LoveDD

Tonight I got stuck in a social situation I didn’t want to be in. I was anxious and irritable the entire time and now I’m more anxious thinking about how anxious and irritable I was 😂. There was no alcohol involved but it was a situation I would have in the past been extremely intoxicated at. This was very triggering to me. I’m leaving the situation feeling defeated and exhausted but I am sober.

LoveDD

tornrealization

Hi LoveDD! I'm glad you got through your situation sober. I'm not sure how into early recovery you are and if you can avoid these types of events for awhile. I don't know how you ended up in your situation but for myself, I always have escape plans. Luckily this usually just means having my own mode of transportation. I have a husband who still drinks some-especially at his family's gatherings. I learned through my sober attempts that to protect myself - I was not his automatic designated driver. So for Holidays, I took a separate car or he would have to arrange to be picked up next day or have someone else drive him home, etc. With Covid we didn't have Holidays but I'm going to keep with that plan once things get back to normalish - even at 2 years sober.

There are events I just won't bother with no more - like beer tasting parties or big blow out 40th booze cruises for example. Holidays we can't always avoid but I have pulled the plug on some of them. I've skipped an Easter, here a Thanksgiving there (I have 3 - yes 3 of those in normal years anyways!). So long story to say have an escape plan if you need it and that includes Family/Holidays. You can say NO. We don't think we can in the beginning but we can.

I did in time, find out that hanging out early on after some sober time was delightful. I was no longer counting drinks (when I was active) - or being agitated I couldn't drink (early sobriety). I still don't enjoy being around really drunk people though or staying out really really late so I still bring my own car. Rest up! You did great tonight!

Anna

Hi DD, I'm glad you got through that. I learned to say 'No' in early recovery and it was the best gift I could have given myself. I no longer felt constrained by obligations and things that I 'should' do. I highly recommend it.

Steely

Good move LoveDD.

LoveDD

Thanks everyone. After a good night sleep my anxiety passed as I imagined it would. Feeling like it was just “one of those days” for me. There is definitely some good advice above. I do need to set boundaries by saying no. I also think driving my own vehicle to events may be a good plan for me. My husband is MUCH more social then me and being able to leave when I am done for the night and need rest may be good for me.

Aellyce

Having to deal with with intensely triggering events can definitely be very anxiety-inducing and exhausting - but also very empowering later once we've gotten through unscathed. Way to go, LoveDD!

Sammy1980

Every time you make it through one of those moments it makes you that much stronger to get through the next.
I know for me I am addicted to the proud feeling of accomplishment.

DriGuy

The first and one of the most helpful bits of advice I ever got from another recovering alcoholic was in social situations where you are likely to be triggered, always plan an escape route, and do it well in advance. Commit yourself to leaving abruptly and without apology. Drive yourself there, so that you are not trapped because the person you're with doesn't want to leave.

It all centers around how important sobriety is to you. Are you willing to take the necessary steps? Because avoiding trigger situations is one of them. It takes strength and the willingness to be independent enough to flee like a rabbit. Don't be ashamed of it. Take pride in your resolve. Later in recovery, you can attend and not drink, but early on, it's a totally unnecessary risk. In my case, having the escape route carefully mapped out, made it possible for me to stay at the poker party, knowing that I had the option of flight from danger if and when I needed it.

Dee74

I don't know anyone who wasn't at least a little uncomfortable in their first social occasion sober LoveDD.
It gets better...and so do we

D

LoveDD

Thanks everyone. I should mention the social situation I was in was just a couple friends coming over for dinner at my own home. Nothing risky. There was actually no alcohol in the home. I just found it a little triggering as normally if I had friends over for dinner I would drink the entire time I cooked and would already be pretty intoxicated by the time company arrived. I really have not socialized much at all sober for many years so even this small “event” was big and anxiety provoking for me. I feel like with time being social without alcohol will become easier and more normal feeling to me.

LoveDD