Day two, again!
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Day two, again!
I was drinking again, not sure why.
I was at an AA meeting some years ago, and a Man explained how he left a meeting once, bought a bottle of Vodka and changed into his worse clothes. He said he knew where that bottle would lead, how it would degrade him eventually.
Yesterday I did not drink, my kitchen and bathroom are disgusting, an infestation of fruit flies, rubbish bags overflowing, rotten food in the fridge.
It took a comparative short time, I was angry, then sentimental, but mostly ashamed as I drank.
I was at an AA meeting some years ago, and a Man explained how he left a meeting once, bought a bottle of Vodka and changed into his worse clothes. He said he knew where that bottle would lead, how it would degrade him eventually.
Yesterday I did not drink, my kitchen and bathroom are disgusting, an infestation of fruit flies, rubbish bags overflowing, rotten food in the fridge.
It took a comparative short time, I was angry, then sentimental, but mostly ashamed as I drank.
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I wrote something awhile back here, and referred to my adoption. I member, very kindly, replied that to him being adopted really sang out.
So a joined an adoption alliance (Irish) on Facebook, I guess I thought it might be healing.
Adoption, from 1930s till the 70s, has become yet another huge scandal in Ireland. A Government fell because of Child Sex Abuse, and of course both issues involve the Catholic Church, with State collusion.
Both State and church face class actions, and human right Lawyers. The Irish Constitution, a beautiful document in it's own way, gave special rights to the Church, but also gave special mention to Women and Mothers and the role the state took in guaranteeing their rights.
No so if she was an unwed mother, it appears, she and her unborn child were denied basic human rights and dignity.
So a joined an adoption alliance (Irish) on Facebook, I guess I thought it might be healing.
Adoption, from 1930s till the 70s, has become yet another huge scandal in Ireland. A Government fell because of Child Sex Abuse, and of course both issues involve the Catholic Church, with State collusion.
Both State and church face class actions, and human right Lawyers. The Irish Constitution, a beautiful document in it's own way, gave special rights to the Church, but also gave special mention to Women and Mothers and the role the state took in guaranteeing their rights.
No so if she was an unwed mother, it appears, she and her unborn child were denied basic human rights and dignity.
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Mass graves have been uncovered, totally disproportionate numbers of infant deaths from malnutrition. In a dairy country, in a State recognised institution, how does a baby starve to death ?. Babies 'sold' to childless US families.
Women and girls who entered these Mother and Baby units, not leaving for years or ever, let's be frank, these were workhouses, unpaid labour.
Anyway I got immersed in all this, my biological mother died some years ago, but I've been chatting by phone with another man, his Mother was adopted etc.
He lives in France, and totally unIrish, owns a bar.
Often calls after closing time, and yes he has been drinking. I think the two factors triggered me, I need to watch this me thinks.
Women and girls who entered these Mother and Baby units, not leaving for years or ever, let's be frank, these were workhouses, unpaid labour.
Anyway I got immersed in all this, my biological mother died some years ago, but I've been chatting by phone with another man, his Mother was adopted etc.
He lives in France, and totally unIrish, owns a bar.
Often calls after closing time, and yes he has been drinking. I think the two factors triggered me, I need to watch this me thinks.
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My response was largely to Dee, I think it's important to recognise and avoid when possible triggers.
But naturally I am aware that great injustice happens on an hourly basis in this world of ours.
But naturally I am aware that great injustice happens on an hourly basis in this world of ours.
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Things you can’t fix... the history and injustice you’re referring to.
Things you can fix...you and staying sober. Have you taken out the trash and wiped down the bathroom? Eaten something & staying hydrated? Rest as needed or on the other hand stay busy & distracted. Posting here for support. I find FB helpful and maddening at the same time lol.
I hope this finds you sober today
.
Things you can fix...you and staying sober. Have you taken out the trash and wiped down the bathroom? Eaten something & staying hydrated? Rest as needed or on the other hand stay busy & distracted. Posting here for support. I find FB helpful and maddening at the same time lol.
I hope this finds you sober today
.
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You can get this figured out James. We don't drink anymore my friend. Ever again. I was raised in a family that should have raised cobras and scorpions, not people. They inflicted so much pain and misery in all of its forms. I didn't get sober until I right-sized all of that in my life. I'm not saying forget about what happened. I think that causes its own psychic harm. I'm merely suggesting that the past not be allowed to rule the whole friggin day. Find a proper place in your head for the injustices of this world and devote only the time to those things that you need to keep healing.
I'm thinking about you James.
I'm thinking about you James.
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Originally Posted by JamesW 
My response was largely to Dee, I think it's important to recognise and avoid when possible triggers.
But naturally I am aware that great injustice happens on an hourly basis in this world of ours.
But naturally I am aware that great injustice happens on an hourly basis in this world of ours.
I do understand trauma tho. I think most of us here do.
I think at some point tho we have to choose to put down the burden of past trauma. It’s hard to live a life if we’re always looking backwards.
There are many ways to deal with past trauma in a healthy effective way - counselling perhaps, either alone or group therapy with those who have similar experiences; meditation may help, so may prayer if you still believe in such things.
What will not help either you, or your friend, is drinking.
Drinking keeps those old wounds raw...nothing changes nothing heals...we just go round in circles...pain, drink, pain, drink...
Break the cycle James
Digging deep is fine but not if we leave ourselves a great big hole to fall into.
D
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Dee, My Friend
I know what you said came from a good place in your heart.
Why should we put down those burdens ?
I have family in Oz, put down your burden of the *****,
Can you put down the burden of older Irish who came to England in the 40s/50s.
No blacks/no dogs/no Irish
Yeah we are all the same M8
when was the last time someone called you a poof or a ***
but all people of all colours are exactly the same.
Now let me guess which cult/dogma preaches that one
go bar me mate
I know what you said came from a good place in your heart.
Why should we put down those burdens ?
I have family in Oz, put down your burden of the *****,
Can you put down the burden of older Irish who came to England in the 40s/50s.
No blacks/no dogs/no Irish
Yeah we are all the same M8
when was the last time someone called you a poof or a ***
but all people of all colours are exactly the same.
Now let me guess which cult/dogma preaches that one
go bar me mate
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My friend Dee my m8
when do we put down that burden, in Oz when they stop calling us ***'s, in my actual home in England, they call me a ***, or Paddy, in America a Mick, all so ways for white boys to show hatred,
are we just to "get over it" ?
But in a fantasy world that everything is just about addiction. Solve that, all the Worlds problems go away ?
Dogma, and idealogy
I know many of us try not to judge, some are
when do we put down that burden, in Oz when they stop calling us ***'s, in my actual home in England, they call me a ***, or Paddy, in America a Mick, all so ways for white boys to show hatred,
are we just to "get over it" ?
But in a fantasy world that everything is just about addiction. Solve that, all the Worlds problems go away ?
Dogma, and idealogy
I know many of us try not to judge, some are
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You have no idea how hurtful people who no real understanding, or any true consideration, with kneejerk reactions, condemn.
Or even better, preach, that's what they need.
What about a bit of LOVE, and UNDERSTANDING
most of us have had enough of being told we are unworthy
Or even better, preach, that's what they need.
What about a bit of LOVE, and UNDERSTANDING
most of us have had enough of being told we are unworthy
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A Lady from a local domestic abuse service phoned me today, I can have as many sessions as I need.
Not used to getting free things, Lady's name is Amy.
6'!", but almost cried on the phone, a stranger cared,
hate to admit I'm ever weak
Not used to getting free things, Lady's name is Amy.
6'!", but almost cried on the phone, a stranger cared,
hate to admit I'm ever weak
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