorry if this is repetitive for some of you that know my story. I am just having a really bad string of days and want to feel good again. Thanks for reading.
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Old 04-24-2021, 09:17 AM
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Do not pick up a drink.

It will get better.


Hang on. Don't listen to any thought that says a drink is a good idea. This is all part of winning the contest with your alcohol problem.

Physical and mental symptoms you continue to describe will get better, but stop focusing on them! Maybe it would be good to see a psychiatrist or addiction counselor.

For today, stay busy and every time some panicky thought shows up, stand up and do some squats or punch the air 100 times. Shadow boxing always works.

So does Box Breathing
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Old 04-24-2021, 09:18 AM
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Sorry to hear you are having an extra hard time this week CBS. Try reminding yourself that PAWS or not, drinking won't help the situation. If it is PAWS it's a huge set back to your health to drink. If there is indeed something going on other then PAWS it's a huge set back for your health to drink.

Infact if there were something else going on it might make it harder for the medical peeps to figure it out as it resets the alcohol clock and they may not think to look elsewhere because they'll be sure it's just still PAWS, as you drank again. There's no illness that drinking helps. If there is something else going on just think how much more you'll suffer with alcohol in the mix.

I do sympathise that you are having such a hard time physically, it sounds dreadful. Keep fighting the good fight though, there's only good things to come of it.
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Old 04-24-2021, 09:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Zura View Post
If it is PAWS it's a huge set back to your health to drink. If there is indeed something going on other then PAWS it's a huge set back for your health to drink.
such a great line I had to quote it❤️
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Old 04-24-2021, 09:36 AM
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Hello CBS62!
I've been feeling down this week about the ongoing symptoms too. Wow, last night was a doozy visit from the ol' AV. I've had the same message from the Drs - they remind me that after a long long time drinking I should expect symptoms for a while, and as long as all tests checked out OK (which they did), I should keep up with the program. But I do get awfully tired of the PAWs, and I have personal experience with the experiment you (or your AV) are thinking about. Last fall after a long stretch sober, I decided to have a few to see if some of the weirdo symptoms would go away. They did, for about a day, and then came back worse than ever. And I kindled worse than ever. And I felt defeated. So this time, I am determined to keep going. I will have 4 months on May 7, and 4 months is awesome but some healing probably takes longer in the larger scheme of things (the years and years of drinking). I appreciated Biminiblue's advice and may do the same, particularly for health anxiety. I believe that there is some relief coming though. I know it's tough with the symptoms (I really do know) but let's keep going !!!
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Old 04-24-2021, 09:38 AM
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Drinking will only make the problem worse.
Have you considered seeing a counselor? It may be helpful for you.

You will get better. Believe that you will.
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Old 04-24-2021, 09:47 AM
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Originally Posted by CBS62 View Post
I am tempted to have a few glasses of wine just to see if the symptoms go away so I know indeed it is PAWS and not something else. I have been to lots of doctors and had lots of tests and they can't find anything wrong and say it is my central nervous system adjusting to no alcohol after decades of drinking. Sorry if this is repetitive for some of you that know my story. I am just having a really bad string of days and want to feel good again. Thanks for reading.
Take a step back and think through your logic here CBS - Multiple doctors have already told you that nothing seems to be obviously wrong besides your body adjusting to quitting alcohol. You also know that PAWS itself is not technically a diagnosis - it's basically the same thing the doctors have suggesed, which is your body and mind re-adjusting to and healing from years of abuse. And knowing all that, you are wondering if taking a few drinks might be a good idea? I have to say that from the outside looking in that its classic addiction talking right there - don't listen to it. Drinking any amount of alcohol right now would be the single worst decision you could possibly make as all the things you've been through for the past 192 days would start all over again, and likely be even worse the next time around. It's also possible that if you start drinking again, you''ll never stop - it happens a lot more often than you'd think unfortunately.

So instead of thinking about drinking, how about thinking about some things you might do to help with some of the symptoms you are currently experiencing? Have you considered seeing a counselor to talk about the depression/anxiety issues? Sometimes something as simple as taking a walk and getting some fresh air can help. There are a lot of books available on self-help out there too if you like reading. Making sure you are avoiding other stimulating things like caffeine, sugar and news/social media ( and dr google! ) that can get us all riled up.

Coming here and sharing is in a sense a form of therapy too, and writing it down can help. Re-read your post and pretend you are someone else - what advice might you give? Another thing to remember about PAWS - it is not a life threatening physical diagnosis, and it always gets better - by definition it is a set of symptoms common to recovering addicts and temporary in nature.
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Old 04-24-2021, 09:49 AM
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I am seeing an anxiety specialist once a week. We are doing a lot of CBT. It is helping with the anxiety.
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Old 04-24-2021, 09:52 AM
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Originally Posted by CBS62 View Post
I am seeing an anxiety specialist once a week. We are doing a lot of CBT. It is helping with the anxiety.
Have you asked your counselor specifically about the PAWS issue and strategies to deal with it? I also saw a therapist for quite a while who was also an addiction counselor, so we were able to apply many of the same things that helped with my anxiety to my addition/recovery issues too. For me they were both very closely related issues.
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Old 04-24-2021, 10:00 AM
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CBS, please hang in there. It will get better if you give it time. The only way out, is through. Drinking will 100% make it worse, and that voice that suggests otherwise will kill you if you let it.
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Old 04-24-2021, 10:12 AM
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I don't know if I ever experienced PAWS but I did have a host of weird symptoms (not emotional but some weird, diffuse aches and sometimes feeing lightheaded or dizzy) on/off during the first ~2 months after first getting sober last fall. Everything in my medical exams came back normal. Eventually all those symptoms vanished and none came back even after a brief relapse a bit over a month ago. Looking back now, I am not sure if any of that was related to my drinking at all (although it could have definitely been my body adjusting after many years of heavy alcohol use), perhaps more the high level of stress I experienced for a few months before this March? Will probably never find out now.

I also took CBD for anxiety last year and it was quite effective for me, although more while I was still drinking. Only needed a pretty low dose. I stopped it eventually because I thought I no longer needed it in sobriety, and thought it's better to manage my anxiety (which is never severe if I don't drink) naturally, especially given that the longer-term effects of CBD are still not known at all. I think having a good lifestyle routine (healthy diet, good sleep schedule, exercise) are what help the most and I've also learned come cognitive therapy-type skills from my recovery program and just on my own, I find it's very easy to do without any external help.

The worst thing we can do to manage these things is to drink again. My relapse had nothing to do with coping, but it certainly didn't make any improvements and I only regretted it intensely, it didn't satisfy anything at all. Hope you find some things that make you feel better!
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Old 04-24-2021, 10:30 AM
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I really don't think I will drink. But the thought of it does happen when I am feeling really PAWSY or whatever the **** this is. I worked so hard to get here. I am just getting really impatient with feeling so unwell. I get so distraught because I made the choice to quit drinking for my health and wellbeing and I just want to feel good again. I don't drink caffeine anymore. I exercise everyday. I eat healthy. My only vice is sweets and I don't really overdo that. It just sucks right now and I don't have any joy or hope. Intellectually I now I have a lot to be grateful for.
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Old 04-24-2021, 10:43 AM
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Originally Posted by CBS62 View Post
I really don't think I will drink. But the thought of it does happen when I am feeling really PAWSY or whatever the **** this is. I worked so hard to get here. I am just getting really impatient with feeling so unwell. I get so distraught because I made the choice to quit drinking for my health and wellbeing and I just want to feel good again. I don't drink caffeine anymore. I exercise everyday. I eat healthy. My only vice is sweets and I don't really overdo that. It just sucks right now and I don't have any joy or hope. Intellectually I now I have a lot to be grateful for.
Have you tried journaling/keeping a gratitude list for those things you are grateful for? I would be willing to bet that if you took an inventory at the end of the day and wrote down one thing that has improved with your health or life that you would be pretty surprised how much things have actually improved.

The other statement above i'd recommend doing some thinking on is when you say "I just want to feel good again". Have you defined what feeling good actually means to you? For a long time after I quit, I equated "feeling good" with making all the bad stuff go away. When I was drinking, of course I tried to make it all go away by getting drunk and hoping it was gone when I sobered up - and we all know how that turns out. Problem is, even quitting drinking doesn't take away most of the problems in life. It certainly equips us to deal with them in a better way, but we still have to face them. Whether it's money problems, family issues, Helth issues, PAWS issues or whatever - we still need to do the work to face them. And usually that means doing a lot of things that don't feel "Good".

My advice would be to start small, and track your progress. Look at the bright side when you can - and when you can't find people who can help you find the bright side - like here on SR, or with your counselor, or via a walk in nature. The bad things will never just go away, but you can and will develop skills to get you through them if you keep at it. In essence, thats' really what a "Recovery plan" is all about - your whole life.
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Old 04-24-2021, 03:07 PM
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Hang in there CBS! I know just how bad paws feels! In spite of all the encouragement, I still didn’t think things would get better but they did.. keep the faith...I’m glad you were cleared medically, and so was I...That was a huge load off my mind and it should be for you too.

Stay sober, keep going, and yes it will get better.
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Old 04-24-2021, 03:24 PM
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Hi CBS

feeling dizzy all the time is not fun. I had recent experience of it non PAWs related, but I believe from anxiety so I empathise with you.

The solution here might just be time and patience. We really do a number on ourselves drinking as we did, and many of us drank like that for many months or years.

It can take a while for mind and body to heal. I believe that drinking will only put you back at the start of the healing process again and no one wants that.

It’s hard to suffer, but there is a point at which you will feel better. That’s the common point in everyone’s story. Hang in there.

D
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Old 04-24-2021, 04:29 PM
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Maybe you could change your thought of just wanting to feel good to just wanting to feel better. It might help you to notice even a small improvement. I hope that the dizziness and other symptoms you have will ease up and disappear.
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Old 04-25-2021, 12:05 PM
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How are you feeling CBS?
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Old 04-26-2021, 03:03 PM
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Thanks for asking Tursiops. I am a little better. Still have all the PAWS symptoms but trying to have faith that I will get better eventually.
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Old 04-26-2021, 05:59 PM
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CBS hang in there 🤗. Although four months is fantastic we really are still pretty early in our recovery. After years of drinking our bodies are still healing. Ive learned we really need to be patient with ourselves. Alcohol will not fix this, it’s actually what caused the problems in the first place. I have good days and bad days. Today is a good day. Hang tight it sounds like you are doing all the right things.
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Old 04-26-2021, 06:14 PM
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Thanks DD. Good to hear from you. I hope you are doing well.
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