new this was coming
 

Been doing so well. Dam it. This dam thing just creeped up on me. Really ticked off on myself. No booze left in my house. Will keep it that way. God I am angry. I am so disgusted with myself. Feel like banging my head at the wall. You idiot, you idiot, you idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Staying busy, going to the gym, working, etc. Now this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! John

No use in beating yourself up anymore. Take note of what you were feeling before it had crept up. Learn from it and the next time you start to feel those feeling try to reach out. Try not to fall in a slump with regret get up keep moving forward and you will get through it.

Sending you big hugs! :hug:

Use this as an opportunity to learn something about what trips you up John, not a stick to beat yourself up with. I failed so many times before it stuck. I wasn't an idiot and neither are you! I'm glad you are here.

John, you're not an idiot. But, use this as a learning experience. What could you change, what went wrong? Make a new plan for yourself and move forward. :)

Glad you are back, John. Sometimes we need further proof of what it does to us. You'll be more determined now.

Glad you are back John. There is great advice on here about looking back on where you were and what was happening right before you chose to drink, then think about what you can put in place so you are ready the next time.

Sorry to hear John - I know how you feel, I was in a similar state just a few days ago. In addition to trying to see what changed to trigger this, I would say think about how you could become less vulnerable to those moments in general, tweak your methods some.

Self-criticism seems to be a stubborn obstacle for you, John.

You're allowed to stop.

Keep coming back John. SR is always here for you. :grouphug:

The same voice that creeps up on you and gets you to use is the same voice that calls you an idiot when you do. They are literally the same dude and they are not you.

Post before the drinking, with hope...

Not after the drinking, with regret...

How are you feeling today, John? We care about you.

John everyone here has done what you did at one time or another.
Beating yourself down and calling yourself names just lays the groundwork for another bender.

You can think about what happened and make a better plan for the future :)

D

I don’t know anyone who quit and never slipped and had to start back over. My sponsor has been sober 13 years and he had two other stretches of 2 years and five years before it took for what appears for good. It’s not whether or how often you fall, it is getting back up and trying again. I know I’ve learned every time I slipped. Now I have a three year stretch and feel pretty good in my sobriety.

Sitting here, drinking a beer. At 8:00 in the morning. Like I said I knew this was coming, and I was doing so well going to the gym, working. Finished off a pint of Jack Daniels yesterday plus some vodka and beers. Don't know what happened. No more beers left, so that's a plus. Thanks for not bringing up my past failures. John

That sounds rough.
The only way out of this is to put down the alcohol and to get back to sobriety. You can turn this around right now. Its breakfast time. Get some food in you.

Sounds like you need to do something different John. I hope you won't buy more booze when this one is gone. The deeper you crawl in the harder it is to crawl out.

Exercise and work will only get you so far. Have you considered AA or any multitude of other programs for a long term solution? Sounds like your way isn't working out so well.

You can do it, you just need a better plan for when things get tough.

You are right. I think that is the reason why a got a drinking problem. When I was a teacher, I was constantly critical of my ability. Always worked harder and putting in more time than most. Got to work at night and left at night. Always trying to prove to others' that I am worthy of the position. I'm really good at beating up on myself. I even do that at the gym. Never enough. Some people have called me arrogant but I don't know where they get that. John

Did AA for many years. Did not work for me. Will try other programs. Thanks John