Relapsed
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Jim Thorpe, PA
Posts: 1
Relapsed
Hi! I’m new here and I know I need support and advice. I don’t drink every day, but sometimes when I do drink I drink way too much. I had quit drinking for 5 years and decided if I could do that I could have one or two drinks now and then without any consequences. That was a year and a half ago. I did ok with it only over drinking once or twice until Easter Sunday. We went to my husband’s family’s home for dinner and I drank so much I was falling and just drunk! My husband couldn’t get me to leave and he knew I would make a scene if he pushed too hard. I don’t ever want to see his family again I’m so embarrassed. Alcohol is never far from my thoughts whether I’m not drinking or I am. If I am I will hide how many drinks I have from my husband and if I’m not drinking I’m trying to figure out how to get that feeling of being free from whatever I need to be free of. I don’t know what I’m drinking to cover up. I haven’t had a drink since and plan on never having one again. Thank you for listening .
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
That sounds awful Stormy, but it sounds like you have an initial handle on the situation. Not drinking anything since Easter is an excellent start. You were sober for 5 years so you know the health and peace that sobriety offers. I think you would agree that the experiment with moderation is over with and the results of the experiment are crystal clear. It just doesn't work for anyone. Keep us posted on how things are going.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 18
Consider your experiment with moderation a failed test. You know it doesn't work so go back to what does work. Rid yourself of the poison once and for all. You never have to think about how much, under what circumstances again. It's a simple none, ever. Done.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I'm sure your family-in-law will forgive your lapse in judgement. If you never let them see that side of you again it will soon be just another family-get-together story - and by not drinking you ensure that won't happen again! I think most of us have done a dumb thing or twenty while drinking.
Welcome to the forums.
Welcome to the forums.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR.
We drink because we are alcoholics. Alcohol makes us think we are free, but how can you be free if you are enslaved by a substance? It's one of the things that is so hard to get our minds around--the lies our addiction tells us. And one of the lies is drinking makes us feel free.
It's an illusion.
Originally Posted by Stormy1969 
...and if I’m not drinking I’m trying to figure out how to get that feeling of being free from whatever I need to be free of.
It's an illusion.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Welcome, and please know that most of us here have done things we really regret, while drinking alcoholically. Stopping drinking will ensure that the situation doesn't happen again. I needed to a lot of internal work in order to begin to recover. My drinking was preventing me from dealing with the negative emotions in my life.
You have found a good place for support and understanding.
You have found a good place for support and understanding.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Hi Stormy - we're so glad you're here. (I love Jim Thorpe )
That's how it was for me, too. Years ago I didn't drink every day - but each time I did I put myself in danger. Unintended bad things always happened. I didn't do anything about it - just kept limping along - until finally alcohol took over my life. I found myself drinking all day, being reckless & alienating everyone. Be happy you recognize what needs to happen & are taking action. Keep reading & posting. We care.
)That's how it was for me, too. Years ago I didn't drink every day - but each time I did I put myself in danger. Unintended bad things always happened. I didn't do anything about it - just kept limping along - until finally alcohol took over my life. I found myself drinking all day, being reckless & alienating everyone. Be happy you recognize what needs to happen & are taking action. Keep reading & posting. We care.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Hey Stormy. I feel your pain, I have done some equally mortifying things but your husband's family will get over it, especially after a run of completely sober visits.
One way to look at it is it's prompted you to make some significant changes and your life, and relationships, will be so much better for it
One way to look at it is it's prompted you to make some significant changes and your life, and relationships, will be so much better for it
Member
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by Stormy1969
Hi! I’m new here and I know I need support and advice. I don’t drink every day, but sometimes when I do drink I drink way too much. I had quit drinking for 5 years and decided if I could do that I could have one or two drinks now and then without any consequences. That was a year and a half ago. I did ok with it only over drinking once or twice until Easter Sunday. We went to my husband’s family’s home for dinner and I drank so much I was falling and just drunk! My husband couldn’t get me to leave and he knew I would make a scene if he pushed too hard. I don’t ever want to see his family again I’m so embarrassed. Alcohol is never far from my thoughts whether I’m not drinking or I am. If I am I will hide how many drinks I have from my husband and if I’m not drinking I’m trying to figure out how to get that feeling of being free from whatever I need to be free of. I don’t know what I’m drinking to cover up. I haven’t had a drink since and plan on never having one again. Thank you for listening .
Member
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by Stormy1969
Hi! I’m new here and I know I need support and advice. I don’t drink every day, but sometimes when I do drink I drink way too much. I had quit drinking for 5 years and decided if I could do that I could have one or two drinks now and then without any consequences. That was a year and a half ago. I did ok with it only over drinking once or twice until Easter Sunday. We went to my husband’s family’s home for dinner and I drank so much I was falling and just drunk! My husband couldn’t get me to leave and he knew I would make a scene if he pushed too hard. I don’t ever want to see his family again I’m so embarrassed. Alcohol is never far from my thoughts whether I’m not drinking or I am. If I am I will hide how many drinks I have from my husband and if I’m not drinking I’m trying to figure out how to get that feeling of being free from whatever I need to be free of. I don’t know what I’m drinking to cover up. I haven’t had a drink since and plan on never having one again. Thank you for listening .
sorry double post
Last edited by adrunk42long; 04-14-2021 at 11:25 AM. Reason: Double post
Member
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 701
Welcome, Stormy.
Congrats on that 5-yrs of sobriety.
I had ten years myself while I raised my daughter, got her into college, etc.
Then thought: If there's ANYONE who deserves a drink it's me.
And was quickly back to where I had left off, and then much worse.
You've done it before, you CAN do it again.
Hope you're doing okay today.
Congrats on that 5-yrs of sobriety.
I had ten years myself while I raised my daughter, got her into college, etc.
Then thought: If there's ANYONE who deserves a drink it's me.
And was quickly back to where I had left off, and then much worse.
You've done it before, you CAN do it again.
Hope you're doing okay today.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2,583
Hi Stormy and thank you for sharing, you have helped me today, I am almost 3 years sober and my mind can whisper that perhaps I could have a couple of drinks and be ok and it will not be ok i need to shut those thoughts down immediately.
I totally related to your post, wanting to drink to escape from, well life I suppose? and when I wasn't drinking I was thinking about when I could next drink. I lived to drink and I drank to live although it wasn't really living at the end, existing in a hellish limbo is more accurate.
You have been sober before and you can be sober again, at the moment all your neurons have been re lit by alcohol so your brain is wanting more and more and the only way to get through those urges is just that, get through them.
Something that Dee always says completely resonated with me. I had to build a life that I didn't want or feel the need to escape from. I am doing that today. Praying, meditation, gratitude, posting here, helping others, doing things with my friends and family, self care, exercise and eating well (working on that one) getting out in nature, baking, walking, learning something new, taking up a hobby. Doing things that make my soul happy. Before I had a gaping void and I filled it with alcohol. There is no room for alcohol anymore.
Be kind to yourself. Alcohol is very sneaky. Keep it in today only. Stay close to SR. You can do this
♥️🙏
I totally related to your post, wanting to drink to escape from, well life I suppose? and when I wasn't drinking I was thinking about when I could next drink. I lived to drink and I drank to live although it wasn't really living at the end, existing in a hellish limbo is more accurate.
You have been sober before and you can be sober again, at the moment all your neurons have been re lit by alcohol so your brain is wanting more and more and the only way to get through those urges is just that, get through them.
Something that Dee always says completely resonated with me. I had to build a life that I didn't want or feel the need to escape from. I am doing that today. Praying, meditation, gratitude, posting here, helping others, doing things with my friends and family, self care, exercise and eating well (working on that one) getting out in nature, baking, walking, learning something new, taking up a hobby. Doing things that make my soul happy. Before I had a gaping void and I filled it with alcohol. There is no room for alcohol anymore.
Be kind to yourself. Alcohol is very sneaky. Keep it in today only. Stay close to SR. You can do this
♥️🙏
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