I’m embarrassed to post, again...
 

Hey, there. It’s Ella. I posted back in early February, was closing in on my 3rd or 4th day of sobriety and I failed, yet again. I really just threw my hands up and said, “I guess I’ll just be an alcoholic until it kills me.”

I remember have the same mentality after I had my second child and had 30 pounds to lose, plus my first child had just turned 1 when I had my second child. I lost the weight quickly after my first child, and they’re only 13 months apart, so it wasn’t like I was older and time had passed, but I just couldn’t get the motivation to stay on track.

About three months after my second child was born, I started journaling every time I wanted to break my healthy eating habits. And EVERY time I wavered, I spiraled and it would take me weeks to re-commit to healthy eating for life. This has a point - I promise...

What I realized about then and now was one thing - I cannot do moderation with nearly ANYTHING. If I wavered from healthy eating, it wasn’t a simple bag of cookies or piece of cake - it would be a binge. I’d call myself a failure and quit until guilt resurfaced.

Finally, I learned how to eat healthy and learn healthy cooking “tools” that made some foods feel like indulgences when they weren’t.

And so I’ve uncovered something really important about my personality. I cannot MODERATE easily. It’s ALL or NOTHING.

Now my kids are teenagers and I’m still going strong with the healthy eating and have maintained my weight for 15 years, and I’ve also allowed myself the occasional indulgence and stopped. (Don’t get ahead of yourselves...LOL).

Every time I lose my sobriety streak, I immediately go back to full-blown alcoholic for weeks. It sounds Sooo familiar, now.

HOWEVER, unlike the VERY occasional junk food indulgences which took YEARS to learn, I have succumbed to the fact that I will NOT be able to moderate alcohol - ever. So that is the difference and that is the acceptance that I have to learn.

At the same time, I really need to find tools that work for me to stay sober or IMMEDIATELY get back on that wagon if I fall off.

And similar to my weight loss journey, I realize that initially I was looking to replace the food cravings with something healthier, but still as tasty. It was about replacing something bad with something good, which honestly still fed the monster that wanted it in the first place.

After awhile, this stopped and I turned towards exercise, friends, church, reading, etc. This filled the spiritual, emotional and psychological needs that I believe led to my inability to moderate and is why I think I’m able to moderate FOOD now.

Sorry this is long winded. I guess what I’m saying is that I’m looking for a healthy NON-ALCOHOLIC replacement drink that keeps me on track, while not kicking me out of sobriety. Something that “peps” me up without being permeated with caffeine (I have problems with ectopic heartbeats so I’m supposed to limit caffeine).

I think after I use this as a crutch, I can THEN learn to replace that by finding the spiritual, psychological and emotional voids that are the REAL culprit for my turning to alcohol.

anyway, that is what I’m getting from my journal of nearly 15 years ago. I just don’t know what tools will work, but right now I firmly believe I need a NON-ALCOHOLIC healthy drink that satisfies my quench and gives me some pep. I don’t think I can directly dive into replacement activities. It didn’t work before, I’d rather travel a path I knew to be successful in other areas and get there once the replacement drink isn’t needed.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Am I even making sense...lol!

Happy Sober Thursday, everyone.

Part of it makes sense.

I went through the same thing with food.

HOWEVER, alcohol is an entirely different beast. It can't be "replaced" exactly. No drink is going to solve it, and I can't say to myself, "Well if I have my magical cranberry and soda with lime then I will be okay." Because it will never be okay. Additionally, allowing the thought of, "I need something special to drink to get me back on track IF I slip...." No. There can be no slip for me.

Never again.

That's the way it has to be with alcohol. It's binary. I'm on or off. No middle ground. I can have a candy or a cookie (or an entire box, because who has just one?) That may be irritating, fattening, and confusing and it may spike my blood sugar but it's not particularly dangerous if I mostly contain those mini-binges.

BUT I can't have A drink or thirty.


So, I hope you stop making your sobriety Conditional.

It's not. Can't be. Food is different. The compulsion may be the same, (and I too believe it is) but the rule can't be.

Welcome back Seebreezes. I hate to be the one to break the bad news with the first reply, but I I'm pretty sure what you are looking for does not exist. There is no magic pill, drink, powder that will replace the need to address the core issues of addiction. I understand exactly where you are coming from as we've all been there, but honestly it's not the substance but the behavior that is the problem. You even use the word "crutch" in your last statement - I think deep down you probably already know all the things I just mentioned, but accepting them is the most difficult part.

I agree with Scott and Bimini, Seabreezes. Recovery from alcohol is about making changes in thinking and in lifestyle. I don't have a drink in mind that would be what you're looking for. I think we need to look within in order to recover from alcoholism. I hope you keep reading and posting.

Yes, I understand what you’re saying. I guess I should have been more specific and clear.
I AM NOT looking for drink that reminds me of alcohol, I’m looking for a drink to grab that’s new to me that replaces the wine I consume. “Instead of wine - I’ll grab this”.
I always grab that bottle when I get home. I need a replacement. I can’t replace it with what I already drink. Water, mainly and vitamin water. It’s habituated. I guess I was looking for something like a recipe for vegetable juicing that I can make ahead of time and therefore it’s right there when I come home.
the truth is I just keep failing because when I hit the kitchen door I’m habituated because that’s the first thing I do. I’m actually attempting to disable the habit by replacing it until it can be stopped. I’ve tried breaking the habit by not going in there first, going for a walk before I start dinner, but those approaches have obviously failed me. I’m just opting to try different approaches since what I’m doing isn’t working.

Can I suggest sparkling water with blackcurrant juice?

Welcome to the All-or-Nothing club. Your story sounds very very familiar as I've struggled with both food and alcohol. Whatever I do, I go all out!

Trying to moderate alcohol kept me in the loop of alcoholism for many years. Deciding ONCE AND FOR ALL that moderation wasn't an option was KEY to me getting sober. It really sounds to me like you're on the right track. Now that you've made the decision there is no point in letting your thoughts go to alcohol...expect to ponder how bad it is. Googling "affects of alcohol on domestic violence or health care" will bring up all kinds of good reads about how detrimental it is to society. It really helps me to feel like I'm not missing out...because I'm not!

When I finally quit drinking in Jan 2020, I replaced Wine with full sugar sodas. Cream soda was big. I also enjoyed gingerale +pineapple juice over ice. I didn't even consider what the sugar could be doing to me in the first 6 months or so because I had one mission...anything but alcohol. Distract Distract Distract.

Year 1 of sobriety was just about staying sober (no measuring of my progress other than counting the days)
Now it's Year 2 and I'm looking for balance. The soda's are gone but I don't miss them. It's been emotional but to be free of alcohol? You just have to do it to see what I mean. There's a richness to life I didn't have before. Life is tough right now as it is for may but I really do feel good about myself. Alcohol doesn't phase me anymore.

But dark chocolate covered almonds...I eat them every day...waaay to many but life is never going to be perfect so I'm having my chocolate!

You can do this!

I have been having on special occasions ‘jukes cordialities‘ only when the occasion demands though as they are quite expensive.
everyday drink?? 99% of the time it’s just sparkling water.

A relief to know that I cannot moderate my alcohol consumption. To really know and be glad. Life becomes worth living even when it sucks.

Sparking water can't be beat in my opinion. Looks good in a glass too. ❄️

Tea is relaxing and refreshing.

Dang it, I'd love to help. And I believe that food addiction and alcohol addiction are similar, but they are different enough that a solution along the lines of what you are thinking escapes me. I don't think you're actually drinking alcohol for the taste or the sugar rush. Alcohol provides something no food can...a long-lasting (hours/days/weeks) escape from reality. But while food temporarily scratches the itch ( I can relate because I'm struggling with an unhealthy relationship with sweets at the time), alcohol takes ahold of you and does not let go. We make bad decisions, we suffer.

When alcohol was removed from my life there was a huge void. That void couldn't be replace by food or drink (though a full stomach does help when cravings hit), it had to be filled by self work. By humility, and admitting that I was powerless. I firmly believe all true alcoholics have to work a program of recovery. There are myriad methods, I choose AA, but without a plan and execution, we will find ourselves drunk again. I think I hear in your post that you admit you are powerless. And you are searching for a solution. So that's a great start.

You are not failing because drinking is a habit. You are failing because drinking is an addiction. Say you have decided to quit and have made the commitment to not drink. Then any drinking done after that is a conscious decision to go against your goal of sobriety, not an unconscious habit. Reaching for the bottle of wine may be your habit, but you have decided to drink that wine. What you have to habituate is saying "NO" to the urge to consume alcohol.

I just wanted to add something about food...

Oh my goodness, does food become Sooooooo much easier after sobriety.

Alcohol just ramps up that whole obsessive-compulsive-super-speedy-gotta-do-it thing in the brain.

I have never had more control over food, or anger or resentment or fear or anything compulsive as I do now. Alcohol caused all that. So if you can stay sober for a few months I think you'll find all that uncomfortable chatter in your head will quiet.


Months, though. Not days or weeks.

All this advice is spot on as usual. But I think you can have a drink which becomes one of your sober tools. It needs to be good - something to look forward too. I make my own ginger beer -(NA) it's spicy and sweet and full of good things. It's a process that you have commit too -your 'ginger bug' has to be fed every day. I found the recipe on the Wellness Mama site and have been making it for four years .

I juice fairly regularly. Usually 1 beet, 3 carrots, 1 bunch of parsley, 1 bunch of kale, 2" piece of raw ginger, then add lemon juice. This recipe comes out to about 16 oz, which will last me two days.

The taste takes some getting used to, but it makes the body feel good.

The brain and body become physiologically addicted to alcohol. There is a lot more to it than an emotional or psychological void.

Changing the type of liquid that you drink when you get home will have no effect on changing the habit. A habit is a learned set of actions or thoughts surrounding a particular situation. The habit is that you drink when you get home - so what you really need to do is do something else - take a walk, read a book, take a nap, etc. That would be an example of trying a different approach - changing to vegetable juice instead of sparkling water would not. Does that make sense?

Believe me - I associated everything with alcohol - mowing the lawn, cooking dinner, whatever - I always had a beer in my hand. Switching to soda or water or coffee did nothing to break that association unfortunately, and it was very uncomfortable at first.

Sober45 you are spot on!! I’m 48 days alcohol free after many attempts with a few days strung together. I’m still in very early stages of recovery but I found I needed more support to hold me accountable that I couldn’t just do it on my own. I found attending aa meetings helped tremendously to be around people with the same goal and it made it seem less impossible and I felt less alone. The recovery dharma meetings I’ve found a comfortable home
there as it’s more up my alley with meditations. I also started seeing a therapist that dealt with substance abuse problems. I was seeing a different therapist and I was hiding my struggle with alcohol. Coming clean about how much alcohol consumed my life and getting that right support was beyond helpful. I really haven’t
had too many cravings I’ve had some tough ones where I came close to drinking but it’s not the constant craving and obsessive thoughts that I’ve had during previous attempts to quit.

Thank you to all.

I replaced alcohol with hot tea. I have a lot of boxes of tea :)

Restructuring my time was essential. Instead of a bottle of wine a night its a cup of tea, this forum and a hot bath. Dinner. Bed.
I do this every night. The structure has helped me to stay sober and to feel/ know that I am caring for myself in the most nurturing of ways.
Sometimes I drink two cups of tea ;)

You cannot grab a bottle from the kitchen if there is not one there.

I can relate what you're talking about I think -a special drink. The first time I quit in 2013 for 3 yesrs, I had a real hard time at the beginning because I had been reliant on my few evening drinks for so long, and I liked "something special" in the evening or with dinner, often a $10 glass of wine or two. Or a craft beer or three.. Literally if I didn't have "something" to kind of celebrate the end of the day or a nice dinner out I might have caved. I found the San Pellegrino Italian fruit sodas to be perfect. They taste awesome, kind of tangy.. and have some actual fruit juice in them. And they're Italian, haha. I drank those for probably close to a year, then the high sugar kind of got to me so I switched to tonic water and a lime, which is also my favorite drink in the tropics. However now I'm trying to cut down on sugar so I'm pretty much down to just soda water or plain water with a squeeze of lime most of the time, unless I eat out, then I have a tonic water, haha.