freedomfries

It's just gone midnight so I'm into day 7.

it's been a tough week. My hand is extremely sore after burning it in a drunken fit of self harm. I've been hearing voices and taking Ativan to cope but I'm out of ativan. Fortunately my psychiatrist agreed to prescribe more so I'll have some later today.

My mental state is really bad. Makes me feel like I might as well drink. But I want to stay sober for my parents.

The local off licence won't sell me booze anymore after I collapsed outside after mixing beer, hand sanitizer and Ativan. So it'll be that much harder for me to get booze. Probably for the best.

I'm supposed to go back to college in September but with my depression and anxiety I'm not sure I'll be able to. But I sort of have to. Unemployment is driving me mad. But I'm struggling with agoraphobia so getting a job would be impossible. At least college I should be able to do from home.

My recovery toolbox consists of SR, prayer, meditation and exercise, and practicing AVRT. I'm really not sure how long I'll last sober. I seemed to be on the verge of drinking most of the week.

Dee74

Congrats on the week.
I can't imagine Ativan would do much for hearing voices - but not a Doctor.

If you've been totally honest with your doctors I guess they know best.

D-

izzy1962

Congrats on a week! You need to stay sober for yourself also.

freedomfries

I don't know if it makes them go away or if it just calms me down while they go away naturally with time. But it helps. The voices make me start planning my suicide and Ativan nixes that. It's nice to take something and feel like you're doing something.

freedomfries

I just feel like I have no real future and I might as well drink myself into oblivion. So my parents are my only motivation. When they die I'm going to make the guy in Leaving Las Vegas look like a nun on a spiritual retreat.

Reid82

Trust me FF, if you don't want to stay sober for yourself, then it's not going to work. In my experience, people that simply want to stay sober for family, friend, work etc nearly 100% of
the time will fall back into addiction. I've been in enough recovery groups to know the score about that and from my own story too.

Things might look bad at the moment but adding booze into the mix is a recipe for even more trouble and an even worse outlook. I hope you can find it in you to want it for yourself.
I think everyone on this board with agree with this.

freedomfries

You're right. I need to do this for myself as well as my parents. Truthfully alcohol doesn't make me happy. It exasperates my mental health difficulties and I make very troubling posts on the crippling alcoholism subreddit when drinking. Then I inevitably blackout and nothing good happens in a blackout, then I feel ten times worse in the morning and it takes days to go back to normal. I want to avoid all that.

MatthewRecovery

hi Freedomfries

I have just suffered with 3 months of withdrawals, it has not been easy and the hole time it felt like it would never end.
however it did end. now I'm here feeling my self again,
I kept reminding my self that it will end and eventually it did, time is the greatest healer I promise you there is light at the end of the tunnel as im now feeling that light

i hope this helps you,

KKAT33

Dear freedomfries,

I am saying prayers for you! Take one day at a time (or even one minute at a time). It does get better and it is worth the effort.