AA Latecomer
 

Hi All
I'm almost 15 months sober (1st Jan 2020), I did the Annie Grace 30 day alcohol experiment, as well as reading lots of quit lit and getting support here.
I have a friend in AA who's been really raving about his meetings so I agreed to go along, being the massive people pleaser that I am. I've been twice this week (via zoom). I have found it interesting and fascinating, and have really liked hearing peoples stories.
However I find myself in a weird position as although I'm a newcomer I have a good period of sobriety (achieved through non AA means) under my belt.
Am I too far down the line to benefit from AA?
I find some of the beliefs a bit problematic and not that scientific. I find a lot of emphasis on the individual and this belief that the individual has a disease and little recognition of the fact that alcohol is an addictive poison. I dont know, I kind of found the meetings interesting and helpful, and I enjoyed meeting the people but I have little interest in working the steps, and I find a lot of the stuff (like the book and the churchy vibes) a bit problematic. I also don't know if I found the meetings a bit triggering.
Am I too late to join AA? Will I benefit? Has anyone joined AA after a while being sober?
Be good to hear your thoughts.

My personal view is, if you've found you can go it alone (and of course you haven't really been going it alone, as you say you have plenty of posts on here, plus the Annie Grace book and quit lit), you may find AA....confusing.

I am aware of people who join AA after significant sober time through other means. I can recall one woman mentioning that she was sober seven years without AA.

You are NEVER too late to join AA. AA is a spiritual program. It is one way, a great way IMO, to not only stop drinking but to transform yourself. I know of no other program that has you do so much introspection. While I still struggle off and on with sobriety, the personal growth I've achieved through simply going to meetings and talking with other alcoholics (both long recovered and newcomers) is astonishing. Am I perfect? No. But do I look out of myself for a solution? Yes. Am I more thoughtful of the way that I move through the world, or how I treat others, how today I practice gratitude, how I develop and let go of resentments, how I manage expectations, how I stay in the day and don't look into the future, how I have improved how I wrestle with things I have no control over, who I call when I'm struggling? Yes. Yes. Yes. I could go on and on and on. Like I said, sobriety is on and off with me but the benefits of AA are manifold. I am so grateful for what the program and the fellowship has done for me. You are NEVER too late to start. If you want a better life and you can walk into AA leaving preconceived notions behind, there will be much for you and honestly for everyone, addicted or not.

And this from a man that has repeatedly thrown all of his AA literature off and sworn off AA forever. But if I'm honest and objective, my development was stunted when I started drinking at 14. I never learned how to live a meaningful life. AA has helped me learn.

If any of it helps you, then yes, go as often as you like. The old saying of "take what you need and leave the rest" applies here. :hug:

Indeed.
Although I don't attend meetings much anymore, listening to the advice and stories of others really helped me through the early stages of sobriety. Sort through what you hear and learn in meetings...and keep the personally beneficial tidbits.
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AA is not for everyone. It helps a lot of people, and I believe most people can find something in it that is helpful to some degree. Things that are problematic can be ignored, although you will probably feel some pressure to conform to someone else's needs. That was difficult for me. 15 months is a big beginning, but there is a mountain of ideas to sift through that still lie ahead no matter where you go. My guess is there are still things you can pick up in AA and incorporate into your own plan. Most meetings were helpful to me just for the fellowship. That may not be your thing. Beyond that, actual useful tools were more rare, showing up one every two months or so. While this is not an express train to growth, those on occasion aids did add somethings to my tool box. I think you can find it to be helpful, and if not, it's not like you joined something you can't leave. You may find some other source for useful tools that are more helpful in your situation. To me, recovery is about sifting through ideas, knowledge, and tools anywhere they may show up, and assembling things into a playbook that is personally useful.

Also as to:

First, I didn't get sober until I joined AA so I don't have the experience of attending meetings after achieving solid sobriety. But I think this is important: Having been in AA and from watching others in the program, you will notice not everyone achieves permanent sobriety, even among members who claim that AA is the best or the only way possible. So there seems to be something outside the program itself that plays a major role in success, and I believe that thing is the actual key to sobriety, and I believe that something is us. Specifically, our willingness, determination, and commitment to getting well, and 90% of our success we owe to ourselves if we are able to tap those resources. I believe even those in AA who are successful have tapped that source in themselves.

Because of this, I would not worry about AA being a trigger if you don't let go of your own self directed determination. Like you, I have wondered about triggers in AA like watching others fall off the wagon and coming back bruised and emotionally shattered, which is not a trigger that would appeal to a healthy mind. But I have only considered that. I did eventually leave AA when it felt like there was no more to gain from it, but not because I was threatened by it as a trigger.

So I don't think it's too late for you. You are bringing your own knowledge and determination to the program, and just looking to see if there is anything else you can add to that. It's your choice what to add to what you have already discovered. I know I have gained insights from some of the most unlikely sources I could imagine. And you may find you have something useful that others appreciate too.

Go to AA.

It's not just about what you can get out of it, it's also about what you can give to others.

There are so many roads to sobriety. AA is one of those roads for sure. With your amount of time in sobriety it does sound like you have found a path that is working for you. The experience you have can and will help others. If anything there is something to be said about hearing others stories and how they have recovered from their alcohol abuse.

I do not attend AA any longer but have attended a good deal of meetings over the decade that I have been in and out of sobriety. I have found this forum and my current lifestyle choices to be beneficial and so far so sober. Listen to your heart with this matter. Live your life how you want to live it! I do think Driguy hit the nail on the head with his response above.

My sobriety is one of the most important things in my life, and as a result I'm willing to learn more about anything that might help me maintain it. Whether it's a new book, a video, a recovery program/theory, etc. To me it sounds like you've already benefitted from the experience you've had so far as you found the meetings interesting and helpful in some ways, so if you enjoy them keep on going and see where it ends up. You can always find a different group too, there's a very wide range of meeting places and people.

I swore I'd never go to another AA meeting. I now follow the program of Women For Sobriety, which is a better fit for me.

Then pandemic happened, and I felt I needed something... more. I found a 24/7 AA Zoom meeting and I attend almost every day. Yes, sometimes I roll my eyes at their worn-out slogans and jokes ("I'm allergic to alcohol-- I break out in handcuffs!" Ba-da-dum. Ch!!!) Sometimes I hear something I needed to hear.

AA is just another tool. If it's at all useful to you, you might want to keep it around. I own a hammer. I don't often need it, but when I do, I'm glad I didn't throw it away.

AA, SR, running marathons, power lifting, etc etc.

By any means needed I will stay sober.

When someone offers me a drink, I always politely say no thanks, but I am prepared to walk/run out.

I don't drink any more. I had my drinking days and they were fun. Those days are over forever. Good.

I love love love the way I feel being stone sober.

I trust my decisions and don't have to worry if I am going to lack the gumption or stamina to see a process through.

I bring it strong. Fair, thoughtful, honorable, and strong all day long. As God intended.

No other way for this kid.

Thanks.

I'd leave AA alone or just go to meetings for what you are already getting out of it. If you ever relapse and find you can't stop on your own, then AA will be there for you.

It's never too late. But when you get a sponsor, make sure it's the right person!
mine was terrible, made me overwhelmed with working then steps at a rapid pace. Now I'm scared to get a new one :(

I didn’t join AA until I got super desperate. Thought it wasn’t for me. But there is no reason for you not to go as someone who is already sober. Plenty of people do that. AA is really about helping other people, as much as helping yourself. Your experience, strength and hope may save someone’s life.

I don’t know anyone who walked into AA believing . I know plenty who found it was incredibly valuable tool in keeping them sober , though. You don’t have to work steps or do that stuff if it’s not what you want.

anxious rock - sorry you’re sponsor was the wrong fit. But do try again. There will be someone out there who blows your mind. My sponsor believes in slowing me down. Getting stuff to actually stick. There is no prize for doing steps the fastest.