Short introduction and shared feelings
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Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 56
Short introduction and shared feelings
Hi. So I\m aged 35 and my first real drunk was @ 15, it was a certain wine they sold at the stores so I had to ask someone older than me to get it for me. Having been woken up in my own puke and telling out by parents... I know some people start at like age 8 or 11, but 15 it was for me.
These days I\ve had a lost cause relationship with a woman, which could have worked without alcohol (not resenting that anymore), also met people who share the same illness that I do, just not the AA yet.
My daily rhythm consists of either knowing I have a day off, piece of my own land, and can more meditate on how to really get this problem solved. On 50% of the days, or more I am colled for duty by a person who I\d love to like but simply cannot. He makes me steal stuff from shops for him and myself also. I only get a small amount of the stuff. I\ve found quitting nicotine altogether even for a day and a half has helped me cope with the stress of other and annoying people being around me all the time. For some that could be hell. For me it is not, and I just try to understand the people as they are... but their problems aren\t mine, so I will not have part in their personal relations, and they don\t seem to understand this.
Been on and off drinking but never fully got sober and now is the time to actually get there. Last time going a month off the drink my relapse date was the day I quit nicotine. I would function better but feel somehow the initial nicotine recovery on the background. Stronger anyway.
I guess it is it then for the nicotine as well as alcohol. Thanks for reading.
These days I\ve had a lost cause relationship with a woman, which could have worked without alcohol (not resenting that anymore), also met people who share the same illness that I do, just not the AA yet.
My daily rhythm consists of either knowing I have a day off, piece of my own land, and can more meditate on how to really get this problem solved. On 50% of the days, or more I am colled for duty by a person who I\d love to like but simply cannot. He makes me steal stuff from shops for him and myself also. I only get a small amount of the stuff. I\ve found quitting nicotine altogether even for a day and a half has helped me cope with the stress of other and annoying people being around me all the time. For some that could be hell. For me it is not, and I just try to understand the people as they are... but their problems aren\t mine, so I will not have part in their personal relations, and they don\t seem to understand this.
Been on and off drinking but never fully got sober and now is the time to actually get there. Last time going a month off the drink my relapse date was the day I quit nicotine. I would function better but feel somehow the initial nicotine recovery on the background. Stronger anyway.
I guess it is it then for the nicotine as well as alcohol. Thanks for reading.
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Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 56
It doesn\t matter to me is someone if black, white, gipsy, indian, japanese... Quitting nicotine certainly made me stronger, I had my \nerve\ back if you would call it. I just drunk at that point, when I should not have. As a shoplifter I just went inside doors and came out with stuff. It felt easy... now hungover nothing feels the same... I feel like going mad. AndI\m going to stop nicotine use again... making it final this time.
Same drug, similar addiction.
Same drug, similar addiction.
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Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
Hi yojimbo and welcome to SR. It is difficult to tell where you are at with your use of alcohol. But regardless, I think things will improve for you if you quit drinking for good. If you quit committing robbery and theft on innocent victims, I think your sober and healthy journey will be much easier to start and to sustain. I think it would be nearly impossible to treat yourself with respect and get healthy if you continue to be so abusive of others. Just my humble opinion.
I hope you can make some positive changes and live a peaceful and healthy life. You deserve that.
I hope you can make some positive changes and live a peaceful and healthy life. You deserve that.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Welcome! I'm glad you found us and that you're ready to stop drinking.
I agree with Surrendered. I think we often treat ourselves badly while in active addiction. And, I don't think we have fully recover if we continue to do that. Self-love and self-respect are, I think, essential for recovery.
I agree with Surrendered. I think we often treat ourselves badly while in active addiction. And, I don't think we have fully recover if we continue to do that. Self-love and self-respect are, I think, essential for recovery.
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Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 2,576
Hi yojimbo and welcome.
I was taught in AA to stop drinking and do the next right thing. They helped me with the not drinking part, but the next right thing fell solely on me. Once I made a conscious effort to do the next right thing, even when I didn't want to, my life got easier. I didn't have all that new baggage hanging over me.
Getting sober involves much more than this, but its a mighty fine place to start, especially with the stealing. You are asking for a world of trouble with that.
As for nicotine, I wanted to quit smoking when I first got sober too, but my sponsor advised against it. I'm glad that she did. Better to do one thing well than two things badly. I quit smoking a couple years into sobriety.
Not sure if that helped, but that's my experience. Life can be so much more than what it is now. You are still pretty young, abd it's a great time to give up alcohol for good.
You need a plan. We can help with that. Glad you are here.
I was taught in AA to stop drinking and do the next right thing. They helped me with the not drinking part, but the next right thing fell solely on me. Once I made a conscious effort to do the next right thing, even when I didn't want to, my life got easier. I didn't have all that new baggage hanging over me.
Getting sober involves much more than this, but its a mighty fine place to start, especially with the stealing. You are asking for a world of trouble with that.
As for nicotine, I wanted to quit smoking when I first got sober too, but my sponsor advised against it. I'm glad that she did. Better to do one thing well than two things badly. I quit smoking a couple years into sobriety.
Not sure if that helped, but that's my experience. Life can be so much more than what it is now. You are still pretty young, abd it's a great time to give up alcohol for good.
You need a plan. We can help with that. Glad you are here.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 56
Thank you for the positive posts, much insight there. The problem with this self-respect thing is that I can\t say no to this person. So I am pretty much forced into what I do, on their terms.
I suffer from the dislike of being in their vicinity, when they are not the kind of people I should hang around with, but the main guy is just greedy.
I will have to find a solution to this. Sober is the better one I know. I just agonize with a mixture of frustration and anger then towards this person... Dear god...
I suffer from the dislike of being in their vicinity, when they are not the kind of people I should hang around with, but the main guy is just greedy.
I will have to find a solution to this. Sober is the better one I know. I just agonize with a mixture of frustration and anger then towards this person... Dear god...
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,592
Learning how to say No is one of the lessons we all must learn if we want authentic life. I'm still learning.
Forever while you hang with Fagin you will not be able to get sober. Just my experience.
Why do you need this person in your life?
Forever while you hang with Fagin you will not be able to get sober. Just my experience.
Why do you need this person in your life?
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
I assume you are in danger if you do not participate with his plan. I suggest a move, far away. You have to get away from people like that or they will eventually take you down.
Plan it carefully then make it happen when no one is looking,
Plan it carefully then make it happen when no one is looking,
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I agree with advbike.
I left a very dangerous situation - twice. I had no money or place to go and I was still drinking, but I found temporary lodging and found work and made a safe life for myself and I left..
I hope you do that too.
I left a very dangerous situation - twice. I had no money or place to go and I was still drinking, but I found temporary lodging and found work and made a safe life for myself and I left..
I hope you do that too.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 56
Thanks, I firstly agree that getting away from consuming or abusive people is something you should do, but the downside is that this person is also funny as hell in their own way. This (job)-relationship that I have with him is not forever (at least in my hopeful little mind).
Actually one time I was really hungover and he told me to go out and do your thing. As if I\m some kind of penguin. I did say no. It wasn\t a good idea, as he was frustrated before me saying that due to his own stuff in his mind. This person is not life-threatening, but his own views of life and values are sometimes so different with my own that it is seemingly a miracle we get along so well.
I\ll just stick with getting sober and remaining that way. I have ways to build my physical, since I\m pretty much out of shape, and been longing to exercise for long. The drunk to hangover leaves almost no energy to work with and just staring at a wall is not abnormal for me to do.
Getting away from the person would automatically make them think I\m running away from them. And due to this virus on the globe I quite like it home away from most people. Anyway thank you and I\m not in imminent danger, but alcohol does put me down. Keep on sober... !
Actually one time I was really hungover and he told me to go out and do your thing. As if I\m some kind of penguin. I did say no. It wasn\t a good idea, as he was frustrated before me saying that due to his own stuff in his mind. This person is not life-threatening, but his own views of life and values are sometimes so different with my own that it is seemingly a miracle we get along so well.
I\ll just stick with getting sober and remaining that way. I have ways to build my physical, since I\m pretty much out of shape, and been longing to exercise for long. The drunk to hangover leaves almost no energy to work with and just staring at a wall is not abnormal for me to do.
Getting away from the person would automatically make them think I\m running away from them. And due to this virus on the globe I quite like it home away from most people. Anyway thank you and I\m not in imminent danger, but alcohol does put me down. Keep on sober... !
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
One from the mists of 2007 for ya
This guy was bad for me because he wanted to keep drinking - and he wanted me to do the same.
I hung out with him one more time and escaped with sobriety intact....just.
I stayed sober - he went his own way,
D
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I'm normally not very demonstrative, but thank you, really, each and every one of you.
man this is so awesome to wake up and read this stuff ! Not to mention it's day 4, a brilliantly blue sky autumn day outside, and I'm finally feeling 'normal' again.
I am scared about the buddy thing though - (not sure if this should be in the 'men' section)
in a day or so, my usual drinking buddy will be back in town...thankfully my disability doesn't affect my hands, and I'm a musician....so me and this guy play music together, and we usually hang out, mostly cos we both tend to be at home during the day, and we jam....
the problem is, after a drink or six, he's pretty - well I don't want to use the word manipulative, but it fits....even when I've told him I'm not drinking, he'll wait for that glimpse of longing or doubt or weakness or whatever he sees, and then he'll offer me whatever he's drinking, or even beers from the fridge that he's bought for me, and he'll keep asking me if I want one with each new drink he has...
Now I know that no-one can really force me to drink, but the fact remains I've failed in my sobriety more times with him than I've held it.
I've read a lot of the posts today, and you're right - I should cut him out my life, but he's been part of 'The Band' for nearly 15 years now and, right or wrong, the band is important to me (the other guys, even the rock n roll party animals, are no problem).
I've tried to approach him about this loads of times (and even got the other guys to, once or twice) but while he's never physical with me, he gets aggressive and intimidating when he's drunk, which kinds scares me to be honest, and he completely rejects any hint that he's trying to get me to do anything.
any tips on approaching this guy from anyone who's had this kind of thing ?
sorry - heh gotta cut out these long posts
Thanks again to everyone - makes me think/hope I might just be a regular, even if I do stumble again sometime
have a great day all !
peace
D
man this is so awesome to wake up and read this stuff ! Not to mention it's day 4, a brilliantly blue sky autumn day outside, and I'm finally feeling 'normal' again.
I am scared about the buddy thing though - (not sure if this should be in the 'men' section)
in a day or so, my usual drinking buddy will be back in town...thankfully my disability doesn't affect my hands, and I'm a musician....so me and this guy play music together, and we usually hang out, mostly cos we both tend to be at home during the day, and we jam....
the problem is, after a drink or six, he's pretty - well I don't want to use the word manipulative, but it fits....even when I've told him I'm not drinking, he'll wait for that glimpse of longing or doubt or weakness or whatever he sees, and then he'll offer me whatever he's drinking, or even beers from the fridge that he's bought for me, and he'll keep asking me if I want one with each new drink he has...
Now I know that no-one can really force me to drink, but the fact remains I've failed in my sobriety more times with him than I've held it.
I've read a lot of the posts today, and you're right - I should cut him out my life, but he's been part of 'The Band' for nearly 15 years now and, right or wrong, the band is important to me (the other guys, even the rock n roll party animals, are no problem).
I've tried to approach him about this loads of times (and even got the other guys to, once or twice) but while he's never physical with me, he gets aggressive and intimidating when he's drunk, which kinds scares me to be honest, and he completely rejects any hint that he's trying to get me to do anything.
any tips on approaching this guy from anyone who's had this kind of thing ?
sorry - heh gotta cut out these long posts
Thanks again to everyone - makes me think/hope I might just be a regular, even if I do stumble again sometime
have a great day all !
peace
D
I hung out with him one more time and escaped with sobriety intact....just.
I stayed sober - he went his own way,
D
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hi, glad you found SR. Lots of good advice above. Libby is spot on about needing to just do the next right thing, his was something I learned early on in recovery, and is something I can always come back to, I just need to make the next right/positive choice.
It sounds like you are kind of halfway there when it comes to wanting to make that next right choice, you are trying to do it with sobriety, but not yet with the shoplifting, or in what appears to be a pretty unhealthy relationship. I hope you are able to get to the point where you are able to make that next right choice for you in all areas, life really gets so much better.
It sounds like you are kind of halfway there when it comes to wanting to make that next right choice, you are trying to do it with sobriety, but not yet with the shoplifting, or in what appears to be a pretty unhealthy relationship. I hope you are able to get to the point where you are able to make that next right choice for you in all areas, life really gets so much better.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 56
Thanks both of you! And to all of you... Yesterday was a another commitment on commiting a crime on the innocent shopkeepers of the world. Many backpacks full of items ran past the unsuspecting cashier-lines. The guards must be paid to do sleeping in the back room. No guards, my job easy as whatever.
I must admit.. I am also terribly scared of the guy that sometimes comes with alcohol. And with sobriety that -guy- or whatever the hell madman is will surely be gone. Cannot wait...
So I\m on day 4 no nicotine, and drinking a bit of wine to get sober here, but not much else.
I must admit.. I am also terribly scared of the guy that sometimes comes with alcohol. And with sobriety that -guy- or whatever the hell madman is will surely be gone. Cannot wait...
So I\m on day 4 no nicotine, and drinking a bit of wine to get sober here, but not much else.
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