WindPines

Good morning all,
The longer I'm sober, the more I'm realizing "friends" dropping off. I didn't have many to begin with, but a few that I would text with daily. Mostly, I haven't hung around any friends in longer than a year. We'd keep in touch by texting or calling.
Last week, I was heading out of town for a bit, but beforehand I texted my two closest friends about really wanting to get together soon. I explained how nice it would be to see them, and they responded with the same feelings.
As I was heading out of town, I spotted them both on a bench, drinking beer in the sunlight. It made me cringe. I felt lonely for them, and my feelings were hurt.
Feelings are a new thing for me, as I numbed them out for years.
Maybe it's a blessing in disguise, that they always meet up without me. Time to let them go, I assume. Since seeing them out, my only communication has been pretty superficial. I don't initiate any conversations, etc..

Anyhow, I just felt like venting on here, and admitting my powerlessness over losing friendships that I thought were strong bonds.
I'm a 35 year old woman with literally one friend. That friend is going to be 73 next year, and he's male. He's definitely the best friend you could ask for, but sometimes I find myself longing for different kinds of friendships. Girlfriends, friends who may have kids as well, friends in recovery, etc.

I hope you all have a lovely weekend!

doggonecarl

Sorry you are feeling down.

I remember a period in my life when I was lonely, without friends. "I have no one," I lamented. Then I realized I was waiting for someone to make me their friend. It really works the other way: Make a friend? Be a friend.

Hope you find it within yourself to reach out to people who might be feeling the same way as you.

tornrealization

Last fall before winter hit I met up with a friend outside for coffee because of Covid. I then learned she and a couple of other ladies in my circle had met up for drinking night. Now I wasn’t invited because of the fact I quit drinking and they suspected I wouldn’t want to be indoors during covid. I wasn’t upset, but I like wasn’t really a good friend often in drinking days. I’d often cancel to drink at home or was too hungover. I definitely played partial responsibility there. I too felt wierd I was offered an invite but I definitely would’ve declined a drinking event anyways. I realized I didn’t know them as well anymore if I really had at all.

My plan was to try some meetup groups to meet people, but covid happened right around the time I was feeling ready and brave. I am 42 so I share the dilemma of not being in college or something to easily start fresh new friendships. So I totally get it. If I need to talk I have these boards. I’m actually talking to my mom like every couple weeks, that’s a new sober development. I do feel better equipped for a new friendship when this covid lifts and I get out there.

I think it’s ok to grieve losing the current friends relationship or that it’s changed to something less close. You may stay in touch after all. But I think about it, it’s not surprising drinking friends would stop handing out invites. In my case, they know I’d decline.

Mizz

I understand this.

When I quit social media it became apparent that I had very few people in my life that I actually talk too. I decided that I was going to be the one who initiated conversations and called people If I felt like talking and not put much thought or feeling into the lack of response if that happened. This allowed me to have very little expectations of people and the "friendship" that we do or don't have.

Maybe a good exercise would be to envision what sort of friends you want in your life and what that looks like to you. Energetically put it out there into the universe. Focus on all the healthy ways you and your friend will spend time. The activities. The ways that you and your "friend" connect. Knowing that eventually there will be a friend or a few friends that come into your world that have the same goals that you do. Also, be a good friend to you first. Reach out to someone because you would want someone to reach out to you. Do those things that you would like for others to do.

As for the driving by and seeing the two friends drinking......Well, if being with those two friends requires having alcohol then I would question the strength and truth of the friendships. I do not have many friends but the ones I do have do not require alcohol in any way. We have other things in common and support each other when problems do arise even if that problem was that I can no longer drink. Also, those two friends may have been thinking of you and your new life goals. Having some respect for the fact that you dont drink and saving you from the experience.

Sending you vibes of comfort and security! You are doing so well.

Aellyce

I've personally never needed or wanted many friends and can be quite content even with 1-2 close ones, rarely feel lonely even by myself. But I do think the best is to initiate if you are in need of company. I usually observe people for a while, see who is interesting and might be a good combo based on perceived personality compatibilities and shared interests. Then approach them. Sometimes they approach me, because it can be so obvious when we hit it off instantly. Would suggest you initiate, the added bonus is also that you get to choose and don't just take whoever shows up in your life. There are so many recovery communities both online and offline these days, should be easy to meet other sober people. Same for all sorts of shared interest groups. The internet can be a great place to start, then take it to 3D life if it goes well and there is mutual interest in it.

least

Another good way to meet people/potential friends, is to volunteer somewhere. With covid, this is more difficult now, but maybe google volunteer opportunities in your area and see what comes up.

I have a lot of friends, most of whom are from SR but are friends nonetheless. I don't get together with friends much anymore, having no car and the current restrictions, but I never feel lonely cause I have my loving and loyal dog and two cats. I'm serious. All three of my critters are really loving and devoted, and their company keeps me from feeling like I'm 'all alone'.

I understand what you're feeling.

Red78

Even though we've spoken about this already this is another example of how I feel, I know exactly what it's like to see your other 2 friends meeting up often without you and it makes you feel a wee bit on the outside, kinda like what is wrong with me, it can be such a depressing feeling..

Here I have 1 friend that is close that I confide in and she is my cousin..
On SR I made an amazing beautiful friend who I talked with everyday on social media about any and everything, she ended up passing away at the end of 2019 and it left a big hole in my heart and I really felt how lonely it is without friends.. I guess I'm just trying to say that I hear and understand you..
I hope today has been a better day for you.

PhoenixJ

I understand the lonely bit
Try joining some of the mainstream threads at SR.

stickyone

I too have been walking alone with not many friends. When I focused on my recovery and eliminated the people that have negative influences on my recovery. I have closed my social media accounts. When online I try not to drift into the Media , I spend time reading ebooks. Even though we feel alone there are many others like else that work day by day to becoming the best version of ourselves.