Almost 2 months free, scared of relapse
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Join Date: May 2020
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,025
Originally Posted by fishkiller 
Catfish and snakehead it's release in grease for all of em! LOL
Fishkiller just sounded cool when trying to come up with a handle here
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Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,148
Originally Posted by kittencat
I don’t think it’s cool. I guess I’m the one on the wrong site. Thank you for being honest.
I will stop posting on your thread if you like.
Please stick around, you are doing great.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi kittencat,
I just read through this thread. First off, very sorry about your mom. I had a somewhat similar scenario a few years ago with my father going through all the challenges and increasing limitations of old age, all the gradual decline both physically and mentally. He lived on a different continent on top and I was an only child, but we were really close... it was a very difficult couple years. Towards the end, I had to deal with those dilemmas and decisions regarding his care in full capacity, because he lost his mental abilities to do so. But it was totally bizarre, because my dad was one of the most independent, self-sufficient, self-made people I've ever known - very similar to me in many ways. He definitely didn't want to live in a care facility and even resisted hiring an aid. In the end it was a bit easier because he just could not do even the basic self-care things. He would not have resisted me moving there to care for him though, but never asked for it directly, it just became obvious. I definitely considered it, but in the end it would have been so much in opposition with who I am, my own goals and preferences, would have been way more sacrifice than I was willing to make, probably to my detriment.
What sort of resolved it was a lucky situation that his neighbors were a large Christian family, who cared for many people out of mere devotion and sense of duty, and did it for him until his last few weeks, when he had to go to the hospital after a serious fall/injuries. Everything went downhill quickly from that. I traveled there and spent the mast month visiting him every day, desperately looking for facilities that would have taken him because, for a while, it was a more likely outcome that he would have to leave the hospital and live somewhere else, severely disabled. At that point, an alternative didn't even occur to me to a full-time nursing home. I finally found a couple good ones, ironically, on the very day when I got the call from the hospital that he passed away. But even before that, I dealt with his DNR order (because the docs still wanted to treat him aggressively and I know from him from earlier on, while still mentally able, that he would not have wanted that) and some conflicts with another relative who despised letting go. The whole experience was heartbreaking, but I was so happy to be able to be there at least in the last month and see him daily. It led to an almost magical sense of closure and mental peace for me in the end, which never changed. I never regretted or even questioned that the decisions I made regarding his care (and my life in relation to it) were the best ones. I wasn't even sober during that time, didn't drink everyday but definitely on/off the whole time, and still...
Just wanted to share this story. Also that it's completely normal to be hypersensitive and vulnerable when dealing with such a situation. I also had many impulses to flee SR since the very first time I signed up, I think that was in 2010 - a long time ago. I even closed my account twice - once only for a week, but second time for years. Not because anyone said anything offensive or I didn't like what I saw, but because it became another obsession for me, intimately intertwined with my drinking. However, escaping didn't help resolve my drinking at all. Now I just remain highly aware of similar impulses, where they come from, and play tape through, before I escape anything on a whim or really believe those voices in my head.
People here usually suggest that we ramp up our recovery tools while undergoing challenging periods. Not sure what you are using, but maybe try some more, if for nothing else, to help take your mind off some. Hang in there!
I just read through this thread. First off, very sorry about your mom. I had a somewhat similar scenario a few years ago with my father going through all the challenges and increasing limitations of old age, all the gradual decline both physically and mentally. He lived on a different continent on top and I was an only child, but we were really close... it was a very difficult couple years. Towards the end, I had to deal with those dilemmas and decisions regarding his care in full capacity, because he lost his mental abilities to do so. But it was totally bizarre, because my dad was one of the most independent, self-sufficient, self-made people I've ever known - very similar to me in many ways. He definitely didn't want to live in a care facility and even resisted hiring an aid. In the end it was a bit easier because he just could not do even the basic self-care things. He would not have resisted me moving there to care for him though, but never asked for it directly, it just became obvious. I definitely considered it, but in the end it would have been so much in opposition with who I am, my own goals and preferences, would have been way more sacrifice than I was willing to make, probably to my detriment.
What sort of resolved it was a lucky situation that his neighbors were a large Christian family, who cared for many people out of mere devotion and sense of duty, and did it for him until his last few weeks, when he had to go to the hospital after a serious fall/injuries. Everything went downhill quickly from that. I traveled there and spent the mast month visiting him every day, desperately looking for facilities that would have taken him because, for a while, it was a more likely outcome that he would have to leave the hospital and live somewhere else, severely disabled. At that point, an alternative didn't even occur to me to a full-time nursing home. I finally found a couple good ones, ironically, on the very day when I got the call from the hospital that he passed away. But even before that, I dealt with his DNR order (because the docs still wanted to treat him aggressively and I know from him from earlier on, while still mentally able, that he would not have wanted that) and some conflicts with another relative who despised letting go. The whole experience was heartbreaking, but I was so happy to be able to be there at least in the last month and see him daily. It led to an almost magical sense of closure and mental peace for me in the end, which never changed. I never regretted or even questioned that the decisions I made regarding his care (and my life in relation to it) were the best ones. I wasn't even sober during that time, didn't drink everyday but definitely on/off the whole time, and still...
Just wanted to share this story. Also that it's completely normal to be hypersensitive and vulnerable when dealing with such a situation. I also had many impulses to flee SR since the very first time I signed up, I think that was in 2010 - a long time ago. I even closed my account twice - once only for a week, but second time for years. Not because anyone said anything offensive or I didn't like what I saw, but because it became another obsession for me, intimately intertwined with my drinking. However, escaping didn't help resolve my drinking at all. Now I just remain highly aware of similar impulses, where they come from, and play tape through, before I escape anything on a whim or really believe those voices in my head.
People here usually suggest that we ramp up our recovery tools while undergoing challenging periods. Not sure what you are using, but maybe try some more, if for nothing else, to help take your mind off some. Hang in there!
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Location: Florida
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Originally Posted by kittencat
Hmmm... I wonder what name? My mom’s, my neighbors? How do I get it off?
I'm glad to hear that. Being comfortable in who you are is key to making this work.
I no longer feel the need to be anonymous either. Retired, not looking for employment and no longer embarrassed by who I am / Was.
I no longer feel the need to be anonymous either. Retired, not looking for employment and no longer embarrassed by who I am / Was.
In 5 years time you might be going for a new job or meet a new guy, or something else happens to make you less comfortable about having personal details here.
With that in mind I replaced the link with just the picture.
ps I hope you decide not to leave. We may not agree over everything but we all share a common goal in recovery
D
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Join Date: May 2020
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I just had my first vaccine shot yesterday and have been in and out of fevers and my throat is so sore. Everything is sore! Side effects from the vaccine or did I somehow get the virus and it’s just now showing? Waiting for 8AM to call my doctor. 🤒🤕🤧
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Originally Posted by fishkiller
I apologize if I offended you but please don't leave because of me.
I will stop posting on your thread if you like.
Please stick around, you are doing great.
I will stop posting on your thread if you like.
Please stick around, you are doing great.
I shouldn’t have even been posting last night as I was panicking about vaccine side effects and my fever was raging. Instead of drunk posting I was fever posting? 🤔
Ha, I doubt that’s even possible.
s ❤️
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Join Date: May 2020
Location: Florida
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Thanks Dee!
She just told me to get some Tylenol and take it every 6 hours along with my Benadryl- allergy season here and it’s a bad one. If I get worse call her. I just woke up and still feel horrid but the Tylenol did bring down the fever.
She just told me to get some Tylenol and take it every 6 hours along with my Benadryl- allergy season here and it’s a bad one. If I get worse call her. I just woke up and still feel horrid but the Tylenol did bring down the fever.
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