Cascabel

I like to cook. Last night I had my sister and some good friends (all covid vaccinated) over for dinner. I was busy in the kitchen and one of the friends handed me a drink. My hand and arm completely bypassed my brain; I took a sip. It was completely reflexive; no conscious thought involved. Fortunately, my friend was thinking for me and it was a virgin margarita she handed me. I don’t like margaritas very much so I just set the drink down and finished cooking.

The thing that troubles me is that there was absolutely no thought involved in taking the drink. I didn’t consider whether it was alcoholic. There was no recognizable AV whispering in my ear telling me it was ok. It was almost as though a total stranger reached out and took the drink. It was a social gathering and we were all having a great time so I may have had my guard down. I didn’t drink any alcohol but it’s not because of any virtue on my part; I feel like I dodged a bullet.

To avoid this kind of stuff in the future I’ve thought of: becoming a recluse; carry a decoy drink of colored club soda; lecture my friends when they arrive or just grit my teeth and program myself to never pick up a glass while socializing. None of my friends are drinkers; 1-2 drinks per week max. They bring their own with them with my blessing. I don’t want to be a recluse.

Any ideas?

DriGuy

Quitting absolutely did require extra vigilance on my part. The drinking reflex is usually well instilled. And it's not just "extra" vigilance. You have to be watching all the time. Recovery has to be the first thing on your mind for those early months. Being handed a drink is rather easy to deal with. It's physical and an obvious mistake. I'm surprised you fell for it. But that one is simple to spot. What's hard is spotting the most friendly and encouraging lies your AV comes up with that insures you a drink won't hurt, because your so good, so deserving, and so strong.

biminiblue

Even IF you had taken a sip of alcohol, you could have stopped at that and put it down. It was a good learning experience. Next time you'll ask what's in it, right? No harm no foul.

It's not like you are doomed to become a drunk under a bridge because you had a one-second lapse in thinking or even if you had a sip. Lots of situations like that will present themselves in the future and you'll handle them.

You're okay.

Haris2014

My wife drinks a little bit and I have to be careful of picking up the wrong drink.. I went and got myself a ridiculously coloured and quite large glass..it’s now the only glass a drink from and it’s only me that fills it. I might look daft whilst drinking my sparkling water but it works for me😂

Surrendered19

There are so many options between hosting dinner parties at which alcohol is served and becoming a self-isolated recluse. It is a false choice and you don't have to make it. Early on, I would definitely avoid both in fact. Both could lead back to drinking.

If entertaining is your jam though, and that will inevitably include alcohol, you have to go into those evenings with a plan. Think about it ahead of time and play the tape. You handled yourself well, but you aren't a hypnotized white-knuckled invalid.

I also suggest that even at an AA convention, it is NEVER a good idea to accept a drink you didn't order or make, and taking a pull when you don't know what it is. Just a boundary issue that you might consider and work on.

Anna

Social situations require vigilance. I didn't become a recluse at all, but I avoided social situations with alcohol involved for 9 - 10 months in early recovery. That's what worked for me. Instead I did coffee meet-ups, hikes, that kind of thing. I think what I'm saying is that, for me, I needed more than just stopping drinking. I needed to re-program myself with different activities, different people in some cases, etc.

The main thing is that this was a powerful learning experience for you. And, recovery is all about learning, adapting and moving forward. This is good.

novips

What you experienced is common for many alcoholics. The following passage from the Big Book (from Bill's Story) captures the phenomenon well:

I woke up. This had to be stopped. I saw I could not take so much as one drink. I was through forever. Before then, I had written lots of sweet promises, but my wife happily observed that this time I meant business. And so I did. Shortly afterward I came home drunk. There had been no fight. Where had been my high resolve? I simply didn’t know. It hadn’t even come to mind. Someone had pushed a drink my way, and I had taken it. Was I crazy? I began to wonder, for such an appalling lack of perspective seemed near being just that.

Later, the Big Book tells us that (emphasis mine): The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.

Finally: Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power? Well, that’s exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem.

Personally, I simply could not stay sober until I completely committed to the A.A. recovery program -- and I have met countless others who have had the same experience.

nez

I can laugh about it now years later, but I remember being early in sobriety working as a chef surrounded by booze and controlled chaos as tickets were flying in the typical melee of restaurant life...and one of sauces I was making à la minute was a Guinness sauce...I was going 100mph...the steak had been seared and was finishing in the oven, the pan from searing the steak was back on burner and hot, awaiting garlic, onion, thyme, then Guinness. Guinness was in hand, top removed. Onion in, waiting a nano second, then garlic, another nano second, then thyme, careful eye on pan waiting for perfect second to add Guiness, now, now, now is perfect, hand starts pouring action...but wait, the pouring action is into my mouth!!! Luckily I had a prep sink in my station and spit it out without swallowing, immediately upon realizing what had transpired by auto-pilot alcoholic brain...I took a nano second for some heartfelt thanks of gratitude and a vow to be mindful of my actions...and back to the mayhem.

Easy enough to chuckle today, 18 years later, but I also know that mouthful could have been my ticket back to hell, especially since Guinness (in particular) played my siren song. I shudder at the same time that I chuckle because I know the reality.

Mizz

Awareness. Yes, you already know what you have to do.
Good work staying sober and I hope you enjoyed your time with your friends! Also, it sounds like you have people looking out for you. You were given a virgin drink! People are rooting for you and respect your decision! It all sounds very good to me.

Grateful09

I've not had this experience (yet) but my husband, who quit smoking 25 years ago, will still occasionally reach for the front pocket of his shirt where he used to keep the cigs. No thought, just reflex action. Usually when he is stressed. I think there is a certain amount of unconscious reflex action involved in most former addictive behaviors. Thank you for this excellent post - it taught me a lot about watching out in certain situations. And, I think as insightful as you have been about the incident, I think that bodes well for you if it should happen again. Thank you.

Cascabel

I quit smoking in 1963 and I still occasionally reach for the shirt pocket. Old habits never die.😀

DriGuy

I often wonder what you guys do back in that kitchen.

brighterday1234

A good tip I picked up right from the start is to smell every drink that’s ever given to you by another person. That way it stops any accidental sips.

Dee74

If you drank like me you'll have reflexive moments like that for a while.
It doesn't mean you relapsed or that you're doomed- it just means it takes a little time for get into a new groove.

Be vigilant and mindful and you'll be ok Cascabel